Little quality today but reasonable variety.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10969594/1/Pokemon-Bloody-Greenish-Yellow

The category’s trolls continue to be disappointments.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10969683/1/New-world

Capitalize your title properly.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“It’s not yet too late! I can treat Victini’s wounds and even if she was dead they can still revive her from her bones” Geo said sadly as he began to bandage Victini up. ]

…well then why even try to treat her if bone-resurrection somehow counts as the same person?

Four.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10969696/1/days-i-won-t-forget

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

This is pretty incoherent.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10969738/1/Skorupi-and-I

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Professor Birch has ran out of starter Pokémon, which means I am legally not allowed to become a trainer.  ]

Except that almost no other trainer has the starter pokemon, so obviously no.

[“Oh my gosh!” I yell, as I see the pristiline Pokéball sitting in the palm of my hand. “I- I got a Pokémon?!”
My father nods. “I made some exceptions with the Hoenn Pokémon League. I know the champion, we’re actually quite good friends. He doesn’t mind, especially as you’re my special boy.”]

See this just makes the dad look kind of assholish. Either there’s a good reason, in which case getting a special exception is bad, or this is the sort of thing that wrecks kids’ dreams all the time but who cares if it’s not his kid, right?

Honestly, I don’t see why you didn’t just say his dad provided his starter without all the extra nonsense.

Also, sitting around being sad then suddenly pokemon really isn’t interesting on its own merit. If this has more of a plot than that his dad knows the champion, then you really should’ve started there.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10969877/1/Pok%C3%A9-Wars-The-Incalescence

More of this.

Seven.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10969979/1/Dosakusa-no-Suuka-The-Valence-of-Turmoil

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Without Sean uttering a single command, Ganymede precipitated the attack, using its curled tail as a spring to eject itself out of the way and high into the air. ]

Five dollar words don’t actually make you sound smarter if you’re misusing them.

[Sean couldn’t help but smirk at the tongue-in-cheek implication of how pretentious and complicated he sometimes came off as being. ]

See you’re not even wording this one right.

And wow, awkward dialogue is stilted and awkward.

It goes on for a million more words, but ugh, like wading through mud.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970171/1/The-Truth-Revealed

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Spellcheck.

[It was caught in her minuscule hands with her perfectly manicured hands. ]

You also really, really need to proofread.

[“Zendaya! Are you okay?” Yvonne asked as she lunched her dagger at another foe, and hit him in the head
“No time to health care!” Xavier’s strong blade swung through more men emerging from the dead forest like wolves coming from their dens.]

What.

This one is like ten million words long and it’s still mud.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970192/1/Shady-Business

Written well, but it doesn’t feel like a complete thought.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970216/1/ghost-of-a-presence

The way you write the atmosphere here is very nice, but the actual story doesn’t live up to it – why does no one know where the city’s gym leader went or even that she left? How did no one notice her gym’s been closed long enough for an inch of dust to build up on top of a steel platform, and why did she go in to somehow put a note in the center of that (and how did she do so without so much as a footprint?)

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970240/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-The-Ghost-King

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970254/1/All-Out

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

Use said.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

Trainers start at ten.

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[The professor better get here soon. I’m getting bored (AN: Like this chapter. Sorry /3) ]

Don’t put notes in your story text and if you’re so bored writing you and your characters are both complaining, delete the boring mess and try again.

[Being the first chapter I knew that I would have to get the boring intro out of the way, and by the time I included the details that I needed to, it was pretty long. ]

You needed zero details, because you didn’t need this chapter and it was a waste of everyone’s time. Figure out what your plot is, then start writing your story there.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970273/1/Jeremy-and-Nariko-s-Pokemon-Journey-Across-Hoenn-ORAS-Style

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

A kid getting pokemon is not inherently interesting. Figure out the actual plot and start your story there.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970346/1/Dear-Miss-Mayflower

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Eight.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970454/1/Adventure-of-Awesome-Pokemon-Y

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Also, it’s spelled gyarados. Proofread.

