The Other Pokeauthors, Part 94

“So just because most things arent capitalized means it cant be read? Thats really stupid. Its basically saying how you cant read texting bc nothing is capitalized or something. But fine ill just capitalize all of that if people cant read one name or something not capitalize!!!”

re: Your review to Rayuzs Jouney – Trying To Find The Truth
27 FebXxanimemodarklovexX
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12850470/

I dont see how its unreadable???? Not everything on the site has to be perfect grammar and everything geez. Im not writing an essay and it is readable. I dont see what you mean by it not being able to be read.

secs agoI was not expecting perfect grammar out of you. I was expecting the absolute bare minimum. I can understand if you don’t know how to format dialogue or complex sentences. But you know that “I”, names, and sentences are capitalized. I’m not going to put effort into deciphering what you meant when you won’t even put that much effort into your writing in the first place.
7m agoSo just because most things arent capitalized means it cant be read? Thats really stupid. Its basically saying how you cant read texting bc nothing is capitalized or something. But fine ill just capitalize all of that if people cant read one name or something not capitalize!!!
secs agoTexting is not prose.

Stop whining. This is not a difficult request. You’ve spent more time arguing about it than it would take to fix it.

2m agoIts still annoying to think about
secs agoIt’s also annoying to try to read something riddled with errors.
2m agoWhatever. I will fix everything then fine.
re: Your review to Pokémon: Shadows of Alola
27 FebDaisuke Shirou
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12851145/

The formatting is styled for a different platform, Amino. I’m simply reposting it here

re: Your review to Pokémon: Shadows of Alola
50m agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12851145/

Character limit was to small to make a proper summary

re: Your review to Pokémon: Shadows of Alola
49m agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12851145/

This is based upon an AU rather then the games or anime.

re: Your review to Pokémon: Shadows of Alola
48m agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12851145/

The capitalization is an aesthetic, you’re right in the fact that it isn’t grammatically correct however.

re: Your review to Pokémon: Shadows of Alola
43m agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12851145/

This is an old draft before I finished proof reading the chapter.

re: Your review to Pokémon: Shadows of Alola
43m agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12851145/

Thank you for the dialogue formatting.

secs agoOkay, so for future reference, you can continue a PM conversation with no replies by selecting it in your outbox.

[This is an old draft before I finished proof reading the chapter.]

You’re not on a deadline, I assume? Next time, wait until you’ve finished proofreading before you post.

[Character limit was to small to make a proper summary]

Not exactly. This just means it’s all the more important that you focus on what’s most important and strip away what isn’t. A good summary doesn’t need to tell the reader everything, it just needs to draw their attention. What makes your story unique? What’s your cool idea?

[This is based upon an AU rather then the games or anime.]

If your AU changes the entire setting, it’s original fiction.

re: Your review to Misty in the Trash
27 FebKorrasami 88
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12850688/

Literally EVERY SINGLE Pokémon story I’ve seen with you as a reviewer has this EXACT SAME starting paragraph in the review. I’m tired of it. Do you NOT REALIZE that the author may ALREADY have their story in the anime world??

secs agoOh hi! You can go back to blocking me after this if you don’t want my reviews, but I wanted to explain this: I filter out anime fic in the search option at the top of the page. I can only see fics at all if they’re not labeled as anime.
2m agoAlso, if authors DON’T want their stories in the anime world, you CAN’T force them to put it in there
secs agoWow, nothing gets past you, Detective. Thanks for telling me, I’d have never figured that out on my own.

Better point, since you didn’t seem to pick up on my implication: if fics are correctly labeled, I’ll never see them in the first place and you won’t have to worry about my reviews at all. If you want to curb my reviews, tell people that.

Got blocked again after this, but I think it might have been because I also went back and corrected them about the psychiatrist thing. They were really cranky about that! People pick the weirdest hills to die on.

re: Your review to Borrowed Heritage
28 FebRytonsama
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12851251/

First, thank you for the time you took to leave a review, especially one that gave me so many helpful pointers and insights as well as make me think about some elements in my story.

