“I also thought [past tense] was normally how people wrote their stories… But you know, the people in my writing group are published… so I just didn’t say anything, because they were published and all big and mighty, and I am just a small fanfiction writer. Like this is an example they yelled at me for:
My writing: She swung her axe with a mighty roar, colliding with her enemy and bashing into their armor.
Their example: She swings her axe roaring loudly, hitting her enemy as it broke their armor.”
o_o
FlameofTerrorHi, I recently wrote a fanfiction, and I know I am not great at grammar… and I noticed that you give harsh feedback on a lot of stories… I blocked you because I am sensitive and do not like flames… I am sorry about that, I get you are trying to help people, but it seems like you are making a lot of people mad.. If you can read my fanfiction and send me a PM about my story, that would be great… I need to open up more towards criticism, since I am trying to get involved with writing groups… I just am a very sensitive girl, and I take my writing seriously… and to be honest it hurts when people tell me something is wrong with my work… I am currently in high school, and I am self taught in everything that I have learned from my writing days… I understand I am not perfect, but can you please tell me what I am doing wrong through a PM, so I can become a better writer? Thanks,
-FlameofTerror
It sounds like these would be good general resources, especially if you are not good with grammar:
https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar
https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/142410565/1/Writing-Guide-Part-Two-Story
From your story, I can also tell you that you shouldn’t mention time or location in your scene transitions, like “~Two Years Later~” and such. Generalized scene breaks are much smoother. You should make time and place clear in your narration.
Thank you, that really helps! Like I said I am self taught, so I am not great at making everything look professional… But, hopefully my story is good! Thank you for taking them time to find those links for me, that is really helpful, and I will study them closely so I can become a better writer. Thank you for your time, you have taught me a few things, and I am glad I reached out for help so I could improve…
Thanks again,
-FlameofTerror
If you are self-taught, there are other resources you can look up as well. Websites such as Grammar Girl are free and provide lots of tips on obscure grammatical details. I also strongly recommend just reading published books, and examining them for their writing style. Step out of yourself while you’re reading and ask yourself how different writing styles make you feel and which ones are good for different circumstances. Good artists borrow great artists steal etc.Yeah, a ton of people have told me to read other books… I have been doing so, and I realized that I write in past tense.. Which my writers group said was grammatically correct, but not what people use when writing.. They usually write as if the action is happening right in front of the reader, and I still write in my old ways.. because I have not re-wired my brain to write that way.. I think I will check out Grammar Girl, I am always open to learning, because I have really good ideas that I wish to share with everyone, but they usually always get mad at my grammar! Thank you St. Elmo’s Fire, I have learned a lot from you… Thank you for not destroying me, I know it was hard since I write like the average high school newbie :P I will get better with time, by taking classes, and asking questions… I just need to grow a tougher skin, and handle criticism, because people like you do it so the writer can learn and improve![I realized that I write in past tense.. Which my writers group said was grammatically correct, but not what people use when writing..]
What? That’s not right at all. Past tense is the norm in writing. You can write in present tense, but it’s unusual and is generally used to convey some very specific tone. The “POV and You” thread in the post I linked goes into this a little.
THANK YOU, I also thought it was normally how people wrote their stories… But you know, the people in my writing group are published… so I just didn’t say anything, because they were published and all big and mighty, and I am just a small fanfiction writer. Like this is an example they yelled at me for:
My writing: She swung her axe with a mighty roar, colliding with her enemy and bashing into their armor.
Their example: She swings her axe roaring loudly, hitting her enemy as it broke their armor.
I still cannot even try to write the way they told me to… I just do not understand how that is correct. I will check out the link you said explains this, because perhaps they truly do not write the way they should… Even though they are published..
Good lord, do people even read books anymore? Act, do you have any idea how this could have happened?
xXSpades231XxA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12826789/
Thanks you for taking the time to review my story, I appreaciate you pointing out all the faults there and I’ll work on improving them. Truth be told I’ve been writing for a while now, sloppily appearently, and any and all advice is appreciated. As for the Beta reader, I’m just not sure if I want one, though I can see the benefit of having one but it just feels weird to me. Thank you for reading and hopefully future chapters are a step in the right direction.
Shaded AzureA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12827425/
So first of all, thanks for the review, and taking the time to read and give feedback on my story.
Secondly, who ARE you?! (Not rude sorry.) I KNOW your username but I have no idea where from.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12827425/
Secondly, most of the typos are because of my phone. I used to have a beta, and then a different beta, but there where complications both times.
Shaded AzureA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12827425/
Thirdly, the narration issues stem from me wanting to write the story like it’s actually being read. I hate dull narration.
Okay, so, for future reference, you can continue a PM conversation with no replies by selecting it in your outbox.
I don’t know where else you’d have seen my username. I don’t recall using it outside of this site. There may be others who use it, as it is a reference to a real thing and a semi-common phrase.
re: Phone, you are not on a deadline. Wait until you have access to a proper computer, or use a public computer (e.g. libraries) if you don’t. Typing a story on a phone sounds like a form of torture to me.
[Thirdly, the narration issues stem from me wanting to write the story like it’s actually being read. I hate dull narration.]
The thing is, I actually consider narration like this to be very dull. Stories written exactly like real conversations or thoughts are messy, disorganized, and not exciting to read because real life is messy, disorganized, and not exciting to read about. You need to take some acceptable breaks from reality and streamline the process a little. I strongly recommend reading published books such as from your local library to see examples of how other authors do this.
Sorry about that first thing. I didn’t realize until after.I don’t mean to be rude, but I think a lot of this boils down to artistic preference. Thanks again.
I know I’ve seen you on the site before. I know it.
[I don’t mean to be rude, but I think a lot of this boils down to artistic preference.]
Well, yes, but you should consider whether or not you’re conveying the artistic preference you intended. If you’re aiming for exciting narration but people find it dull instead, you’ve made a mistake.
After some consideration, I have decided to take The Dark Soul down for a short period of time. I rushed into the story without an endgame, but now that I have one I want to restart. I hope that you keep an eye out for it.Grimfour88A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12826136/
Thank you for the review I will look into paragraph structure right now.
Dr MAD and CoHello,
thank you for the comment, I deleted the story for now. I tried to write without any personification, but I’ll change that for the readers about pronouns.
I forgot for the title, sorry, and legendary pokémon aren’t female or male, so I didn’t intend to show it was a male there.
I know I’m making mistakes because I’m not a native, but I do my best to translate my works as a training. I want to be an English teacher (and I’m abroad now to study it further).
The thing is that I want to see my mistakes myself. I don’t want people to correct my stories first, because it’s cheating. I think that the story was really confusing because of the pronouns and I didn’t want the Vulpix to have any name given there.
But it was also the first time I tried to write a story with this style, so I understand. I’ll change the pronouns to clearly identify the characters and I’ll check for my mistakes before posting it again.
Thank you for your opinion.
[I forgot for the title, sorry, and legendary pokémon aren’t female or male, so I didn’t intend to show it was a male there.]
Oh right, French doesn’t have neuter pronouns, right? In English you can use “they” if you want to portray the legendary pokemon as a person, or “it” if you want to portray the legendary pokemon as an animal.
[The thing is that I want to see my mistakes myself. I don’t want people to correct my stories first, because it’s cheating.]
How is that cheating? Authors do that all the time, and you won’t know if you’re making mistakes unless you have a native speaker look it over for you.
Hello,
You’re right for the mistakes, but I couldn’t have a good judgement from you (for instance) if I didn’t post it with the mistakes first. I would have let it like this, and people would just read, say, “there are mistakes, I don’t understand” and I couldn’t improve the story.
Do you see what I mean?
In another of my English stories, someone corrects the chapters before I post them, but I ask them to state the mistakes on my paper before returning it back to me, so that I see what is wrong or not.
In French, you have ‘elle’ for a girl, and ‘il’ for a boy. I know that you can define a legendary by ‘they’, but you’re doing that when you don’t “know” it, as for unknown people mentionned too. I’ll see if I can do that, maybe will it be clearer now. The neutral genre is ‘on’ but it’s involving several people, at least two of them, and it’s quite general. You can say before the ‘on’ that there is a boy and a girl, but both are included in the action when you state the ‘on’.
Sometimes, it is used to avoid a passive sentence (most of French writers use the active voice), and as I hear and work in English, it occurs that I’m confused between passive and active voice in both languages. And I’m 99 percent sure that in my works translated in English, I think in French, which leads to odd forms for a native.
I’ll ask someone to look at it, and I’ll post it later on. Thank you for sharing your point of view.
“They” can be used to refer to either an individual or a group. Yes, this is confusing. English is terrible. But that really is how we refer to gender-neutral individuals.remixdude4000A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12829713/
Your right! What was I thinking?!
I’ll Improve on Chapter one. Sorry…
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12829713/
Also I fixed the summary Problem
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12829713/
Oh and I’m giving Pokémon sight gags
TheLastGarandA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12829995/
I appreciate the review, but I’m not taking fanfiction that seriously anyway. It’s more of something to do while I’m bored, but it helped. Thank you.
And yes, I see that I’m not the best yet when it comes to grammar. I’m most certainly not the worst though, so you don’t need to paint me out in that manner.Then it sure is a good thing I didn’t do that, huh? Check some of the reviews on the rest of the front page. Not everything is about you.I was just talking about a segment, never said everything was about me.And I’m not even trying to argue, so I don’t want to waste your or my time on this. Thank you for your review
NegaiChampionA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12831279/
I have been harassed ENOUGH this week because shitholes like YOU who have problems with the way I do things, so F*** OFF!!!!!! Why do you bitch at people for the way they write!!!??? It’s f***ing ANNOYING!!!!!!! Stay away from me and my stories, OR ELSE!!!!!
Do you not know how to block people?I’d also like to point out that I filter out anime fic by default. If you label your stories properly as I request, you won’t have to deal with me at all.They still haven’t blocked me.
XxSpen16xXA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12829055/
Ok Sorry about that. I Fixed two of the three things. Now i Just need to get a beta reader. Thanks again for telling me before i get too far.
MoltkeA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12830695/
Wow, an actually helpful review with constructive criticism! Thank you for taking the time to write (or at the very least copy-and-paste) these comments.
You have an absolute right to be worried where this story is headed. This is a proliferation plot, modeled after the cartoon in that each chapter has a self-contained conflict, held together through the framework of a journey.
Lesson #1: Modeling a written work after a cartoon is not how one shapes a gripping story.
[The following is an act of catharsis and justification which you should probably skip.]
Furthermore, when I first started this story over five years ago, I had no plan whatsoever, and so the conflict takes a long time to set up. Team Galactic first shows up ~35,000 words, again around the 55,000 mark, and then a few more times until ~170,000, when it’s revealed that a different evil organization is using Team Galactic as cover. The next 300,000 words are an excuse to showcase a lot of legendary pokemon so as to make my IRL readership happy, and the story really doesn’t get going until the last 250,000 words.
Lesson #2: Have a general idea of a plot before starting a story.
All this is to demonstrate that your time would be better spent elsewhere, especially since the main antagonist is the cliché evil corporation that has to be stopped from taking over the world.
You are free to wonder why I am inflicting such a story on others.
If you feel inclined to continue reading and reviewing so as to showcase what not to do when writing a story, I will not complain. I do ask that you refrain from pointing out copyediting errors as they tend to be less helpful to average review-readers than pointing out flaws in characterization, setting, description, plot, and dialogue, especially since the former can be fixed with a cursory glance in any English grammar book.
Lesson #3: Accept criticism.
Now that your two possible choices concerning my story have been addressed, I will return to everyone’s favorite topic, which is him/herself.
You probably get a lot of angry responses to your reviews, which you may or may not care about. On the off chance you do care, I would like to offer a counterweight. Your reviews are valuable. I won’t assume that, had I received this advice five years ago, I would have accepted it. However, I recognize that, if I had accepted it, I certainly would have become better at writing faster than I did. As one of those people who post with the aim of becoming a better writer and not simply racking up reviews, I am grateful that people like you exist on this site.
Best of luck in finding a well-crafted story.
~Moltke
[Modeling a written work after a cartoon is not how one shapes a gripping story.]
Actually no, if you’re modeling your fic after the anime, that’s actually pretty good. Did you see the thread I linked to? In that, Farla uses the anime as an example of a successful OT fic. It’s okay to not have a greater plot (or a slow one) if you have interesting episodic plots.
[I do ask that you refrain from pointing out copyediting errors as they tend to be less helpful to average review-readers than pointing out flaws in characterization, setting, description, plot, and dialogue, especially since the former can be fixed with a cursory glance in any English grammar book. ]
Oh, you’d be surprised. A lot of people have told me they find the grammar reviews the most helpful, because grammatical resources have either been too hard to find or simply confusing.
About the grammar, I am surprised, although that is certainly good to know. Thanks for your review!
The Lightning PhoenixA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12436502/
I love this kind of review x)
candescentstarsA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12828998/
hello!! sorry for the late reply, but thank you so much for reviewing!
i understand what you mean! the summary is a line from the song i was inspired by, so i thought it’d be fitting to put it there. i’ve noted your suggestion, and once again thank you for reviewing!
that aside, though, did you like the story? :)
Gameguy95Hello St Elmo’s Fire, I have a question on how to use grammer for Pokemon. Like, what is the best way to introduce them? You said not to capitalize Pokemon like Pikachu if you’re not saying its species name. Does that mean I have to address them in Yoshi the yoshi format?
And If there’s more than one Pokemon species, like the Pidgey, do I add the plural form like “That’s a lot of Pidgeys!” or just leave it at “That’s a lot of Pidgey!”? I wasn’t sure since Pokemon is both singular and plural, so this confuses me.
[Does that mean I have to address them in Yoshi the yoshi format?]
I think so? Like, “Ash’s pikachu is named Pikachu.”
re: Plurals, people do it both ways. No S is more common, but it’s fine as long as you’re consistent.
Okay, thank you. I wasn’t sure what isea I wanted for my Pokemon fanfic, whether a PMD story, an story in the Anime universe, or an original idea that’s still part of the Pokemon universe. Like the ones that focuses on the wild Pokemon prescriptive or even a fantasy story. What are your thoughts on this? What can I do to make a good fanfic without leaving it a dead fic?This thread may be helpful: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/142410565/1/Writing-Guide-Part-Two-StoryTKOUA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12830150/
Thanks for actually reviewing, but you do seem a bit nit-picky. I am asking for reviews on the story element, not the grammar itself. Believe me, I know I suck at grammar. However, this is a Fan-fiction site, not a story contest. So, you shouldn’t expect anyone to spend time proof-reading for grammatical errors. That is what an editor is for.
[So, you shouldn’t expect anyone to spend time proof-reading for grammatical errors. That is what an editor is for.]
Then maybe you should get one. Grammar is not optional.
Personally, I think it is. This is not a Thesis Paper, it is a Fan-Fiction. While I don’t condone abysmal grammar, grammar so bad it makes the story unreadable, I do think that Fan-Fic writers should be given some leeway. Most of us have lives outside of writing, and so we have time constraints that make it hard to proofread. If my story bothers you that much, I can send you a personal copy that you can critique to your heart’s content, or don’t read it. I write for the story, not for English 1302.[Personally, I think it is.]
Then you are wrong. The point of grammar is to make communication clear. It doesn’t matter how much work you put into the plot if people keep getting thrown out of it because of the grammar mistakes.
You have received a message from:
Korrasami 88
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5523725/
Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=231366484#new
——————–
Subject: re: Your review to Delia Hanako Pokemon Journey
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12830348/
The difference between OK and okay is as TRIVIAL as the difference between flavor and flavour.
This person seems to have forgotten they’ve blocked me. They sent me another PM earlier, but email alerts were acting up and I didn’t get a copy.