Dragon Quill

Now forty behind.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7753700/1/An_Ironic_Destiny

[The thought of the adventure and freedom that awaited him once he awoke left Largo in a peculiar state of half-consciousness. As he lay asleep, he dreamed vividly of what awaited him and his friend on the morning of their start as trainers. It had been perhaps four years of dreaming of this moment, and it already seemed so long ago that he realized this was the last night he would be dreaming. Growing up in the Kanto region, especially Pallet Town, the bar had been set high for both expectations and aspirations with the Red incident. Amidst the mess of excited ponderings and anxious waiting for his alarm, a distraction swept his dreams aside for a moment. Largo noted the odor of grass as he breathed deeply. Grass… Had his imagination run amok for too long? ]

This takes way too long to get to the point. Everyone starts the story like this. Even if you’re going somewhere different with it, you need to get there, not spend time talking about how kids want to be trainers. All you needed was for him to be half-asleep and then smell grass.

[The vivid, moist blades of green reflected the light of the mid-day sun, casting a dark shadow into the doubts of Largo’s mind. ]

If they’re green, they’re not reflecting the sun’s light, and you shouldn’t then use a shadow metaphor when you’re going on about brightness.

[Standing upright abruptly to find out what was going on, he instead went from lying on his belly to his back in mere moments, his inarguable paws hanging in front of his face as the shock of the fall forced him to stiffen his body. ]

The point of writing is to communicate clearly, not jumble everything up. This is a mess. It doesn’t read like it’s intelligent writing but like someone trying very hard to look intelligent. I’d really suggest getting someone else to look over your writing and clean it up.

[an Eevee ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Unwilling to look backwards into the ironic face of what he believed would be his ultimate demise, ]

What’s ironic about it and why would he expect it to be his death rather than his capture?

[“Well, my day’s officially ruined.” He sarcastically spoke to himself ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

And don’t use spoke as a speech tag, it isn’t.

[As the ball was lanced towards Largo, he shut his eyes and surrendered his consciousness to the dark corner of his mind that knew what he had just seen. ]

Since pokeballs only catch conscious pokemon and surrendering consciousness generally means not being so, that would mean he isn’t captured. You really need to think more about what your writing actually says.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7753700/3/An_Ironic_Destiny

…so basically, everything’s playing out exactly as if they’re regular pokemon, down to accepting their nicknames, obeying their trainer, being able to battle and not making any attempt to communicate. What’s the point?

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7753747/1/Silver#

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

And your writing is pretty bad. Your story is hard to follow because you don’t bother to explain what’s actually happening or why.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7754050/1/Hatskima_Adventures

[some Pokémon ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

Don’t jump between POVs. It’s bad writing. If you want, that sort of thing should be done in third person, not first.

This is mostly filler. You don’t need to say she’s eating cereal and running around. At the least, you could have jumped ahead to actually meeting the professor.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7754299/1/Pokemon_fun

This is terrible. Look up a basic grammar guide before you post.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7754359/1/Versus_the_Champion

This is terrible. Look up a basic grammar guide before you post.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7754325/1/Warrior

[a name yet,” The older Gallade frowned]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Things would have been much easier if you had been born a male – warrior names are very easy to come by.” ]

Gardevoir are powerhouses as well, and looking at it another way, that evolution’s open to both genders so if they weren’t considered warriors, there’s always the possibility of a male becoming a non-warrior. So why would they divide their society based on gender?

[Dawn kept an attentive eye on the trees, fully expecting her father to come leaping out of the branches and relieving her of these burdensome females. ]

And why “females” and not “strangers”?

This really reads like they’re basically humans. Her father doesn’t use psychic abilities to communicate with her, and there’s no sign she’s using it to sense people getting close to her, it’s described the same way a peevish human baby would be. There’s absolutely no mention of the fact ralts are supposed to be able to sense the emotions of those around them. Or even the fact that gardevoir can be either gender, so there should be non-gallade males running around instead of “male” and “gallade” being perfect synonyms.

I fear this may be headed in the direction of a story about how she hates female thing and decides to hang out with the boys and be a warrior instead.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7754596/1/Rising_Shadows

[The Espeon ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“My name’s Wes,” Tara’s trainer responded, ]

It’s rather awkward to give pokemon nicknames when in canon they don’t have any. And Wes really doesn’t seem the sort to name an espeon “Tara”.

[“Wes, I presume?” He asked. ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

[“Don’t,” he said, emotionlessly. Tara tried to argue, but Wes leaned down. “It’s too late for me. You and Shade need to get out of here and find Rui.” ]

The fact she tries to attack, fails because they brought another pokemon just to jam her abilities (a psychic type glass cannon easily taken out by, say, a dark type), then tries to attack a second time, is stopped by Wes, and then they have time to argue about it says that there really was plenty of time. It doesn’t make sense for them to dramatically point a gun at him and then wait ten minutes for him to send his pokemon off. If there really isn’t anything she could do, why not have him shot immediately and have the wound be fatal? That’d be a much better reason for him to insist there’s nothing to do to save him and they should escape instead.

The escape doesn’t make much sense either. There’s a bunch of Cipher members just hanging out at the exit, when they’re been hiding in the city for a month? If you want them attacked by a more competent bunch, why not have them attacked and have that be the thing kicking everything off, instead of them sitting around for a month, suddenly deciding to leave, and Cipher just happening to have people to block their escape right then?

[I know-in the game, both Espeon and Umbreon are male. However, it didn’t feel right to keep them as “just friends”, and since I’m not a yaoi writer (no offence to those of you who like yaoi, I’m just not into it), I had to go with a little plot adjustment. ]

So you like bestiality, but only as long as it’s het? You really need to think about your priorities. Regardless, unless you’re planning to write eeveelution on eeveelution action that would be well above your T rating, I don’t see why which pair of genitals you’ll never bring up matters.

A great example here of things where the explanation is far worse than the original thing. Just shut up. I wouldn’t have thought anything of one of the pokemon being female.

Also, they’re magic foxes. If boys who like boys are queer, boys who like female foxes are queerer. Way, way queerer. Queer enough most of the queer people will not let them into the clubhouse despite the clubhouse being all about letting people in.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7755152/1/please_come_back_to_me

Capitalize your title properly.

[I’m poor at wrighting emotion ]

Use spellcheck. And get a beta reader.

[after 6 weeks ]

Write out numbers with letters.

[“Hey, Pika, its me!”, you say. ]

“It’s” is short for “it is”. “Its” is the possessive.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

[I fell got hit by a car while I was riding my bike, and I fell asleep (was in a coma} for a long time! But luckily Lil (the sister} took care of you for me! From now on, I will be more carful.” ]

“Fell” doesn’t belong in the sentence, and you should have just said “was in a coma” and “my sister” instead.

I guess having it actually be a game is somewhat different, but you don’t really do much – the pokemon still seem able to interact with their trainer, and you don’t really explain how the guy was able to inspire such fanatic loyalty that without him his pokemon hope to die forever so they won’t miss him.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7755493/1/For_Peace

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Grovyle made his way through the forest of brown, unhealthy looking trees, trying to get the Sableye to continue to follow him. In fact, he was counting on them to stay right on his trail. If he played his cards right, then he would be able to get them off his backs long enough for him to search for the mysterious thief that had reached the prize he had been searching for. However, the problem was that the Sableye, while not exactly the brightest bulbs you would find anywhere, were insufferably tenacious in a group. This meant that, if he’d so much as take them on by himself, he’d be facing an uphill battle just trying to defeat all of them. To make matters worse, that strategy also ran the risk of attracting Dusknoir or, God forbid, Primal Dialga. No, it was best to just trap them and escape so that any of the ladder foes were none the wiser as to what had happened. ]

Your writing is a mess. It should be “back”, not “backs”, “you would find anywhere” doesn’t belong in the sentence, “so much as” can’t be used to just mean “if he did” (a valid use would be, say, if he so much as attacked one, all of them would attack him) and you mean “latter” not “ladder”. And the whole paragraph is full of sentences that don’t follow because you start off saying his original plan is X, then say “however” as if introducing a problem to his original plan, then end by saying that therefore he’ll go with his original plan which avoids that problem. Get a beta reader.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7755747/1/Evolution

[There are many methods by which evolution may be achieved. The average trainer is unaware of more than one or two of these methods. ]

Look, if we the players can easily remember the small handful of options, I hardly think people in-universe would average out knowing about one and a half. Considering how you lay out the history, it’d make more sense to say that for most of history, humans were unaware of the extra methods.

[Trainers who had worked for decades to achieve greatness were coming up against ten year olds with fully evolved teams they had trained for less than a year ]

While I can see there being a shakeup, evolution is hardly the only factor in how strong a pokemon is. A trainer who raised and evolved a tyranitar is not going to quake before a L5 arcanine.

[With trainers treating their pokemon with a deluded sense of equality, it seems that the pokemon succumb to a sort of Stockholm syndrome by which they grow closer to their captors. ]

That’s not what Stockholm syndrome actually involves. And don’t tell me it’s because he’s an evil guy who just doesn’t understand friendship, evil doesn’t mean you can’t understand simple psychological disorders.

Stockholm syndrome does not mean that when your captors are nice enough to you, you like them. It means that despite your captors being abusive, there’s still a good chance you’ll end up sympathizing with them and insisting they’re nice and care about you.

[It took us many years to find the proper trainers, from the cruelest children to the vilest criminals. ]

Wouldn’t it be faster just to torture the pokemon in the lab and then feed them a rare candy to see if they were ready to evolve? It’s a lot easier to make something hate you than love you. And doing it over a longer period of time risks actual Stockholm syndrome setting in and ruining the whole thing.

Discovering a new pet peeve – people misusing Stockholm syndrome to mean a sign the kidnappers were actually sort of decent.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7755809/1/stray_italian_greyhound

[“Your hair’s really dry,” Ethan hums as they wait for the waitress to bring them their orders. ]

If the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.

[“Why do you two drag me along on your dates?” Silver groans, covering his aching eyes with his hand.
There is silence for a few moments before Lyra speaks.
“I never thought of them that way,” she says, her voice sounding a bit confused. “Are they still dates if there are three people on them?”
“Wait – what?”
Ethan fiddles with one of the drawstrings of his hoodie, considering.
“I guess…” he says eventually. “As long as everyone likes each other the same, and all.”
Lyra smiles.
“Well, that’s not a problem then!”]

I laughed. Poor, poor Silver.

However, you don’t need so many paragraphs. Actions a person’s taking go in the same paragraph as what they’re saying, it helps keep who’s doing/saying what clear. So for example:

[“Why do you two drag me along on your dates?” Silver groans, covering his aching eyes with his hand.
There is silence for a few moments before Lyra speaks. “I never thought of them that way,” she says, her voice sounding a bit confused. “Are they still dates if there are three people on them?”
“Wait – what?”
Ethan fiddles with one of the drawstrings of his hoodie, considering. “I guess…” he says eventually. “As long as everyone likes each other the same, and all.”
Lyra smiles. “Well, that’s not a problem then!”]

This is cute, and I like the dynamic you have between them.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7755901/1/Kanto_A_Journey_To_Remember

[Before Jiyu knew it, the words were of his mouth, and charmander was attacking the source of the noise. ]

First, you need to better establish that they’re unusually jumpy, because attacking anything they hear seems criminally reckless. Second, you either need to say “his charmander” or, if you meant to use it as the pokemon’s name, “Charmander”, because you always capitalize names.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

[By the time the girl opened her eyes, Jiyu had gotten her to his home. ]

Why not a hospital? She was hit by a tree.

[“And I suppose you don’t know your own name either?”
“You’re right,” the girl said, as if this was some amazing discovery. “I don’t.” Jiyu blinked, unsure whether the girl was joking or not. Her eyes were a clear robin’s egg blue, and they practically screamed ‘CONFUSION’. Jiyu sighed. “Well, I suppose it might be my fault, knocking you down with a tree and everything.”]

Look, really not how amnesia works. You’d have some wiggle room if it was a psychic attack and not a tree, since we know what the latter does.

[“So I suppose I’m stuck with an amnesiac now?”]

I really don’t understand what chain of logic says that the fact you injured a healthy person means you’re the one meant to to care for them now that they’re more vulnerable. Get her to a hospital already.

[Jiyu couldn’t keep his jaw from falling. This was getting weirder and weirder. The girl sounded like she knew what it was like to fight on the Victory Road. ‘She must be a pretty advanced trainer,’ Jiyu thought. ‘Pity that her memories are blank.’ ]

Don’t use ‘ for thoughts, it makes it look like it’s being spoken. Also, if she’s a trainer, the better question is if she still has her pokemon. Maybe she’d get her memories back if she saw them, failing that, they at least need someone to take care of them.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7756099/1/Tickling

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7756195/1/A_Rise_from_Ashes

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7756271/1/Legendary_PKMN_Arc_Two_Zero

[“You’re probably wondering why I asked you to come, Arceus.” Began Giratina. ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

[the god of all Pokémon. ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7756313/1/Pokemon_Mystery_Dungeon_Team_Amethyst

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

[The Absol ]

You really don’t need to repeat the same bits from game opening. Focus on whatever about your story is changed, not what everyone’s already seen.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7756617/1/Melted_Ice

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

At least this one has a relationship with an adult pokemon, and hopefully won’t end up fucking the kid.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7756886/1/Love_Comes_in_All_Dimensions

[I am 14 years old. ]

Write out numbers with letters.

[my Grandmother ]

If it’s not being used as her name, it’s not capitalized.

[“Open up, now!” The gruff voice said ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

Also, your syntax is terrible, get a beta reader.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7756927/1/Pokemon_Mystery_Dungeon_Echoes_of_Shadows