Finding a beta-reader seems like it needs to be a priority for me right now with all the grammatical, spelling, and structure problems my story seems to have. Finding them on my own doesn’t seem like it will cut it if even half of my readers are able to grasp the English language like you. I almost asked you to be my beta before I saw that you were not taking any applications, so the search begins.

The fact you pointed out that I kept capitalizing unnecessarily was actually a great relief to me. I think I had it in my head that these creatures were important enough to be capitalized, but even that thinking doesn’t hold up if I put myself in the shoes of the people actually living in the world of Pokemon (did I get that one right?). To them, they are just normal, everyday occurrences. I still kind of feel weird about not capitalizing pokemon, mostly because it is so ingrained as a proper noun here in the real world, but hopefully I can get over my tendency to press the shift key too often. I still felt that ‘Realist’ should’ve been capitalized because I was trying to make it reference the personality archetype, but I’ll go with what seems to be your better judgement.

I find, looking back on it, I agree that I seem to overuse speech verbs and adverbs. I had been taught to avoid ‘said’ like the plague when I was learning English, but I think for more dialogue rich writing, it is a good thing since it will not interrupt the flow of the conversations as much and as you said, give more impact and meaning when I do use them.

I’m glad you liked my little background story on Yumi, and that Yovana playing the role of a mad scientist was refreshing for you. It was nice to hear that there were somethings that shined through to you.

There were some things you had mentioned in your review about some of my choices in plot and I’d like to quickly try and defend and justify those points. This may cause you to eye-roll, but I feel duty-bound to try and defend some of my choices as a writer. But before you go and disregard the rest of this message, I just want to reiterate my thanks for reviewing.

You had wondered why Yovana removed her helmet after the fight. Humans aren’t robots and aren’t always calculating risks or what actions make the most sense. Is it so hard to believe someone might want to remove all doubt from someone they’ve just beaten about just who beat them? To goad over them just a bit, relish in their superiority? As for her villain rant, I’m not too sure I’m able to explain that other than just wanting to do some exposition and perhaps being lazy about it. You got me.

My statement about wild pokemon being to varied and different. I had meant genetically, there would be a lot of ‘trash’ DNA that was superfluous to pokemon evolution. I will be sure to go back and clarify. Yes, there are a lot of animals in real life that are very strange, from color changing octopuses (I checked that, it’s right), to toads that are able to survive being frozen for weeks and months. But since when have researchers and scientists in the world of pokemon done anything like our rational real-world counterparts would? Especially the evil villain types? You pointed out that Yovana had said her organization created eevee to evolve ‘to whatever the situation called for.’ Looking back on that, I should probably word that differently. Maybe more along the lines of ‘A creature that would evolve in response to a range of stimuli,’ or something like that. The point I was trying to make was that Yovana’s lab was creating a simple, research organism that could easily be manipulated into evolving so they could see the differences in DNA between an evolved life-form and an un-evolved life-form. Yes, eevee don’t look artificial, but when I came up with this idea for a story, I wasn’t doing it based off of eevee’s appearance, but its evolutionary behavior. If all of this completely shatters the ‘canon Pokemon’ system and continuity, doesn’t that just mean I’ve written FanFiction? I also was not aware that there were any rules or that there was a competition when it came to FanFiction, so I’m not quite sure how I am cheating. I’m sorry if that sounded confrontational, it just confused me when you said that.

As for the whole thing with Yovana’s organization trying to meld human and eevee DNA, yeah, not very realistic. I know that isn’t how genetic engineering works and I’m not trying to make light work of what actual genetic engineers do. But is it so nonsensical that a shiny would have an impact? Physical differences among a species can be found in DNA, and while those physical differences aren’t even a whole percentage of change when taking in the whole genome, it only takes a couple of changes in the GTAC sequence to determine if someone is born with color blindness, a mental disorder, dwarfism, or any range of very noticeable differences from ‘normal’ humans.

