100th post! It is extra long in celebration, compiling all the reviews it took to get me caught up in early April after Enki’s reviews. As is to be expected this batch has a wider variety than normal, yet I could not find many notable stories. There is, however, a decent fic towards the end that actually seems to be engaging with the legendaries as nature gods.
Anime count: 7
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12888431/1/Like-Moths-to-Flame
[I guess that’s not really helping my case since most people who are crazy, don’t think they are, when in reality they are.]
This is awkwardly worded. The last clause is unnecessary, and you don’t need to first comma.
[I say sitting up.]
This needs a comma after “say”.
When you quote inside a quote, you use single quotes instead of double quotes; otherwise, the reader will be confused about where the dialogue ends. (If you quote inside a quote inside a quote, you go back to double quotes.)
[Arceus, it smells so good I could cry.]
Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion
While I am glad to see an opening that’s different than normal, this is still too insubstantial for a first chapter, and ends far too abruptly. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something significant to show. Currently, we only have the most basic idea of the protagonist’s personality, but nothing about why he’s here or what the story is going to be about. I recommend fusing this section with your current second chapter. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12888581/1/A-Messed-Up-Life
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
[(Flashback)]
This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You’re overusing epithets. When you are writing a story and refer to a character by a physical trait, occupation, age, or any other attribute, rather than that character’s name, you are bringing the reader’s attention to that particular attribute. That can be used quite effectively to help your reader to focus on key details with just a few words. However, if the fact that the character is “the brunette,” “the trainer,” “the older man,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene. If your only reason for referring to a character this way is to avoid using his or her name or a pronoun too much, don’t do it. You’re fixing a problem that actually isn’t one. Just go ahead and use the name or pronoun again. It’ll be good.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12888687/1/The-PokeGames
Crossovers belong in their own section.
[bare with me]
You want “bear”. Bare means naked.
Are you named “Human”? No? Then maybe your pokemon characters should get actual names. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s ridiculous and confusing.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12888809/1/Call-From-Another-World
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
[shining it’s rays]
You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.
[my voice someone deep]
I don’t think “someone” is the word you meant here.
[“That voice is kinda right, I guess.” I thought]
The same punctuation and capitalization rules that apply to dialogue also apply to thoughts. However, you shouldn’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[I do admit that if something ever happen, I would want no ones help but my own.]
You seem to have dropped a word here, and you need an apostrophe for “one’s”.
[While I do only happen to play video games and doodle on my free time.]
This is a sentence fragment.
[At least I wasn’t fat..]
Ellipses are always three dots, never more or less. I’ll stop pointing out these errors from now on, but know that they are distracting. You should proofread more thoroughly, and/or get a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
[“D-Did I step on it? Did daylight savings come early this year!? It’s still January…right?” I said, trying to convince myself I had some sanity as I racked my head for any logical reason behind this.]
You said he just tripped and fell on his head. The obvious logical explanation is that he was unconscious for that time. I’m surprised this doesn’t occur to him. And daylight savings is only a change of one hour, so unless he spent an hour brushing his teeth, that’s not a possible explanation to begin with. Is the idea that the concussion is preventing him from thinking straight?
[For god’s sake]
When referring to the Judeo-Christian God, it’s capitalized.
[said a voice, which seemed to come from nowhere. Actually, the voice was here, but it seemed to come from afar at the same time.]
So I know you may have seen stuff like this in cosmic horror fiction, but it’s actually really hard to do this properly without it feeling like a cop-out. Narration that second-guesses itself like this looks indecisive, and saying something is both everywhere and nowhere without further explanation just sounds silly. If you want to do weird, you have to really lean into it.
[Believing I was going crazy once again, I gave a few knocks to my head with the knuckles of my fist. This soon proved to be a horrible idea, as it only caused a nearly unbearably loud ring to echo through my head. I fell down to my knees and held my head as I groaned, the only way I could describe such a horrible feeling is with the thought of an insect in someone’s ear.]
That sure sounds like a concussion. I do hope this isn’t going to have a “and it was a hallucination all along!” ending.
[one that made my face spawn a dream]
What?
[I will say that I don’t just hate people, especially the people who do care for my well being.]
The wording here is unclear. “I don’t just…” implies that the subject does do the thing after the “just”, such as “I don’t just hate people, I despise them.” It sounds like you meant to say that he doesn’t hate people on principle just because he’s asocial; in that case, removing the “just” here would get that across better.
