Starting to mistype your and you’re. I made it past the halfway point before my ability to type began breaking down so that’s pretty good.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10971325/1/Pokemon-Guardians
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[ During a celebrated Science Festival where the latest technology was presented to the public, the Silph Co. showed the world their latest device, the Cross Translator, XTrans for short. The device was able to translate the thoughts of humans and Pokemon to the opposing party. What this meant was that humans and Pokemon could now communicate normally, as if they became the same kind. This invention was received by thunderous applause from various Pokemon committees, who sang the praise of this revolutionary new technology. Needless to say, the device was a massive hit, selling out worldwide. It even became a compulsory device for all trainers to carry shortly after by law.
The second event, however, was less joyous than the first. Just a short three years after the XTrans became a compulsory device for all Trainers to hold, a shocking research paper shocked the world once again. According to this particular paper, after a multitude of tests conducted by scientists on the behavior of wild and captured Pokemon with the XTrans, it was revealed that Pokeballs and Apricorns contained a certain brainwashing chemical. This chemical alters the brain waves of the captured Pokemon, causing them to lose their free will and obey their captured masters.]
Okay, so these are both interesting ideas, but you’re overstating things and that reduces the impact.
A world where the manufacturing companies are secretly brainwashing pokemon is probably not a world that’d immediately order mandatory translators – it’d make more sense for the translators to just be really popular, without the bit about it suddenly being a law.
Also, the point of apricorn balls is that they’re traditional low-tech handmade pokeballs, so it makes little to no sense for them to have special brainwashing chemicals too. Honestly, you’re better off just pretending those don’t exist if they’re that big of a problem to your idea here.
And while I really like the idea of technology changing things, the problem here is these two events aren’t connected. They invent a way of talking to pokemon, and yet they have to do studies to figure out that they’re getting brainwashed rather than just noticing they sound completely different after getting captured, or that all the wild ones say that captured pokemon act differently?
[Faced with the dilemma of releasing their Pokemon and allow them to regain their freedom or keeping their adored Pokemon at the cost of their free will, Trainers worldwide were confused and lost. ]
Trainers worldwide seem to be pretty awful if this is a question. I mean, at least Team Plasma’s arguments had the issue that they were arguing for complete non-interaction with pokemon ever again, which anyone who cared about pokemon would hesitate to do. This is just saying smash your pokeballs and don’t actually force them to stay with you. Unless you’re evil, this shouldn’t be that hard of a decision.
[He could hardly believe that he was the chosen representative of Pallet Town to study at The Academy with a chance to interact and perhaps even befriend a Pokemon. Ever since the incidents that occured ten years back, no one has treated Pokemon like they did before.
Evan could faintly recall the times when Pokemon was all around him and how they were indispensable companions to everyone. Contact with Pokemon is rare and considered unusual. After, having a Pokemon now infringes on their rights, making owning any personal Pokemon strictly prohibited.]
Continuing on the issue, this again seems more like Team Plasma’s weirdo plan than the result of just banning pokeballs. It’s like saying ending racial slavery meant all human races had to stay a hundred feet apart for the rest of time. How could you even keep pokemon away when they outnumber people and live all over the place? Are pidgey no longer allowed to roost in trees anywhere in a town?
I guess it’s possible pokemon took the whole thing so badly they refused to interact with humans again just in case, but that’d require them to have not known about the brainwashing, which seems hard to believe (especially given people would at least occasionally release pokemon again, and those ones would interact with the wild pokemon).
I think this setup of humans and pokemon living apart and having special people who were the only ones allowed to interact might make more sense if you set it in a world where no one developed pokeballs in the first place, and just say there was always major tension between humans and pokemon. Humans have walled, pokemon-free cities, the pokemon rule the surrounding areas, certain humans are specially trained for the job of interacting and negotiating with pokemon to keep the peace between the two and deal with the problems that arise.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
[A sky blue cardigan overlaying a simple white uniform fastened with a red tie coupled with a simple violet miniskirt. ]
Also, please don’t involve miniskirts in your uniforms. It doesn’t make sense and it’s kind of creepy.
Two, one someone pointing out similar plot problems and the other the author.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10971333/1/Mercenary
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Two, involving more concrit from one.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10971503/1/Shades-Of-Glaceon
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10971569/1/Dance-number
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
Never put notes in the middle of your story.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10971755/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Heroes-of-Light
[Why could you not ask the others you speck of to help?” she asked. ]
Speak. Proofread.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Two. One concrit.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10972007/1/Crystal-Heart
Two, one concrit.
Got this person already.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10972034/1/I-Am-No-Hero
Zero. Same person.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10972145/1/Challenge-of-Faith
[Juan smiled slightly before replying, simply. “Yes, you have, Wallace.” ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
Also, spoke and said have different meanings. Don’t use one when you mean the other, and definitely don’t use spoke because you refuse to use said.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10972260/1/Across-Regions
[So a wild idea just popped into my head: How about I write a fanfiction about a Pokémon trainer’s journey instead of about Pokémon? That sounds pretty cool ]
It’s like you’ve never looked at any other fanfic written.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
[She set her six Pokéballs on the table, but Wednesday, being the troublemaker she was, took each one and clicked the button. A Pidgeot, Starmie, Aerodactyl, Furret, Honchcrow, and Umbreon materialized in front of her.
