https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11969215/1/Pokemon-Q-A

Non-story chapters are banned.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11966707/1/A-Firey-War

You want “fiery”.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.

[2 people said]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

[“Ugh…I CAN’T TAKE IT! PIKACHU! THUNDER BLOT ON CHARIZARD!” Ash shouted. The attack however, had little to no effect.]

You need more description than this. Battles are more than just a mechanical exchange of attacks, and we need a better idea of what’s going on to picture it effectively. It’s also just more interesting to describe abilities going awry or used in nonstandard ways. I would advise reading this for more information: topic/11834/143300790/1/Battles-Are-Boring

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11970840/2/Gemia-and-Ramily-A-sisterly-tale-of-two-zerkrom

This doesn’t seem to have much to do with pokemon. Everyone is acting like humans. If your characters bear no resemblance to the canon ones, and your setting has nothing to do with the canon one, then I don’t understand why you’re labeling this as fanfiction instead of original fiction. You’d be better off unfettering this story from an irrelevant canon by publishing it as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top.

Also, these chapters are far too short. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. Even on the second chapter, the inciting event still hasn’t happened and I still have little idea of where the plot is going.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11970854/1/Pokemon-Dark-Descent

[professor Oak]

Though I’m glad you’re not capitalizing pokemon, when a title is used as part of a name (as here), it is capitalized, so this should be “Professor Oak”.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

[“Squirtle?” The small turtle questioned.]

“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”. Be careful about using synonyms to spice up your story; they often carry subtly different connotations that can completely change the meaning of your sentence.

[Also, please review and say weather you readers think this is a good story concept]

Unfortunately I have to say this looks extremely generic just from this opening. Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point. From your summary, it sounds like you have a plot in mind? Start there. You’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11971489/1/Last-game

[when an opportunity like that was banned from every city and region on earth, it caused a massive outbreak of rebellion]

Which just raises the question of how it happened and how it’s enforced. The government seems to be comprised of the elite four; why would they choose to invalidate their own power?

This whole paragraph is also full of run-on sentences, making it extremely hard to follow.

But this is interesting, and I’ll probably submit an OC.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11971838/1/The-Amazing-Pok%C3%A9mon-Gameshow

Interactive stories are against the website’s rules.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11972804/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-XY-Z-PkFlash

lrn2troll

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11975896/1/Pokemon-Journey

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Pokemon journey’s]

“journeys”

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

[Suzie questionally asked.]

“Questionally” is not a word, so this is nonsense.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

Relatedly, this is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This is barely a complete scene, and tells me nothing about how your story is going to be any different than the literally thousands of other stories with the exact same opening.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11976582/1/The-Spoiled-Princess

Learn to troll properly. Also, script format is banned.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11977488/1/My-new-life-starts-here

This is incoherent. Try harder and get a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11976930/1/A-Happy-Ending

Why doesn’t this have a summary?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11979536/1/Ash-comeback

Capitalize your title properly.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Ash had caught an Absol, Aggron, Alakazam, Arcanine, Airomatise, Ammonguss, Bannette, Hypno, Hydreigon, Salamence, Dragonite, Excadrill, Blastiose, Charizard, Venasuar,(X2) Golduck, Gyarados, Kingdra, Hitmonlee, Sandslash, Rhyperior, Rapidash, Ninetails, Fearow, Wigglytuff, Dewgong, Vileplume, Scizor, Pidgeot, Yanmega, Nidoqueen, Nidoking, Lucario, Shiftry, Leafeon, Jolteon, Glaceon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Sylveon, Vaporeon, Tentacruel, Flygon, Clefable, Spiritomb, Dusknoir, Hippowdon, Skarmory, Altaria, Raticate, Walrein, Weezing, Arbok, Slowking, Steelix, Magmortar, Electivire, Electrode, Magnezone, Pinsir, Houndoom, Mismagius, Ampharos, Golem, Abomasnow, Froslass, Gastrodon (Blue), Ursaring, Luxray, Exploud, Whismacott, Sawk, Braviary, Beartic, Druddigon, Haxarous, Bisharp, Dugtrio, Hariyama, Machamp, Tyrantrum, Armaldo, Aurorus, Cradily, Aerodactyl, Kabutops, Omastar, Rampardos, Bastiodon, Mamoswine, Mewtwo, Metagross, Miltank, Quagsire, Persian, Togekiss, Swanna, Venomoth, Swoobat, Delcatty, Grumpig, Lopunny, Tyranitar, Poliwrath, Mantine, Cloyster, Blissey, Audino, Raichu, Zebstrika, Roserade, Drapion, Golurk, Conkeldurr, Musharna, Darmanatan and Gogoat.

These were new pokemon. Ash had all his old pokemon too. Torterra, Bulbasaur, Squirtle, Muk, Charizard, Gliscor, Heracross, Meganium, Feraligatr, Typhlosion, Tauros (30), Snorlax, Lapras, Butterfree, Pidgeot (Original), Primeape, Gengar (Both returned), Goodra, Infernape, Hawlucha, Staraptor, Floatzel, Talonflame, Levanny, Scrafty, Seismatoad, Samaroutt, Serperior, Emboar, Gigalith, Greninja, Krookodile, Noivern, Trevenat, Avalugg, Pyroar, Garchomp, Donphan, Sceptile, Swellow, Torkoal, Glalie, Crawdant, Noctowl, and Kingler.]

