Today, an unusually abusive outgrowth of sueish specialness.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11678670/1/The-Pikachu-s-Pills-Trilogy-I-Let-s-Help-Pikachu

Alright, sorry for the delay.

The first thing that strikes me is that the opening is a list of apparently random objects that you presumably chose for their shared first letter in the fic’s original language. It seems it’d make more sense to replace them with a string of different random objects that alliterated better. As the story continues, there keeps being the sense that the sentence is being tortured into this shape in service of a joke but with the joke missing. You have these long sentences that let you drop in extra adjectives, but there’s no longer the point to them. A literal translation just doesn’t make much sense for a fic that was more about a particular style than the ideas inside it.

While writing a fic where all the words start with one letter is probably too hard to do a second time around, a less restrictive rule like making sure to have alliteration in each sentence should be doable. A lot of the sentences have words that could be swapped: “treacherous Purrloin, plump Pangoro, beautiful porn actress, tearful Petilil” could be “perfidious Purrloin, plump Pangoro, pretty porn performer, puling Petilil” – and more easily if you’re willing to swap out some words that just don’t have a good fit.

Also, only proper nouns/names get capitalized, so words like “pokemon” aren’t.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Okay, I owed that from like last year…and sadly, this does not even resolve that owing people from ages ago issue.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317940/1/Pokemon-Eclipse-Dawn-of-Detruction

Your title is misspelled.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

This really doesn’t seem like it works as a stand-alone story. You’re treating the main character as if they’re already established and there’s no need to introduce them or put in any effort to make them interesting, which is all the worse when they’re not a character that fits into canon but somehow hops around dimensions and you don’t explain any of it.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317979/1/A-Pokemom-s-Viewpoint-The-static-of-gold

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Proofread. This is packed with errors.

One, quite enthusiastic: “10/10 Reveiw”

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317999/1/Scenes-from-Childhood

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

There really isn’t much point in saying the characters are pokemon if they function exactly like regular humans.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12318147/1/The-Tale-of-Zeke-Rise-of-Sinnoh

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

[The Rebellious figure urns to me]

[ i wanted to]

Proofread better.

“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

[I have gone ahead and gotten you Pre-Approved for a Poképhilia license. ]

[I will be granted permission to finally be with Tana without being accused of Poképhilia by anyone.]

I really don’t see how a license to commit something means no one says you’re doing it any longer.

[This Pokémon by my side is Tana, a Shiny Braixen]

Huh. I thought this was doing a better than usual in that you’re talking about them as partners and not making a big deal of ownership but then this. Your character may honestly care about her as a person, but as far as the narrative goes, pretty clear it’s just about getting the best trophy. Why else would he just so happen to be soulmates with an insanely rare shiny and not all the less special fennekin?

It is super interesting what you can learn about relationships in fiction through the lens of the pokemon fucking fics. Is this really different from a guy just so happening to run into a perfect human girl who falls in love with him? It’s just that we know the odds for one of them and it’s not tied directly to a sexually attractive characteristic, so it seems even more shallow.

Zero. Perhaps because it’s not objectifying enough.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12318178/1/Moving-on-without-him

spoilerz

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12318198/1/Weakness

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12318420/1/Pokemon-Sol-and-Luna

Write out numbers with letters.

[Yeah mom]

[first Alolan Pokémon]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12318423/1/A-Coward-s-Demise

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

Not really sure what to make of this. You have one person ranting at another in service of some point you’re making about cowardice, but the few details you bother to give about the situation this all revolves around don’t really have much to do with things that happen in canon. Someone stole one trainer’s pokeballs, then murdered all their pokemon with a pile of arbok because…? And now the trainer’s going to die because the other trainer’s hates the idea of someone selfishly not trying to save their pokemon. despite acknowledging it really wouldn’t have mattered and the fact the kid doesn’t seem to have even understood what was happening. And the dialogue is more didactic than actually giving either one characterization, so it’s hard to care much about them.

Elaborating more on the setup could make what happens to the scared kid seem more justified or more tragic, or presenting it as an actual discussion and not a one-sided rant. As it is, you really didn’t lay the proper groundwork for the events to have meaning.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12318445/1/Pokemon-Kanto-Chronicles

There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

[“You are right, Caine. Bryce will be given one last chance before graduation,” Douglass finished. Bryce jumped out of his seat and began to dance around the room, irritating Mr. Marshall and getting a chuckle out of his principle before he regained a straight face.]

“Principal”. Also, why?

