An actually good story today with a pokemon protagonist in a world that actually treats pokemon like people! I am starting to wonder if we should start a C2 for “positive pokemon treatment” stories. Unfortunately, the rest is terribly dull, and contains a greater-than-average amount of gross porn.
Anime count: 7
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12885894/1/Evee-does-a-capture
Trolling is supposed to be entertaining. A single sentence of story is not. You can’t parody crap by just writing more crap yourself.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12885925/1/Pokemon-Light-path-Adopted
Your title needs to be fully capitalized.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
This is riddled with errors that make the story too hard to read. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12885979/1/Erika
If you use lines to separate your author’s notes, it’s best if you use a different symbol for scene transitions; otherwise, your notes can look like part of the story.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. Or gym leader. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[every person and Pokémon]
So pokemon aren’t people?
[I.. I really felt truly pathetic.]
This ellipses is missing one dot.
Hmm. I think you’re running to a problem with the fact that the game characters simply don’t have much in the way of characterization, so the characters in this are all essentially OCs; we can’t really have any expectations or investment going in. You’re portraying Sabrina as defined by her psychic powers and miserable because of it, but I mean… the only thing we have to go off of in the games is that she is defined by her psychic powers. The gym leaders are never really developed into full characters, so they’re going to feel flat unless you add in a lot of details yourself. People should logically have lives outside of their jobs, even Sabrina – saying her life was completely empty until the story started just because we don’t see anything of her life in the games seems overly literal.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12886074/1/Seven-Days-Alt-Genders
[“Are you sure?” The woman in the lab coat questioned,]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, “questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.
[who’s true gender]
You want “whose”. “Who’s” means “who is”.
[The female questioned]
So I know this is just porn, but even still, referring to people as “the male” or “the female” sounds incredibly silly and robotic.
[Alright.. I’ll sign off on it.]
This ellipses is missing one period.
[She’d been the only hold out, and less than a minute after her signature was on the document, the five students who’d signed up; of which only two knew what they were really signing up for, were knocked out via sleeping powder and taken away to begin the experiment.]
This sentence is a mess. You have at least two distinct threads going on here, possibly three. This needs to be split up and rearranged to make sense.
Also, if you’re going to be writing noncon, please tag for it in the author’s note.
[their non-female status really only marked by them not having tits; though I suppose this technically means there’s no difference between a C-boy and a tomboy, but eh.]
What exactly do you think a tomboy is?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12886189/1/Behind-these-hazel-eyes
Your title needs to be fully capitalized.
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[“Ok…” Serena said]
It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced “ock”, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12886290/1/A-Weekend-with-Mew
[Hall of Origin]
This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is not a good idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.
Writing the legendaries as idiotic children is really trite and dull. Write about the Greek pantheon if you want to do something like this.
[Leave your suggestions in the reviews or pm them to me]
Review-baiting is banned on this site. You can only solicit suggestions through PM.
Generally, try harder.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12886619/1/Pokemon-Grey
[trying not to breath too much]
You want “breathe”. “Breath” is the noun.
[Suddenly, I flash of something]
I think you mean “a”, not “I” here?
[Flames are engulfing everything, creating an orangish tint to my bedroom as it destroys everything I know. I don’t hear anything, which scares me. My parents are asleep on the other side of our ranch house. I’m hidden under my bed, trying not to breath too much, and cover my mouth and nose with my comforter.
I had been asleep when the dancing light woke me. Flames had already blocked the door and my windows, so I went under my bed to wait for rescue, even though it’s not the smartest place. I begin to cough, feeling the smoke as it seeps into my lungs. I feel myself panicking as the fire comes closer to my hiding spot.
Suddenly, I flash of something pops up on my right, and I watch as the thing walks around the room. The creature has black furry feet with three red claws on the ends. It seems to be walking like a human, but, judging by its feet, it’s not a person. Humans also don’t teleport, as far as I know.]
The feeling I get from this doesn’t match the tone you seem to be going for, which I assume is tense and scary. These sentences are very flat and simplistic, with little emotion behind them. They sound like an outside observer clinically describing the scene, not the thoughts of someone terrified for their life. When you’re frightened, your thoughts become quick and jumbled – you focus too much on some things and not at all on others. That’s not really what seems to be happening here.
