The Other Pokeauthors, Part 79

“But what truly amuses me is that the people on the Capitalization-Thread do not realize that you are actually the troll, the one who is attempting to rile them up over a petty argument, and seem to be succeeding, unfortunately. But that will not work for everyone, and sooner or later you run into a wall headfirst. You must have been lucky for the past 16 years on this site, nothing less, nothing more.

Just know this. Your attempts to toy with other authors will come back to haunt you, for even if you had written a thousand stories, it would negligible compared the great number already on this site, the ones written by the general populace. Banning others is not a solution, and neither is it an option one can use in repetition. Because sooner or later, you’ll run out of people to ban.”

Why are we getting so many people who have apparently never seen a real troll before?

re: Your review to Scarcely Seen
22 NovMythGirl the Pokemon Master
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12732590/

I never really got to thank you for the constructive criticism that you gave me on “You Don’t Love Me” either, so thank you for the constructive criticism on both that and this.
I have taken your advice on the ellipses, fixed the typo, and I did flip that sentence. The long recap was a personal choice, and is also included in case anyone who doesn’t know much about the Gen V games will be able to understand. I understand that it does drag down the pace, but again, that was a personal choice.
You are also correct about the conversation being stilted, and I’m currently working on flowing dialogue rather than unnatural dialogue in general. And as for the player character romances, I can assure you that I am also working on giving the player characters their own personalities for me to use mostly consistently, and I can also say with confidence that if you did want to continue to read this story, there will be a lot of rarepairs with already-established characters rather than player characters.
Thanks again for the review, you’re actually one of my only sources of actual constructive criticism and I appreciate the time and effort you put into your review!

secs ago[The long recap was a personal choice, and is also included in case anyone who doesn’t know much about the Gen V games will be able to understand.]

Why would anyone unfamiliar with Gen V be reading a story about N and Rosa, though?

[I am also working on giving the player characters their own personalities for me to use mostly consistently]

That’s good, but like — you kind of need to do a whole story of that before you can get payoff. The reason relationship stories are so common in fanfic is because the basic personalities and dynamics are already well-established, so it’s easy to jump straight to standalone relationship scenes like these. But with OCs you have to provide that setup yourself, and that takes a bit longer.

Your review to my fic “The Summit”
22 NovK.Frosch
Hi there! Thanks for reading and the review!

Can´t address the “capitalization” point you made, there´s actually a reason why it´s randomly Pikachu and pikachu, and it will come up later as a plot point.

The apostrophe button on my computer does not work :( In hindsight maybe I should have waited till I replaced my computer or edited on a public computer before I posted my story but I guess I was too impatient (lazy).

You are probably right about the dialogue rules – technicality was never my strong point. I will try improving on the next chapters. First story mate, writing only gets better with practice I believe.

Sorry you did not like the plot. But even you got to admit for someone who did not enjoy it, you actually wrote quite the long review. I will take that as a “I don´t like it at the moment, but I will still keep check” kind of comment. Can I take it like that? No? Maybe? Maybe.

Cheers and thanks!

secs ago[Sorry you did not like the plot. But even you got to admit for someone who did not enjoy it, you actually wrote quite the long review. I will take that as a “I don´t like it at the moment, but I will still keep check” kind of comment. Can I take it like that? No? Maybe? Maybe.]

I’m sorry, but that wasn’t actually a long review. It was only long because I had to explain the grammar stuff in so much detail. The plot itself is just… not my thing, I think.

re: Your review to Growlithe vs Jeff the killer!
22 NovPrime Jeremy
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12732456/

I did name my characters, Growlithe is his name, and all the other important characters have names too. Not all characters need names. And explain how I’m misusing commas.

secs ago[Growlithe is his name]

And as I said, that’s as ridiculous as your name being “Human”. What are you going to do if another growlithe shows up?

[And explain how I’m misusing commas.]

Not my responsibility. Google a grammar resource, they’re everywhere.

They sent this right as I was sending the previous message:

re: Your review to Growlithe vs Jeff the killer!