[I hate people.
“All right! Nice to meetcha!” Tierno says. He better not be expecting a handshake. Or a hug. Or anything that involves touching. For that matter, neither should any of the rest of them. “You know, it’d feel like we’re a closer crew if we call each other by nicknames. Can I call you Lady K?”
I was this close to decapitating him.
“What? No way! She’s a Li’l K, for sure!” Shauna protests.
Oh no. Oh hell no. Arceus, god of absolutely everything, please save me from this torment.]

So why are we even wasting time with this? It’s just you repeating the opening of the game while she whines. If you have an actual plot, skip to it.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970522/1/Ash-Ketchum-the-Betrayed-Master-of-Pok%C3%A9mon

[-I chose you- =talking
“Let’s do it” = thoughts]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

I’m guessing you’re a nonnative speaker because even the really incompetent native speakers generally know quotation marks go with dialogue. Get a beta reader. You have a ton of errors in this.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970524/1/White-Fury-Legacy

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Wow this is a ridiculous pile of sueishness.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970590/1/White-Chocolates

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970645/1/The-Shadows-Within

Spellcheck.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[“Was that entirely neccessary Logan?” The cloaked teenager snarled at her brother, “Feraligatr, come on out. Fix Logan’s mess for me, please.” The blue reptillian pokemon glared at Logan for a second before doing as his trainer commanded.
“Yes, Saphira. It was absolutely neccessary!” The blonde boy retorted, “These pokemon didn’t obey me when I told them that we needed these oran berry trees for our pokemon. They tried to kill me with their Thunder attack!” Logan was in a bad mood. He glanced around the clearing watching the unmoving, unconscious bodies of a Raichu family. “I don’t know why you ask your pokemon to do things, instead of commanding them.]

Pay attention to what you’re writing. You just said

[The blue reptillian pokemon glared at Logan for a second before doing as his trainer commanded.]
followed by
[“I don’t know why you ask your pokemon to do things, instead of commanding them.]

So she’s not really treating them as her friends, unless you mean the sort of friends that you give orders to but you say please while doing it to look nice.

[“Of course, I do. He wants the shiny Rayquazza that is said to know the move Dragon Ascent.” ]

And this is ridiculous. What, the unique god monster of the skies isn’t good enough for him unless it glitters a little and knows a specific move? This kind of thing makes no sense outside of the videogame.

And now her dad’s trying to murder a baby because it’s so much easier to make her look good in comparison if everyone else is kicking pichu. You were too busy going on about how bad her brother and father were to actually show her treating her pokemon with respect or friendship. All we know is she’s not okay with beating a helpless pichu to death and she says please when commanding her pokemon.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970688/1/Dancing-With-The-World

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Stop capitalizing random words.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

Nine.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970739/1/Into-the-Pokemon-World-Rewrite

Got them already.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970764/1/The-Journey

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

That finishes January 13th!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970787/1/The-Stone-of-the-Sun

[ Amber glitters and flickers, vibrant strokes of crimson licking the open night air, and bashful pinks seen only by the most long studied admirer.  ]

Amber’s a confusing word choice because it’s a stone that does in fact glitter. You’re better off using a different color word.

[ circling in a restless manor. ]

Also, manor is a giant house.

[This area contained active lava as it oozed along its path, hardened lava and burned land. ]

And this seems like some sort of run-on sentence. Maybe try reading aloud, there’s a lot of issues here.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970845/1/Key-to-the-Heart

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[“Of course,” the girl nodded, beaming. She led May towards to a display case full of bracelets, she carefully pulling out a box, filled with various styles of the bracelet May had seen. Pushing it towards the brunette, she watched as May pick up one of the bracelets with awe. “These bracelets are very popular among young girls. They are rumored to be able to lead one to their true love.”
“Really?” May asked, her large blue eyes filled with wonder. “How does that work?”
“Well, the designs of each one of these bracelets are one of a kind,” the girl explained, gesturing to the selection displayed. “No two are alike, which is why only a certain key will unlock the lock.”
May nodded, carefully trying one out. Sticking the tiny key into the lock on the bracelet, a little ‘click’ sounded, and the bracelet was unlocked. “Oh… I see.”
“We’re not positive, but for some reason, the girls who buy these bracelets lose the key easily.” the girl continued her explanation. “Eventually, someone finds and returns their key, from all the results we get back, a happy relationship starts from it. Some call it, true love.”]