I cannot fathom what made you think this was a good idea. Interrupting your story for long irrelevant lists is the opposite of engaging.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11981336/1/Pokemon-Kalos-Legends-Remastered

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

This is the exact same opening as literally thousands of fic. It’s not terribly engaging, and doesn’t tell me anything about what your story will actually be about. If you have a plot, you should start there.

You’re also overusing epithets. The point at which you’re using things as awkward as “the male” and “the female” is the point where you should just switch to using people’s names.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11981394/1/Getting-The-Job-Done

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pokemorph. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or legends.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

[After the rescue…]

This is awkward and distracting. Use proper scene transitions.

[mans neck]

Missed an apostrophe.

[He blocked out the scruffy men’s dirty talk as he snuck up behind the first. He cleanly snapped the mans neck before he high-kicked the second in the throat hard enough to break his Adam’s Apple and have it shred his insides. Lastly, he sent a punch straight to the balls of the last man. He clutched his nuts and fell to his knees. Freddy broke his neck.]

So he’s a Mary Sue and this story will contain absolutely no tension or difficulty is what you’re telling me.

[“I will follow your orders to the letter, unless they are morally wrong in my eyes.]

Why is he giving her orders if he’s her subordinate?

[Sexual orders don’t fall under the morally wrong section.”]

Well that’s not creepy at all. Why does she feel the need to specify this?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11981406/1/Not-Quite-a-Pacifist

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

However, when a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11981955/1/Pokemon-Amnesia

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This is barely a single scene.

[This is will be Krazyshiping (a Pikachu and Meowth pairing)]

While I’m very grateful you’re explaining your jargon, I think you might be better off just saying what the pairing is instead of using weird inscrutable nicknames.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11982660/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Era-of-Shadows

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11982325/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Where-We-Came-From

[Please use constructive criticism so I can improve. I will write more whenever i have free time.]

Well, to begin with, you really want to avoid making mistakes in your author’s notes. It’s the first thing your readers will use to get an impression of you, after all.

[It hurts. Everything hurts. But why does it hurt? What exactly hurts? I don’t feel like I am in my normal body. I don’t feel like myself at all. Wait… What am I? At least what was I. Oh, I’m remembering now. I was a human. What was my name? I see my memories, “Jordan” seems to be directed to me. That must be it, Jordan. Why don’t I feel like a human now? Just a floating mass in an empty void. The pain has lessened now. There’s a light coming from somewhere.]

This feels really awkward and stilted. The short sentences blocked together like this make it seem like he’s thinking very fast, and the thoughts themselves are pretty clinical. That doesn’t sound very fitting for an unconscious amnesiac, does it? If you’re trying to evoke mystery and strangeness in this scene, a slower, more confused style would work better. (“I see my memories” is also really confusing, what do you mean by that?)

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[“You are in between dimensions, the one you came from and the place you are viewing, which is also your destination. There are many dimensions, but the one you have been chosen for is a world with no humans, only creatures called Pokémon.”]

You’re overusing commas. These are both run-on sentences.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“…”]

This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. There are literally hundreds of fic with the exact same opening, yes, even ones that use the same witty banter during the exam. If you have a plot or unique idea that sets you apart from the crowd, start there or at least get to it in the first chapter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11982336/1/Pomemon-Love-adventures-the-series

Learn to troll properly.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11982172/1/Land-of-the-Dead-A-Snakewood-Nuzlocke

[Hoenn find’s itself]

“finds”

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion.

[awake to rumbling]

“awoke”

Using single quotes for thoughts is confusing, as they look too similar to the ” used for dialogue, thus making it look like characters are talking out loud.

[eachother]

“each other”, two words.

[Scratch!” She ordered]

The standard rules of dialogue still apply even if the dialogue ends in an exclamation point or question mark. So this should be [Scratch!” she ordered]

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11982229/1/Pokemon-Story

Look up advice for managing run-on sentences. This is practically unreadable.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. There are literally hundreds of stories with this exact same opening; if you have a plot or unique idea that sets you apart from the crowd, start there or at least get to it in your first chapter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11982880/1/Happy-And-Sad-Year-As-Always

Centering your text makes it difficult to read.

Nonstory chapters are banned. This sort of thing should go in your author’s notes, not be a standalone chapter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11982943/1/Descendants-of-Hoenn

Why are there no spaces after any punctuation in this?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11983363/1/Guardian-of-the-Lost-Plane

[Hoen]

Hoenn.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking to themselves, which is confusing to the reader.

[Aaron walked with his Sandslash by his side. Aaron was eleven years old brown haired and yellow eyed. His hair always stuck up in weird places, and Aaron never bothered to comb it because he liked it that way. Aaron came from Verdanturf Town in the Hoen region and was very eager and excited when he started his journey with a Sandshrew by his side. Aaron challenged gym after gym collecting badges as he prepared to challenge the Pokémon League.]

This is extremely dry and sterile, which is the exact opposite of what you want for your opening paragraph. Focus on what’s actually important.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11983548/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Tale-Of-The-Forgotten-Foes

This is nearly unreadable. Use punctuation for dialogue and space your punctuation properly.