Aug 2You really don’t need to pretend to be nice. It’s just tiring.

I’m basing my views on years of experience with SYOC. I’ve seen countless stories just like this one crash and burn for the exact reasons I and Farla have described. If you don’t want to heed my warnings, that’s your decision, but don’t act like I’m doing this out of baseless arrogance. I’m doing this because I want you to succeed.

If you’re determined to go ahead with this, I will see about submitting an OC.

Aug 2[It’s more tiring for me than you.]

Then why do it?

Aug 2In what universe is mockery anywhere near the ballpark of “polite”? Being straightfoward is how you get your facts clear and straight. You learn the truth by asking people in good faith, not being by attacking them based on your initial assumptions.

When was the last time you were straightforward with me? Did I review you before?

Aug 2I was absolutely acting in good faith. Good does not mean nice. You had all the hallmarks of a doomed story, and did a few specific things I particularly disagreed with. To obfuscate my feelings and not warn you from what I believe to be a doomed path, that would be acting in bad faith. I was completely open about my feelings and opinions, so yes, I very much can expect the same in return.

I have no record of any other PMs from you. It probably got lost in the Matrix, as things on this terrible site are wont to do. Try sending it again.

Aug 2Stage I – Basic Information

Name: Havan D’Rath

Age: 16

Ethnicity: Asian

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Whatever.

Academy Year: Senior

Stage II – Appearance

Height and Weight: A head taller than most people. Slightly heavy for his age (but most of it’s muscle!).

Hair Colour and Style: Platinum blond. His hair is close-cropped, and combed back for a highly professional look. There are no stray hairs or split ends; he is fastidious in his hair care.

Eyes: Icy blue. His eyes are always wide and attentive, with a deep, calculating intelligence behind them. They look oddly small on his face; they might be described as “beady” on someone who wasn’t so handsome.

Skin Colour: Pale, but slightly tanned. He’s no shut-in; he’s had plenty of practical, outdoors experience!

Body Type: Total hunk. He strikes a careful balance in his appearance: just enough muscle to look strong and capable, but not enough to look like some dumb, coarse bruiser. He has a healthy amount of fat, but nothing significantly noticeable. He didn’t get this way without significant effort; to maintain it, he must watch his diet like a hawk and schedule regular workout times. (People who take lunch with him might find it odd how lightly he eats — he mostly eats salads, and workout food when he needs heavier nutrients. No worries, though. He can easily deflect suspicions of weirdness by convincing everyone his diet is normal and healthy.)

Facial Structure: Attractively round and full. He is always clean-shaven, and looks older and more mature than he is. He has an average-sized, unobtrusive nose, smooth cheeks, and beautiful teeth that compliment his charming smile. They all help distract from how disquieting his eyes are.

Seiyuu and Speech Pattern: His voice is a pleasant baritone, and sounds mature for his age. He’s trained in theater and has excellent control of his voice as a result. He also tends to have a flamboyant, dramatic way of speaking, like he’s a hero in a play — he especially likes to do this when he can cast himself as a noble hero against a terrible villain. He’ll take the hint if people find this grating, but even if circumstances require him to tone it down, he’ll be very eloquent. He does have a noticeable Johtoan accent, however, and despite his best efforts he can’t seem to shake it. For voice, I’m not familiar with Japanese actors, but Chris Evans is probably a good fit?

Body Markings: Good heavens, no! He’d never to anything so delinquent as getting a tattoo! Those are forever, you know! And he’d never do anything so risky it would give him a scar! (Actually he used to have some scars, from general scrapes when he was a kid. He used scar removal treatments to get rid of them, and now his body is flawless again.)

Signature Outfit: Havan doesn’t really have a “signature outfit” — the clothes make the man, after all, and you so often need to be different men for different occasions. If you mean the outfit you want him introduced in, then: a business casual starched shirt, pastel blue, with tasteful navy blue pants. Perhaps the shirt has some stripes of slightly darker blue — nothing too ostentatious, though. This communicates his crisp sense of professionalism and self-respect without looking like he’s trying too hard or alienating the other students. Does the school crowd not like that kind of outfit? Well then, he should have different one. It’ll probably be different depending on who he’s hanging out with. Maybe something more formal if he’s meeting with a teacher (baby blue blazer, navy blue trousers), maybe something flashier if he’s with the preppy kids (a bright, in-your-face blue, with some red or yellow for contrast), maybe some brand trash if he’s slumming with the normal kids (a T-shirt featuring a gallade or gardevoir, his favorite pokemon). Whatever makes them feel comfortable. He always aims to please!