21m agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12732456/

One more thing, how does it not make sense that Growlithe saved her 2 years ago? Obviously its a sequel to her guardian. In your defense, however, I guess I should’ve put it in the title that it was a sequel to that story anyway. Fine, I’ll do that you still need to explain my misuse of commas to me, tell me where I misused them so I can fix them.

re: Your review to The Lost Prince
22 Novadiak1105
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12732957/

Thank you for pointing my mistakes. I am new at it. I am still confused at the Character description. Any suggestions? I don’t have any definite plot in my mind so removed the summary

secs ago[I am still confused at the Character description. Any suggestions?]

I’m not sure what you mean.

[I don’t have any definite plot in my mind]

Then you should wait until you do. Advance planning is really important in any long-form story. You should really look at all of these threads:

https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/143219856/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-1
https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/143363660/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-2
https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/143662066/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-3

Also, don’t respond to reviews with a review. I’m alerted when you respond via PM, but not via review. The review section should only be used for reviews on the story itself.

RE: review
23 NovBlackbird0
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12733788/

Thank you for your comments. Reading through your review, I actually agree with a fair amount of what you’ve said. I myself dislike it when people tell me that a character is absolutely brilliant rather than showing it through the story, and I’m glad that you’ve pointed out my mistake.

My narrator is insufferable – it’s part of his character. Some people like it, others won’t. He’s an arrogant jerk who thinks he’s better than everyone because he has a vast amount of incredibly nerdy gaming knowledge, and is an adult living amongst children who haven’t yet developed complex thinking patterns. I’m planning his character to develop throughout as he learns the world does not conform to his knowledge and he meets new people his age who greatly impress him. He will however, always have flaws, with his attitude being one of them. I’ve narrated it from his perspective for this very reason; he isn’t a reliable witness to his own story, and is incredibly biased.

I found your opinion very helpful since I started my stories to improve my writing, and even though you don’t like it, I’m glad you took the time to write a well thought out review.-Blackbird

secs agoOh, so it’s intentional? Well, that’s better, but… I feel like that well has been too thoroughly poisoned by people playing it straight. Even if you are making something annoying on purpose, that still doesn’t change the fact that it’s annoying. It can be done well, but… it’s complicated, and a difficult balancing act. I think it might be a good idea to tone it down a little; when the narrator’s thoughts on the situation get more space than the actual events, that tends to feel like wading through molasses even with likable narrators.
2h agoThanks for your advice, I’ll definitely keep it in mind when I’m writing. I won’t be changing his character immediately, but I’ll definitely try to tone down on his overwhelming ego and make his narrative a little less obnoxious.
 
re: Your review to Luster
23 NovIcarus The Fallen
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12733054/

I do get what you’re saying here. Given what information is available from chapter two, this all makes sense — well, most of it. Some of it is incorrect assumption, but the core bit was well thought out and understandable. The point of this story here, and me writing it, is that it differentiates from all other stories that I’ve seen where I had those exact same concerns. This is not a typical trainer-centric model, however, and that will be explored in time. Very quickly, in fact. As for your non-grammatical concerns:
———————————-
“Aaand it’s a shiny. Of course it is.”

I admit, I hopped on the bandwagon on this one. I had thought it to be a physical representation of her being special to the protagonist, but I can see how that could be misconstrued. Probably my bad on that one, but it’s done now.
———————————–
“So I know this is meant to show how much he cares about Aster, but it actually makes him look terrible. Remember what I said about the vast inequality of trainer-pokemon relationships? That applies to non-romantic aspects too. Being upset at living things getting hurt is a natural human reaction, all the more so if you care about the living thing in any capacity. Caring about Aster getting hurt isn’t an exceptional sign of love, it’s basic human decency; so, the fact he doesn’t feel it for his other pokemon looks incredibly callous.”

