“Today was my 18th birthday and my parents finally allowed me to go out of my house and into the world of Pokemon! The only reason that I had to be restricted to be 18 by the time I left was because, literally, the day before I turned 10, the League released a new rule saying that Pokephillia, the act of having sex with your Pokemon partners, was allowed to happen between trainer and Pokemon. As such, the age requirement had been upped from 10 to 18 so that kids wouldn’t be having sex with their Pokemon partners.”

However, we also get an actually decent-looking military fic where pokemon actually matter and the author doesn’t spend five paragraphs going on about guns.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12754293/1/Pokemon-Type-Chart

Non-story entries are banned on this site. Put this elsewhere.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12753834/1/The-Transform-Ball-TF-Fanfic

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or region. Or prototype. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[“Ah… It’s finally the day,” I smiled]

Dialogue ends with a period when the narration doesn’t contain a speech verb.

[Today was my 18th birthday and my parents finally allowed me to go out of my house and into the world of Pokemon! The only reason that I had to be restricted to be 18 by the time I left was because, literally, the day before I turned 10, the League released a new rule saying that Pokephillia, the act of having sex with your Pokemon partners, was allowed to happen between trainer and Pokemon. As such, the age requirement had been upped from 10 to 18 so that kids wouldn’t be having sex with their Pokemon partners.]

I

what

…

Okay.

While obviously you need some excuse to age him up, this is a really bizarre one. Like, we don’t ban kids from ever interacting with adults just because it’s theoretically possible pedophilia might occur in any adult-child interaction. And, like, declaring something is illegal doesn’t mean it can’t ever happen. If they were okay with letting kids interact with pokemon before, there shouldn’t be an issue with including an “it’s still illegal to screw pokemon if you’re underage, OBVIOUSLY” clause and continuing as normal. This only remotely makes sense if this culture sees pokemon only as objects of sexual attraction, in which case, why were they sending kids on journeys in the first place?!

I’d also like to point out that this implicitly classes all pokemon as legal adults, so you had better follow through with that. If this is going to be yet another pokephillia story where the pokemon have the emotional maturity of young teens, you have a lot of gall crowing about pedophilia here.

[We were a Pokemon Region that was located in a rocky, canyon-like expanse of landmass to the south of Alola and to the East of Ransei with few areas that were wet and plentiful with plants. As such, not only did we have some excruciatingly hot days, but we also had frigid winters and cold nights as a result of living at the exact center of the equator.]

That is the exact opposite of how equatorial climates work. Equatorial climates don’t have summers and winters.

Like, you do realize you’re saying this is South America, right? Try researching what the climate there looks like. There should be a bit more than a “few” wet foresty areas.

[Why hello their, Lucas!]

You want “there”. “Their” is a possessive.

A new speaker means a new paragraph.

[Professor Orchid, one of the few female Professors in the world]

Why did you feel the need to specify that. Why does patriarchy and sexism have to be inescapable.

[She grabbed the translator device (which was actually a simple headset) and then turned it on with the push of a button.]

Okay so I want you to think about the implications of this. If humans can translate pokemon speech, pokemon are sapient beings and humans know this. Why, then, does the trainer system exist? How does it make sense that one species of sapient beings gets to stuff other sapient beings in balls, feed them kibble, and order them to fight? (And screw them, in your story.)

[this ball only works on female-gender Pokemon and female humans]

Why. Yes, I know this is porn and all, but why can’t you have it work on everyone and then just have your main character encounter females by chance? Why is it so important to you that the objectification of women be baked into the reality of your fantasies?

[“So, Master? What do we do now?” she asked. “Oi…” I groaned, knowing that she probably couldn’t control it now that I was her ‘Master’.]

Aaand you’ve just introduced oodles of consent issues. If the pokeballs use mind control, screwing your team is rape.

In sum,

[This fic is a TF Fanfiction that will have humans turning into Pokemon hybrids. If this turns you off in any way, don’t continue reading this fanfic!]

I don’t mind the existence of this stuff in theory, but I do mind that you don’t seem to realize why someone might be bothered by it. If commodification of women and consent issues are your kinks, alright, no judgment, but maybe include those in your warning list, yeah?

This got me a review-response: “Ignore the first reviewer’s words He is a troll and he has so far insulted 2 of my Pokemon fanfics in a row that I tried to make original. If he wants my fanfics to be up to his standards and not my own, he can just make them himself because he isn’t perfect either. So don’t even think about liking the first reviewer of this fanfic because he has insulted me twice now and I warned him not to insult my fics again after the first insult, so now he is blocked.” Why he didn’t block me the first time is beyond me.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12753808/1/Pokemon-Darkness-Rising

[Join Dandelion Buckthorn as she journeys through the Sinnoh region and battles more than just an evil team.]

Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What is this “more than just an evil team”? What’s your plot?

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point. Also, no one will ever care what your character is eating for breakfast.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Thank Arceus]

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. You’re at least in the right region, but even in Sinnoh, we see tons of statues to the creation trio but nothing at all on Arceus, even in the most ancient archives. It’s fine to just use “God”. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

[“They’re…the wrong color.” I noted, confused.

Gemelle rolled her eyes again. That was really starting to get annoying.

The professor nodded. “These are what’s called ‘Shiny Pokemon’.]

While this is at least an interesting reaction… why are you doing this? Shiny pokemon are so incredibly overdone. Unless you’re using them to say something meaningful, you should probably avoid them.

[This is Buneary, the rabbit pokemon, and Riolu, the emanation pokemon.]

Wow, that is absurdly unbalanced. Riolu is extremely rare, buneary can be caught anywhere. While I’m glad you don’t give the protagonist the rare one, this looks like a dick move on Rowan’s part.

[“I’m going to let Dandelion pick fir-” But she was already picking up a squirming Riolu and returning it to its pokeball.

“Hmm. I guess you’re getting Buneary then…” the professor commented irritably.]

Also, why can’t he force a single child to play by the rules?

This is a lot more detailed and engaging than most similar fic; you’ve established the characters as having very distinct personalities. However, this is still too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. It’s not enough just to introduce the main players. Where is this story heading, and what is it going to be about? You claim in the summary you have a plot that diverges from the games. What is it? Readers should have an idea of the trajectory of the story as a whole by the end of the first chapter. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12753864/1/War-Dogs-of-Old-Kanto

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[I spot Jack before I find his owner]

So, this is interesting to me. Pokemon are sapient. You’ve established that this is before pokeballs, so trainers can’t just ignore pokemon whenever they feel like it, and that bonding to a pokemon is a very difficult and personal process. It therefore strikes me as odd that trainers are still considered to “own” pokemon, when their sapience should be obvious and their genuine cooperation is necessary. If the humans only consider pokemon tools, how did they bond? Why are the pokemon sticking around?

[Raichu cocks it’s head]

You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.

[Ghost, send Jack ahead to draw fire. Maybe they’ll be stupid enough to waste bullets.]

This makes me wonder why they don’t have weapons that can disable ghosts. You’re doing a very good job of using the pokemon in tactical situations, but this feels like pokemon dropped into our existing tech level rather than a world where humans evolved alongside pokemon.

[“B squad,” I shout into the comm, “We won’t reach rendezvous Alpha on our own]

When interrupting dialogue, it’s formatted as if the narration wasn’t there – so the “we” in the second part should be uncapitalized.

[“Wait,” it’s Bear.]

And the narration should be capitalized here, since it doesn’t contain a speech verb.

[Pokémon mounts are their property, not fellow squad members.]

It’s good to know there are people who make a distinction, but again, you said Ghost owned Jack earlier.

This is pretty good. It gets a lot of things right that most military fic doesn’t. I like that you’re having pokemon meaningfully coexist with guns and using their powers for interesting tactical situations. I like that there’s such a big cast (and a lot of women!) and that they really sound like soldiers, terse and competent but still showing clear signs of emotion and morality. Pretty interesting so far.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12753929/1/Char-s-Collection-of-Clean-Pokemon-Romance-Oneshots

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Hello people of !]

Links get stripped, even the name of this site. You’ll have to refer to it through alternate names, like “Fanfiction net” or “FFN”.

Non-story chapters and interactive stories are banned on this site, so this story is at risk of takedown. Archive of Our Own will let you host this no problem, or you could move this chapter to a forum post and refer people there if they want to make suggestions.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12754101/1/the-day-the-moon-stopped-shining

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

This is a mess. I can barely tell what’s going on. You need to read up on sentence structure and punctuation, and probably get a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12754361/1/Takata-s-Journey

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12754435/1/New-Unova

[A young boy starts his pokemon adventure in the region of New Unova. What will his adventure bring him?]

What indeed? Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

A new speaker means a new paragraph.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. Start where your plot starts; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12754599/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Task

Please make a summary that tells us what the story is actually about.

[“Piplup! Watch out!” Noa screamed.

Piplup used bubble beam but disappeared in a smoke screen at… wait a minute you dont even know what this is about.

Lets take it from the very beginning.

“Wake up sweetie” Noa’s mom said softly.]