Alternate Outfit: On the road, he’ll dress extremely practically. Sturdy boots, hiker shorts, a survival jacket with a million pockets. You won’t catch him without a raincoat, even on a sunny day. He might even bring a kevlar vest — never know when a pokemon encounter might go bad. He’ll replace his clothes if they get torn or stained but this time, aesthetics will take a back seat. Caring about fashion in a life-or-death situation will just make you look like an idiot. Here, practicality is what people respect.

Winter Outfit: He’s unusually sensitive to cold. He’ll wear a padded vest even indoors, and has a full set of gloves, boots, hand and leg warmers, and heavy jacket when he goes outdoors. The gloves and jacket are dark blue, with some gold highlights to make them stand out. The vest is sky-blue. When he enters a building, he’ll strip off the outer layers as soon as possible to prevent sweat and grime buildup.

Accessories: He has a badge displaying every region’s national crest. He’ll default to Johto, but will swap it out as necessary. He also wears a pendant bearing an image of Ho-oh. Naturally, he’ll box these if he’s meeting with someone who thinks accessories are gross and tacky.

Aug 2Stage III – Background

Home Town: Goldenrod City; immigrated to Toke O City.

Background: Havan was born in Johto. Havan’s parents were wealthy, and they gave him everything he asked for. What he loved the most were stories. In a region like that, history permeates everything, and he was endlessly fascinated by it all. Mew, who gave birth to the world. Lugia, who tore the sea asunder. Ho-oh, the glorious phoenix who could defy death itself, who in Her infinite mercy brought the three great beasts back to life. And it was all real. He visited the Bell Tower, saw the ash-caked statues himself, gazed upon myth.

And then, the he looked towards the future. For one day, his parents said, Ho-oh will return, and as She rises from Her ashes so too will rise a chosen one, a righteous hero to lead the world into a golden age.

He wanted to be a part of those stories more than anything. To have that beauty, that glory. That power.

That, sadly, his parents could not give him. But no matter. With hard work and perseverance, nothing is beyond your grasp. He was a little disappointed by the move to Novus, saddened to say goodbye to all that living history, but this, too was an opportunity. Their academy was one of the most prestigious in the world — and at 11, he had already gone on a pokemon journey, giving him enough experience to pass the entry exams with flying colors. If he rose through the ranks, he could do anything.

Or so he thought. He took too long! While he wasted his time learning things he already knew in this stifling school, children — CHILDREN! — swept the world clean out from under him! Look at them, the papers crooned! “PRODIGY FROM PALLET BESTS MYSTERIOUS MAN-MADE POKEMON!” “HOENN’S NEW CHAMPION AVERTS APOCALYPSE THROUGH ALLIANCE WITH LONG-LOST SKY GOD!” “EXCLUSIVE FEATURE: CREATORS OF TIME AND SPACE, SO TAME THEY EAT OUT OF YOUR HAND! IS THIS THE ‘DAWN’ OF A NEW ERA?” And worst of all — Lyra, that cunning little minx, somehow tricked Ho-oh into choosing HER! Oh, sure, the stories say the gods chose them because they were so pure of heart, but Havan knows the truth. They just played the part, said the right words, did whatever people wanted, and wrapped everyone around their fingers. This chosen one stuff, it’s all arbitrary, just some hoops to jump through, like the academy exams. He just has to be ready when the time comes.

He lives in the dorms.

Significant Relationships:

Santes D’Rath – Doctor, former trainer – Mother

Santes is a bright and cheerful woman, possessed of a youthful vigor despite her age. She has a whimsical, jubilant personality and is quick to crack jokes and make conversation. She is a brilliant doctor, and always tries to help those in need. Some find her enthusiasm tiring or overbearing, and she either does not notice this… or does not care. In truth, she is a little self-absorbed. She loves her son dearly, but can’t always spend as much time with him as she likes.

She met Havan’s father on her pokemon journey. She says it was love at first sight.