If you stuck around for all that, thank you again for your time. I’m sorry my premise wasn’t as original as you were hoping and I hope I didn’t mislead you. If I did, it was completely unintentional. I will try to improve my consistency in terms of detail in the future as well as work on my action scenes in the hope they won’t be as hard to follow. There are a lot of things that are going on in the Pokemon universe that seem magical. I hope that the same ‘willing disbelief’ you have that allows for pokemon like vanillish and trubbish to exist can be applied to some of the elements in my story. Once again,

Thank you

secs ago[There were some things you had mentioned in your review about some of my choices in plot and I’d like to quickly try and defend and justify those points. This may cause you to eye-roll, but I feel duty-bound to try and defend some of my choices as a writer.]

Oh no, that’s good! So many people I review clam up and refuse to defend their choices, and it makes me sad. :( Defending your choices means you’re thinking deeply about the story.

[You had wondered why Yovana removed her helmet after the fight. Humans aren’t robots and aren’t always calculating risks or what actions make the most sense. Is it so hard to believe someone might want to remove all doubt from someone they’ve just beaten about just who beat them? To goad over them just a bit, relish in their superiority?]

That’s reasonable, but it’s not clear from the text. There are things you can do to indicate those motivations in the story — if you have her grin really smugly at him, for instance, and say something like “Didn’t expect me, did you?” Likewise, you could have him thinking that of course she’s monologuing at him, she loves the sound of her own voice. Right now she *is* acting a bit too much like a perfect robot, so undermining her a little with little petty moments like that would work really well.

[But since when have researchers and scientists in the world of pokemon done anything like our rational real-world counterparts would? Especially the evil villain types?]

Team Rocket. The way they genetically engineered Mewtwo is actually in line with real cloning techniques. Team Flare also had some reasonable science stuff, as I recall — it was just the power source and the motivations that were absurd. I would say I would chalk this up more to Pokemon being a children’s franchise, so it doesn’t dwell much on real science. But if you’re doing a more serious work, it’s fair to say there is actual science going on that the children didn’t notice.

What it really comes down to is that science takes time, money, and resources — a lot of it. If they’re spending that on frivolous nonsense and long shots, it begs the question of how they’re getting it. Who’s funding this, and why did they back this horse over another?

[I also was not aware that there were any rules or that there was a competition when it came to FanFiction, so I’m not quite sure how I am cheating.]

It’s more a matter of… good faith, I suppose? I explain this a bit here: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/165030563/1/Original-Fiction

“Your readers are going to bring certain assumptions into your work — namely, that you’re adhering to canon. If you deviate from those assumptions unexpectedly, your readers are going to feel frustrated, confused, and betrayed. What else is going to change? Is your portrayal of their favorite character going to actually turn out to be an original character with the favorite character’s name? Is a fundamental component of the setting they’re really invested in going to turn out to not exist? If that was the only reason they clicked on your story in the first place, they’re going to feel cheated, and rightfully so. Maybe the story is good on its own merits, but it’s still not going to be what your readers expect, and that’s only going to lead to dissatisfaction.”

This is just one change, so it doesn’t rocket the story into completely original territory, but it still threw me for a loop. I like reading fanfiction that takes reasonable extrapolations from elements in the games — examining the evidence as presented, in a way that could conceivably fit in with the given setting. If you have to say “and also there’s this thing I made up just now”, that’s jarring. It’s like… a mystery novel? There’s a famous list of “fair play rules” for writing mystery novels, because the goal of a mystery novel is to make it possible that the reader can figure it out along with the detective — having the reveal be “because magic!” or something like that is unfair. I feel a similar thing here — I couldn’t have predicted what the premise of the story was going to be in advance, because it relied on a lot of information that wasn’t in canon.

[But is it so nonsensical that a shiny would have an impact?]

Yes. The only difference in a shiny is their color. It makes just as much sense to say the serum would work on a human with blue eyes but not brown ones. If the genome melding is horribly unstable, the difference of a few base pairs is not going to fix that, especially since normal variation already leads to far greater differences. An eevee with maximum or minimum IVs may well have more differences in their DNA. The only reason to do this is because the fandom is obsessed with shinies and wants to work them into everything, but that ironically means that they’re overused and trite by this point.

In the real world, when scientists want to do difficult genetic modifications, they don’t just randomly mash things together through trial and error. They make plans. Genetic engineering works through surgical strikes and specialized machinery. The current cutting edge of the field is a protein complex isolated from bacteria that can selectively modify the base pairs of an intact genome — obviously very useful. Using something like that — an outside agent specifically designed to modify DNA — would lend this more authenticity, I think. Thus, pokerus — we’re never told what exactly it does, but viruses can modify DNA in real life, so sure, why not.

[I hope that the same ‘willing disbelief’ you have that allows for pokemon like vanillish and trubbish to exist can be applied to some of the elements in my story.]

Haha I actually hate vanillish and prefer to pretend it doesn’t exist, precisely because it makes these plots awkward! XD If pokemon aren’t just “animals with magic” but completely magical and inexplicable creatures like youkai, how can we assume they operate on the same biological rules as humans at all? Can you extract DNA from a sapient ice cream cone? From a sapient floating rock? How does that even work? But if you can find a way that works for you, that’ll be enough for your story.

re: Your review to Pokemon World Championship
28 FebAsocial-Dork
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12852390/

This belongs in the games category both because that’s the only space wherein I could find the Pokémon option and because I planned on this taking place in an alteration of the game world as opposed to the anime. The names of the Pokémon are capitalized because that’s how they are when addressed in games, manga, and by Nintendo. They’re proper nouns because the name serves as both the species but often also the name of the Pokémon. Items in the game like Telephone would also be capitalized because they’re proper nouns since it’s the name of a product and not a generalized item. I can include the author’s not but the rest is correct. All my characters are pulled from the games, this site has Pokémon under the games tag, and the names are like that in every other form of media. Trainer and Champion would also be capitalized because they’re titles which serve as a part of the character’s name.

secs agoAs I said in the review, capitalization arguments go here: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
Re: Review
28 FebDigidestined Dude 15
Wow, I won’t lie; I’ve never had someone criticize my work to such a degree before. Usually it’s all “Omg this is so good!” or “Plz update soon!”

I appreciate it all, though. I’d rather take the criticism than continue to make all of these mistakes. For example, I never knew “blonde” was a feminine pronoun and “blond” was a masculine one (though I often wondered why either was acceptable in terms of spelling). I tried to keep the story in past tense as well, but clearly I missed some parts.

I want to thank you for taking the time to pick apart my fanfic. I’ll keep all these things in mind for future chapters, and maybe go back and update the first two, which I hope you’ll read as well. Also, thank you for not being an ass about it all. You gave me constructive feedback and it will be taken into account, and you didn’t insult me or the story plot itself.

One question though; Did I do a decent job at describing the masturbation scene? I’ve never wrote something like that before, so its fairly new to me.

secs agoI didn’t read that far, and porn doesn’t interest me anyway, so I cannot judge that.

Why is it only the porn authors who want my advice?

re: Your review to Lost in Seaview Cave
1 MarLazyRetroWeasel
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12852001/

Hello St Elmo,

Thank you for your review, I’m sure it was written with the best of intentions. However, next time you are reviewing something, perhaps you could ask the author if they would like such in-depth criticism first?

For example, “Hey, nice story, however I noticed a few things which could possibly be improved. I’m happy to send you some suggestions if you’d like.” Then the author can accept or reject, and you can point out possible improvements, or it saves you some time!

I mention this because, if you go on my profile, you might notice that this is the first story I have published on here. Publishing something for the public eye, especially for the first time, takes a lot of courage. It can be very discouraging for a new writer to have someone point out everything that is wrong with their piece right off the bat. It might even put a writer off entirely.

It’s like turning up to prom in a brand new dress/suit, after spending hours to make yourself look as beautiful as possible, only to have someone point out every flaw and ‘ugly’ part of you.

Especially as this is fan fiction, an activity that most do for fun. There is only so much time people can dedicate to editing and making their work perfect. If they are writing to improve their craft, then they will probably accept your offer of criticism. However, you might find that many just take offence.

I notice that you don’t go for the ‘praise sandwich’ in your reviews, which is fine and I respect that, but understand that outright criticism can be very hard to swallow if you’re not a seasoned writer. You could end up doing more harm than good. If your aim is truly to help writers improve, you need to consider the impact your reviews will have on the author.

Luckily, I’ve done this rodeo before. I recognise it wasn’t my best work as I was just writing something silly to fight off writer’s block.

Thank you for your review.

secs ago[However, next time you are reviewing something, perhaps you could ask the author if they would like such in-depth criticism first?]No. They published their work to a public website with a public comment feature. If someone isn’t ready to handle public commentary on their work, they have other options.

1h ago[No. They published their work to a public website with a public comment feature. If someone isn’t ready to handle public commentary on their work, they have other options.]

Remember, you have other options too. I’m just asking you to be more considerate of people’s feelings in this online community. If that’s too hard for you, then maybe you should find another way to spend your time.

Unless, of course, you’re doing this just to feel superior over writers who make mistakes – in which case I pity you, and I can see I am wasting my time trying to change your mind.

secs agoThat review *was* me being considerate. I never attacked the work or you personally. I have been doing this for a very long time, and believe me, you are not even the dozenth person to tell me there is some kind of magic bullet of phrasing that will make everyone love me. Whatever you’re thinking of, I’ve tried that. Whatever your next idea is going to be, I’ve tried that too. It doesn’t work. Politeness is in the eye of the beholder. If someone interprets grammar corrections as attacks rather than as neutral statements of fact, that’s their problem, not mine.
Re: Your Review
1 MarSilver Espeon
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12853080/

I thank you for your feedback. Thanks for pointing out my grammar mistakes. It’s greatly appreciated

Reply to your review
1 MarLorekeeperSam
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12852974/

Hi St. Elmo’s Fire. Wow you put so much time and detail into writing this review. I read it more than once because you pinpointed so many different areas that you wish to see improved and I have much to take into consideration.

All of the typos and grammatical errors you found will definitely be revised, and I will save this review for reference when I edit.

One thing in particular I was very glad for was clarification about when to capitalize Pokemon and the names of species. It never felt natural to me to capitalize every noun, and originally I did use lowercase, but read some fanfiction authors capitalizing Pokemon at all times, and it made me believe mistakenly that I had to do this. I’m happy also to have the link about where I can apply for a beta.

Your review also contained questions that I wanted to do my best to explain. As for the reference to N’s past. Yes, you are correct. It is an allusion to N being ostracized by others in the pokemon world because of his unique abilities. I’m glad that this is something that you find interesting.

In BW2 Concordia explained that N was shunned and abandoned as a child because of behavior that suggested he could talk to pokemon, and it was Ghetsis who later found N in the woods and adopted him for his own purposes. I may go into more detail about this, it is something I always found interesting as well. In this context I reference it to explain N’s heightened senses, but if I have an opportunity to shed more light on his past through a relevant story detail then I will consider taking that opportunity, especially if you think this is a part of the canon that many readers may not be aware of.

I didn’t think of the pokedex as necessarily antithetical to what Team Plasma believes. In the games N and Ghetsis described the Tao trio in a way that is consistent with someone who has read their pokedex entries. While the pokedex is a tool that trainers utilize, the insights it offers about the habitats, behaviors and physical needs of the pokemon could allow this device to be utilized just as efficiently by Team Plasma.

However, one of the thing’s that I have to agree with and am relieved you brought to my attention was the description of Gardevoir as a doll. I was focussed on capturing the sweetness and beauty of this Pokemon, but you are right the comparison is not fitting. It contradicts what they would believe about Pokemon because it objectifies Gardevoir, and that is what I don’t want, and will change.