This is not necessary. You can explain things in medias res, and that often makes for a much more interesting story. Please, please read this: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

You should also separate paragraphs with two spaces instead of one. In general, this is very poorly formatted; you need to read up on grammar and get a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12754629/1/Pok%C3%A8mon-GX-Spirit-Power

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or aura guardian. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[This is the journey of Hiro, a young trainer who is just discovering his powers as a unique kind of Aura Guardian. He will be faced with challenges along the way, but with the power of spirit, anything is possible… Right?]

What kinds of challenges? Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[Union cave]

All parts of a name are capitalized, so this should be “Union Cave”.

[He heard a familiar scream belonging to Emily as she emerged from the cave; carried slingsack-style by her brother.]

This is improper semicolon usage. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentences make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here. A comma is what you want here.

[She said,

“You didn’t really need to do that…”]

You should generally pair dialogue with speech tags in the same paragraph.

[said that i wasn’t allowed]

Proofread.

[A Few Minutes Later…]

This isn’t a video game; you can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

[after 5 minutes]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

[“What is it, Einstein?”A still furious Emily asked]

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Emily’s Jigglypuff(she still hadn’t decided on a name that Jigglypuff liked.)]

It’s generally a better idea to use dashes or commas for asides like these instead of parentheses.

I like that you’re starting the story with established trainers, but this is still too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. We’ve been introduced to the characters and a possible plot hook (though not an exciting one, as it’s straight out of the games), but nothing’s actually happened yet. Start where your plot starts; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12754656/1/Rejected-Grandmaster

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

Switching POVs within the same chapter is incredibly confusing and, quite honestly, amateurish. Stories are much stronger when they consistently follow a single personality. If you absolutely cannot provide all the information you need from a single viewpoint, use third-person omniscient instead. For more information, please look here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/143126539/1/POV-and-You

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12754762/1/A-Family-Journey-through-Kalos

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or journey. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[an additional 2 years]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

[When a child turns 10 in the world of Pokémon they’ll typically visit the regions Pokémon Professor to receive their first Pokémon and PokéDex]

Not really. We see a lot of trainers without pokedexes or official starters, and in many of the games you get the starters by accident or as a special favor.

[Shortly after his birthday celebration came to close he lost both of his parents in an accident, leaving him and his 7-year-old sister alone with no nearby family or close enough family friends.]

So does the pokeworld not have foster care…?

[Aquacorde town]

Missing capital here.

[As the sun begins to rise, a young lady is sleeping calmly in her bed]

I can just barely accept a 12-year-old as a “young man”, but calling a 10-year-old a “young lady” just sounds silly. She is a small child.

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“Hey Allen, where’s Riolu?”]

So is there a particular reason you gave them an overused sue pokemon, or…?

[-Aquacorde Town, Outside the Pokémon Center-]

This isn’t a video game; you can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

This chapter isn’t a prologue. A prologue is distinct from the rest of the narrative in some way, not just the first part of it.

So do you have a plot for this? The standard badge quest is not a plot. If you’re just trying to novelize the game, you’re going to peter out. Read this for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143219856/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-1

SYOC fic is fraught with issues and obstacles. I don’t actually recommend doing it at all, but if you want to, you should read this thread to be aware of the most common pitfalls: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142912324/1/Stop-Asking-For-OCs

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12754777/1/Just-your-everyday-restart

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

[People believe true strength relys within someones power]

You want “lies” and “someone’s”.

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

Non-story chapters are banned. Don’t post until you have story content.

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12754847/1/A-Eevee-of-a-different-style

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12755129/1/New-Life-From-Ashe-s

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

You appear to have forgotten to post your story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12755610/1/Rainbow-Horizon

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[The little strawberry blonde boy]

You want “blond”. “Blonde” is the feminine form.

[“Nope! The Rowlet was the best!” Chase Interjected]

You’re overusing uncommon speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

You also appear to have posted this story twice.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12755209/1/The-Blade-and-the-Embrace-Neos

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[“speech”= talking out loud or conversing

*speech*= thoughts

speech= Pokemon moves

speech= telepathic communication]

I guarantee you do not need a speech key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. Nor should you be using asterisks to denote thoughts, as that format can be confused with other meanings. Italics is standard for thoughts. You also don’t need special demarcation for pokemon moves; this isn’t a video game.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[The Zoroark attempting to relax after an entire day of dealing with the others of her team.]

This is a sentence fragment. I think you mean “attempted”?

Using hyphens without spaces in place of dashes is confusing. To avoid people thinking you’re hyphenating words, you should put spaces around the hyphen, or use a double dash.

[Her entire life revolved around carrying out orders and fighting on behalf of the organization’s leader, Giovanni. How she hated that man and his -to her eye- visage. Everything about him just irritated her to no end, but she had grown comfortable where she was.]