Zargos D’Rath – Historical scholar, former trainer – Father

Zargos is an unlikely match for Santes; perhaps opposites really do attract. He is a quiet and reserved man, though when he is roused to anger, he is a terror to behold. He’s a surprisingly competitive trainer, but chose to settle down after he married Santes. His love now lies in the rich history and mythology of Johto, which he takes great pride in. (To the point of arrogance, truth be told — he would never consciously admit it, but there is an undercurrent of racism to his interactions with others. Johtoans are just better, you know?) He provided Havan with many of the stories and mythologies that he loves so dearly, but he is a somewhat absent presence himself. Not to the point of neglect, but he just prefers an afternoon with a good book to an afternoon fishing with his son. Havan doesn’t mind; he’s a private person himself.

Aug 2Stage IV – Personal

Personality: Havan is the perfect knight in shining armor. He’s very kind, helpful, and charming to everyone he meets. He acts like the world is a grand play, with himself in center stage. He loves playing the hero, and he’ll always volunteer to help people with their problems, even if there’s only one person to see it. He cares deeply about his appearance and reputation and is highly receptive to criticism. Despite this, he’s far from stupid or reckless. He’s not out to get himself killed in some stupid grand gesture.

And speaking of heroism, he knows – just knows – that he’s destined for great things. If your story features any any destined plot triggers, he’ll know he’s part of it, and will actively seek out more. He will, however, be highly suspicious of anyone doing the same. Oh, sure, they’re doing this out of the goodness of their hearts – and he’s sure the fact they’re getting a god’s favor in the process doesn’t cross their minds at all. Who do they think they’re fooling? They want something. They’re just in it for the praise, the power, the reward. They’re just playing the long con. Don’t trust them. Don’t trust anyone.

When interacting with others, Havan is extremely friendly and approachable. He oozes confidence and control, and acts very mature for his age. He’s quick to find out what makes people tick and how to get along with them, and is particularly good at buttering up people of importance and milking them for favors. Even if he doesn’t like people personally, if he believes an alliance would be beneficial he’ll do whatever it takes to ingratiate himself with them. He’ll keep negative thoughts to himself and will mediate conflicts to keep everything running smoothly; he’ll say whatever he thinks people want to hear, even if this requires some contradictory logic. He’s not stupid, though, and won’t blatantly change mannerisms in front of people; he’ll prefer to spin the situation later in private so everyone still thinks he’s on their side. He sees all interactions as opportunities, and as a consequence exists in a tangled web of masks and alliances that leaves him with no true friends. He doesn’t mind, though. All that matters is the goal.

You better watch out, though: he takes betrayal very personally, and if he believes he’s been wronged or cheated in some way, he’ll become quite aggressive in seeking vengeance. Anything that obstructs him will evoke similar indignation; he is highly determined, and will stop at nothing to achieve his goals. Despite this, he will try to maintain a good image even when angry, and perform most of his confrontations out of the public eye; he has a knack for spinning things to make himself look better.

Havan also has a strange quirk: he doesn’t like other people touching his stuff. He’s very possessive of his possessions, and hoards items he really should have gotten rid of by now, like minor potions he picked up while traveling. If confronted on this, he’ll just say “But what if I need them later?” The exception to this is if someone else needs them; he will magnanimously provide innocent bystanders with anything they need, provided it is within his capabilities.

He’s been slipping recently, though. The other heroes’ victories have made him antsy and impatient. He knows he just has to wait a little longer, but dark thoughts are starting to prey on his mind. What if he’s never chosen? What if he never gets anything, despite all his hard work? If this is taken from him too — if someone else defeats Tasha — he will completely snap. He is not above murder for such a betrayal.

Quotes: “I would gladly give my life for my country… no, for all mankind!”

“Well met, friend! Can I help you with anything?”

“No, I couldn’t accept anything — helping those in need is reward enough!” (Note: he will only do this once. If the other person insists, he will graciously accept.)

“Oh, so you think you’re so much better than me, do you? Let me guess, you’re going to say you did this for the good of the world? To protect the innocent? Or, oh, oh, how about ‘Waah, I have a tragic backstory, take pity on me!’ That’s always a classic! But it’s a LIE. You aren’t standing here because of goodness or virtue or mercy. You’re here because you want POWER. Because that’s the only thing that matters! That’s the only thing anyone respects! How DARE you look at me, like you’re DIFFERENT, like you’re not only here because of DUMB LUCK, like you DESERVE this! I… HATE you!!”