Again, my bad. I should have worded that better. You are right; caring about someone who is hurt is simple human decency. It’s not that Aaron doesn’t care that Sozo or Lumis get hurt, just perhaps is more disturbed by Aster’s wounds. I think that’s reasonable. It was worded poorly on my part, and I apologize.
———————————-
The rest of the review is too large to be put in one quotation effectively, so I’ll address it as a whole. The background for these two did not start with tall grass and a well aimed toss of a pokeball. They actually grew up together, as childhood friends. A sandbox sort of thing. Aster wanted an adventure, so when Aaron was old enough, she chose to be his pokemon. That ownership thing “his” pokemon will be addressed by chapter four. If ever she has to get inside a pokeball, it’s her choice. She even holds it on her person; Aaron doesn’t have it at all. This story is intended to break from alarming stories where it can be a very unbalanced relationship. As it stands, Aster can release herself at any point in time. In this story, they can choose to get out of their pokeballs, a behavior exhibited I believe in the anime a good bit. Her voice sounding like the tinkling of a broken bell does not symbolize a predatory mindset. To be honest, I liked the description of a bell, but thought it would have sounded too bright and inorganic. The sound of a broken bell fit what I had in mind, simply for the sound. Were it a natural instrument, I would have named that instead. It is not a rapist/captor model like such stories can be prone to gravitating towards, but very much a two way street. When Aster said “I want what you want,” she was NOT saying that in a “I’ll do whatever you want me to” sort of way. She was referring to the singular topic of a relationship. I didn’t expect it to be taken too far out of context. Perhaps it should have been clearer, but I think the context over all indicated more towards a relationship and not total subservience, which is what you accused it of. To summarize, you have addressed extremely valid points that were already going to be addressed. If consent in its complete form cannot be achieved, then it is something that should be avoided at all costs. But no one should be punished for having feelings if consent CAN be achieved. Aster is a psychic type with an IQ higher than Aaron’s, so the intelligence thing is not a problem. She can have feelings which can be reciprocated, so that’s not a problem either. She was not captured, so a complex is not at play here. She has a family and knows teleport, so Aaron’s providing room and board is not her only means of securing a safe environment. They stayed together because both of them wanted to, not because they had to. Now, you didn’t know most of these things, as they haven’t been released in the form of chapters yet, but I did want to take the time to defend my story. If you see any further concerns that need to be addressed, feel free to state them here. I will do my best to address them in the story, should I feel that they are valid complaints that it takes an unbalanced skew in the relationship dynamic.

secs ago[As it stands, Aster can release herself at any point in time. In this story, they can choose to get out of their pokeballs]

That’s better, but details that clarify ambiguous aspects of canon can’t be assumed. If your story needs to operate on a particular interpretation of the world to work, you need to make those principles clear from the outset. In particular, it would probably be a good idea to start literally anywhere else than a battle, the apotheosis of the trainer system’s power imbalance. If you established their general relationship and Aster’s own desires first, I would have interpreted it differently.

If you were trying to portray a truly balanced and voluntary relationship — well, quite frankly, you failed. It’s not easy to do this with Pokemon, which has an extremely awkward system to begin with. You need to work harder at communicating how you’ve changed the system to not be horrible and/or break from this into writing an original fantasy romance about psychic elves or whatever. And in general you need to be really, really careful any time you have a romance where the woman acts like an obsessive cheerleader towards the man, because as you’ve noticed there are far too many stories that play that painfully straight. Try showing us precisely why Aster is willing to sacrifice so much for this before you have her make such dramatic and dangerous declarations.

I strongly recommend reading the fic “Gods and Demons: ad terminos terrae” if you are interested in this subject; it’s not romance, but it’s the only fic I’ve seen that does sapient pokemon well. I’d draw particular attention to how trainer norms are described early on and how consistently they are reinforced through the other characters and the culture at large.

59m agoThe objective was to have the relationship be quickly asserted as one of equality, but the details missing that you mentioned should have been introduced to begin with. This takes the norm of a trainer/pokemon relationship and changes the core aspects of it; by chapter 4 it will be mutually recognized that he isn’t a trainer in the master sort of sense so much as a boxer in the ring might have his boxing trainer there to help advise him in achieving victory. The next chapter will flesh out Aster’s own independence by means of exiting the pokeball of her own accord and visiting family to discuss her situation. Starting out with a pokemon battle really wasn’t the best move; this is unfamiliar ground for me and I reverted to what I’m used to concerning the pokemon franchise, which centers around pokemon battles primarily. I should have explained their relationship more clearly and effectively; I’m often told my beginnings are my weakest point in a story. All that besides, I’m trying to break from virtually every gardevoir x human fic out there in establishing a very clear mutually affectionate and vulnerable relationship. (All close relationships provide some level of vulnerability shown at some point, not just romantic ones.) I hate stories where the female is treated as an inferior or as an outlet for a male to receive affection, vice versa. It’s not a good relationship to begin with and it’s not genuine at all. Obsessive cheerleader type stories are vapid and have no substance; we all have flaws and part of loving someone is acknowledging those flaws. I don’t think that’s where this story is headed, however. Aster has shown clear willingness to disobey and disapprove of Aaron’s actions. What will be done in the next chapter can rectify some of my mistakes, I hope. I don’t have a whole lot of role models in my attempt to make a non trainer-centric romance, so I hope you will forgive my lapses in judgement, wherever they fall. I’m doing my best. I would appreciate it if you hold me to a standard that a proper relationship should be upheld to, as you have done thus far though. Your input has been very helpful, but I get it if you just want to forget about it and leave it at what’s been said.
 
The Tales Of A Trainer
23 NovKofukuna Shi no Kami
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12733844/

I agree completely that the apostrophe missing and the wrong usage of ‘mom’ is my bad, I have some matters to discuss regarding your complaints.Well, first of all, my fanfic will have elements from the games, the books and the anime. Therefore, it would be wrong to put it in a specific verse category.

Secondly, I write on my mobile, and the app version of the site does not have a horizontal line insert option. The Author’s Note is in bold and that style will continue. That was done for the very purpose of distinguishing it from the actual story.

Thirdly, the entire farce with capitalization on the Capitalization-Thread is actually pretty stupid in of itself. Focusing on the tiniest of details instead of looking at the larger picture. Millions of people have read JKR’s works and thoroughly enjoyed them, for they looked past the capitalization flaws. While I’m sure there were many, like yourself, that felt personally offended due to the ‘grammatically incorrect capitalization’, it was a minority at best compared to those that could overlook that fault. And, as unfair as it may sound, the saying ‘majority is authority’ is not without merit. There are several thousands of authors that are grammatically incorrect, most of whom go way beyond the harmless incorrect capitalization. You need to realize, that is not a matter of doing something because everyone else is doing it. It is a matter of doing something because it is better acknowledged by the majority of society. You may continue your feeble attempts at correcting the entire world’s way of spelling or capitalization through this website, but we both know it’ll be in vain. Dozens of websites and millions of fans believe that ‘Pokémon’ is the correct word, not ‘pokemon’. You won’t change that by bullying teenagers online. The general populace believes that ‘Pokémon’ is the right word, and guess what? Your audience, i.e. the readers, and the writers, are part of the general populace.

But what truly amuses me is that the people on the Capitalization-Thread do not realize that you are actually the troll, the one who is attempting to rile them up over a petty argument, and seem to be succeeding, unfortunately. But that will not work for everyone, and sooner or later you run into a wall headfirst. You must have been lucky for the past 16 years on this site, nothing less, nothing more.

Just know this. Your attempts to toy with other authors will come back to haunt you, for even if you had written a thousand stories, it would negligible compared the great number already on this site, the ones written by the general populace. Banning others is not a solution, and neither is it an option one can use in repetition. Because sooner or later, you’ll run out of people to ban.

The Tales Of A Trainer

11h agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12733844/

But I am willing to make thise insignificant edits if you wish so.

review on my story
24 NovEntaro Ceraphenine
thanks for the corrections! i will try to improve from now on!
Hey stop what your doing
25 NovRonald Mcdonut
Stop telling new writers they are not ready.
7m agoWhat?
THIS IS WHAT I DOING TO YOU
25 NovRonald Mcdonut
▄︻̷̿┻̿═━一 :(THE SNIPER IS ME AND THE SAD FACE IS YOU MOFO
secs agoDo I know you?

St Elmo’s Fire,

A new review has been posted to your story.

Story: Do No Harm
Chapter: 1. Home and Hearth

From: Ronald Mcdonut ( https://www.fanfiction.net/u/9428732/ )
Reply URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rwid=256199704
——————-

boring story

——————-

As best I can figure out, this is a rabid fan of an author I reviewed a while ago. As always, I have no clue why it took them this long.

Also got another straggler from Halloween:

Thanks for the Advice
26 NovViingyolvith
As you can tell this is my first story and even though I have an idea of what I would like to do, my inexperience with writing has led to me trying to do several things at once with the end result being a mess of poorly structured material. I am grateful for the advice on how to properly write dialogue as I have been struggling with that. I am however currently still working on the rest of the first chapter, but I think I might end up scrapping what I have now and starting over.

As for the problem with the scene where the reset button appears, I wanted to make it seem as though Frisk was trapped in an infinite loop that she had to break from using determination and magic, and by breaking it would cause Frisk to no longer be able to reset ever again. I currently have part of the first chapter written to show that resetting is impossible, but loading and saving still is.Anyways, sorry for not responding to your review, I’ve been absent for some time, but I hope to get my story back on track soon and look forward to seeing what you think of it.

8 Comments

  1. CrazyEd says:

    The long recap was a personal choice, and is also included in case anyone who doesn’t know much about the Gen V games will be able to understand. I understand that it does drag down the pace, but again, that was a personal choice.

    As someone whose direct knowledge of Pokemon doesn’t extend past generation three, I can actually kind of understand this logic. With this sort of recap, I might actually be inclined to read the fic.

    The reason relationship stories are so common in fanfic is because the basic personalities and dynamics are already well-established, so it’s easy to jump straight to standalone relationship scenes like these.

    I experienced an interesting thing related to this with the last story I uploaded to AO3. It uses this characteristic of fanfiction, but I used two characters who so far have zero direct characterization in the source material, and exist only in the backstory. And yet, it still worked, somehow.

    In hindsight maybe I should have waited till I replaced my computer or edited on a public computer before I posted my story but I guess I was too impatient (lazy).

    … If that was the case, they could’ve just written out the uncontracted form of the word.

    She even holds it on her person; Aaron doesn’t have it at all. 

    … Huh. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this idea used in one of these pokefucking fics. Have you, dude?

    Try showing us precisely why Aster is willing to sacrifice so much for this before you have her make such dramatic and dangerous declarations.

    I think that this is, for me, the hardest part of writing men in romantic pairings. Ever after I specifically give him traits that the woman would be attracted to, I never quite feel as if I’ve properly established why the woman is romantically interested in her romantic interest. It kinda sucks, ya know?




    0
    1. Ever after I specifically give him traits that the woman would be attracted to, I never quite feel as if I’ve properly established why the woman is romantically interested in her romantic interest. It kinda sucks, ya know?

      Oh, I actually figured this one out recently! Check out an episode from The Amazing World of Gumball titled “The Choices”. It’s in season 5, I believe. The character dynamics are a play off of standard sitcom tropes: the father is a lazy slob and the mother is an overworked busybody who’s constantly nagging him. For the longest time I kept asking “Why is she still with him? What does she see in him?”, but that episode answers it, and I believe the answer can be generalized to other romantic plots.

      Essentially, I think you have to see the romantic relationship as something that helps the partners grow as people. This is reflected in the common trope of “opposites attract” or the partnets “completing” each other: the other person becomes a part of their identity and influences them in a direction they wouldn’t have taken otherwise, hopefully for the better. Under this model, having a set of attractive traits isn’t enough, as you’ve noticed; it just turns the story into gushy wish fulfillment without depth. Think more in terms of narrative arcs than character traits.




      0
      1. CrazyEd says:

        Ah, I guess I should’ve been more specific. I was thinking more of the early stages of the relationship and what drew them together in the first place. That kind of thing. What made the girl go “I want to date this boy” in the first place, that kinda stuff.




        0
        1. Well, I don’t think I can give you advice on that without more specifics. Generally, someone having traits you find attractive should be sufficient reason to want to date them.

          Perhaps the best thing to do is to shake things up a little, make the woman the main character? It might be easier to make a romance a logical extension of a greater character arc.




          0
          1. CrazyEd says:

            Yeah, but how many, how big, how blah blah blah? I think at this point it’s become one of those “I’m far too self-critical things”, but I think the major problem is that I just have absolutely zero frame of reference for being attracted to men. So whenever I write it, I think it feels like I’m just writing the woman attracted to the man because if she wasn’t the romance wouldn’t progress, because I can know what would make the character attractive to the woman, but I don’t personally understand it. Even if I write “Well, she decided to date him because X, Y, and Z”, I feel like… “why would you date someone for X, Y, and Z”, and I know she actually decided to date him because I decided that had to happen to further the narrative.

            EDIT: If you’re curious about the actual stories that give me this problem, you can just hit up my AO3 and read the entries in my Deerfield series.




            0
            1. As someone with zero frame of reference for being attracted to anyone, I don’t really think this is a problem of not having a frame of reference. There’s no fundamental difference between what is attractive in men vs. women because gender essentialism is a myth etc. etc. It sounds like this is more a matter of general story construction that you need to work on. You can make the narrative feel satisfying if you work at it.

              Even if I write “Well, she decided to date him because X, Y, and Z”, I feel like… “why would you date someone for X, Y, and Z”

              This may be due to lack of frame of reference, perhaps — you may think it doesn’t make sense to be attracted to these traits, but perhaps there is someone who does? Even if it doesn’t make sense to you, if it resonates with your readers, you’ve accomplished something worthwhile. Feel it out, see where the story takes you. Taking risks is how you’ll grow as a writer.

              I know she actually decided to date him because I decided that had to happen to further the narrative.

              That’s perfectly valid, though! Authors do stuff just to further the narrative all the time. It’s fine to work backwards and justify stuff you know has to happen.




              2
              Reply
            2. CrazyEd says:

              This may be due to lack of frame of reference, perhaps — you may think it doesn’t make sense to be attracted to these traits, but perhaps there is someone who does

              Oh, yeah, probably. But that fact doesn’t really help much. That’s what I meant by the difference between “knowing” and “understanding”. If I decide to have a female character initially agree to date a guy purely because she likes his strong jaw and huge arms, and nothing less superficial than that, I can intellectually conceive of that character being attracted to those traits, even though that’s pretty much the furthest thing possible from what I find attractive. But that only helps so much in selling the initial attraction to me.




              0
              Reply
  2. CrazyEd says:

    Millions of people have read JKR’s works and thoroughly enjoyed them, for they looked past the capitalization flaws.

    And then, Act.

    … Act, right? Which one of y’all were doing a chapter by chapter review of Harry Potter?

    And, as unfair as it may sound, the saying ‘majority is authority’ is not without merit.

    I mean, English is a prescriptive language, but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to try to prevent the prescription from changing in a way you don’t like, especially when that new prescription is a less efficient means of communication than the current standard.

    You may continue your feeble attempts at correcting the entire world’s way of spelling or capitalization through this website, but we both know it’ll be in vain.

    Well, no arguments here, if this is how the typical person reacts to being corrected nowadays.

    But I am willing to make thise insignificant edits if you wish so.

    … Um. Okay. That’s unexpected. Maybe he realized you were right but didn’t want to publicly admit it?




    0

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Skip to toolbar