Bryce is obviously disruptive, and even if we assume no one else actually cares that he’s spraypainting insults to teachers in classrooms (…because they have a magic wand that can clean the mess up?) he’s also wasting everyone’s time by making them all be there, and the one teacher who does object is obviously going to keep complaining, wasting even more of the principal’s time. He’s completely unrepentant, so there’s not much point in giving him any other chances – it’s not like he learned his lesson, given he was being a stupid asshole seconds before this and keeps being a stupid asshole immediately after this.

If the idea is that there’s massive nepotism going on and the principal is some equally unqualified asshole who cares more about supporting his friend than running the school, you kinda need to go into that, because it’s not the normal state of affairs.

[“What’s cute is how a family cares so much for one another, even looking past that one’s flaws,” Koji answered, making Bryce growl at Koji.

“That’s what makes us a family, Koji,” Caine responded with a small smile, causing Koji to shake his head with a sad smile on his face. Koji reached over to his white bike and unchained it. He sat on his bike’s seat and looked at the Valon duo.

“Well, let’s just see how far faith and trust will take little Bryce, now won’t we?” Koji questioned.]

[“Why does Koji think he’s so great?” Bryce inquired aloud, making his father place a hand on his son’s shoulder.

“Seems like you’ll just have to knock him down a peg,” Caine responded. ]

Wow. So I guess that’s a yes on the massive corruption and assholery thing. Someone objects to Bryce getting away with anything he wants just because his dad knows the principal, his dad says son, fuck that kid up, you are so perfect and how dare he judge you for the things we all know you did. Rules are for other people, and other people who question this obvious fact should suffer for it.

Also, “questioned” doesn’t mean “asked”. While we’re at it, “stated” shouldn’t be getting used all over the place either.

[“You are grounded for a week, not leaving this house unless you are going to school, and are restricted off television and internet privileges until the week is up!” Bryce’s mom finished, putting both of her hands on her hips and exhaling, clearly exhausted from scolding her son. Caine looked from afar and covered his face to keep himself from laughing aloud. Bryce saw what his father was doing and scoffed.]

Ooh, twist! So he does have one parent desperately trying to actually raise him to be a functional person, but it’s futile because his dad not only gives her no support but actively undermines her.

[“Montana, just relax,” Caine said. “I’m sure Bryce isn’t that dumb not to understand what being grounded means.” Montana sucked her teeth, but eventually gave in and walked away along with her husband, leaving Bryce to himself. Waiting until they made it all the way up the steps, Bryce smirked and ran into the living room portion of his house and saw Pichu sitting next to a little brown haired kid with a yellow Pikachu shirt and had on brown shorts. The duo had their eyes glued to the TV, in which a battle was being shown.]

And indeed, he just goes right off to watch TV.

And now the dad’s gaslighting the mom by laughing at her complaints and saying that she’s only mad because they’re ~so alike~.

[“For starters, both of you get easily agitated. Next, you two both hate to be corrected,” Caine stated. ]

Like jesus christ, this poor woman. He picks a description that means if she argues at all, he’ll just laugh as say this proves what he was saying about her getting upset over nothing and refusing to accept he’s right. I hope she gets out soon.

[With that, Bryce dragged his little brother away and left their parents baffled, but later just accepted what happened.]

Oh wow and also he gets free rein against his siblings. So I guess in addition to the other things Dad plays favorites and won’t even protect the other kids against Bryce’s shit.

[“We didn’t specify when you wouldn’t rat me out, so you’ll just have to keep your mouth closed, little brother,” Bryce responded, deviously. The older brother then began walk away, leaving Jack alone in the hallway.]

Ugh. And it probably works, doesn’t it – it’s obvious Bryce wouldn’t really get punished even if he does tattle and just as obvious that Bryce can do a lot to him in retaliation, plus the fact he has to tattle Bryce was breaking the rules of the grounding and not being awful to him means that their parents wouldn’t care. But so long as Bryce pretends it’s a deal they make he can say it’s all the fault of a kid less than half his age for “breaking” it and not him just being a horrible, abusive brother, so the kid would rather pretend this is an equal transaction – he doesn’t tell on Bryce for breaking any rules ever, and in return, Bryce doesn’t keep harassing him in one specific way, until Bryce no longer needs his silence and goes right back to doing so.

[1. How do you like the story so far?]

It’s sickening.

[2. So far, who is your favorite character so far?]

The poor woman struggling to raise her children, unaware one of them’s already a monster and that her husband is the sort of controlling abuser who thinks it’s funny to make her doubt her own feelings.

[3. Which Pokemon do you think Mr. Marshall put on the paper?]

One that won’t be enough to stop this asshole from getting the license he shouldn’t have.

[4. Graduation Arc Predictions?]

Bryce gets away with everything, girl who doesn’t like him gets gaslighted about it a whole bunch and eventually marries him.

Four, three of which single out Bryce as great.