[“Anyway, what’s your name? If you have one,” I questioned.]
“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.
[I facepalmed]
This is a visual art convention and doesn’t work in prose.
This has a bit more action than most stories in this genre, but it still feels a bit empty. You don’t need the opening section in the real world, for starters; if your protagonist is complaining about how boring a scene is, your readers are probably feeling the same way. You should start where your plot starts, which in this case is when Ken enters the pokeworld. If anything about his life in the real world is relevant, it can come up in backstory or exposition when it becomes important. It could also add some mystery to the story: maybe he is lying or misremembering about his old life, providing an additional plot thread to build on.
Similarly, it’s really tedious to have protagonists in these stories whine about how everything must be a dream or hallucination when we the readers know it isn’t. You establish that he loves the whole idea of this, so it would be totally reasonable for him not to question anything and jump right in – even if he does believe it’s a dream, he’s having fun so he has no reason to rock the boat.
Dalieya’s appearance is also really out of the blue, and feels like a bit of a deus ex machina, as you’ve provided very little information about her personality or why she would want to team up with him. You should think of logical reasons to bring the cast together instead of just throwing them together because your plot needs it. I presume you will later explain her reason for accompanying him, but you shouldn’t wait until a future chapter to provide such an important detail.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12889049/1/Detective-at-Work
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
Are you named “Human”? No? Then maybe your pokemon characters should get actual names. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s ridiculous and confusing.
[A Lucario stood in the middle of an empty office. Grasped in his hands were multiple folders and envelopes.]
Lucario do not have thumbs.
[No ordinary Pokémon would ever think about doing such a horrid crime that was worse than murder, torture, and even manslaughter.]
What do you mean, “even”? Manslaughter is accidental murder, much less horrid than murder or torture.
[First up; a Braixen.]
This is improper semicolon usage. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentences make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here. You want a full colon here.
[Yet, even when she was attached to a lie detector, her vitals remained stable as she stated “I had nothing to do with it.”]
Pokemon can read minds. Braixen are, themselves, psychic-type, so you could argue they have resistances against probing and detectives require alternate methods. But if you’re going to use pokemon in your story, you need to address the ways they’re different from humans.
Why did they even bother with questioning when the camera evidence already reveals the perpetrator? Detectives examine the hard evidence they have first before moving on to witness testimony.
Cute, but this has nothing to do with Pokemon.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12889405/1/Pokemon-Eclipse
[A redoing of the Pokemon Ultra Sun and Moon stories.]
Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What specific changes are you making?
[“Soleria,” the mysterious voice scolds, “I’ll make that decision,” The woman, Soleria, looks disgraced and takes a step backwards.]
When narration doesn’t contain a speech verb, it’s a separate sentence from dialogue and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [“Soleria,” the mysterious voice scolds, “I’ll make that decision.” The woman, Soleria, looks disgraced and takes a step backwards.]
This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. This is hardly even a single scene. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12889491/1/Survivor
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Girls my age can be preformers. So, I want to be one too. Hi, I’m Forest and I’m here to prove to you that boys can win Pokemon showcases too.]
You want “performers”. Spellcheck.
I’m not familiar with how the anime handles this, but in the games at least, contests seem to be equal-opportunity. Doesn’t the performer lady in ORAS have a male rival, even? It’s good that you want to make a story about challenging gender norms, but it seems like you’re going to have to insert the sexism into the setting to do so. I think it’d be more straightforward if you just wrote a realistic fiction story with similar themes, without being constrained by pokemon trappings.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. In case you don’t know, the full rules are: Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[“Ok,” I say]
It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced “ock”, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12889635/1/The-Deal-With-Pikachu
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[“Pika pi, Pikachu?” (Can I have the ketchup please?), Pikachu said.]
You don’t need to write both pokespeech and translation, it just looks really weird. Just write the translation with a different marker if you want to show pokemon talking.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12889984/1/Entry-151-Mew
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[I would also agree, I was a pleasure working with you kid….]
I think you meant “it was a pleasure…” Also, ellipses are always three dots, never more or less.
[your a pokemon master]
You want “you’re”. “Your” is the possessive.
[The Next Morning]
This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.
This gets more incoherent the further I read. You need to try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890234/1/The-Lonashipping-AU-Corner
You’ve got coding errors. Preview your story before posting it.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890240/1/The-black-eon
Your title needs to be fully capitalized.
