Trying to read the final set of Shiplympics stuff ate up my time, so this is late. Ah well. Those fic were good as well!
For those of you who inexplicably didn’t read the best part of Homestuck because you hate freedom and puppies, this set should be made of characters you’ll recognize. They’re just not the best character in Homestuck, and you’ll have to continue living in a tragic and Intermission-lacking world until you realize what a horrible mistake you’ve made.
it won’t be long ’til we’re found
I love the subtlety of this. There’s a great deal left inferred without going to the point I ever had to stop and actually work it out – the things that aren’t said are just as clearly there as those that are. The characterization of this is perfect, perhaps most of all that it doesn’t seem static. They’re them even as they’re changing bit by bit.
And I like that it’s hopeful, because they do need hope.
Disgusting, OOC character-bashing. Perhaps you should ask yourself why you’re so invested in making Vriska cackling evil so a boy can call her a bitch and then slowly beat her to death.
This thing has twenty-three kudos. I wasn’t sure if I should touch it or not, but it does technically contain Jack.
“She told me,” he says, “W-well, she told that fuckin’ duplicitous lowblood an’ maybe I overheard. Oh god, I’m so pathetic.”
“Don’t make me cut you again,” says Jack.
This is perhaps the most perfect summation of their characters to ever exist.
I love how you’ve written Eridan, he’s so terribly pitiable without there being any sense that excuses any of it. And I love the writing itself, which is just beautiful. And Rose’s choice of revenge. And Jack, just for being Jack.
My one quibble would be Scratch – this predates him being quite so awful, but he doesn’t feel necessary here. It feels like this could easily have played out the same without his intervention, and he’s never shown the ability to nudge minds like that. I don’t think he’s needed for Rose to know what’s going on, either – Karkat saw the whole thing and was left alive to tell what happened. And having it be an orchestrated revenge doesn’t really add much. Having it be Eridan simply reaping what he sowed seems more fitting.
Shortly after, Droog landed a good blow, and the man limped off as fast as possible, holding his impaled arm. Droog would have given chase, but who leaves a 6-sweep old girl alone in a restaurant?
Uh, Droog? I’m pretty sure Droog would do that.
The whole of this is just terribly OOC. I realize the daddy-droog meme is crack, but crack only works when it’s canon dialed up to eleven and warped enough to be fun. This has none of the over-the-topness of those, if anything, the characters are even more toned down than their canon selves. Karkat is barely recognizable and Aradia is just some generic girl.
“Kakrat, if I ever run for 15 minutes straight, smack me.” Aradia told him weekly.
“Will do… I’m guessing that you aren’t doing to good in Phys Ed?” Karkat chuckled weekly.
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” Aradia shot back,
Aradia is a kid who went out and dug up ancient Alternian ruins before she was even six sweeps only. She’s probably in pretty good condition. Also, weekly is a unit of time. Weakly is what you want here.
And your villain is boring. He’s just some guy who for some reason is planning something bad that will involve the kids. The kids are hardly helpless and they’ve got the Midnight Crew protecting them, you really have to do more to make someone seem like a valid threat than that he attacked (and failed to hurt) Droog with the brilliant plan of walking up to him in the middle of a restaurant without any plan or, apparently, weapon, and now he’s sitting looking at an evil picture wall of sinisterness.
This looks like it was heading toward villain stu. The stu subclass is marked by an author thinking the character is really, really badass just for standing around. This is pretty much the standard format – stu has a POV scene in the beginning and/or end where he sits around being sinister, and he’ll also show up from the character’s POVs but not being much of a threat. The author never bothers to sell the guy as an actual threat..
I would do pretty much anything for there to be another chapter of this. Your take on the characters and world is incredible, inventive and creepy while still slotting neatly into the canon framework. The idea of the queens being sent back in another time loop like the players is particularly good – it lets them be there from the start while still having their own histories and underscoring just how locked into the mechanics they are.
POVs for today are:
PM, WV
Vriska, in a manner of speaking
Eridan, Doc Scratch, Jack
Aradia
Jack
So, three female POVs to three male POVs. Interesting! If you’d asked me, I definitely wouldn’t have guessed that the troll girls would be showing up more often, since the defining carapace relationship there seems like Jack and Karkat.
Oh, so you ARE doing ones that only tangentially involve carapaces?
You do realize that means you will be reviewing Gamestuck, right?
Well, I may just be skipping over some. Depends. I mean, you already laid out why Gamestuck is terrible and the author’s response was they didn’t care.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Urgh, so many terrible choices in that fic. The good, persecuted carapaces are Capital people and the tyrant is a Victor from 12 WHY? If you’re doing the carapaces-are-adults thing and you need a mentor for your protagonists, there’s actually someone in the Homestuck cast who fits the psychological profile of a Victor pretty much perfectly. And instead they made her a stylist.
But Slick is a poor woobie! He is the most perfectest fit.
Actually the only way that could have been better is if he was picked for the game as a tribute and we get to see how he’s ~secretly noble~.
Never fear, we could still get that in backstory!
If Slick is from a district he’s from one of the career districts. I have decided that the career districts intentionally send their young psychopaths to the Games, because what else are psychopaths good for if not doing things that would traumatize normal kids? It’s an explanation for the inescapable canonical fact that some of the career tributes really are teh evulz that still boils down to their districts just trying to make the best they can out of a terrible situation.
Hm, that actually works really well because it also explains why the career districts send kids of different ages instead of having a nice lineup where everyone waits to be eighteen before going.
How would Snowman fit into this, though? Were they the worst district partners ever and the capital let them both live because they were so entertaining?
I kind of want Snowman to be Coin. The sad and hilarious thing is that Slick would react to being taken into 13 with about the same level of grace as Our Heroine did.
That fits but it means Snowman dies while Slick lives happily ever after with, I don’t know, Droog? Problem Sleuth? Whoever the hell Peeta is.
Eep. Okay, that’s one intense reaction. Horrible, soul-crushing mistake recognized. I trust your opinion to a fault, and will go read the Intermission when able. Please feel free to go back to reviewing primarily Felt!fic, and not hate me, if at all possible.
I really am just going in order. The last section had a lot of Coz fic, which meant Intermission, this section lacked her which usually means other flavors of carapace.
Are you going to be reviewing the lastet round of shipping Olympics do you think, here or on lj?
I was planning to do it on LJ, but it’s so much work it doesn’t look like I can do both at once. So I think I’ll put it up here and the analysis over there.
/thread implosion
No it doesn’t, because we’re writing this fanfic and we like both Coin and Snowman way too much for that to happen. :)
…I am suddenly tempted to actually do some sort of short crossover fic. But no one would get it.
It’s amazing what a little brainstorming with close friends can make seem like a good idea. This is why Moirail Babies exists.
There is a solution. They could be reading the book for school.
IDK wouldn’t that make them more likely to be thinking of it terms of ~themes~ which they are obviously not doing?
That’s assuming Slick would listen during class, which is unnecessarily charitable.
You know how sometimes schools say to write an alternate ending or something as homework?
And I already have a lovely PDF of the story just ready for minor alterations.
Oh I misunderstood what you were saying. Actually I still don’t understand what you’re saying.
OH WAIT you mean for your current carapace AU okay gotcha. :DDDDD
I think the Fandom Police will come for me if I start another crackfic on top of that one.
Yeah, I just thought we’d suddenly gone back to hypothesizing about what was up with the original Gamestuck author.
But yes, that is an excellent solution. High school AUs are all about packing in the self-indulgent in jokes. :D
The thought process behind Gamestuck is beyond me. It’s won.