Bad/Unusual Habits: He can’t help but pick at things, be they erasers, scuff marks in wood, or his own scabs and pimples.

Likes: Fame, glory, excitement, WINNING. The color blue. Stories. Theater. He respects dedication and determination in others. He also has a sweet tooth, but he barely ever indulges now that he has to keep up his superhero physique.

Dislikes: Not getting what he deserves. People stealing his spotlight. Other “heroes”. Winter.

Goals: To be the very best! Like no one ever was. He’ll be content (for now) with taming a god pokemon and making the international papers.

Fears: Losing, failure, oblivion. And it’s not a “fear” exactly, but he doesn’t like staring at his own reflection. Something about it disturbs him.

Disorders: Narcissism.

Secrets: Absolutely none. He doesn’t think that what he’s doing is a deep dark secret, or that it’s even wrong. He genuinely believes that this is what it means to be a hero.

Ability: Silver-tongued. He is a social genius, capable of swaying just about anyone to his side.

Aug 2Stage VI – Behavioural Questions

OC’s behaviour with his/her Pokemon: He keeps them at arms’ length. He won’t mistreat them or anything, but pokemon are tools, not people. If they’re even capable of having real opinions — doubtful! — they’re not as important as his own.

OC’s behaviour with other Pokemon: If it seems like people expect him to interact with their pokemon, he’ll go through the motions. He won’t acknowledge them otherwise. Pokemon he wants to catch he will hunt to the ends of the earth, and ruthlessly. Legendaries, he will treat with reverence.

OC’s behaviour with the other students: I believe this has been covered rather extensively.

OC’s behaviour towards wins: Pleased, but polite. He will always congratulate his opponent on a good battle.

OC’s behaviour towards losses: Graceful; there are seldom serious consequences for it, after all. He’ll examine his strategy for flaws and try to improve for next time.

OC’s behaviour towards crushes: Extremely possessive, but extremely convincing; a Nice Guy with chillingly good manipulative skills. I would pity the object of his affections. He may not have a crush at all, though; it’s a lot of work for something unrelated to his main goal.

OC’s behaviour towards love rivals: If it doesn’t appear that his crush is interested in the rival, he won’t be terribly bothered, but may tell them to back off if they become a problem. If they are a real threat, he will pull strings to remove them from the equation, possibly even getting them expelled. He won’t stoop to murder, but is not above manufacturing a crippling accident if it seems there is no other option. If any of this starts to backfire, though, he will leave it alone. A crush isn’t worth jeopardizing everything he’s worked for.

OC’s behaviour towards admirers: Always polite, but the specific reaction will depend on the person. If he thinks they might be useful, he may lead them on and leverage their affection for favors. Otherwise, he will probably turn them down to avoid complications.

OC’s behaviour towards Esther: Beneath his notice. Bottom of the class AND a depressive wreck? No way is someone like that going to be competition. He can’t even get anything useful out of her — the connection to the chairman is intriguing, but he doesn’t seem to think highly of her, so using her to get an in seems unlikely. He’d be better off focusing his attention elsewhere. He’ll be polite to her if they run into each other, of course, but he finds her self-pitying attitude grating and will not want to be around her for extended periods of time. He won’t stoop to gossiping about her with others, though; he can tell what a bad idea that is. (If she ultimately wins the whole thing, he will freak extra hard. It will be everything he hates: a pathetic nobody getting chosen over him for seemingly no reason. The irony that this is exactly how hero narratives are supposed to work will be lost on him.)

Extra Information: He’s based on player behavior in jRPGs. Do with this information what you will.

Aug 2[In the story, the Johto Champion is Ethan and not Lyra.]

Why?

Aug 2Okay, that’s fair.

All the clips I can find of the voice actors have them in very inflected/emotional scenes, which makes it hard to judge, and it’s really hard to distinguish voices in a foreign language anyway. Pick whichever one sounds most generically heroic to you.

[If you can create such amazing characters, why don’t you support SYOCs?!]

I’ll tell you when the story finishes.

[they’ll be pretty much forced to go on that journey]

Define “forced”. Like, will they be clapped in chains? The character I have in mind just wants to explore and sightsee, and doesn’t care about winning the competition.

Aug 2Alright. Havan’s pokemon first:

Stage V – Pokemon

Starter: I’m leaning towards a charmander for this. The personality will be the same regardless: As a lab-raised pokemon, they had very little contact with the outside world until Havan came along, and they are eternally grateful that he gave them a purpose. Born and raised for battle, they’re highly skilled and intelligent, but this can make her come off as snobbish and aloof towards other pokemon. They are the only pokemon remaining of Havan’s original team.

Pokemon No. 2: Gardevoir. Her name is Deference. Havan calls her Athena. She is an emotional cripple who has extreme difficulty formulating her own thoughts and desires. The latest in a line of several gardevoirs, Havan has finally found one that will put up with being treated like an attack dog without turning out to secretly be a psycho that causes a huge scene and gets him in trouble etc. etc. pokemon are such a hassle. This one is perfectly obedient and extremely loyal even for a gardevoir, and… has no real personality outside of that. Other psychics find her emotions noticeably dulled, and she claims to have no goals or desires outside of serving Havan. Other pokemon find this creepy.

Pokemon No. 3: Stoutland. His name is Ate All the Sitrus Berries. Havan calls him Fenrir. In the wild, he lived a rather carefree life, but he has adjusted well to life under Havan, and has grown very loyal. Several months of conditioning have made him remarkably well-behaved for a stoutland.

Pokemon No. 4: Machamp. His name is Stares-At-Grass. Havan calls him Hercules. He was captured, raised in the service industry, traded to make him evolve, traded back, then traded across countless other companies and trainers until finally ending up with Havan. A lifetime of being treated as a tool has made him numb to everything, and he is flawlessly obedient. However, he doesn’t interact with anyone else much or really at all. He finds the motion of grass in the wind to be soothing. Sometimes he wishes he could just sit down and watch the rhythm of life flow through the fields and forests. Sometimes he wishes he didn’t have to lift or break or fight anything. But only sometimes. It hurts to wish for things you can’t have.

Pokemon No. 5: Sylveon, “Titania”. Her full, official name is Titania VIII, representing how many generations of eevees Havan had to breed before finding the right one. This one is perfectly happy to be a sylveon and has no resentment towards Havan for planning out her entire life in advance, unlike some ungrateful wastes of time who will not be mentioned. She is a fantastic fighter bred from good stock, but generations of selective breeding have left her a little soft in the head, and she’s rather dependent on Havan to guide her through life. As an egg-raised pokemon, she has no concept of life outside of serving Havan. Sometimes she wonders why she doesn’t look like Daddy, but then he gives her an order and the thought is lost.

Pokemon No. 6: Dratini. Her name is Light. Havan calls her Leviathan. Havan was ecstatic to find an opening on the international market, and bought her earlier this year for quite a hefty sum. He probably should have read the fine print, though: this one was caught, not hatched, and she’s not happy about it. She’s very confused by what’s happening and very much wants to go home. She sees no reason why she should obey this strange human.

Extra Pokemon: Havan has had to… let some pokemon go in the past. He’s had to change his team every year so far due to disobedience, accidents, and in one case, the pokemon outright running away. It was frustrating for a while, but he thinks he’s finally settled on a winning team. Currently, he has still managed to retain the services of a pidgeot, for flying, and a chansey, for healing and first aid.

Battling Strategy: Flashy, but by-the-book. He likes to make a show of things, and may spend resources or time to provide a greater spectacle (or just an outcome that makes him look better). He’s very skilled, however, and can fight with ruthless efficiency when image isn’t an issue.

Aug 3[The story clearly mentions that the OCs could not have EVER caught a Pokemon in the wild before.]

Where? Regardless, that’s absurd. There are preschoolers with pokemon. Kids catching pokemon is clearly the norm, not the exception. I’m also going to have to balk at the idea that the school for the most prestigious prodigies of the prestige would not only deny applicants with actual field experience but not give even seniors the opportunity to catch their own pokemon. 11 year olds who went on a journey instead of staying in school are going to run rings around these graduates.

But if all their pokemon have to be bought or hatched, his gardevoir is hatched. The eevee can be an umbreon… same name, I guess, since the line between fairies and demons is pretty blurry.