[Trustworthy beings don’t usually ask someone to trust them. Their actions speak for them, I snap back]
Also, scared children are not masters of debate. Being able to rattle off such philosophy makes the protagonist look far more composed than they should be.
[Well, I don’t think that you want to die, and I need to know how willing you are to cooperate, the voice mimics my tone]
Since the tag here doesn’t contain a speech verb, it’s a separate sentence and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [Well, I don’t think that you want to die, and I need to know how willing you are to cooperate. The voice mimics my tone]
[Clean air floods into my nose, obliterating the smoke from my lungs.]
That’s not really how it works. They’d still need to cough up the bad air, and the smoke damage would still be there. It sounds like you meant something more along the lines of a “wash of relief”.
[I still don’t open my eyes since I don’t trust the creature completely.]
Why would you limit your perception around something you don’t trust? Closing your eyes is generally taken as a sign of trust.
[the city boarder]
You want “border”. A boarder is someone who signs on board for something.
[You’re a Zoroar-? I begin to ask but am cut off by the Zoroark muttering something to the human.]
How can a thought be cut off by speech? It sounds more like you meant to say that the thought trails off because they’re distracted by what the zoroark is saying.
[The Zoroark responds in its own language, but I pick up the jist of what he’s saying.]
How? Is it normal for humans to pick up pokespeech in this setting? This should also be on a new paragraph, as it’s a new speaker. (And you want “gist”.)
[my Aunt]
Is not a proper noun and thus should not be capitalized. This is only capitalized if it’s used like a name, e.g. “Aunt Carol”.
[Then, I don’t know how, it’s as if the two had never been there]
This kind of description is something you should use sparingly and only with good justification, as it’s kind of a cop-out. If you want to break reality, lean into that – have her describe the weirdness in more detail.
This is a decent opening, though it’s still a little on the short side for a first chapter. We haven’t learned much about the protagonist other than that she lives in Driftveil, and I have no idea where the plot could possibly be going from here. You might want to fuse this with your current second chapter; chapters can be more than one scene.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12886354/1/Lustful-Bunnies
[Futa]
This is really creepy and objectifying and makes a lot of transgender people uncomfortable. You could at least try using a different term.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. Or blue. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Azuma is an 5ft3inch tall anthropomorphic Azumarill]
Azuma the azumarill? Really? Are you named “Hume”? No? Use a bit more creativity when coming up with names.
It’s also generally unwise to use exact measurements in descriptions, as people can’t always picture it exactly. It’s better to use general descriptors like “tall” or “somewhat short”.
[H-cup breasts]
I will never understand this fetish. At this point, your characters are so far removed from real body plans that the whole thing just becomes a farce.
[that bounce with every step she take]
That should be “takes”, and at this point I have to wonder if you have ever seen real breasts before in your life. They are not actually made of elastic.
[/Elsewhere, the Town’s local gym/]
This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.
Bolding attack names is also jarring, and unnecessarily; again, this isn’t a video game.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12886650/1/The-Legend-Of-Pokenia
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing the word “pokemon” itself. However, you shouldn’t capitalize species names either, for the same reasons.
Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[One day a dark evil fell across the land. Nobody knew what it was or where it had come from. But its power was unimaginably strong. It sent monster after monster to terrorise the land, killing and destroying thousands.]
Pokemon are already monsters. If these things were horrific enough to threaten psychic fairy wizard dragons, I’d like some more description, because I can think of few things more dangerous than pokemon themselves.
[The legendary pokemon and the warrior then left the land vowing to return one day when the land faced its gravest threat.]
This needs a comma before “vowing”.
[the many pokemon who made up its inhabitants would be turning in for the night, getting a well-deserved rest before the beginning of the new day.
The Pokepal guild hall]
You only have one line break here, where other paragraphs have two.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Princess Serena of the Castelia royal family glided through the corridors of the Castelia royal castle.]
It’s confusing to give characters the same names as canon characters.
[That pokemon was her mother, the queen Georgina. The queen had lead her country through many dark days in the past which was even more impressive when you took into account that she’d lost her husband early in her reign.]
Okay, this is not Pokemon fanfic. If your pokemon characters are acting exactly like humans right down to copying their culture and social structures, why not write them as humans?