“We’re not sure why people keep losing the key, but let me tell you why you should deliberately lose the key and how there’s pretty much no point in even buying it if you don’t intend to lose it. Anyway, it’s a mystery.”

Really, I’d respect this a lot more if the girl just said the idea is you buy it and throw away the key somewhere in the hopes your true love will bring it back.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Six.

Also, can I just say that even skimming these the heteronomity is getting to me?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10970969/1/The-Blood-of-Rayquaza

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“I finally found you.” A man appeared from the shadows. Norman g
“…” Norman returned Slakoth and nodded. The Camper scurried away from the prodigy.
asped, the man had burnt marks all over his face. He was wrapped up in bandages and a permanent scowl was sketched into his face. “I’m going to murder you, punk.” Norman smirked.]

Proofread.

Write out numbers with letters.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10971039/1/A-New-World

[Hi there! It’s me again! I am writing a new story called A New World. Here’s the basics: My name is Anna, I’m in my bed, suddenly end up in the Pokémon world, discover I have a weird power, become a trainer, beat the Kanto region gyms and league. Got it?  ]

Well, that was a horrible idea.

First off, you just summarized your whole story to the end – “she wins always no matter what because she’s a sue”. So no tension. Are you going to show her fighting every gym leader even though you just told us she wins at the end anyway? Why?

Second, the setup itself is sueish. It reads as a string of wish fulfulment. No mention of any plot or thing for the reader to care about, just how awesome Anna is and how everything falls into her lap.

It’s not called “nobody’s POV” it’s called third person omniscient, and also, don’t switch between first and third person. Pick one.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10971070/1/From-Kanto-With-Love

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point. Also, no one will ever care what your character is eating for breakfast.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Oh good lord now you’re piling on the redundancy by having her flashback to baby’s first pokemon school battle, because that’s such a mystery that definitely needed pages upon pages upon pages spent on it. As far as I can tell the only point is that Leaf is sad she loses to Gary.

Look, does this story have any actual plot to it? Then skip there and mention Leaf’s inferiority complex when it matters.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10971072/1/Pokemon-Champions-of-Myrik

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“I’m very thankful you could come so quickly.” Mrs. Cadwell said to the stranger.
“No problem, anything for you Mrs. Cadwell.” The stranger responded grabbing her hand and kissed it. Lex just watched with a sour expression on his face.
“So, why did you call me here Mrs. Cadwell?” The stranger asked. Lex’s Mother stopped him there.
“First of all, not here. Second, Lex, introduce yourself to him. And third, call me Maria.”
Lex sighed. “My name is Alexander, I’m fifteen years old and I like Pokemon.”
“Hi, my name is Tyrell. I’m seventeen years old and I also like Pokemon.” Tyrell said reaching out his hand for a handshake.
“Wait, you’re seventeen?” Lex asked, his face gained an even sourer look.
“Yes, is that a problem?” Tyrell asked Lex, who had a face like he just sucked on a lemon.
“It’s a not a problem for me.” Maria said grabbing Tyrell’s shoulder. Tyrell got an instant punch to the face from Lex.
“What the hell man?” Tyrell asked rubbing his cheek.
Lex folded his arms and mumbles, “No reason.”
“Lex, just go watch TV.” Maria ordered
“Nah, it’s okay” Tyrell said smiling “You need to explain the situation to us anyway”]

The fact you can churn out meaningless dialogue doesn’t mean it’s a good use of anyone’s time. Ask yourself what information you’re actually trying to get across and then edit the conversation down accordingly.

Similarly, there is no reason at all to bother with the professor chat.

[“Lex, this is Newtalyptus, you’re new partner.” The Professor explained
“Hey there buddy” Lex got down on one knee and held out his hand to the pokemon.
“Newt” Newtalyptus said. It looked at Lex’s hand and walked towards it.
Tyrell watched and was amazed at how easily Lex had gotten the pokemon to trust him.
“He’s a natural!” He thought.]