I don’t care about abilities and really, neither should you. This is a story, not a video game. It should be less mechanical, not more. As the writer you know what specific situations the characters will be getting into and what abilities will produce the most interesting outcomes, so I leave such details up to you.

Aug 3[You clearly haven’t read the story thoroughly but it does clearly state that the OCs will be going on their FIRST journey and their FIRST Pokemon ever officially owned by them would be their starter.]

Oh okay, end of the first section, I see it now. Can’t believe I missed that, I would have given you hell for it. I’ll just have to make up for lost time:

[And it’s not absurd in terms of realistic terms. Would your parents allow you to go on a journey across unknown, different cities as an 11 year old with animals?]

Evidently they would if we were in the Pokemon universe. Clearly, the pokeworld isn’t as dangerous as our own. It doesn’t matter how strange a fictional cultural value looks from our standpoint, this is objectively how it works in this world. There has to be an internal logic to every fantasy setting — that is their “realistic”. Rampantly injecting our “realistic” is going to look unrealistic in the context of the world. There’s no way you can convince me Novus isn’t the laughingstock of the world if this is what its best trainers look like. Even the Unovan and Kalosian kids, who start older, will have a leg up on the graduates by the time they’re the seniors’ age. Practical knowledge is more important than theoretical knowledge, in every field, every time.

Look, I don’t know how old you are, but if you’ve ever done an internship for a technical field, you will know exactly what I’m talking about. It doesn’t matter how good your school is or what you think you know. Actually applying your knowledge is a totally different skill you have to build separately. When I first entered a real lab I was a complete buffoon — even though I took lab courses! My teachers had told me what a lab looked like and what all the tools were and common techniques used. I still had to put in a lot of practice (and constantly badger my supervisor with questions) before I could work efficiently, and I’m still learning. And I’m a chemist, where everything I work with is nice and inanimate and won’t do anything until I mess with it — animal handling is ten times worse.

If almost everyone gets that practical experience when they’re kids, these guys are going to be significantly behind the curve, and their competitiveness in the international field is going to be completely shot. Moreover, even if you can find an in-universe justification for this, it’s really confusing for the people reading who are used to the games’ setup, especially since the games’ setup is a lot simpler. Like, why are you asking us for full teams if all their pokemon are… what, rentals? “Friends”, whatever that means? Are these pokemon they’re going to catch in the future? Except you also had a section saying that in-story captures are going to be through a different format. I have no idea what you want!

You asked why I dislike SYOCs. There are multiple reasons, but I can tell you one now: this. Dealing with authors who have a grand vision of some unique setting but who can’t articulate it well enough for me to make a character that fits. And I can’t even blame them, because of course it’s hard to explain your entire world and all your thoughts and feelings on what’s compatible and what isn’t, especially if you don’t want to spoil the story. This is why I kept telling you to just make your own characters. This format is inherently flawed.

Aug 3Do you seriously think I filled out four pages of excruciatingly detailed information just to prank you? Yes, my submission is serious. Regardless, I give this character to you freely. If you like him, use him and make him your own.

[Your view is you view. My view is my view.]

Okay, but I said why I hold my view and you didn’t. If you don’t want to argue, just say you don’t want to argue instead of quoting the whole section like you’re gonna reply to it.

[I asked for full teams to know what Pokemon they’ll catch on their journey.]

Thank you, yes, that’s the information I needed. You should state that more clearly on the form.

In that case, his team will have to have a different theme to it. Let’s see…

Pokemon No. 2: We can still have hatched pokemon, right? Eevee, “Umbra”. Ability: Adaptability/Sychronize.
She is cheerful, friendly, and enthusiastic, and she loves her trainer! He gives her the best food and grooming and massages all the time. This is the life! She’d do anything for him. (Havan plans to evolve her into an umbreon, as which point he will stop doting on her immediately. What? You expect him to keep up that work after he gets what he wants from her? Umbra will never forgive him for this; she will warn other pokemon of his shallowness, throw important battles, and generally sabotage him at every opportunity.)

Pokemon No. 3: Ralts. Her name is Cruelty. Havan calls her Athena, and plans to evolve her into a gardevoir. Ability: Synchronize
There is something very, very wrong with her: unlike most ralts, she seeks out hostility rather than fearing it, and delights in battle and hurting others. While other ralts fled before Havan’s contempt and powerlust, she was drawn to it. She will obey Havan as long as he can satisfy her bloodlust, but as she becomes stronger, she will become harder to control. Other psychics, especially ralts, are terrified of her.

Pokemon No. 4: Audino. Her name is Judgment-of-God. Havan calls her Freyja. Ability: Healer
She was highly respected among her group in the wild for her ability to deliver both justice and mercy. She has extremely good special attack for an audino, and can use the move Thunderbolt with amazing power, as if she is calling down the wrath of the gods. In turn, she is a very capable healer, and is drawn to people in need. However, she is not content to be the portable medpack Havan intends her to be; she is very willful, energetic, and extraverted. She’ll obey Havan’s orders in something as meaningless as a battle, but she doesn’t see why she needs this human to help her do her job. She will frequently wander off to talk to other pokemon and find people in need of her services. Havan loves to flaunt her as a badge of goodness, but secretly he’s looking to trade her for a more manageable pokemon. (Additionally, the wild audino of the region are not pleased that Havan took her away. They will spurn him at every turn, and he will never again know the light of their mercy.)

Pokemon No. 5: Machamp. I don’t believe I need to change this? He can get him in a trade at any point. Ability… I’ll say Guts.

Pokemon No. 6: I want to replace the dratini with a gabite. Her name is Sypak. Havan calls her Jormungandr. Ability: Sand Veil
Sypak is very friendly and polite, but also rather withdrawn and anxious. Her previous trainer caught her in Sinnoh, traveled to Novus, and got killed in a landslide. Her pokeball shattered and she was released unharmed, but stranded in an unfamiliar land. After a period of aimless and increasingly panicked exploring on her own, she will encounter Havan and try to convince him to take her home. He’ll get the gist of it… but he has no plans of actually delivering on his promise. Who in their right mind would just give up such a rare and lucky find? He’s sure she’ll come around. If she just travels with him a little longer, surely she’ll forget all about her home and understand her real purpose in life is helping him achieve his dreams.

23h ago[If I argue will you try to understand it?]

Yes.

[You’re the only one that didn’t understand]

Perhaps I was the only one who wanted to make a character with an established team. It’s understandable not to consider all possibilities, but you do need to be explicit about what you want and lock out potential misunderstandings.

[Also, we need to discuss his Ability in more detail (An Ability is NOT a supernatural power – it is actually heightened human senses).]

Okay, explain more.

23h agoThat sounds pretty supernatural.

[Silver Tongue has the opposite affect on Pokemon – it makes them greatly dislike Havan and be more fierce towards him and his Pokemon.]

That completely defeats the point of what I was trying to go for. He absolutely can make pokemon like him if he put as much effort into it as he does with humans; that’s what I showed with the first team I submitted. He just doesn’t, because he doesn’t think it’s necessary.

Honestly, I’m pretty weirded out by the concept of giving characters such mechanical abilities like this — like I said, this isn’t a video game. Charisma isn’t actually meant to be his prime skill anyway, it’s just a means to an end.

If you want something that affects battles… hm. How about we literalize the turn-based nature of RPGs? Havan is a very fast thinker and has more time to analyze his surroundings and make effective tactical decisions in crisis situations.

3h agoLuck is also unsuitable to him. His whole thing is that he hates the concept of luck and serendipity; he thinks people only ever deserve things if they put in the effort for it.

Look, how about he just doesn’t have an ability? That would fit with the idea of him as the unchosen one — he’s not the hero, he has no divine favor uplifting him or harrying him or caring about him at all. He’s a totally neutral spec with no inherent advantages or disadvantages.

Aug 4[I’d like to thank cookiecastlequeen, Naru Nanigoto, confections101, bladewielder05, TheStuffILike, Cloak192, X3rn345, The Gaming Geek Gina, St Elmo’s Fire and HIKAGE-SAMA for their supportive and constructive reviews!]

Why, thank you! I’m sure you wouldn’t mind another, then?

secs ago[as my story is understandable]

That’s exactly why I brought it up. Capitalizing common nouns makes stories less understandable. The purpose of grammar isn’t to split hairs over what’s “right” or “wrong”, it’s to make communication easier.

[Elmo-san]

We’re not speaking Japanese. Don’t co-opt Japanese language and culture. It’s incredibly racist and cringey.

secs ago[It may be cringey but it’s not racist.]