And now the fairy-type is helpless against a dragon-type. You’re not even trying to incorporate Pokemon mechanics into this. Publish this as original fiction, because that’s what it is.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12886833/1/The-Longest-Road
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Smarter, Less Dense Ash.]
At a certain point, you really need to ask yourself why you’re so uncomfortable admitting you want to write about an OC that you have to staple Ash’s face over theirs. Just write about your OC. Trying to force this to hit the same beats as canon to justify it being Ash will just cheapen the changes you’ve made and make the entire thing more boring as you take what could be an original plotline and hammer it back into the same shape as always.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[Pokemon. What exactly are Pokemon?]
You’re writing fanfiction. Everyone reading this already knows.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[But mom]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12887084/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Fallen-Stars
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. Or king and queen. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Actually, Ethan’s life wasn’t that normal after all.]
Then you shouldn’t have said it was in the first place.
[Let’s backtrack a little bit;]
Semicolons don’t work this way. You should just have a regular period here, actually.
[people and Pokémon were on the whole, closer to each other than they were in most other regions]
But not enough for pokemon to be put in the same class as people, apparently.
[But of course, every region has their guardian. Johto has Lugia and Ho-oh, Hoenn has Kyogre and Groudon, so on, so on.]
Uh… I don’t know what games you played, but I wouldn’t describe the monsters that destroy the ecosystem just by existing “guardians”. Most of the legendaries we see have a pretty aloof relationship with humanity, when they have one at all. Nor is it true that this is universal – Kanto has no mascot legendaries.
[From its millennial slumber, it would watch over the world and silently grant the wishes of the people.]
That’s the complete opposite of how we’re told Jirachi works. I presume you mean that this is only what they believe and not what actually happens, but the rest of this passage sounds like an objective narrator.
[There were rumors, surviving to this day, that perhaps he had been kidnapped, killed, things that one would expect, a few say the King and Queen made a wish to Jirachi that had something to do with him]
The last comma here is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.
[And, whether it was for this reason or for the reason that he was rather shy, mostly cooped up for his life, or whatever reason, he always found himself connecting better to people than Pokémon.]
I think you meant to say the opposite – the rest of this passage implies he’s better at connecting to pokemon than humans.
[Pokémon would comfort him, would be there for him where people weren’t. They would share their worries and concerns and they knew they could trust him with that sort of thing. They told their stories, and they told of their people. People that were nice, and people that were mean to Pokémon. Heck, he, himself, barely had any desire to keep any sort of Pokémon contained.]
I do hope that will actually influence his behavior, then. If he cares about pokemon, he should care about people who hurt them, and he should be particularly upset about the entire culture of pokemon training that subjugates these thinking beings and treats them like animals.
[Atop the roof, atop one of the towers sat a lone Dragonite. No, not lone. He held Rose next to him, standing up there. Ethan was surprised and confused at the same time. He’d seen him standing up there day after day, week after week, just watching the two of them. Honestly, it began to get creepy, and now he had kidnapped her? Rose looked more apathetic than anything, but he knew he’d have to help her. He’d never been to Malino Castle, but now was the time. His mother had a Sylveon, named Sylveo, and he knew that Fairy Pokémon were strong against dragons!]
Gardevoir are also fairy-type.
That ended abruptly. This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. You might think it’s a good idea to set up all the worldbuilding and backstory before getting into the plot, but it’s actually not. The plot and characters are what will drive the story and get us emotionally invested – a dry infodump about the region just makes us feel like we’re reading a travel brochure. You can integrate worldbuilding details into the story as they come up, or show them in scenes of everyday life. Show, don’t tell. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12887110/1/Pokemon-Rise-of-the-Chosen-One
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[With the help of friends and Pokemon]
So his pokemon aren’t friends?
[Smarter and Mature Ash, Psychic and Aura Ash.]
At a certain point, you really need to ask yourself why you’re so uncomfortable admitting you want to write about an OC that you have to staple Ash’s face over theirs. Just write about your OC. Trying to force this to hit the same beats as canon to justify it being Ash will just cheapen the changes you’ve made and make the entire thing more boring as you take what could be an original plotline and hammer it back into the same shape as always.
