“On a side note, the first paragraph of your review does seem to be rather familiar, though I must certainly be mistaken on such observations since you are *clearly* a person of such detail and would never think to lead anyone to believe that any form of plagiarism is to be seen within your reviews.”
re: Your review to From the Ashes of Guilt
22 FebLight Side
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12844545/
Thank you for the long review, and for informing me on my grammar and punctuation issues. I’m terrible with both of those. I do have a normal Beta I use, but I’m currently writing a long HP fanfic (As it is my normal fandom, and I’ve never read or seen the manga/anime for pokemon and is solely based on the OR game. I don’t plan to post the HP fic until it’s completed and everything wrong in it is fixed. He’s quite busy as is and is struggling to find time to review that so I didn’t want to bother him with beta’ing this story either. As for finding another beta on here it’s quite difficult to do so, I tried to before but it doesn’t say which ones are active and I never got a reply to the twenty responses for my HP fic even though it’s the largest community. So I didn’t bother wasting my time with the pokemon fic. Not that it’s because I don’t care, rather the fact that I assume others would still be able to read it and know what I mean to portray even with a lot of misplaced commas.
Frankly this story is one of the ones that are just itching to get out of my head, so I’m putting it to paper. Maybe when it’s complete and my beta, whom I’m very much loyal to because he is good and I trust him completely even when he changes around phrases and chops things out. I rather have him or no one. So maybe when things calm down or when I go back through myself. I’m terrible at it mainly cause where I’m at it’s taught in the 8th grade, and I skipped all those classes and we don’t re-learn it ever. So when I began to write and care about my writing I tried to learn and teach myself. I got help but I still struggled with it alot and find it difficult. Which is frustrating cause I love to write. Even when I went to college it was difficult; I still managed to pull in A’s and B’s but even with professors pointing my mistakes out I couldn’t always catch them or anything. It’s like a brick wall for me. They always said practice but as much as I did I didn’t improve and in some cases got worse. So after a few years I just gave up.
As for May, she does have her own opinions, but her only options were to go along with the genocide, which she didn’t. Go with Zinnia which she did, or let the meteor hit the planet. If she did the latter (Later?) it wouldn’t just be Devon that died but every single person, including the innocent pokemon and people. And the vast majority of people didn’t know, I’m assuming, what the plan was to stop it. So they didn’t really have a part in saying yes to genocide. So it would be more selfish of May, in my opinion, to curse the entire region to death because she was upset with how a select few others decided to handle the situation when she had another option that didn’t include the mass genocide of pokemon and worked. I do plan on talking more about the genocide in the coming chapters, probably around chapter’s 3 and 4. But I just think if someone so close to me died I wouldn’t be giving a shit about what if’s at the moment, or philosophical stuff. She didn’t approve of what Steven set out to do, so she didn’t go along with him and in the end aided Zinnia, even if she killed her. There will soon be a rift though once things begin to calm down a bit, and everything has turned to slight normalcy and they have time to absorb and think things through.
As for Zinnia’s death, I agree I could have portrayed that better, and give more of a rationale to it than she was just very angry and wanted revenge. When I read it back a few times since posting it was one part I wasn’t exactly pleased about but to go back and change it now would seem odd. Maybe when I go back to do punctuation and grammar when it’s over. As it stands though, I have plans to try to rectify it in the next few chapters as well, or at least expand on what was going through, her personality, etc. May is not based off any of the manga or anime either like I said i’ve never seen or read it. She’s solely based off the game, which is basically yourself playing it. And in the game she is a child, but I chose to change that at this point, cause obviously by the end of the game you’re still a child, but in my head it took years to get to that point. And her mental and emotional state couldn’t be healthy when you start out at age 12 into the world battling and risking your life as a trainer, then getting involved with some evil organization trying to thwart their plans to destroy the world with Groudon. And having to go into the Cave of Origin etc. That’s obviously not a normal thing for a child to go through and had to have a great impact on her, as would the responsibilities of her fame and title as champion. So I really need to expand on what she’s went through, where she’s at mentally and emotionally I think and what not. Otherwise I guess people wouldn’t really have an idea. But I might have to go back and just change a few things with Zinnia’s death.
As for the flashback thing, that wasn’t planned out very well I admit. But once I began to write it it just flowed out, and to me it seemed fine because she was in the first chapter at the funeral and thinking back to the day of Wallace’s death. I didn’t want that entire section to be in italics, I find large huge sections in italics puts me off and I’ve seen others complain of it as well.
Also I don’t bold anything in my writing cause I find that cheap, so I assume people seeing in bold my disclaimer and author’s note and a few spaces before text would be enough even for a ten year old to understand that it’s not part of the story. I don’t feel the need to put a page break in there, but I shall try from now on to do so to make it look prettier I suppose.
Thank you for your review and time. I don’t mind when people critique me, especially when it’s about something I know I’m very weak with such as Grammar and Spelling. I did have someone when I first joined the pokemon fanfiction community warn me about you and some other reviewer, I was told you two often go out and troll, but I hardly think of this as a troll or a flame at all. Trolls don’t spend any amount of time reading it and if they do they mock it or just put something stupid in, where as you actually took the time to bring to my attention genuine problems and concerns, so I appreciate it. I can’t see myself finding a beta at this point, but I can see about running it through grammarly and trying to do a few re-reads with the punctuation rules. Also I wanted to thank you for the dialogue lesson, you made a lot of sense with so next chapter I’ll be much more careful. And as for It’s, I’m aware and as I went through I noticed myself doing it often in Chapter 2 and tried to correct it, I’m sure some of it still happened. I’ll be more careful with that. I don’t know why I do that. I know It’s is it is, and that its should be used but when it goes into typing I think I’m more used to using it’s that it comes out like that. I just have to be more careful
But all in all thank you!
re: Your review to Hidden Ties (Rewritten)
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12845710/
I’ve read the thread and I understand what you’re saying, I was just following the normal format of capitalizing a Pokemon’s name since it’s stuck with me ever since I was in the fandom – it’s a habit I’v developed for over two decades and it’s hard one to break. I apologize.
This story in particular is a direct sequel to The Power of One ( https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9788697/1/The-Power-of-One ); I had noted that in the summary but deleted it in favor of the actual summary itself. That was a mistake of my own accord and I will fix that accordingly.
I also apologize in advance if you do give the prequel a quick glance – I written it years ago when X/Y first came out, so it’ll be an atrocious read. That being said, I have rewritten its sequel twice now (having deleted the old one) and haven’t been satisfied yet, but it’s one I have really been looking forward to, but starting it has been the main problem.
With that being said, I would like an opinion, if you’ll humor me a moment. The Power of One was written in first person since it was told from the protagonist’s point of view, but in the sequel I switched to third person since there are a lot of characters in Ultra Sun/Moon, most of which I like particular. I’ve been wondering if my struggles to really properly start this story is because of that change, since the overall focus would be on the two protagonists from the prequel (that and I wanted to include the protagonists from the game, although they’re so emotionless in-game they might not be that important). It’s been bothering me for a while now, and I would like to hear your thoughts.
I appreciate your criticism and will do my best to better my writing with it.
secs agoPOV trouble? We have a thread for that! https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/143126539/1/POV-and-You
Personally, I’d say what it comes down to is if you’re going to have multiple POV characters. If yes, third-person is almost certainly the better option.
re: Your review to Tormented
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12845433/
You’re right about Point 1, i have to think that through again.
2. I capitalize Pokémon because they are also capitalized in the games, simply as that. (Yes, animals aren’t, I know)
3. I have to admit that i also do this mistake in my mother tongue (whelp) so i do gotta work on that
4. i honestly don’t fully understand that, could you elaborate? I thought i used the semicolon properly as an internal one.
I’m currently checking my first chapter for spelling mistakes ^^’
secs ago[I capitalize Pokémon because they are also capitalized in the games]
“No matter how far away things are, a Pilot’s eyes can see them!” The games do not model correct capitalization in other respects either. Go look up the actual grammar rules for capitalizing “professor”. Notice how the games spit upon that. Then go look at how the games started off writing it PIKACHU and POTION, so no, the games don’t even consistently do it your way.
The games also gave us the hideous “Legendary Dragon-type Pokemon” construction, either because treating all these words as trademarks in-universe means they can’t use plural forms so “Legendary Dragons” was out, or because they simply hate decent writing just that much.
[i honestly don’t fully understand that, could you elaborate? I thought i used the semicolon properly as an internal one.]
Semicolons are used to join two independent clauses; that is to say, they combine sentence components that can stand on their own. Notice how if you replace that semicolon with a period, my sentence still makes sense. However, if we do that with the sentence I pointed out, we get…
[However there is one thing everyone seemed to be sure of, it has to do with the wastelands. Corrupted lands with no plant life and deadly sludge.]
…which produces a sentence fragment.
Semicolons are tricky, and you should probably avoid them until you understand them better. There are resources you can find through Google that have better explanations.
re: Your review to Dashing Through Hoenn
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12846861/
thank you, i really appreciate the feedback, i do sometimes struggle with punctuation and sentence structure, so any more advice is very much appreciated
re: Your review to Ticklemon
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12844896/
Thank you for being honest. But please keep in mind that I’m trying my hardest and best.
re: Your review to Pursuing the Moon
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12846132/
Thank you for the tips! But I’ve always capitalized the names of Pokemon, its just how I type things. Pokemon are characters. It’s like capitalizing your pet’s name. It looks better to me. The dialogue advice will be taken, though. Thank you!
secs ago[Pokemon are characters. It’s like capitalizing your pet’s name.]
If you’re using the species name as the given name, e.g. Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu, then yes. But if you’re just referring to a generic pikachu, then that’s not a name, any more than talking about “a cat” is.
4m agoSorry, it just looks right to me. And most of the time it does refer to the Trainer’s Pokemon (Selene’s Incineroar). It’s just how I write things, which I know isn’t much of an excuse, but eh, it is what it is.
re: Your review to Earthen Elegance
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12846600/
Hello and thank you for taking the time to review this FanFiction.
