5 Decyuuri katsuki-nikiforov

Ah, um…thank you for the feedback. I’m…not exactly sure how to address your claims, but this is the first time in a while someone one this site has bothered to give critical feedback, so I’ll try my best.

First, allow me to start with this: “A drabble is a story consistent of exactly 100 words”. Please forgive me if this sounds rude, but I do know what a drabble is, and I do understand that I am not exactly following the set-in-stone definition. However, as per my style (of which I am assuming you are not familiar with), I am taking liberties. Being over 19 words does not seem like a problem to me, but I respect the fact that you pointed that out.

“For instance…uh, what’s your evidence?” Simple: there’s no real evidence to be taken in. You state, “I don’t see how they change the world”. If I am interpreting that phrasing right, I never said they changed it just yet. I said they’ve the ability to. They’ve the ability to affect their surroundings, and their interactions with various characters – especially the player character – influence that. More with Gladion as opposed to Hau, I believe, but still. Overall, the story more so an abstract/experimental thing. It is not necessarily canon-compliant. Perhaps it could have been structured to be a bit clearer but, for the most part, it’s not quite designed to be so straightforward.

Also, thank you for the correction of “breath” there. Can’t believe I didn’t notice that until now.

I am sorry that you are confused, but please understand that this story is designed to be short. Needing “more space to explain” is not quite the intention here. Nevertheless, thank you for your constructive criticism. I appreciate your input. Have a good day/evening.

9m agoIn regards to topic on drabbles, I must be blunt: I’m going to be stubborn here. I do understand what you are saying, but for me, I consider anything around a 100 words to be a drabble. As I said, I am taking slight liberties with this particular writing exercise.

I, as well, have a pessimistic view on their characters (it is more directed to Gladion’s character) and the narrative, as SuMo’s story is relatively dark, but I also like to play around with a more optimistic viewpoint. It’s just interesting exploring the characters and the story from various views.

Also, I now realize that perhaps I should explained what I meant by “canon-compliant” (actually, canon-compliant was probably the wrong choice of words for me to use, haha). I’m not saying you quite aren’t allowed to use the source work as a basis. The story takes place in Alola and uses SuMo characters, but it is not focusing on any one event. It’s not taking place after or before a particular event or anything of that nature. The story is experimental, yes, but the reader can feel free to refer back to SuMo if they wish.

I feel like I should state that, when I posted this on Ao3 originally, I made clear that this story was mainly about writing a story Kiawe, Hau, and Gladion, and somewhat basing it off on Kiawe’s views on tradition and the effects his stories about tradition have on them. I honestly did not expect one particular line to be discussed so deeply (or be so confusing to someone), but I appreciate the questioning about it. Reminds that if someone is confused by a line in a story that doesn’t seem to be so confusing, then clarity needs to be worked on. I’ll try to keep that in mind.

I’m not quite sure if I answered your concerns clearly, so feel free to ask for more clarifications if need be.

2m ago“Why is it so important to you that you get to call this a drabble?”

…What? I apologize, but assuming that I find it that important is a bit weird to me. To be honest with you, I’d argue that yes, traditionally a drabble means exactly 100 words. However, nowadays, it seems to be more of a drabble being around 100 words in length. Like I said before, I’m not following the original set-in-stone definition, but I honestly believe the word has evolved to encompass stories that, let’s say are 105 or 120 words. Or maybe even slightly higher than, like 200. If one wishes to find a true, pure drabble, I’d suggest looking at the word count. It seems to be a definition that nearly everyone accepts now. Meanings of words change, and that is the case for “drabble”.

Also, to just throw this out there: yes, I understand that looking at the summary may be easier to determine whether or not a story is a drabble (as I know some authors will say that their story is a drabble in the summary), but, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, summaries can be a bit misleading. So, yeah, once again, I’d check the word count just to add some certainity.

I’m sorry if I seem inconsiderate, rude, and perhaps even a dick for having this particular mindset, but my mind is just not going to change. It’s not “so important” to me, like you seem to believe it. For me, it is not that big of a deal. This particular discussion we are having in regards to drabble is, well, quite insignificant. It’s just a…thing, for lack of better words.

Also, I’d suggest utilizing Ao3 for more “actual drabbles” (if you aren’t already on there). I’ve only recently started posting there, but they seem to do better in terms of having strictly 100-word drabbles.

5 DecNight.Of.Sapphire.Stars

I’m sorry you found so much wrong with it. I actually did have a Beta Reader, He’s in college and he’s been the one Capitalizing the Pokemon Names. I’ll try and refrain from doing so from now on. Also, I do apologize for the Shitty dialogue formatting. I don’t claim to be an Exceptional Writer, but I do try my best. And I know I have a random capitalization problem, I’m working on it. I might Call it Pokemon: Maroon Island, But My friend said Pokemon: Shade would be better. And While My summery is a bit bland at the moment, Most of the big plot points won’t come for a while and I’d rather not spoil anything. Again, thank you for being honest with me!

5 Decthatpokepornguy

On capitalization of Pokenames: I’ll agree to disagree. We can call it “artistic choice”. I can see what that thread is explaining, but I’d personally rather just treat them as proper nouns. I don’t really mind if it’s wrong.

On the horrifyingly poor way I handled flashbacks: I agree 100%. I really don’t know what I was thinking with that one. It seemed like a good call in my head. This is what I get for just doing a light proofread instead of a full reread before uploading.

On misogyny: Uhh okay I can see where you’re coming from here, in a way, but I really don’t see how that could be taken as “misogynistic”, in a traditional sense. Misogyny is prejudice against women cuz they’re women. I meant the exchange to more mean “I’m breaking up with you. Oh, also, tell your dad he sucks”. Even if you missed that meaning, I don’t see how this could be construed as misogyny. Reeve is just breaking up with his girlfriend in a mean way. People can be rude to people and not have it be due to gender/race/religion.

On Arceus/God: I actually needed this cleared up. I always hesitated to put goddamn or oh my God when I wrote. This was a good read, thank you.

2h agoBecause there isn’t a centralized, professional format for writing erotic Pokemon fanfiction, that link notwithstanding. Additionally, you’re the only person who has brought it up after thousands of other people read my stuff.

Her makeup was running because she was wearing makeup because she was going out that night with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend broke up with her out of the blue, and kicked her out of his apartment. This made her sad, and she started crying, which made her makeup run. This part of the story is not a power fantasy. It’s an asshole breaking up with his girlfriend in a tasteless way.

Of course he’s supposed to be a dick! He kicked his girlfriend to the street on a whim, to go capture and brainwash a beautiful, Legendary Pokemon, raped it, and sold it to a crime lord to put in a sex dungeon. What part of this fic did I leave space for Reeve to attend a women’s rights rally? Between the soup kitchen volunteering and the charity fundraiser?

5m agoYou def aren’t wrong about the capitalization thing, but I just don’t think it’s important enough for me to bother changing it. Like I said, I agree to disagree.

It’s cool. Kelly was just a plot device in this story, as opposed to a fleshed out character, so I can see why you would have taken her with a grain of salt. I have other stories that portray women in a nicer light (although I haven’t gotten around to including a female character that isn’t just a slut there to get railed by a Pokemon. I think I’ll do that for my next story.)

Thanks for the pointers, I appreciate it. Legit con-cri is hard to come by.

5 DecDeltaWing13

Thank you!!! I have only made two stories before, and only in my spare time, so I had no idea how to do that. As for the second note, you make a good point… I’ll change it.
Once again, thank you! Feel free to comment on my stories anytime!
^_^

6 Decflblaziken

Hi St Elmo’s Fire. To me, I prefer all Pokemon names to be capitalized. It’s how I learned the names. I read the forum, and there are valid points, but it’s not seen in official Pokemon books, Bulbapedia, and Serebii. I prefer to be consistent with the names, otherwise it gets confusing. The bold text is how I do the author’s notes, since the horizontal lines signify different points of view in the chapter. To me, “fearsome” means “intimidating” or “cruel”, so “spontaneous” is the opposite of that. The hexagon crest is from the description in Bulbapedia. The genders for Legendaries has been explained in Chapter 43 (Kanto 39) of the first story, Kanto: The Start of the Journey. “Questioned” to me is the correct verb because Kitakaze is the leader of the three, therefore, she has higher authority. This is only the prologue; if you read the first story, you’ll understand why they’re bickering about finding someone. The story will go into further detail about this process, so don’t judge the story based on just the prologue. It’ll make more sense as the story continues.

2h agoI don’t see Pokemon and the names as a common noun, as stated in my previous response. Just because it’s grammatically correct, doesn’t mean that’s the only rule on how to spell them. The discussion is in a forum, not from FanFiction itself. Unless FanFiction explicitly states “Pokemon and the Pokemon names must be lowercased unless if the Pokemon is owned by a Trainer” in their spelling and grammar guidelines, I don’t have to follow the advice stated in the contents of the forum.

If you read Sanda’s dialogue, he is not spontaneously cruel. He’s more playful and laidback than what his physical appearance shows. You need to read the dialogue and behavior as well to get a better understanding of the characters.

6 DecJohn Lennon the dreamer

Sorry super busy

6 DecDarkfrost the Ice Night hybrid

Pretty sure that doesn’t stop the other 50,000 people who do this… Worry about yourself, if the mods see something wrong with this, they will tell me.

7 DecHorrific17

Hey dude! Thanks for the review.

I will take what you said about grammatical errors into account when I write next, thanks.

The problems about the ‘Kingdoms being divided and why’ are logical, and they will be explained later down the line and they won’t be completely ignored. The Dual types thing is a matter of which kingdom the specific dual type pledges loyalty to, so the Dragon kingdom and Flying Kingdom can both have Salamence in their army. This raises a new question of “Why cant a Salamence want to be in the Ground kingdom and join them?” This question will also be explored later in the fanfiction and can’t be explored without spoilers for now.

The Pokemon being called by their names is honestly personal preference. I prefer writing them down as their species name due to my preference on doing so, especially since their will be a lot of characters due to 18 kingdoms, each with a lord/lordess and lieutenants/council or whatever I do end up calling them.

The female characters will be introduced later down the line, and I have 3 due to be introduced next chapter, two of which are queens and one is a lieutenant/council.

If you do wish to know about the spoilers about why this is happening, do tell me. Considering you said you weren’t interested in reading the story, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind, but its better to ask either way.

Once again, thank you for the review.