[After capturing Mewtwo and Mew]
And you also have to ask yourself if there is a greater purpose to giving Ash superpowers right off the bat or if you’re just doing this because it’s cool. Tension and conflict are what make stories interesting; it’s why Ash keeps getting depowered every season, as stupid as that seems from an in-universe perspective.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice. Also, “prologue” is not a synonym for “first chapter”.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12887453/1/All-Dressed-Up-in-a-Suit-Girl
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. Or gym. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You’re overusing uncommon speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.
[‘That’s true,’ Zoey smiled.]
When narration doesn’t contain a speech tag, it’s a separate sentence from dialogue and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [‘That’s true.’ Zoey smiled.]
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12887745/1/Pokemon-Nuzlocke-Ultra-Sun-Lost-Memories
Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
Script format is banned on this site, and as such this story is at risk for deletion. You should switch to prose format.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12887836/1/Lye-Making
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
I should not have to tell you that the start of sentences need to be capitalized. Put a bare minimum of effort into this.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12887845/1/Mystery-of-Sinnoh
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing “pokemon”. However, you shouldn’t capitalize species names either, for the same reason.
[The Sinnoh region is about to be explored by three young teenagers by the names of Dawn, Lucas, and Mira. With brand new adventures waiting to begin, who will these trainers encounter and what pokemon will they capture? Most of all… In the end, what will happen to the future of Sinnoh? What powers will rise and who will fall? Find out in Mystery of Sinnoh! (Based loosely DP/PT)]
This is an extremely vague summary that tells us little more than the genre. Yes, who indeed will they encounter? Why will that be important? Why is the future of Sinnoh in question? What is this story actually about?
[red and orange shifted light]
This should be hyphenated. So, [red- and orange-shifted light]. However, “red-shifted light” refers to an obscure astrophysical phenomenon, which is not what is going on here. The word you want is something along the lines of “tinted”, I believe.
[Dodrio’s called out]
Apostrophes are for possessives, not plurals. Fandom generally agrees that pokemon use the same word for plural and singular, so this would be [Dodrio called out].
[Some were tending to gardens and lathering mouth-watering honey onto the barks of trees where fellow Combee’s would soon investigate.]
This is saying that combee are the ones lathering honey, which I don’t think is what you meant to say.
[The area was clearly teaming with pokemon]
You want “teeming”.
[it didn’t take a scientist to see that the people cared just as much for the pokemon as they did.]
Who is the “they” in this sentence? The pokemon?
[It appeared as if the place was a team. It is.]
The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well. Also, uh, canon does not really support this. Humans and pokemon are a “team” where the pokemon do all the work and humans get all the credit. Following through on this will require some more work than just copying the society depicted in the games.
[Some people were awake and alive of course, except Mira.]
I’m not sure why you need to specify that people are alive? By implication, this is saying that Mira is neither awake nor alive.
[It wasn’t apparent if the famous Sinnoh professor had indeed wrote the book or not but he had at least inspected it.]
Why wouldn’t it be apparent? He’d be clearly listed as an author if he wrote it.
[The page was open to page number six, where three pokemon were drawn perfectly and labeled precisely. On the far left was a Turtwig]
Everyone reading this is already familiar with the games. You don’t need this exposition. This early on, it’s far more important to talk about the plot and main characters.
[Of course, in the world of pokemon there are many more pokemon to choose from but as a gift to trainers who begin their journey as a small child, every professor of every region is tasked with handing them their first pokemon so long as they deserve it.]
This is not true. It only works that way in Johto. In every other region, you get the starters through an accident or as a special favor. Relevantly, D/P uses the accident method, so there is no reason to assume Rowan gives them out regularly.
Okay, so wait, Mira is awake at this point? If she just woke up, you shouldn’t say “Some people were awake and alive of course, except Mira,” because she is awake.
Relatedly… opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
[To her dismay, the Starly punctured the plastic lid with a sharp toenail and broke off the top of the bottle and began drinking it]
Birds can’t drink that way, unless they have completely removed the top and spilled the water everywhere. You’ve seen birds drink, right? Their mouths aren’t like ours.
[“Are you alright?” The Trainer asked]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
And now you’re just retreating the game opening except the girl has to get saved by the guy, and also you’ve made the guy a misogynist nuisance for no reason. I have lost interest.