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[“Pika pi pika chu Pika (but we got top four this time!)” Pikachu said]
You don’t need to write both pokespeech and translation, it just looks really weird. Just write the translation with a different marker if you want to show pokemon talking.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890403/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-XD-YZ
[The winds of change are always blowing. Three people in the world of Pokémon will soon learn that things that do not involve them in any way can still have considerable impacts on their lives.]
Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?
[I would delete it, but I plan on keeping it on as a reminder of what not to do in the future for me.]
That is wise and I wish more authors would share your perspective.
[Vaniville Town]
This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[That was until the silence was broken by a loud *CRASH*]
This isn’t a comic book. *Action sounds* look silly in prose. You can just say “a loud crash” without fanciness.
[Serena let out another sigh, “Today’s going to be a long day.”]
When narration doesn’t describe how dialogue is said, it’s a separate sentence and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [Serena let out another sigh. “Today’s going to be a long day.”]
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890426/1/The-Pet
[A special fox abused by the world finds a family and someplace to call home, anlong with a new friend who has some dark and unusual secrets.]
Typo, and summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?
[Normal text
Thought
*ACTION*
“speech”
“poke speech”]
I guarantee you do not need a speech key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, something has gone more wrong than a key can fix. You also shouldn’t need a special notation for actions. In prose, actions and sounds should be described.
[??? POV]
You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context, and noting the POV just to tell us it’s a mystery character is ridiculous.
This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890441/1/Pokemon-emerald-original-revolution
Your title needs to be fully capitalized.
[I do these on my phone so there are a lot of typos and errors]
Is someone forcing you to write on your phone? If typing on a phone is difficult, wait until you have access to a proper computer.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
This is an unreadable mess. Try harder.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890491/1/Give-Up-Please
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[This mission will lead him across the world, running into many different people and Pokémon.]
So pokemon aren’t people?
[the tight, steele room]
Typo.
[Echoing and reverberating against the metal walls for a few moments.]
This is a sentence fragment.
[neither the noise of phones or the bureaucrats]
When paired with “neither”, “or” becomes “nor”.
[expand it to it’s full size]
You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.
[She really hates being in here for long periods of time but I know she understands.]
This needs a comma after “time”.
[three Elite 4 challenges]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters. I’ll stop pointing out these errors, but know that they’re quite distracting. You should proofread more thoroughly, or get a beta reader if you routinely have trouble. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
Don’t put multiple chapters in the same body of text. Use the chaptering feature instead.
[You’re the one replacing him?! Arces…]
Typo, and using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion
[” Johto Master?” Kori hops over onto my lap and looks up at me. I nod down at her.]
Oh dear. Talking pokemon are an enormous can of worms you shouldn’t open unless you have a very good explanation for why one group of people is being owned by another group of people. Calling their trainers “Master” does not help at all and serves only to make the slavery subtext painfully explicit. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142476358/1/Pokemon-Intelligence
[“Just take what you want and leave OK?”]
It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced “ock”, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.
[“I guess I work for him sometimes…”
“In the restaurant?
“I mean… yeah kinda.”
I can’t help but to laugh a little.
“What?” She snaps, turning her head to me. “It’s nothing perverted, you perv!”
“No, I know. You’re answer just reminds me of what I used to say to the same question. You’re not fighting are you?”
“No… I’m a ring girl sometimes…”
“I thought you said it was nothing perverted. How old are you?” I look over at Monika, honestly a bit worried now.
” I’m 18 and I don’t dress all skimpy.I just hold the cards up…” I can’t tell if she’s in denial or just that oblivious.]
Wow, that nosedived fast. I’m out. I’m really not interested in haughty dudes lording their power over vulnerable women.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890760/1/The-wish-for-change
Your title needs to be fully capitalized.
[Zero wishes to be a pokemon and a certain pokemon hears him and grants it]
Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?
This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890776/1/Broken-An-Alola-Story
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[One year ago]
This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Aren’t you worried?” Moon questioned.]
“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.
I don’t understand why they need an ultra wormhole when Nebby is capable of opening them at will. Don’t they still have it?
This chapter is almost entirely dialogue, making it feel very lifeless. You should try describing the characters more and have them do things in between talking. Many published books have good examples of how to do this.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890843/1/The-Journal
[Follow Dusk as he treks along his home, Sinnoh. But not everything is what it seems. This is his new journal.]
Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?
Non-story chapters are banned on this site. This should go above your first chapter in an author’s note.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890843/2/The-Journal
[“…”]
This is a visual art convention and doesn’t work in prose.
Your tenses are jumping all over the place, which makes the story impossible to keep straight. Pick past or present and stick with it.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer or pokeball. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
This sounds like a normal story, not someone’s journal.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890856/1/Humans-are-Humans
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[He saw the hurt Pokémon and he tended to it.]
I think you mean “them” here, if you’re referring to pokemon as a general group.
[he honestly couldn’t bare it]
You want “bear”. Bare means naked.
[Eventually Ghetsis came to him, and said “We’re liberating Pokemon from people.”]
This needs a comma after “said”.
[But at the same time, he was confused. He loved the Pokemon, the Pokemon loved him. Why release them?]
This is a non-sequitor. This isn’t about releasing the pokemon from N, this is about releasing pokemon from everyone, and you already said N agrees with that. I would actually say this wording is very inaccurate to what N actually plans, since “releasing” pokemon requires them to have been owned by humans in the first place. N wants a world where pokemon are free from humans by default; essentially, that they are their own independent people. Unless pokemon choose to completely segregate themselves from humans, it should not be difficult for N to just… walk up and talk to one at that point.
[The only emotion he felt with Pokemon was sadness.]
That does not sound accurate. He clearly isn’t a depressive wreck in canon, and claims he loves being with pokemon. Pokemon seem to make him feel a full spectrum of emotions.
[Regardless, he still actually believed their ideas. So he never kept his Pokemon for more than he needed. Because they were upset when they were with trainers.]
This confuses me. It sounds like you are removing all agency from N in Team Plasma’s construction, which feels like a disservice to the character. He doesn’t keep pokemon because that’s his personal belief, not because he’s mindlessly following Plasma. Ghetsis may have come up with the idea for the scheme, but N is the true believer who’s vocally pushing for Plasma’s ideals.
Well, that ended abruptly.
I’m not clear what you were trying to say with this story. It doesn’t do much more than reiterate what we already know from canon, and your own additions only serve to infantilize N and remove potential points of exploration. I would have appreciated you going into more detail about N’s exact beliefs and exactly how PC challenged them.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12890873/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Hyper-Realistic-Emerald-creepypasta
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Crossovers belong in their own section.
Generally, try harder.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12891032/1/A-sudden-Change-A-pokemon-transformation-story
Your title needs to be fully capitalized.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not doing this makes me not want to read your story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12891118/1/Red-Strings-of-Fate
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You’re overusing epithets. When you are writing a story and refer to a character by a physical trait, occupation, age, or any other attribute, rather than that character’s name, you are bringing the reader’s attention to that particular attribute. That can be used quite effectively to help your reader to focus on key details with just a few words. However, if the fact that the character is “the brunette,” “the trainer,” “the older man,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene. If your only reason for referring to a character this way is to avoid using his or her name or a pronoun too much, don’t do it. You’re fixing a problem that actually isn’t one. Just go ahead and use the name or pronoun again. It’ll be good.
[the blunette]
And making up new hair color terms is particularly awkward. Anime hair is obviously a visual trope that is not meant to be literal, and drawing attention to it is just jarring.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12891183/1/A-Tale-Of-Gym-Leaders
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. Or region. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You shouldn’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
No one except animal researchers refers to things as “the male” or “the female”. You’re overusing epithets. When you are writing a story and refer to a character by a physical trait, occupation, age, or any other attribute, rather than that character’s name, you are bringing the reader’s attention to that particular attribute. That can be used quite effectively to help your reader to focus on key details with just a few words. However, if the fact that the character is “the brunette,” “the trainer,” “the older man,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene. If your only reason for referring to a character this way is to avoid using his or her name or a pronoun too much, don’t do it. You’re fixing a problem that actually isn’t one. Just go ahead and use the name or pronoun again. It’ll be good.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12891473/1/Artificially-Intelligent
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
This sounds like normal prose, not a recording.
[lucario shaped]
This should be hyphenated.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[the snake took some notes down.]
The snake, the animal with no limbs at all, took notes? Really? If you want to write about pokemon characters, you need to think about all the ways they’d function differently. If you want to write about humans, just write about humans.
