One decentish comedy about a lazy trainer, a drama about Team Aqua that might be good, and a lot of rulebreaking crap.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757765/1/Team-Leader-Talk
Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.
Interactive fic is also banned on this site. Post this on a roleplay forum, not here.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12756802/1/The-Story-Of-My-Life
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[NO ONE’S POV]
You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context. Labeling third-person is particularly nonsensical, since it’s the default.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12756913/1/Alola-to-a-new-kantonian-couple
Your title needs to be fully capitalized.
[Sun x moon fanfiction.]
I really don’t understand the point of this? They are both blank slates. This is effectively an OC x OC pairing.
[Told in suns perspective]
You need to capitalize “Sun” and add an apostrophe here.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[the 6 years I’ve been here]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
[Inside my mind.]
This is ridiculous. Just show the character’s thoughts normally.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Generally this is a mess. Try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757133/1/Encounter-on-Route-101
[May Maple, a girl who recently moved from newbark, decides to start her journey after moving to Hoenn, however, one oversized canine Pokemon has other plans for her]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition. You also need to end it with a period.
Also, “Newbark” is a name, so it should be capitalized.
[The stories plot]
“Story’s”. “Stories” is plural.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757213/1/Call-it-a-loaf-triangle
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
Your title needs to be fully capitalized.
Try harder.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757295/1/We-ll-Walk-Together
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or tournament. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757418/1/Pokemon-Oblivion
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or gym. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
[He felt a surge of power wash over him but was having a hard time determining what to do with it.]
If this is from Mel’s perspective, we shouldn’t be able to know what the zebstrika is thinking.
She uses Overheat twice in a row, at the start of the battle, with a pokemon that doesn’t even get STAB? She’d be doing badly even if this wasn’t some kind of invincible monster pokemon. If she’s supposed to be a competent trainer, you should have her use some better tactics.
[The last thing she saw before everything went black was Sableye chomping down on her heart, devouring it in seconds.]
That’s ridiculously over the top. She shouldn’t have time to register this; if your heart is torn out, you bleed out almost instantly.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757445/1/Alola-Sinnoh
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
Using hyphens without spaces in place of dashes is confusing. To avoid people thinking you’re hyphenating words, you should put spaces around the hyphen, or use a double dash.
[some cheap store closeby]
You want “close by”, two words.
[It was a particularly nice day outside. For those that had lived in Sinnoh for all their lives, at least. Though the sun was out and blazing high in the cloudless blue sky, the heat was nothing compared to how hot it was in Alola. Many people he passed now, dressed in skimpy, loose, and baggy clothes, gave him a particularly strange glare as they saw him dressed in a hoodie and jeans, face cloaked in his hood and not even breaking a single sweat.]
Haha, this is a nice touch. I relate.
[some of the food the smaller stores had were, to him, genuinely better as many hours of research on the internet told him that bigger stores often take subpar products, gift them a new, more exciting name, and mark their prices up by more than half.]
This is a run-on sentence. I’d recommend splitting it at “as many hours of research…”
[But his research never held a candle to his mother’s opinions, even if he were right.]
I think you mean “was right” here; “were right” implies someone isn’t right.
[Cars of all shapes, sizes, and muffler noises, whipped by him ]
You don’t need that last comma.
[its beaches were docks where loud ships and dirty-looking workers were only allowed to play at.]
This is awkward; this is saying the ships are playing at the docks. Maybe “docks with loud ships where only…”
[If you wanna get in here, you gotta show me your Cobble Badge.]
How does that possibly work? We see lots of people who aren’t trainers. It doesn’t seem feasible to cut off parts of the city to non-trainers.
[“Seriously?” she chuckled]
“Chuckled” isn’t a speech verb, so this is a separate sentence and should be capitalized accordingly.
[unable to see its own the bird’s frantic chirps]
Something went wrong here.
[Its eyes traveled up the canine’s long, slender, yet muscular legs, and tried desperately to gauge the size of the Aura Pokémon’s bust from the protrusion of the blonde fur on its chest.]
…Non-human mammals don’t have visible breasts. Also, why would a reptile be attracted to breasts anyway?
This is cute, if a bit silly. I worry you might burn out if you’re trying to go for a long plot, but the characters and situation might be enough to carry the story for a while.
Trolling is supposed to be entertaining. Try harder.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757639/1/In-Foreign-Waters
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
If this is based on the manga, it should probably be filed under the manga world.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
[It was her way of nudging me I guess any Pokemon would when it’s hungry]
Looks like you dropped something in this sentence.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Only the upper admin, Shelly, Matt, Amber]
Should that be “admins”?
[hands folded in front of her and looking like she’s trying to make herself as small as possible.]
“She’s” implies “she is”. The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.
[You wouldn’t take a crime lord for someone who keeps himself furnished and well read]
Isn’t Archie more of a cult leader? Or does he think there’s some practical advantage to flooding the world?
[“What’s so important in this package? Certainly nothing too important if you had a grunt go and grab them.” I state]
“Stated” is not a synonym for “said”. You’re overusing uncommon speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.
[Rustboro city]
All parts of a name are capitalized, so this should be “Rustboro City”.
This is a good opening and an interesting premise, but you really need to proofread better. You’ve got tons of tense errors and dropped words that make the story hard to follow. You can try getting a beta reader from here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757642/1/a-faint-light-in-the-darkheart
Your title needs to be fully capitalized.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757644/1/Yasa-the-Samurai-Zoroark
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Three years later……]
This isn’t a video game; you can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.
Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t really have anything to do with Pokemon. If your pokemon characters are acting exactly like humans, why not write them as humans? I strongly recommend publishing this as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top instead. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165030563/1/Original-Fiction
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757745/1/Pokemon-Brick-Bronze-special-chapter-1
Though I appreciate that you aren’t capitalizing pokemon species, the word “pokemon” itself shouldn’t be capitalized either, for the same reasons.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[*Ring, ring, ring*]
This isn’t a comic book. Sound effects should be described in prose.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
[Fletch suddenly pecks bronze]
The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.
[It was almost 2 years]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Cutting off your chapter in the middle of a scene isn’t a cliffhanger, it’s just bad writing.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. You say in the summary that there’s going to be a plot to this, so where is it? Start where your plot starts; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
Also, this was really hard to follow due to all the grammatical errors. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757960/1/A-Little-Surprise
Please make a summary that tells people what your story is actually about.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[Here’s a sneak peak of my upcoming story]
That’s not allowed on this site. You should only post when you have a finished chapter. If you want to post previews, you can do so on a private blog.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
…Is this a fetish fic? If it is please don’t label it K, that’s creepy.
Author agreed to fix some of the things I said and reposted it:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12758156/1/A-Little-Surprise
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
K plus is still too low a rating for fetish fic. This should be T. You should probably also explicitly declare it as fetish fic in the author’s note; “If you’re not into this kind of thing, then don’t read it” is a useless warning if we don’t know what “this kind of thing” is.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12757985/1/The-seperation
Your title needs to be fully capitalized. It is also misspelled; you want “separation”.
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
[Pikachu is made weak anc captured by team rocket]
Typo, and “Team Rocket” should be capitalized, as it’s a name.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Ellipses are always three dots, never more or less.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12758296/1/Remain-Different
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
[In this Fanfiction everyone starts the Pokémon journey at the age of 12. I personally believe the age of 10 is too young, but I still wanted the characters to still have child-like tendencies.]
Okay, but why? There’s not much difference between 10yos and 12yos.
Non-story chapters are banned on this site. This should go above your first chapter in an author’s note, not stand on its own.