This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. Your summary says you have a real plot planned, so you ought to get us invested in that as soon as possible. Start where your plot starts; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
I am also dubious of how much retreading you’ve done. The games don’t actually have much of a plot. A long string of battles and gym matches is interesting when you’re playing through yourself, but not when you’re reading a story. You should think about what you need to add or change to make the story more engaging, and, crucially, you should start including them in the first chapter so new readers know what to expect going forward. This thread discusses this in more detail: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143219856/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-1
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12887881/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Reset-Bloodlines-Lord-Helix-Gaiden
Reset Bloodlines.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12887950/1/A-Little-Push-AAML-fanfiction
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
[Vague summary, but worth reading.]
Your readers will be the judge of that. If you think the vagueness is a problem, fix it.
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[These are the Pokémon they’re going to have for my story-]
You don’t need to do this. If this information is relevant, it will come up in the story anyway.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[Narrator- We follow our heroes]
This isn’t a television show. You don’t need to specify a speaker when doing narration, you can just write narration.
[“Oh Ash, I swear you are so dumb sometimes”, whined Misty]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Back at the camp]
This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.
Songfic is banned on this site; your story is at risk for deletion. You should remove the lyrics.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12888031/1/Prince-of-pokemon-The-choosen-Warrior
Your title needs to be fully capitalized. You also want “Chosen”, only one O.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[FLASHBACK]
This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.
I am sorry, but your skill with English is not yet sufficient to write stories in. I cannot understand what is going on. I recommend writing in your native language for now, or getting a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12888078/1/The-Curious-and-the-Shiny
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[It ran outside the camera’s view and when it came back into the frame, it was holding a fire extinguisher. The Lucario aimed the nozzle at the Rapidash’s face and shot a blast of carbon dioxide at it, filling up the entire room with gas.]
Clever tactic, but lucario don’t have opposable thumbs. They shouldn’t be able to operate such a complex mechanism.
[“Hey there,” Tony knelt down]
When narration doesn’t contain a speech verb, it’s a separate sentence from dialogue and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [“Hey there.” Tony knelt down]
You shouldn’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[It was Monday the next day, and it was time again for Shine to run his errands while Tony was at work, getting some extra sweets and a copy of The Regional Roundup for himself on the way.]
Hm, so pokemon are allowed autonomy in this? That’s a big improvement from canon, and goes a long way towards making talking pokemon not awful. You still say that Tony is Shine’s trainer, though. How does the training system work with pokemon being provably sapient beings?
[“The Scraggy Dilemma – Should we arrest criminal Pokémon?”
Bauble crowed in anger.
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in a while! How’s that gonna work out without it screwing up everything else? Do humans get paid to write this crap?”]
And this, for instance, isn’t actually unreasonable if pokemon are seen as people. Indeed, it may actually be more dignified to try them as individuals rather than treating them as extensions of a human’s will or as uncontrollable animals.
[The Lucario in that picture had an artificial arm.]
Ah, so her being able to use the fire extinguisher was foreshadowing. Interesting, but it would be nice if you made that clearer initially.
[“By God’s tail!” he exclaimed.]
Thank you so much for not using Arceus here.
[“Hey hey hey!” One of the receptionists called]
Errant capital here.
[Throughout Kalos, there were locally owned ranches that allow travel through Pokémon. Dragons came to mind when he thought of fast travel; not even the fastest trains in the world held a candle to a Dragonite. If he could find one, he would probably be able to get to Dendemille in an hour.]
Huh, that’s interesting. You say the train is three days, so I presume there is magic involved here? Subjecting any normal body to forces greater than a magnet train should tear it apart. But this is an interesting feature, regardless. Do bird pokemon not have the same capability?
[Even if he was a Pokémon, buses and trains were only vehicles, and so any Pokémon could step on there for free if it wasn’t during rush hour. With other Pokémon, however, they were the ones in charge of the labour, and their services required payment just like any other human selling goods. The faster they were, the more their handlers were likely to charge, and Dragonites would be the cream of the crop.]
This is a bit unclear. “They were the ones in charge of the labour” implies that it’s the pokemon themselves who charge for the service, but in the next sentence you say it’s the “handlers” who handle the prices. Why is the distinction necessary? Are pokemon not allowed to handle money? I’m also interested by the fact that pokemon get free rides on normal vehicles – time is money, but space is money too, and pokemon tend to take up a lot more space than humans. I mean, what would happen if a gyarados wanted to ride the train? It’d probably take up a whole car!