As for Patrat eatting candy. Yes, I am aware that the food items pokemon consume in game universe like mocha pokepuffs, soda pop, sweetheart candy or Lucario’s chocolate would be dangerous to eat in reality. However, even though it does require some suspension of disbelief I wanted to make use of the healing items like sweethearts that people feed Pokemon in the game so that was authentic to the Pokemon world, if not our world :)

I will look over the shift to Grey’s perspective and see if there is a way that I can make the transition less abrupt and potentially confusing. However as a writing style I do like to explore multiple povs sometimes within the same chapter. I understand that it will not be for everyone though, and will strive to make it feel less disjointed.

After thinking it over I probably don’t need to specify Ghetsis’ height. And yes, what he is wearing is not a kimono. He is wearing a very fantastical costume that doesn’t have a clear parallel. I used the word kimono to give people who may not be that familiar with Pokemon or gen 5 some very loose reference to Ghetsis’ appearance because I think it could otherwise describe a bit opague. However, I was not all together happy with that word choice myself honestly and am now in search of a more accurate substitution.

His gold fabric was not falling off, just very long and dragging behind him like a trane. But I might need to place a little more description there to make the image more clear to my readers.

More on Ghetsis’ appearance. Yes, I did exaggerate his appearance for dramatic purposes. Without giving away too much of where I would like to eventually go with this story there is a mystical explanation for the pain he endures.

I’m sorry to hear that Grey came across as stupid to you. My intention was to make her child-like and naive, but not stupid. I do have more backstory for her in mind that I have not revealed yet and hope that she can be viewed in a different light in the future. Still, it is good to hear an honest opinion and I thank you for your critique.

-Sam

secs ago[While the pokedex is a tool that trainers utilize, the insights it offers about the habitats, behaviors and physical needs of the pokemon could allow this device to be utilized just as efficiently by Team Plasma.]

It’s more what the pokedex represents and what it’s used for. In the games, you are encouraged to capture scores of pokemon — stealing them from their homes, disrupting ecosystems, and enslaving them — in the name of filling out the pokedex for the professors’ research. And also, well — even science isn’t immune from bias, and history is written by the victors. Some of the pokedex entries have a tone of demystifying and depersonalizing the pokemon, especially the entries for some legendaries. I mean, just the idea of reducing a whole class of people to one behavioral trait, like “the Embrace Pokemon”, seems a bit creepy, don’t you think? What would you feel if aliens showed up and called you “the grasping animal” or “the bipedal ape animal”?

[And yes, what he is wearing is not a kimono. He is wearing a very fantastical costume that doesn’t have a clear parallel. I used the word kimono to give people who may not be that familiar with Pokemon or gen 5 some very loose reference to Ghetsis’ appearance because I think it could otherwise describe a bit opague.]

Fandom generally describes it as a “robe”. Royalty often wore elaborate robes like that, and it’s likely an intentional parallel given the royalty themes he has going on with N.

[I’m sorry to hear that Grey came across as stupid to you. My intention was to make her child-like and naive, but not stupid.]

I feel it’s more a matter of, like, natural selection, you know? The trainers immediately focused on her over the other pokemon, because zorua are rare and valuable. Zorua have a natural ability that lends itself to subterfuge, too. This all seems to point to zorua being very cautious and withdrawn pokemon. You do have the other pokemon point out that her behavior is unusual, so I presume there will be an explanation, but right now it seems as if she never had any socialization with other pokemon at all.

This fic has more discussion on pokemon solidarity and trainer avoidance behavior, if you’d like some examples of what I’m talking about: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12709960/1/Another-Verse

One Comment

  1. ? says:

    Items in the game like Telephone would also be capitalized because they’re proper nouns since it’s the name of a product and not a generalized item.

    They’re probably capitalised in the games to emphasise inventory items for gameplay reasons. They used to be in all caps, doesn’t mean a fanfic should be written like “The PIKACHU picked up the TELEPHONE and called an ODDISH to talk about FRESH WATER”.

    2

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