One story that looks sort of interesting, and a lot of nothing.

Anime count: 5

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13064655/1/How-to-Train-Your-Trainer

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

[Chapter One: All Wishes are Final – No substitutions, exchanges or refunds]

I feel like this works better if it’s separated from the main story body by a horizontal line. Putting meta information so close to the story text just looks off to me.

[Charmander was finally going to]

Think about how silly this sounds. You’re not named “Human”. Your pokemon characters deserve actual names. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s silly and confusing.

I do appreciate that you aren’t capitalizing pokemon, though.

[I want to be a Charizard one day]

Species names shouldn’t be capitalized either, though, for the same reasons.

[Barely visible through the translucent surface, was a blur of blue and yellow.]

You don’t need a comma here.

[In just a few hours he would get his wish. The only thing he had ever wanted in his entire short life. The only thing any pokemon born at a breeding center ever wanted, really. To be adopted by a trainer and go on adventure. That was what he had been bred for.]

Yeesh, that’s pretty dark if you think about it. So bred pokemon never get any say in how their lives will turn out, or are even allowed to know there are any other options. If pokemon possess human-level intelligence, that’s incredibly cruel.

[He marvelled at newly unmarred scales, the great Jiraichi was proving to be just as powerful as he’d been told!]

This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.

[Vaguely he remembered he’d always subconsciously thought of his perfect trainer as a boy-human]

…Why?

[She had long dark human-hair, and two long short-furred human-arms attached to five-fingered human-hands.]

This is a cute description. I love familiar things described from alien perspectives.

[Who is this trainer? What has Charmander gotten himself into?]

Well… I’d say that’s kind of the premise of the story. The audience kind of needs to know the answer before we know if this story is something we’ll enjoy. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. This reads like the opening of a first episode, but not a whole episode, if that makes sense. You might draw more readers and get more follows if you extend this chapter to give us an idea of what our second main character is going to be like.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13064684/1/When-Sun-Sets-In-Paradise

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

[Team composition:

Toxapex Lv. 65, Regenerator

Toxic, Recover, Baneful Bunker, Scald

Primarina Lv. 70, Torrent

Energy Ball, Hidden Power (Ground), Sparkling Aria, Moonblast

Charizard Lv. 68, Blaze

Dragon Dance, Flare Blitz, Dragon Claw, Roost

Flygon Lv. 67, Levitate

Rock Slide, Dig, U turn, Dragon Claw

Aegislash Lv. 68, Stance Change

Brick Break, Shadow Ball, King’s Shield, Flash Cannon

Gardevoir Lv. 72, Synchronize

Psyshock, Thunderbolt, Hidden Power (Ground), MoonBlast]

You don’t need this. If the info is relevant, it should come up in the story.

This is also ridiculously overpowered for this point in the story. Unless you mean to tell us Sun is going to curbstomp everyone effortlessly, these probably aren’t the levels you want.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[(Queue Darth Vader theme music.)]

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is not a good idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

Your tenses are jumping between past and present, which is very jarring and confusing. You should pick a tense and stick with it.

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. If you don’t know the full rules, they are: Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“Aya, Hidden Power” Sun told his Gardevoir. Aya executed the move, knocking out the Dugtrio the moment it left the ball.]

This is really bland writing. If the attack matters, you need to describe it. If it doesn’t, you can gloss over the battle entirely.

[“Moonblast!” Sun said coldly.]

“Coldly” means “without emotion”, so it’s weird to pair it with an exclamation point.

[“I, Faba, am the Aether Branch Chief. The only one in the world, I’m” Faba monologued.

“A queer with bad fashion sense?” Gladion interrupted with a smirk.]

Oh wow, we’re done here. Slurs are not cool.

Got blocked for this, because it’s always the people who insist people need to stop being offended who have the thinnest skins of all.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13064756/1/Taking-Sorah-By-Storm

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13064776/1/Keeping-a-Promise

This isn’t showing up under the anime filter. You should tag your story as anime fic so people searching for anime fic can find it. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13064791/1/Supernova

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic so people searching for anime fic can find it. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Now, the thing about the OCs I mentioned is that I need Trainers for Chimchar, Piplup, and Turtwig! I don’t have anymore necessary brainpower to make Ohs for each Sinnoh Starter, so I need help, haha.]

Look, you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. It might seem like it’s harder to think up characters than have someone else do it for you, but it’s actually far more work to try to figure out how to write a random batch of personalities and backstories, then figure out how you can make them fit into your story and get along with each other. If you make up characters based on what you need for your story, it’s not only a much better story for it, it’s easier to do. Almost all SYOC stories end up never updating, those that do often die after a chapter or two, and even the ones that continue a bit longer are plagued by meandering non-plots and characters who don’t seem to have any point to their scenes. If you just want general inspiration, it’s better to check out lists of public OCs and find ones that you know will work well with the story. Here’s one: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/128021680/1/Character-Bio-Thread

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13064894/1/The-Fresh-Start

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. Or college student.

[The mid morning sun beat down hard on Driftveil City as the red head sat]

“Mid-morning” should be linked by a hyphen, and “redhead” is one word.

[Either that or being up too late glued screen.]

It looks like you dropped some words here.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[If it wasnt for]

Typo. You may want to get a beta reader to help you catch these errors.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13065200/1/How-to-train-your-Delphox

Blocked, previously encountered.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13065228/1/LEM-Collections-Star

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

[my best friend Riolu]

Think about how silly this sounds. You’re not named “Human”. Your pokemon characters deserve actual names. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s silly and confusing.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Around three am, I awoke and slowly lifted myself up. Looking around, I saw Riolu completely out on his bed. I felt my face blush a bit as I carefully swung myself to the edge of the bed. I got up and tiptoed towards Riolu. I sat very slowly in front of him. I looked at his body and saw my paw carefully move to his blanket and removed it. Looking at him more, I saw he was only wearing his shorts.

My face blushed even more as I kept staring at it, but without my own movements, I saw my paw once again move and towards his shorts, gripping them and slowly pulling them off, soon putting them to the side.

My breathing became heavier as I saw my best friend in his underwear. And wanting to continue, I slowly gripped them and started very carefully pulling them off.]

Uh. You should really tag this as rape, or at least rape-adjacent. You want to write messed up stuff, more power to you, but you should give people the chance to opt out if they’re uncomfortable with it.

I… really don’t see the point of this. Your characters are acting exactly like humans, right down to wearing clothes, living in houses, and operating advanced technology. If all that matters is the appearance, you should probably branch out into a visual medium, like comics. Or you could just write humans wearing fursuits, which is basically what this is already.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13065500/1/The-Romance-of-Friendship

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic so people searching for anime fic can find it. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[The raven haired boy]

You’re overusing epithets. When you are writing a story and refer to a character by a physical trait, occupation, age, or any other attribute, rather than that character’s name, you are bringing the reader’s attention to that particular attribute. That can be used quite effectively to help your reader to focus on key details with just a few words. However, if the fact that the character is “the brunette,” “the trainer,” “the older man,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene. If your only reason for referring to a character this way is to avoid using his or her name or a pronoun too much, don’t do it. You’re fixing a problem that actually isn’t one. Just go ahead and use the name or pronoun again. It’ll be good.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13065634/1/A-Mother-s-Apologetic-Expression-of-Love

Blocked, previously encountered.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13065938/1/just-the-beginning

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

[the story of a trainer in the sinnoh region]

Summaries should tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

This is a mess. You need to put more effort into making this comprehensible.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13065951/1/Diving-Preperations

Blocked, don’t recognize them. Actual drabble.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13066168/1/A-New-Rise-In-Kanto

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

[a certain battle legend’s, a certain champion’s little sister.]

This sounds awkward. The version in the story itself flows better. It might be better to just pick one here.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[..What’s wrong?]

Missing ellipses dot here.

[staring into his crimson orbs]

Describing eyes as orbs sounds really silly, and is so overdone that it’s become a meme. It’s okay to use normal words for normal things.

[“Yeah,” Red riposted]

Similarly, you’re overusing uncommon speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[me and mom]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

This is an interesting idea, but this is a little weak for a first chapter. I understand the urge to explain basic information to the reader to set the stage, but opening the story with extensive backstory exposition is actually not a good idea. Readers don’t actually need to know this stuff just yet to enjoy the story; seeing how the character behaves in a normal situation matters much more in the long run. Show don’t tell, etc. It’s a stronger hook to start us with only a few details and trickle the rest in over the course of the story; tantalize your readers, make them ask the questions before you give the answers.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13066268/1/Pokemon-World-Battle-Tournament-How-it-changed-the-World

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic so people searching for anime fic can find it. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice. Posting multiple chapters in the same document is also against the site rules, and for good reason.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[A blue-haired female]

You’re overusing epithets. When you are writing a story and refer to a character by a physical trait, occupation, age, or any other attribute, rather than that character’s name, you are bringing the reader’s attention to that particular attribute. That can be used quite effectively to help your reader to focus on key details with just a few words. However, if the fact that the character is “the brunette,” “the trainer,” “the older man,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene. If your only reason for referring to a character this way is to avoid using his or her name or a pronoun too much, don’t do it. You’re fixing a problem that actually isn’t one. Just go ahead and use the name or pronoun again. It’ll be good.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13066382/1/Entity-Mays-Love-Conflict

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

What does this have to do with Pokemon?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13066640/1/Hoenn-Adventures-Part-2

Blocked, don’t recognize them. Sequel, so I wouldn’t have reviewed anyway.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13066862/1/Something-Strange

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic so people searching for anime fic can find it. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

This isn’t much of a story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13066889/1/Rainbow-Rocket-Gal

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You don’t need to title the story in the story body itself; that’s a little redundant.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13067924/1/One-on-One

[A/N St. Fire’s Elmo, you’re a hairy, warty, dirty, sweaty, big, fat, itchy, chair-ruining butt of an ass.]

And yet you still have not blocked me.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13067926/1/Gotta-Kiss-Em-All

Blocked, don’t recognize them. This creepy porn does at least tag for most of its stuff.