[Shine realised what he was about to do; fly half the region to see someone that might not even be there.]
This is improper semicolon usage. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentences make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here. You want a full colon here.
It seems a bit rash for Shine to take off without consulting Tony. Is the need really so pressing that he can’t wait until tomorrow to take the Dragonite Express? This only really makes sense if he is absolutely sure that he’ll lose Curio he waits even a few more hours, but I’m not sure how he could be certain of that.
[There were Charizards, Dragonites, Salamences, Goodras and all the like]
Charizards aren’t dragons, though?
[It came from a Goodra who wave at Adele with a slimy paw.]
[didn’t hesitate to hug Petri as he coated her with more slime.”]
[“It’ll get better, “Shine]
Got some typos here.
[a group of 5 who were all huddled around each other]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. In case you don’t know the full rules, it’s: Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts.
This was cute! I love stories that actually engage with pokemon and their unique abilities instead of just making them human-like in all attributes. I really get the feeling of a rich world here, where pokemon are treated as living things rather than tools. The newspaper stories and the details about pokemon learning human speech were particularly neat. I am reminded a bit of the fic “Gods and Demons: ad terminous terrae”, which also does a great job of integrating sapient pokemon into human society.
I’m also pleased to see such a strong opening. You do a good job of establishing the protagonist and the main hook early on, and it’s always nice to see a proactive protagonist who gets the plot rolling so soon.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12888114/1/The-Eternal-Flower
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader. Also, a new speaker requires a new paragraph.
It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced “ock”, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.
[“Mom, I can’t breath”]
You want “breathe”. “Breath” is the noun.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12888165/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Prisoners-of-the-Night
[You know I don’t like to ask people for help right?]
This needs a comma after “help”.
[Even if I were to get out of this situation alive, who knows how my reputation will fare, people already think of me as an inexperienced weakling, and novice trainers come to me expecting an easy fight and a free badge. Of course this won’t change their minds about me for the better will it? That’s why I don’t feel comfortable asking anyone for help but you, and only you.]
The second comma in this passage is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition. And ah yes, how very like Cheren to put his pride above his life. It’s amusing that he so buries the lede under so much pomposity, but if you were intending for this to be tense and serious, it rather turns it into a farce. If he’s calm enough about his situation to care more about his reputation, it’s hard to take the danger seriously.
[the twice defeated team plasma]
“Team Plasma” is a name and should be capitalized.
I must admit I’m pretty baffled by the decision to make Grimsley the villain here. He’s such a nothing character in B/W, and seems to be a pretty decent guy in SuMo. Is there some additional fanon here I’m not getting?
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[If Bianca told the professor she would surely get the authorities involved, and then everyone would find out that Cheren, a recently appointed gym leader, was taken prisoner by Grimsley]
Yes, and? Cheren is stupid for caring about his reputation in such a dangerous situation. Or is Grimsley not actually going to kill him? He took over a terrorist group and imprisoned a gym leader, but they’re sure he’s going to keep the kid gloves on? Won’t people notice he’s gone missing regardless, anyway?
Well, that ended abruptly. This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. You’ve given us a very basic plot hook, but the plot hasn’t moved past that point, so we still don’t know what this story is going to look like. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
Also, again, I have to say this setup is bizarre. The concept you’re going for – Bianca has to save Cheren without involving anyone else – is reasonable in theory, but you need to provide a stronger justification for why Bianca has to do everything on her own. Cheren’s reputation alone isn’t much of a stake.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12888306/1/The-Dimension-Jumper
[Crystal takes a walk one morning, finding a necklace linked to the Ultra World, after putting it on, she found out some secrets that should have stayed hidden, lest it fall into the wrong hands.]
This is a run-on sentence. You need to split this up into multiple sentences. Also, it’s “ultra space”, not “ultra world”.
[One hour later]
This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.
This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. You should clearly establish what the main plot is going to be about by the end. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
This is also rather hard to follow in general. You should slow down and think about what information you want to prioritize in narration. Currently, you throw a lot of information at the reader at once, and it’s a little overwhelming. You could try looking for a beta reader here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup