https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11961823/1/Dares

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part is considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11961770/1/Moemon-The-Golden-light

[I will be narrating this story in bold by the way]

That’s a bad idea. Bold is unusual and highly distracting, and should thus be reserved for special notation such as author notes.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

Most of your sentences are missing punctuation, and many of your ellipses are incomplete. You might want to get a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11961756/1/Assassin-s-Life

[So anyways, feel free to give me plenty of constructive criticism, since I really want to get better at righting.]

Well, to begin with, you want “writing”, not “righting”. Mistakes in author notes and summaries are particularly something you want to avoid, since they’re the first thing people will see.

The pokemon list at the start is unnecessary. Infodumps disengage the reader. If that stuff is important, it should come up organically in the story.

While I’m glad you’re not capitalizing pokemon, your dialogue is a little wonky. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part is considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. You’ve barely introduced the premise, but I have no idea what the story is going to be about.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11962586/1/Small-drabbles

A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

Your capitalization and punctuation is all over the place. You should consult a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11962686/1/The-Nightmare

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[The Nightmare Pokemon; Darkrai]

This is improper semicolon usage. You should probably have a full colon at the end of the preceding sentence, and a comma instead of a semicolon here.

[“It’s no use ‘Queen’. In this world, I control everything!”]

You’re missing the comma for the direct address, also this is a violation of canon. Pokemon abilities work normally when you fight Darkrai in the nightmare world in D/P/Pt.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11962705/1/Don-t-Look

[team rocker]

Should be capitalized.

You’re dropping a lot of commas and your verb tenses are all over the place. I’d advise you consult a beta reader.

This also ends really abruptly, so I have no idea what’s going on.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11962725/1/Problems-with-prophecies

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11962774/1/Super-Mystery-Dungeon

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. I can assure you there are literally hundreds of fic with this exact same opening. If you have an idea that sets you apart from the crowd, you should include it right out of the gate.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11963232/1/Touch-The-Skies

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

But I am glad to see you’re writing dialogue correctly.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11963158/1/Pokemon-Paradox-Dark-can-be-Light

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You should use paragraphs. A monolithic wall of text is intimidating and off-putting.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This is just a battle; we have no context for what’s going on or what the story is actually going to be about. You may also want to look at topic/11834/143300790/1/Battles-Are-Boring

I am interested in submitting an OC. Could you send me a notification when you’re ready to start accepting them?

The story hasn’t updated since it was posted, so I’m guessing the answer is “never”.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11963502/1/Mew-and-Mewtwo-in-love-chapter-2

Posting chapters as separate stories is against the rules.

This is riddled with errors to the point it’s borderline unreadable. Use spaces, capitalize “I”, and get a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11967683/1/Mew-and-Mewtwo-in-love-chapter-3

Refusing to use the chaptering feature: still banned.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11969403/1/Mew-and-Mewtwo-in-love-chapter-4

Posting chapters as separate stories: still banned.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11972776/1/Mew-and-Mewtwo-chapter-5

Cluttering up the category by posting chapters as separate stories: still banned.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11963714/1/Ash-the-Braixen-part-3The-chronicles

This is completely incoherent. Try harder and get a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11963581/1/Pokemon-Dark-Black-And-Pokemon-Light-White

This is riddled with errors to the point it’s nearly unreadable. You need a beta reader.

Also, including author’s notes in the middle of your story is something you should never do. Your goal when writing is to immerse the reader in your story, and constantly jarring them back to reality without warning is counterproductive to that.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11968662/1/Revivalshipping-One-shots

A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.

Placing author’s notes in the middle of your story is a very bad idea. Your goal as an author is to immerse the reader in your story; author’s notes are counterproductive to that, as they constantly jar the reader out of the experience.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part is considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

This one actually seems to have taken my advice and replaced all instances of “drabble” with “one-shot”. Progress?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11968844/1/Yet-another-Betrayed-Ash-fanfic

You shouldn’t explicitly label flashbacks; reminding readers of the story’s artificiality is jarring. Ideally, they should be obvious from context.

Numbers less than 13 or so should be written out with letters.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11968826/1/Hearthome-High-SYOC-Submit-by-PM-or-Review

You need some actual story content in addition to this. Non-story chapters are against the website’s rules.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11850106/9/Pok%C3%A9mon-Quest-The-Snowman

Why is this listed as complete?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11947812/5/Pok%C3%A8mon-Quest-Different-Paths

So this story is cancelled?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11968826/11/Hearthome-High-SYOC-Submit-by-PM-or-Review

Your chapters should really be more substantial than this. Nonstory chapters are against the rules.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11968826/14/Hearthome-High-SYOC-Submit-by-PM-or-Review

[“I got an offer from two girls to join the student council.”

“Why should I care?” Chara asked.

“Oh, well then I’m sorry.”

Chara rolls his eyes. “It was a joke blonde. Gain a sense of humor.”]

Chara should not care one whit. Did you just completely ignore everything I gave you about them?

It’s also really weird that you keep alternating between “him” and “it” for Chara.

This story is really freaking weird.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11850106/11/Pok%C3%A9mon-Quest-The-Snowman

Why are you advertising for your other story here? That’s a little weird. I came to this story because I wanted to read this story, not to have it interrupted with stuff from other stories.

This chapter was revised (?) to be a notification about the Orlando shooting so now I just look like a jerk. I still have no idea what the author is trying to do.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11969181/1/The-Kanto-King

Capitalize your title properly.

This is borderline incoherent. Try harder and get a beta reader.