[The robot tilted it’s head.]
You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.
This sounds like you want to write for a video game, not a story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12891532/1/The-Curse-of-a-Legendary-s-Vessel
[Xerneas finds herself having to make a though decision]
I think you meant “tough”.
Assuming the death deity is male and the life deity is female is sexist. They are both genderless in the games.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[her short blond hair]
You want “blonde”. “Blond” is the masculine form.
[Xerneas stood there paralyzed, she had expected the outburst but it still hit her with force.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.
This does not sound like Pokemon fanfic at all. If you want to write fiction about your original fantasy pantheon, publish it under original fiction.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12891648/1/Paradise
[In a valley between a mountain and an ancient city is a quiet settlement called Ome Town. In this town lives carpenter and her teacher. In the ancient city resides a stranger from a world once forgotten. In the mountains is a raider with his army of followers.]
I believe that should be “a carpenter and…”
This isn’t a very useful summary. It describes a setting like so very many similar settings, but not what the story will be about. Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[A young zangoose, one of the early workers, could be seen in the crowd. She passed her time by working for the town carpenter and spent her nights with personal art projects.]
With what thumbs? You’re writing like this is a human setting, where people often are covered in clothes but have bare hands that can easily bend and grasp things at chest height. If you’re going to write about pokemon characters you need to think about all the ways they’d function differently.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12891711/1/A-Moon-s-Wish
[this is a proluge, it is meant to be short and an update may take time.]
A short opening chapter is generally a bad idea. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is also riddled with misspellings and other simple errors. You need to try harder.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12891931/1/Quintessential-Devotion
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[She came here with noble, if not selfish intentions.]
“If not” implies a subset of the former category, but noble and selfish are antonyms, so this doesn’t make sense. Did you mean “selfless”?
[She wasn’t sure why her background mattered that much, to begin with]
That comma shouldn’t be there.
[the rest of the young woman in her tribe]
You want “women”. “Woman” is the singular.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Ember is a Pokemon and a Growlithe at that.]
The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.
[Now your talking like you planned your journey on it.]
You want “you’re”. “Your” is the possessive.
[Is…everything ok?]
It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced “ock”, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok. I’ll stop pointing out these errors, but know that they are very distracting. You should proofread more thoroughly, or get a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
[After the meal, they would take turns with the bath]
The fire-type bathes? Really? If you just want to write about humans with magic powers, just do that. This isn’t Pokemon fanfiction.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12892160/1/DNA-The-Unbreakable-Bond
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12892216/1/Swirl
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon. I also appreciate that you’re using neutral pronouns for the god mons.
[unable to hear Shaymin’s wary whisper about Giratina or feel his small paws tug at the feathers on her back]
[Shaymin, who now climbed up onto her head and pounded his stumpy paw]
You slipped here though, referring to Shaymin with “his”.
I’m not too fond of using the term “legendaries” in fic. It’s very much a fandom term, as it’s a shorthand for the canon term “legendary pokemon”. It’s also much too general given the actual range of power of legendaries. Legendaries like latios seem to be merely rare beasts, while legendaries like Kyogre are gods.
[Unlike the legends, passed down from human to human and pokemon to pokemon, the legendaries were not created all at once. In fact, their births were solely contingent to the earth itself. As the world came into creation their beings arose alongside them, never before or afterward]
I’m having trouble understanding what you mean here. From the rest of your passage it sounds like you are saying that the gods appeared simultaneously with their governing domains (so, I presume, Cresselia did not appear until dreams came into existence). But this is making it sound like they *did* all appear at once at the creation of the world. And I can’t understand what you mean by “their births were solely contingent to the earth itself” at all.
[“I did,” she lied immediately, “I woke up before you.”]
You’re generally writing dialogue correctly, but you’re tripping up on the more specific circumstances. The full rules are: Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[“Head there,” Shaymin pointed off to the mountains, “There’s a foul stench.”]
And when interrupting dialogue with a non-speaking verb, you need to use different punctuation than commas. This, though, looks like two separate sentences to me.
[Cresselia refrained from asking what ‘it’ was]
Shymin never mentioned an ‘it’, though. This sounds like an artifact from an earlier draft.
[Shaymin’ grassy fur]
Missing S here.
[Cresselia was certain she was allowed to accompany the pokemon solely because she could fly them to hard-to-reach places]
Shaymin can fly in sky forme, though.