And what exactly is stopping the super-powerful god monster from reducing the squishy human to a fine paste, if she hates him so much?

[All of the sudden]

This sounds confusing. “All of a sudden” is standard.

[(Battle Music: Simone from Nier Automata)]

Once again, this is not a video game. This is just distracting.

[Elsewhere]

I reiterate that this is not a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

[There was no winner, dad.]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

[may Arceus bring her back home safely]

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t seem to have much to do with Pokemon. What can you do here that you can’t do with a standard fantasy or sci-fi setting? I strongly recommend publishing this as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top instead. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165030563/1/Original-Fiction

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12755949/1/ash-s-ice-starter

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

[Ash gets an alolan vulpix as a starter. WHY? because it’s my new favorite. bite me.]

That is all well and good, but a different starter alone isn’t really enough to carry a whole story. You might want to make this a standalone just focusing on cool moments with the vulpix. You might also want to use more capital letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12755984/1/Curse-of-the-Black

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

[Yup, trying it again. Thanks to a certain review ^^;

It made me realize how bad my previous attempt was and seeing as I am shy to reply directly, I will just say thank you here. You know who you are.]

You’re welcome, but you do know you can update a story without taking it down first? Deleting clears all the favorites and follows you’ve already accumulated, so it’s against your best interests. (Also, you don’t have to be afraid of replying. I won’t say no one bites, but very few do.)

[The death of a partner left me in shatters.]

I believe you want “tatters” here.

[The box wrapped in an elegant blue stood there at the top of his desk, inviting him to open it with its green bow. There was a card lying on top of it, creating an even bigger enticement. He knew that the box held three pokeballs, each containing a different starting option for fresh trainers.]

This is a good opening. It’s good to get straight to the action, and the odd phrasing draws the reader’s attention while giving us some idea of the narrator’s personality.

[starring daggers]

You want “staring”, one R.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[I could see Bianca crack her knuckles, which was comical coming from a girl.]

…Why?

[I just knew that Cheren and Bianca will keep their promises]

The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.

[“No, if I had just ordered a feint attack, you wouldn’t have missed and maybe knocked out that lillipup! Why its tackle was so strong is beyond me…”]

This sounds awkward to me. People in the throes of emotion don’t usually take the time to use technical terms and make logical analyses.

This is a much better opening chapter than your original version. I feel in the middle of the action instead of just being talked at, and we see how the other characters interact with Kaito as well. Having others call him out on his wallowing helps counterbalance it and keep it from completely overwhelming the narration. However, I do feel like it ends too abruptly. You generally shouldn’t end a chapter right in the middle of a scene, at least not this early. It’s still unclear where the story is going from here.

[“You know, I have always dreamed of becoming a champion by your side. Will you fulfill my dream in my place?”]

Also… if he’s still cursed in this version, I don’t feel this is sufficient justification for going on a journey that will inevitably lead to mass slaughter. Doing it for someone else is slightly better than doing it for himself, but pride alone doesn’t justify such sacrifice. (Unless you’re cutting the Nuzloke aspect, in which case this is fine.)

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12756685/1/Perfectly-Normal-SYOC-OPEN

[i had always believed i was just another ordinary kid]

Proofread.

SYOC fic is fraught with issues and obstacles. I don’t actually recommend doing it at all, but if you want to, you should read this thread to be aware of the most common pitfalls: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142912324/1/Stop-Asking-For-OCs

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. No matter how vital the submitted characters are supposed to be, you ought to have at least some idea for a plot you can show us. And that’s kind of important, because I don’t know how you expect anyone to make a fitting character if they don’t have the slightest idea what the story is about. I’ll submit something to this, but it’ll be a very general character and I can’t guarantee it’ll be any good.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12756372/1/Indomitable

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12756298/1/Edgelord-McGee-Kanto-Journey-9001

[Our boy with an edgy relationship with his parents and his town leaves on a journey.]

Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

[it is kind of hard to try and write a quality series, especially considering I delete all my old stuff since 2012 so I never really look back on my attempts]

Yeah, please don’t do that. You’re always going to be improving and you’re always going to be thinking your old stuff looks like crap, but you shouldn’t deny other people the right to enjoy it if they want to.

[Anyhow the basics to this are thoughts go in dialogue as “…”, this is how I talk in real life as well, say everything outloud as I think.]

That’s fine as long as the character is literally saying everything out loud, i.e. other characters can hear it. You should also be using speech tags such as “mused” instead of “thought” to make this clear.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[you’re 2 years late]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

[-later-]

This isn’t a video game; you can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup