One-sixth of all fic today has one-third of the population transform into pokemon.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180417/1/I-wish-you-were-here
[Her flight to Hoenn was canceled, without the chance to book another one. She wasn’t told why, but she suspected that the employees were striking again for better payment. It was something they usually did when holidays were approaching to pressure the airlines. The more people were affected from this and were angry at the airlines, the better.]
This is a really bizarre opening setup. Flight cancellations are famously common during winter holidays from the combination of an unusually high number of people using it and unusually bad weather, and strikes are generally public. To immediately jump instead to the idea that there’s a secret strike just so she can blame workers for it seems delusional, and far from adding legitimacy to her claim, the idea that this happens every year around this time and it’s always definitely totally those mean striking workers and never the known problems that should be a factor is just making it look even more like she’s just so anti-union that any time she stubs her toe she assumes they’re behind it – especially given you do have her go straight from “she suspected” to telling Steven it’s a fact that they’re striking. I guess this could be a bit of characterization to try to establish what about Steven the heir to a massive company she likes so much, but as it’s super negative, it’s not really working in terms why be invested in this ship the story revolves around. At this point the most emotion this evokes in me is “hm, she’s awful, but maybe Steven is also awful, in which case it’s good neither of them is dating anyone else, as those people are probably less awful and don’t deserve to be dealing with either of them”.
Also, she has flying pokemon, so in addition to the whole thing being super offputting, it’s weird that commercial flights are such a sticking point here. Plus they’re both really rich, so if for some reason the fact pokemon exist is getting ignored, private jets exist.
[“Hello Cynthia. Are you on the way to the airport?” The man at the other end of the phone asked without further ado, straight to the point. ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[A huge Garchomp ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
[To confirm her suspicions, Cynthia turned around, threw her hair back, looked up through the noise and spotted something she didn’t expect to see on this day – or rather someone .
The man with prominent light steel blue hair stood in a helicopter’s door frame, clinging to a thick rope and waving at her. “Did you miss me?!” The man shouted and started lowering himself down from the hovering helicopter.
Tears started creeping up in her eyes – tears of joy and relief. She couldn’t believe it, but even after blinking a dozen times nothing changed! Her boyfriend who just landed on the ground, about 10 meters in front of her and bid farewell to the helicopter that left the scene, was in fact real!]
Okay, so private jets don’t exist and neither do flying pokemon, but long distance travel is possible on helicopters? Genuinely don’t know why you wouldn’t just go with chartering some sort of flying pokemon, and if you hadn’t spent all that time on how much you hate workers and had it be a weather thing, then Steven being willing to ride on a pokemon through bad weather to be with her on New Year’s would’ve been a much stronger gesture than the weather being totally fine and the flight going totally fine and it only being the mean ol’ common workers standing in the way of two incredibly rich people getting together.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180441/1/Duskwardens
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180453/1/Second-Wind
[“Sorry I’m late…my folks took forever to go to sleep tonight so I had to wait before I could steal their Pokemon…”
“It’s alright Claudia, no worries,”
“It’s not like any of us plan to go anywhere right now, we’re lucky you have the goods and your hear safely”]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
“You’re” is short for “you are”, “your” is the possessive.
Hear is for sound, here is for place.
If you’re going to do a plotline that’s heavy on drug use, you should probably think a bit more about that than “somehow, a full dose of all three toxic powders add up to something safe” and “anti-psychotics are totally the drug of choice for addicts”.
Given it seems they’re using the venomoth regularly, it’d be plausible the pokemon’s learned just go lightly on the toxic dust and is instead giving them a very light dusting of poison. Or if it must be a combo, sleep and paralysis seem less obviously bad than straight up poisonpowder and more plausibly possibly canceling out a little to keep them alert enough for this conversation but calmer. (And, with that being a combination of two things that mess with the nervous system, also plausibly the sort of thing that’s still not very safe and puts you at risk of heart or breathing issues – having it be explicit would fit well with the overall sense that this is helping them cope, but that it’s limited and has its own problems.)
For parents evilly selling their kid’s medication, the most obvious one would be medication for chronic pain. Brain medications are more likely to not work if they’re disrupted or otherwise have the total amount in your system altered than painkillers, and painkillers are also the one people are most likely to think they can try to tough it out with, so it fits with him initially trying to excuse it and let his parents sell some of it. And it’d mean he’s fully aware of exactly what’s happening despite the lack of medication. Meanwhile, pretty much all schizophrenia meds are not addictive and in fact often pretty awful to be on even when they’re helping.
[“Venomoth, use Stun Spore then fly home…I’m sorry for using you in such a way…I hope you can forgive me,”]
Why on earth would you pick paralysis instead of sleep for your suicide? And if it’s sheer self-loathing, surely poison is the worst way to go?
Also, throughout this there’s the issue that this is the universe of kids having pokemon wandering around, and you don’t give any explanation for why just leaving to be a pokemon trainer isn’t an option. All of them are more than old enough and have access to pokemon. If you want to do a story that requires kids to be trapped with their families until they hit 18, you need significantly more setup, like saying things like drug use or even just a mental illness diagnosis are enough to get your license yanked.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180653/1/Noivern-and-Friends-How-Noivern-Got-His-Wellies
Use spellcheck.
[“I love wellies so much, I wouldn’t be caught not wearing them.” he’d say to his friends. ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[just a small little Noibat ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180777/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Mystery-Dungeon-Renegades
[For such a small Pokémon ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
[“The rock-types are all-over the place these days,” said the Gurdurr, “bloody ranges are crawling with them. No offence, Jeff.”
“None taken,” said the Roggenrola, “can’t stand those anti-social tossers. Making the ranges less safe for the rest of us, even the rock-types.”]
So this is the sort of exchange that you’d only actually see in a situation where the second speaker is actually part of a group suffering a ton of discrimination to the point they don’t dare speak up and instead their only option is to agree to try to be “one of the good ones” and try to turn it back to how only most are bad but they personally aren’t. Because you don’t have them complaining about pokemon who happen to be rock types. You have them just saying rock types, and not only that, but the body of their objection is that rock types shouldn’t even be allowed to live in those locations. If you’re trying to get across that they’re all poke-racist, then this sure works.
More broadly, as a spinoff, this doesn’t really work. It feels like there’s missing information about the setting and investment in the characters that you expect a reader to already have, more like another chapter of a larger work than something that should be posted as a standalone thing.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180820/1/Brock-s-new-year-party
Capitalize your title properly.
[It was a peace day in pewter, pokemon playing with their trainers, flying types soaring above the city, It was beautiful. Until those flying pokemon were freighted and flew up to the clouds and the trainers were pushed out the way. ]
That “peace” should be “peaceful”. As Pewter is the city’s name, it should be capitalized. If “It was beautiful.” is a new sentence, the previous sentence should end in a period and not a comma, if it’s not, then you shouldn’t have capitalized “it”. “Freighted” should be “frightened”. And “pushed out the way” should be “pushed out of the way”. I would strongly recommend finding a beta reader.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180828/1/Erza-s-Brother
I really don’t think it’s a good idea to have meticulous power rankings like this, as the main thing it does is deflate tension because you’re more or less either establishing that the outcome of a given battle will inevitably be X based on the rules, or your main character will be able to violate the rules despite the outcome otherwise being X and just as inevitably get the opposite result.
[Potential:
Red: Can only master 2 moves, learns moves very slowly, will most likely not be able to evolve, almost impossible to be able to reach gym level, most common pokemon in the wild.
Orange: Can only master 3 moves, learns moves slowly, will likely not be able to evolve to final form, almost impossible to be able to reach quasi-elite level, commonly found in the wild.
Yellow: Can only master 4 moves, learns moves at an average pace, might be able to evolve to final form with proper training, can be frequently found among breeders, but rarely in the wild.
Green: Can only master 5 moves, learns moves at an above-average pace, should be able to evolve to final form with proper training, can be rarely found among breeders or deep in the wild.
Blue, Indigo, Violet: Can learn 6,7, and 8 master moves respectively. A generational level talent that trainers dream of acquiring.]
This in particular – why. What purpose does it serve? The pokemon your main character gets, and also every other one, is going to be whatever color you want it to be. This is exactly the same as just having pokemon with unknown potential some of which turn out to master more and better moves, except again, it’s telling the reader right at the start that this particular one will and removing any tension.
[Ibrahim Erba
Number Pokemon Trained: 18]
Similarly – if their exact moveset is so important, then go into it when they’re mentioned in the story. A long list of exactly what pokemon at what level with what moves for a guy who hasn’t even shown up yet is duller than usual. At the least post your actual story chapter first and then your story-spoiling exact ranks.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180828/2/Erza-s-Brother
[“Looks like Virizion has moved on.” said “it’s been a month, I guess I should probably leave then too.” ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[However, it looks like we will have to continue it on our calling out my Tropius, I hop on and start flying out of the forest. ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
Also, proofread better, you’re missing words all over the place.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180834/1/Welcome-to-the-Insane-World-of-Omakes
[Omakes for the Insane World of Pokémon. The other fic people want to actually read. ]
I don’t know why you even think it’s the “other” fic. Surely at some point in encountering actual omakes you noticed that they go with the actual thing they’re for? You don’t just turn on the TV and see omakes in place of a show. You don’t find an omake as an individual manga on the shelf. In Japanese culture, and shockingly every other culture, you do not post the dumb joke extras as a completely separate body of work.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180908/1/A-Special-Pearl
[Check out this cute AMV where I got the lyrics: /6PUyo160qok
A/N: Phew! Last time I was here (on this site) I was raving about some crappy samsung tablet I won on my high school sober grad night in another story., now I have new 1 year old microsoft surface pro tablet that’s waaaaaaaaaaaaay better than that old one. Been spending all my time on AO3 lately. Took me a while to find a way to log in after forgetting both my old email and password for FFN, I hate the format of ads inserted into the stories and jacking up the format writers set up for their stories here, it just feels so disrespectful. The only reason why I’m crossposting this story here is because a nice reviewer by the name of, Satoshi_Ryuusei asked me to post some Pearlshipping on FFN. I do also plan on crossposting this on Wattpad, which I feel gets the most traction for pokemon fanfics lately. If any Rocketshippers want to dive into an in depth world building origin story for the TRio check out my other fanfic, “To Denounce The Evils of Truth and Love,” on AO3: /works/33021835]
FFN strips links. Check what your story text looks like before posting. To get across a link more clearly, try things like replacing the periods with spaces.
[“Wha- huh? No of course not! Uh congrats Misty?” Ash stammered out awkwardly. Misty huffed at him exasperatingly.
“Geez, It’s not like I’m getting married.”]
You should make sure to keep actions and speakers on the same line. I know the common explanation is that you should start a paragraph when you have a new speaker, but the more exact statement is just that you shouldn’t have two speakers in the same paragraph, not that everything before the dialogue stays with the previous paragraph. So this should be:
[“Wha- huh? No of course not! Uh congrats Misty?” Ash stammered out awkwardly.
Misty huffed at him exasperatingly. “Geez, It’s not like I’m getting married.”]
And the same is true all the other times it comes up. The thing a person does right before or while speaking and their speaking itself is considered the same paragraph topic.
[“Sounds like you two are a perfect pair.” Ash said as he gripped his hat on his head.]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[“Honestly Ash, do you ever grow up? Sometimes it’s like your that same dumb kid who destroyed my bike all that time ago.”
“Honestly Ash, do you ever grow up? Sometimes it’s like your that same dumb kid who destroyed my bike all that time ago.”]
Repeated for some reason.
[ She better be someone who can get you’re heart pumping like you’re ready for battle. ]
“You’re” is short for “you are”, “your” is the possessive.
[“Hey look!” Ash bent to reach his hands in the water and grabbed the shiny thing that caught his eye before it floated away. “Check it out, it’s a pearl!”]
Pearls don’t float. They’re made of shell. “Washed away” or “pulled away by the current” or such would work. But if it’s floating, it’s a plastic bead he’s mistaken for a pearl and Misty has even more inexplicably not realized.
[A/N:
Timeline to make Ash 13:
Year 0 Age 10:
May – June (kanto)
June – July (Orange Islands)
July – August (Johto)]
I’m pretty sure you can do whatever for many seasons, but the first season does actually mention time. 20th episode is the summer festival, and the full season is 80 episodes, meaning it’s pretty unlikely it wraps up in mid June for the Orange Islands to be taking place midsummer even before we get into that actual literal Christmas happens later on in the first season.
Fundamentally, you really can’t cram over twenty seasons across every region into three years. If you want Ash to be thirteen, just say he’s thirteen instead of trying to torture a month by month timeline to fit with the idea. It’s never going to.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180974/1/Hard-Sell-from-Outer-Space
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
[The pathetic paw-held fans they bought at a Pokémon Mart just weren’t cutting it for beating the heat. ]
Well, no, fans don’t work very well if you’re covered in fur and, presumably, not covered in sweat glands either.
[“No, I want to hear about it. What did she say?” Zelda was curious, but then a Clefairy wearing a Campfire Pokémon Club hat and a sash with fabric badges holding a box of cookies popped up from under Midna’s sofa cushion! Impa and Zelda screamed, as the cushion sailed through the air and landed on top of the coffee table. Then the Clefairy shouted, “Hi! I’m raising money for Campfire Pokémon Club Troop 1234567890! Won’t you please help us achieve our goal of raising ten trillion Poké to buy our leader a new spaceship—I mean, help us buy new canoes?” ]
New speaker means new paragraph.
A story that’s just people sitting around being bored and hot does not transform into interesting when you say it’s pokemon that are sitting around being bored and hot in exactly the same way humans would. I think the only part of this that actually interacts with the setting at all is that teleport is a move, but clefairy don’t learn teleport barring gen1’s TM that almost every pokemon can use, and while the clefairy teleporting into the room could’ve been because of a metronome we don’t see, you instead have the clefairy popping out of the couch in the most bog standard “wacky humor” way with any annoying character, and instead knowing the move to leave again.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14180987/1/The-Big-Change-In-Life
[“I guess school time is over now. Thank you to everyone who already attending the class and I’ll see you all next week” The teacher says as she stands up and leaves the class.]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[The teacher says as she stands up and leaves the class.
The students start packing up their belongings and books afterward.]
It’s kind of weird that the teacher is off like a shot as soon as the bell rings. What you’ve written here is that she’s already gone before any of the students even begin to pack up to leave.
[“Hey, do you guys wanna go to the Canteen for a second?” ask one of the students.
“Sorry I can’t, I have to get back home early to help my parents with stuff” Reply one of them.]
This should be “asks” and “replies”. You have other errors scattered throughout this. I’d really suggest finding a beta reader.