[After a terse moment, her better judgment pushed her forward]
…Did you use a thesaurus for this? You really shouldn’t do that, as words can have hugely different connotations even if their dictionary definitions are similar. “Terse” refers only to short *speech*.
[you’d have to be noseless to not begin smelling]
The general you sounds awkward in first person. “She’d have to…” would sound better here.
[It was hard to describe, somewhere between an old carcass left under a rock and whatever unholy gunk that could be found between Groudon’s toes.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition. I also don’t think that Groudon’s toes would be very gunky, as Groudon is associated with lava and deep earth; it seems more likely that everything would burn or crust off. Groudon could smell of phosphorous or other smelly elements, though.
[It wasn’t so much ‘dark’ as it felt the absence of light.]
Missing word.
[she should really quite or else she’ll get stuck]
What?
Your use of italics seems to have added additional spaces. This happens sometimes when the site is formatting your document.
That ended a bit abruptly, but this was a decent opening otherwise. After seeing so many uninspired stories where the legendaries are just Christianic angels or Greek gods it’s nice to see one that actually engages with them as characters, and I like the little hints you’ve placed about the other gods’ behaviors.
Your prose is strange in places, though, as I’ve pointed out. It often feels like you’re having difficulty putting your thoughts into words, and that there’s something I’m missing when I try to read your descriptions of what’s going on.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12892230/1/Dark-Types
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.
[There’s never been a dark type gym leader- until now that is! Jane is thirteen years old and ready to set out on her Pokemon journey and prove to the world dark types are nothing to be afraid of by becoming the world’s first dark Pokemon master!]
There are multiple dark-aligned Elite Four, though, who presumably were gym leaders at some point. Fandom tends to make a much bigger deal of dark-types than canon.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. Start where your plot starts; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12892290/1/aNoThEr-OnE-rIdEs-ThE-bUs
[Another one Bites the Dust is the actual title. Fluff with no plot.]
Okay, but you should still say what this is about. What the principal pairing is, for instance.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not doing this makes me not want to read your story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12892450/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Man
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
[Finley Apricorn’s has pale skin, light, bright blue eyes and wore mostly white besides her jacket that went down to her knees, and was short. Her medium-length wavey silver hair and her long,light blue jacket whips in the wind as she flies on Braviary with Crobat on her shoulder to Unova, a region she rarely has to go to compared to a region like Kanto where she has to go all the time due to Team Rocket and their troubling shenanigans.]
Opening the story with excessive physical description is an instant turnoff. Do you see how rushed and awkward this sounds, and how awkward it is to bury story-relevant information at the end of a sentence about her jacket? This early on, you should stick to information that is immediately relevant. More minor details can come after readers have gotten invested.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is riddled with distracting errors. You need to proofread more thoroughly and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
It’s also really weird that you keep pointing out that Juniper is female. If you need to distinguish between her and her dad, you can either use their first names or refer to her as “Jr.”
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12892786/1/The-Ratulangi-Files
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. Or bounty hunter. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[The two occupants of the table looked up as a tall shadow fell over them. He was skeletally thin, with long torso locked in a perpetual slouch.]
This is weird because you already described this guy. It sounds like you’re shifting perspectives to the people at the table, which is really jarring since we were previously focused on the bartender. Just start the story from the perspective of the people at the table if they’re the ones who are important.
[“What do you want?” One of the customers snapped]
Dialogue formatting rules remain constant regardless of punctuation, so this should be [“What do you want?” one of the customers snapped].
[His blonde hair]
You want “blond”. “Blonde” is the feminine form.
[placed by the Hoenn police.”
“Those stone samples he just showed you are fake, by the way,” he told the trainer.]
When a character’s speech continues into multiple paragraphs, no endquote is used until the end of the whole speech. So you should remove the first endquote here. An extra paragraph isn’t really necessary here, though; if you feel the change in subject is confusing, you can make the tag more explicit, like “he added to the trainer”.
[Greg, his staff, and the young trainer all shuffled back in alarm. The slob, meanwhile, had just finished putting on a pair of fingerless exercise gloves. Rummaging through his fanny pack, he plucked out a Pokéball of his own and tossed it.]
…And the criminal just politely waits for him to do this?
[Donald opened his eyes just as the Magikarp slammed into his face. Twenty-two pounds of rock-hard scale and fish meat struck him across the cheek, dislocating his jaw and shattering his glasses.]
And the charmeleon just lets him walk over and do this?
[The con-man stirred, eyes wide with shock, spitting strangled moans and loose teeth. His attempts to crawl away ended with another solid blow to the head.
The entire restaurant stood still as the slob rolled the unconscious Donald]
After two hits of “twenty-two pounds of rock-hard scale and fish meat” to the head, he’s not “unconscious”, he’s comatose or dead. Magikarp bludgeon is a cute if cliché by now idea, but he should not be getting this violent if he needs to keep his targets alive. A pokemon specializing in binding or disabling moves would be more practical.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12892961/1/Kanto-GO
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Contains a smarter Ash, more confident Ash, Ash who actually understands the purpose of the pokeball and catches things.]
At a certain point, you really need to ask yourself why you’re so uncomfortable admitting you want to write about an OC that you have to staple Ash’s face over theirs. Just write about your OC. Trying to force this to hit the same beats as canon to justify it being Ash will just cheapen the changes you’ve made and make the entire thing more boring as you take what could be an original plotline and hammer it back into the same shape as always.
[the tree team leaders]
Typo.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Alright, there are ten options for Ash’s starter Pokémon. The one with the most votes gets to be his starter while second place is the Pokémon in the egg.]
Interactive stories are banned on this site, putting this story at risk for takedown.
Talarc got this one, actually, but I didn’t notice until after.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12893539/1/Pokemon-X-The-Uchiha-Chronicles
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
[Power corrupts, and seeing the darkness of the world can change people. After seeing so much of that darkness, can Michael keep his emotions in check? Will his friends still see him the same if they learn his secret…?]
This summary is way too vague. What’s your plot?
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[Go play with Fletchling and Ryhorn while I eat ok?]
It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced “ock”, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Crossovers belong in their own section. As I’m not terribly familiar with Naruto, I’m not interested in this story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12893225/1/OldRival-Journy
Covered by Talarc.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12893671/1/Rewriting-History
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer or reporter. Or champion. Or lobby. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Yoshiko wiped some sweat from her brow, as she stood in the Crystal Island Stadium’s lobby]
This doesn’t need a comma.
[An Asian woman of about 25.]
This does, though, as it’s a sentence fragment.
[6 years of a desk job]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
[you could only get in by personal invitation]
The general you sounds awkward in third-person. I recommend rephrasing this.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[This was a mundane process seen many times today, but for some reason, Yoshiko couldn’t help but keep her eyes on this final trainer. Her gut feeling was telling her to keep an eye on this trainer.]
Having characters know who’s important without explanation is bad writing. If it’s important that she pay attention to him, you should come up with a reason for why she’d do so. It is also possible to just have her be aware of him without needing to explain that she just knows he’s super special.
[She was THE celebrity.]
Using allcaps for emphasis is a bit awkward. Italics would look better here.
This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. Start where your plot starts. You DO have a plot for this, yes? Character arcs, stakes, that sort of thing? We should have an idea of where the story is going by the end of the opening. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12893697/1/Wayward
[Watch our protagonist struggle to keep up with the world’s insistence of giving him bad luck.]
I believe you meant “insistence on” there. This is also rather vague for a summary. What kinds of struggles will he go through? What form does the bad luck take? Why should I care? I know FFN’s summary limit can be maddeningly small sometimes, but try to give us a bit more to go on.
[Also, thoughts are represented as ‘thoughts’, while actual speech is represented as “words”.]
That’s generally unwise, as single quotes look too close to double quotes to easily distinguish at a glance, making it look as if thoughts are being spoken out loud. Italics for thoughts is standard.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[The world was a swirl of blinding lights, sounds, smells and everything else.]
This needs a comma after “smells”.
I should not have to tell you that “I” is capitalized. Most word processors fix this automatically. Proofread and try harder.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. This just barely introduces the basic premise; it doesn’t tell us what the story is going to be about or what we can expect in future chatpers. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12894339/1/Coronis-Region-A-Trainers-Journey
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.
[What lies in store for the, Coronis Region, when two best friends, begin their Pokémon Journeys together?]
I dunno, you tell me. Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre.