“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

Also, no. If you find yourself totally unable to write decent interactions between trainer and pokemon, don’t then have other characters gush over how wow, that guy held out his hand in an amazing way and what a natural.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10971089/1/Jumping-The-Train

[I had began. to think it would be a long time before I could freely grasp the damp air in my longs or squint up at the livliness of an amazing morning, a new day. ]

What? Proofread. And spellcheck.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[ My amazing mother a school teacher and ex regional champion Pokemon cordinator Lila, had always been a nurterer and protector. She has supported my goals and aspirations for as long as I could remember and her love and loyalty knows no ends.
My father Luke a retired Gym Leader, on the other hand was always just as loving and supporting however he had a dark side and a career that had been built around not only his formidable skills as a trainer but more nefarious deeds as well.]

So in other words, the exact same dad fights mom doesn’t setup of every other fic. Also, if this stuff is halfway relevant, actually show it. If not, frankly it’d have been better without you explaining that gender roles are alive and well in your fic.

[My parents fully encouraged my dreams and gracefully allowed me and my prized Eevee, Sagittarius the opportunity to sit for my trainers lisence and go on a journey on my thirteenth birthday. ]

They were so encouraging they held the kid back for three years?

Summary summary summary summary look, just start your story. Whatever’s relevant in this mess to the current story will come up, because that’s how relevance works. What isn’t is a waste of everyone’s time right now.

Also:

[My Pokemon were murdered in front of me. One by one I watched my friends die. One by one I heard there screams. My perfect world shattered into a million pieces. I stepped down from my position immediately or rather I never went back to the gym. I gave up on training.
My father was arrested in connection with some drug trafficking and Pokemon cruelty and criminal misuse charges and hauled away for five years in a federal prison. My parents divorced and my trust in the world died.]

Unless you meant for this to be hilarious, maybe think twice about how the ending capstone is that omg his parents divorced and it’s apparently that part that destroys his trust in everything.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10971127/1/Ariel-s-Unexpected-Adventure

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[She stopped dead. She knew that she didn’t belong here, that she had come from too poor of a town for a professor to finance any form of pokemon adventure for her ]

In most canons, professors don’t finance adventures, and across all canons, the majority of trainers don’t have any of the official starters. All she needs is someone to catch a pokemon for her or, failing that, a willingness to go throw rocks at pidgey.

[“You shouldn’t be here, young lady! Pokemon training is serious! You should be at home helping your mother!” ]

Okay, that’s just random.

[Ariel glared. “Yes, and you’re a boy, and I’m a girl. That’s the difference between you having pokemon and me not being able to.”  ]
[“Pokemon?” He asked her, “Is that what you came here for?”
She glanced at him, fire burning in her eyes so bright he could almost feel the heat. “Yes,” She said curtly. “But it seems I sauntered in to a preppy ‘boys only’ pokemon academy.]

This makes no sense whatsoever. You seem to be whiplashing between some sexist dystopia where only boys are allowed pokemon and the fact your character just screwed up by walking into a single-gender school.

[“You’re offering me a pokemon?” She asked, and Sam nodded.
“Just because you’re a girl doesn’t mean you should be discriminated against,” he told her]

What discrimination? There was a teacher who for some reason’s first impulse on seeing a kid who wasn’t supposed to be there was to shout about the unknown kid’s unknown mother, then her getting all upset at the idea of single gender schools existing despite the fact that, technically speaking, those screw over the boy students and help the girl students do better so it’s not exactly female oppression.

I would really, really advise you to cut the idiotic sexism plot. It’s been done, it’s tiresome, and honestly you’re doing a terrible job of even having it make sense. If you need your character to feel discriminated against, the part where she’s too poor to get a pokemon should be fine for that.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10971262/1/Rebirth-A-second-chance

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Write out numbers with letters.

[ basking in the unconditioned authority he held. ]

Unconditional.

[My mind went into overdrive, surly there must be something I could do, anything even. All I needed to do was to stop the man. Surly, how hard could it be  ]

Surely. Proofread.

[“You hit got the money in the pot, ]

What?

Get a beta reader.

Zero.