I must say I was quite surprised to see such detail in a review for one of my stories. In all honesty, I had thought this was going to be something quite boring, but this is more intriguing than I could have imagined.
To first start off with, the argument of pokémon vs. Pokémon is a rather interesting debate indeed, considering it does seem to be a rather minute detail that most people will not even consider at first glance. Although I can gather that you, on the other hand, are not like most people and a drawn to the tiniest of details. Rather than ignore such things you would prefer to break them down to be able to comprehend their significance. I can respect people like you. And I have to say that I wholeheartedly agree with the argument that Pokémon is indeed incorrect. However, I tend to use the capitalised version to that of the lower case version, since it flows in better with my style of creative writing. This does not mean however that I do not want to stop people from having their own opinions on the matter, if they do not like my style of creative writing, then that is completely fine as I am not here to please everyone. Though rest assured in my scientific papers I use upper case for family names, lower case for genus, and again lower case for common names. I mean it would be considered barbaric in the scientific community if I were to start throwing out capitalised common names.
And on the last topic of the first paragraph, I also agree that there are people out there that may consider using capitalised versions of Telephone, Trainer, and Champion. Seriously, it is total anarchy out there, and someone needs to put a stop to this. Totally barbaric. On a side note, the first paragraph of your review does seem to be rather familiar, though I must certainly be mistaken on such observations since you are *clearly* a person of such detail and would never think to lead anyone to believe that any form of plagiarism is to be seen within your reviews.
Now, on the topic of the second paragraph, though I must admit my response of this shall be rather short in comparison to the first argument. Perhaps it is the way that I have been raised to believe that examples and sources are everything to construct a sound argument, that they bring everything together and help others see what is right in front of them. So in the context of the incorrect dialogue formatting, are you perhaps referring to this dialogue [“Yes Lilli, this is our new home,” The Petilil gazes up in wonder at this new place.] that I had neglected to spot in my initial editing of the chapter, or perhaps lack of editing since I must admit that I am terribly lazy at such a task when it comes to creative writing. If there is more to it than that then please let me know for I seem to be shrouded in some mystery here.
And finally, the last topic that you have discussed, and one that has actually brought up much consistent thought processing of the manner of such a simple sentence (such as the manner of a simple word as stated within the first argument). Though to begin with let me address something that I have already addressed within my second paragraph… examples. I know! It is a rather strange concept to most people is it not, but like I had said before, such things can go a long way when in a debate or simply posting a critique. Now allow me to inform you that you have indeed given me a source in regards to the first topic of your review that I have graciously used. Although after that you seem to never use such tactics in your review after that and I cannot simply understand why since you seem to be a rather intelligent person, providing examples should be nothing for you.
And thus I am brought to this sentence, which I must admit made me chuckle a little, and it is as follows:
‘Are you not a native speaker?’
Now given the fact that you and I are from separate countries, as well as being on separate parts of the globe (apologies if you are a believer in the ‘flat Earth’ theory), I have to ask if you are referring to the fact if I am a native speaker of your country or my country (which is, as many people seem to have trouble understanding, is indeed a country and continent). If you are referring to me being a native speaker of your country, then no I am not, or if you are referring to being a native speaker of my country, again no I am not. I am fluent in the most common language of my country, which is English, and I am sure you are fluent in the most common language of your country (which should also be English if your profile is correct in saying that you are from the United States). Perhaps when constructing that sentence you were probably going along the lines of something like this?
‘Is English your second language?’
To me, this would have made more sense. But forgive me, I do believe that I am forgetting myself, as I believe we were discussing my FanFiciton. Anyway, I do hope you can provide me with some clarity to any questions that I have asked, as I know from what I have gathered in your review you are certainly someone who can deliver with great thought and wise advice. I await your response till then and I hope you have a grand evening (or at whatever time of the day you deem necessary to respond). Cheerio dear friend.
secs ago[On a side note, the first paragraph of your review does seem to be rather familiar]
That’s because it is. I’ll assume you’re asking in good faith and will tell you it’s borrowed from Farla, another reviewer who uses the same paragraph.
[are you perhaps referring to this dialogue]
Not just that one. You make the same mistake every time dialogue is paired with a non-speaking action. When a problem is endemic, I don’t bother listing examples, because I’d be there all day.
[Now given the fact that you and I are from separate countries, as well as being on separate parts of the globe (apologies if you are a believer in the ‘flat Earth’ theory), I have to ask if you are referring to the fact if I am a native speaker of your country or my country]
9_9 You are being facetious. The “native” in “native speaker” refers to the individual, not a country. You know this, everyone knows this, it is common parlance.
re: Your review to Kenneth\’s adventure in Kanto
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12846624/
Thanks for your suggestion. I will keep that in my mind.
re: Your review to Pocket Monsters Adventures
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12846174/
Hey! Thanks for the review. I think I was able to write a better summary thanks to your suggestion. If you have any more comments about the story, I’d really like to read them. Thanks again.