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
Non-story chapters are banned on this site. This information should not be necessary at all; if setting details are important, they will come up in the story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12894373/1/for-mythecelgreninja
Non-story entries are banned on this site. I don’t know what drama is going on here, but take it to the forums.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12894472/1/Pokemon-Esh-Blue-WIP
[I made… a version of the story of Pokemon Blue, I don’t really know where really to take it, but all I know is that it follows through my Journey of Pokemon Blue, with as much explanation as I can give for the glitches Quick Summary: Girl named Esh goes on Pokemon adventure also this is my first fanfic, please understand]
This sort of meta-information should go in an author’s note. The summary should explain what the story itself is about.
Starting a journey fic without any plan for where it’s going is… generally unwise. A journey story is actually quite long and difficult to make; not a good choice for a first project. These threads have some helpful tips (remove the “dot” and turn it into a real link when you paste it in the address bar):
fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143219856/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-1
fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143363660/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-2
fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143662066/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-3
fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143106745/1/Things-to-Consider-in-OT-Fic
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. If you want to argue about this, take it to fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[We zoom into a house in Pallet Town, in there lives a short, pudgy ten year old lady named Esh,
who is currently watching anime in her Pajamas, specifically her favorite type of anime, shonen.]
Errant line break here.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not doing this makes your story too hard to follow to continue reading.
Several of these reviews are later accompanied by “rebuttals” from Dragon’s Blaze and Istwill56. I’m guessing those two must REALLY have a grudge against you.
Yeah, just don’t engage with them. Attention is only likely to fuel them further.
Well, I made that mistake. Came across some trite story which summary was almost an exact copy of another (with said author’s permission, I’m going to believe) that spent the mid part making a terrible parody of your style of reviews and complaints.
To be honest, I feel bad for the authors of the actual stories to get those kind of non-reviews (Mind you I’m talking about those who reply to you in the review). Some even post welcoming messages and that they should watch out for you and the like. The state of that section nowadays. You have the patience of a saint. That I can tell you.
And to no one’s surprise, they’re very blocky. I suppose that’s why they spend too much time replying in a review so they won’t have to deal with rebuttals.
To the rest of you people reading this: Don’t be an idiot like me and waste your time. They will fall into boring trol lmode and block you.
Yeah, I even gave this whole pep talk about how great it is to actually get a /review/ talking about /the story/ and how we think people leaving reviews is so important that we’ll double pinky promise to just completely go away for a while if they’d leave regular reviews instead, and…nope!
But these guys have been real outliers! Pretty much every other time, talking things out solves problems instead.
With regards to the whole Arceus/God debate, I was playing through Heart Gold just now and the Rocket grunt that keeps you from going into the Slowpoke Well initially refers to himself as a Good Samaritan. That would seem to imply that Christianity exists in the Pokemon world in some form.
Now I’m really curious what it reads pre-localization.
Well, there’s also the issue that particular phrase is a bit of fossilized weirdness, so it can’t be just “some form” but has to be just about identical. In order to have someone say “good Samaritan”, you have to have a group of people who don’t like another group of people known as Samaritans, then have Jesus tell a parable where a bunch of supposedly noble good people ignore the injured man and then a Samaritan man who would be expected to pass by without caring stops to help, and then for Christianity to expand rapidly out from Jewish people to those who had no idea about Jewish/Samaritan conflicts, and then a good thousand+ years of no ordinary person even being able to read any of the bible to make sure the waters were particularly muddy, and so on until the phrase is in common culture but the most the average person would know about it is that it comes from the parable of the same title where the guy stops to help another guy.
Alternatively, if they’re not speaking English, it’s a placeholder for any similar concept because it’s so divorced from the particular thing Jesus was saying that it’s just a free-floating phrase.
My dearest St. Elmo’s Fire,
I don’t get it, you ask for a list of people who I was referring to and then when I provide it, you delete the whole conversation? What was the point of even asking? Or did you not actually think I would actually go and do it and post a few examples? And now that I did do it, you see that I was right and now you want to hide it?
I guess it does not matter for me posting this since you’ll delete this post two, I guess you gotta hide the fact that what you guys do really does nothing.
I’ve done nothing to your posts. Act handles comment moderation, and she’s already made her statement on this: I’m not pulling anyone’s responses out of the spam filter. If you can’t manage to talk enough like a human being to not get caught in it, it’s what you deserve.
If you’re no longer tripping the spam filter, you’re perfectly welcome to try posting again — but keep it in the same post, please.