I’ve seen an awful lot of tirades from Japanese people who seem to think otherwise.

[What do I refer to you as then?]

I don’t know, maybe my name?

[Also, what kind of role do you want Havan to have?]

Ah, you finally ask the only important SYOC question. Most people don’t, so perhaps you’re a bar above the rest.

Havan is a dark mirror. When he asks, “What makes you so different?” that is not a rhetorical question. It is a challenge. I want you to really think about that question, and to have an answer by the end. Try to prove him wrong. How you go about doing that is up to you, but I think he works best in a subtle role. Make him look like a real hero, the better to sweep the rug out from people later. Use his behavior to reflect and further the theme.

Aug 5[Thank you for the compliment but I’ve never read an SYOC on this site so I don’t know how good they are.]

Seriously? You acted so confident that you were SURE your story would avoid all the pitfalls and how dare I think otherwise and this is your first rodeo? If you want to make it as a writer, you shouldn’t ignore other peoples’ experience.

[Would Havan truly be Havan if he was named Billy and had black hair and was middle-class?]

Yes. What matters about a character is what purpose they serve in the narrative. All else is trappings to help them serve that role. Perhaps in a different story, he would more effectively serve his role that way.

[how fitting would he be as a misguided antagonist?]

Havan isn’t misguided. He knows full well what he’s doing. He pretty much has to ultimately be an antagonist, but he’s a nonstandard one. He doesn’t have to directly oppose the heroes until it becomes clear there can be only one and that one is not him. In game terms, I guess he’d fulfill the role of a rival? Or Alder, heh. Someone who constantly shows up to steal the spotlight from you in every cutscene while all the NPCs swoon over how awesome he is.

But you’re missing the forest for the trees. Just do whatever accomplishes the theme I talked about. The specific role to use for that will change depending on the narrative, and since you keep refusing to tell me anything about the narrative, I can’t help you there.

secs agoOrrr you could… calculate outcomes based on what makes a better story, like everyone else?

For someone who hates being told what to do, you sure do love telling people to write your story for you. I could not care less what the stats are. Make them yourself.

secs ago[I CAN MAKE A BETTER STORY FROM ALL KINDS OF OUTCOMES. ]

Then prove it. I give you complete control over this aspect. Astound me with your creative skill.

Every other author seems to do just fine without literal stats for their pokemon, and without their readers spoonfeeding them every tiny detail. You’re not doing a good job of convincing me this story is going to succeed.

But if you’re really that creatively bankrupt, I will magnanimously provide you with the suggestion to allocate the stats perfectly equally.

2m ago[Lord Immature Brat]

Says the person who throws a fit when I give them one iota of responsibility? If you want me to treat you with respect, act like an adult.

Anyway, I already did. Allocate them perfectly equally, 12.5 in each stat.

Really though, I’m genuinely curious about this. Why don’t you want to allocate the stats yourself?

1m ago[A few words. ‘Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.’]

Yes, precisely. I’ve never violated this precept. You’re the one who came out swinging. I acknowledge my review was blunt. That’s not an excuse to respond with maximum hostility. If you had specific objections or concerns about my points, you should have given me rational counterarguments instead of throwing a tantrum.

[To respect the preferences of the creators]

I can understand this perspective, except I explicitly said my preference was to not have to jump through this hoop.

[one more reason I can’t tell you]

Can you still not see what a huge obstacle this is for co-writing?

Everything else I already provided in my initial submission, but I’ll repeat it: “As a lab-raised pokemon, they had very little contact with the outside world until Havan came along, and they are eternally grateful that he gave them a purpose. Born and raised for battle, they’re highly skilled and intelligent, but this can make them come off as snobbish and aloof towards other pokemon.”

secs ago[. . . . Since when were we ‘co-writing’?]

Since you asked people to make a part of the story for you. Co-writers don’t need to have equal contributions; even if someone does something as minor as contribute one character, they are a co-writer. Normally I wouldn’t describe SYOC fics this way, but you are asking an awful lot from us in these submissions. Also, you did just lock up when I told you to use your own creativity for something unbelievably minor and insignificant, so.

[And I did not respond with maximum hostility or throw a tantrum]

How would you describe your actions, then?