Lyra turned around, annoyed. “Wednesday, you can’t do that! They need their rest, we were battling a lot today. Goodness, the new New Bark Town Academy has attracted so many trainers, I swear my Pokémon won’t be able to fight soon!” At these words, the six Pokémon started fussing. Lyra sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, before taking each Pokéball and allowing her Pokémon to return.]
This seems a poor setup.
People keep pokemon in pokeballs for convenience, not healing purposes. The idea that pokemon have to be kept in to rest creates a situation where they’re spending their lives in balls except for when they’re doing something for their trainer, which seems pretty unpleasant.
[“You’ll pay for that, punk, that Pokémon was a gift from my dad!” He said, raising a fist. But, as he was about to make it slam down on Stanley’s face, it grew heavy, and fell to the ground. “Huh!?” He said, looking down at his fist, which was covered in ice. He looked over to where the beam came from, and saw a black-haired boy standing by the side with a Chikortia and Spheal. The Spheal had used Ice Beam, causing the bully’s hand to become ice.
“Hey!” He said, turning to the kid. “What was that for!? I was about to pound him ’cause he defeated my Pokémon!” ]
And this seems really strawmanny. I can just barely see someone having a fit over losing, and theoretically I could see it happening it a situation where the pokemon were weaker than the humans and so punching was an option rather than the trainer with the pokemon still out being defended by it – how this could be possible when it’s a rhyhorn in this situation is hard to understand, but in theory.
I absolutely can’t see anyone arguing to a third party that the third party should support them in their being a sore loser about pokemon battles, though. I mean, picture a kid doing this over losing a video game or something. Threaten to beat up the other person too, sure, act as if the other person would agree is insane.
Also, you’re misspelling pokemon names, look them up.
[Stanley didn’t even get a chance to say thanks. He stood up, returning his Ryhorn, and slowly began to walk off before breaking into a run, the kid finally realizing his prey was getting away when Stanley slammed the door on his face.]
Again though, why on earth is his rhyhorn unable to protect him? Hell, he can climb onto its back and ride it the rest of the way home if he wants to.
[ Stanley closed his eyes before sitting down next to Wednesday. He gave her a Pokéball; she couldn’t tell what Pokémon was in it.
“That’s a very special Pokémon. When you get your first Pokémon, come find me and I’ll give it to you. I was gonna level it up to evolve, but instead, I’m gonna give it to you. But only when you get your first Pokémon, remember!” He warned, shaking a finger. She giggled, and gave him back the Pokéball. She was just dying to know what secrets it held.]
This seems unnecessarily convoluted when she could just get the pokemon from him.
One, concrit.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10972416/1/The-Devereaux-Journeys-Book-One
[This is a Submit Your Own Character story, ]
Don’t do this, it doesn’t work right. If you’re writing a decent story, you’ll need to create the characters you need for them to fit properly. And if your plot and storyline are so poor you can just slot in whoever, you have some major problems to fix.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[1. If we go by Canon standards, how many regions do you think the average trainer has time for in a year? 1, 2 or maybe even 3? ]
One or less, also irrelevant because what region or regions they encounter should be based on your actual plot, which can’t be wandering around getting badges because that’s not a plot.
[2. I can’t decide which Canon will appear as primary, secondary, peripheral and “one-time” characters. What do you guys think? ]
Then you shouldn’t have started writing your story yet because clearly you have no idea what it’s about.
[3. I’ve decided that one of the twins will be traveling with canon characters, while the other will be traveling with OC’s, but I can’t decide who will travel with which group. So, who do you think should travel with Canon characters and who do you think should travel with OC’s?]
That’s not a plot, and stories need plots.
Do not make a fic about your sues walking around getting gym badges while canon characters and OCs say they’re awesome. Figure out what your story is going to be about, figure out what characters it needs for that to happen, and then write that. Your questions make it clear you have no idea what you’re actually writing and don’t even know what questions you needed to answer first.
Three.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10972421/1/A-New-Guidance
[Author’s notes:
Well… actually I’ve got nothing to say in here. Other than the disclaimer that is.
Ash: Then why did you even bother to add the Author’s notes?]
When something is such a bad idea you find yourself writing the characters themselves telling you that, it’s wise to just stop and delete it rather than doubling down on it.
[in pallet town, ]
Name are capitalized.
[ helping mom ]
Similarly, this is used in place of a name and so capitalized like one.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”
[“Just about two days ago, one of the biggest organization in kanto and Johto, attacked my home. Most of the pokemons living in the tree were caught, fortunately, thanks to the regis protecting the tree and it’s system. Together with the other pokemons living in the tree, we hid in the deepest part of the tree. However, the humans found a way to overcome the system of the tree. Even if the regis did their best to hold them, the humans was able to capture using a strange pokeball. ]
You really need to proofread better.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10972494/1/A-Day-in-The-Distorted-World
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
[“Myra come down honey! It’s almost time for your rite of passage!” Her mother called from downstairs.
“That’s today? Oh no, I’ve got to get ready!” Myra exclaimed, running frantically around her room. She found her comfy green-blue blouse, slipped on her blue skirt, and tied up her running shoes. Lastly, she slapped on her white hat for a chic look.
“Mother why didn’t you wake me up earlier?” She yelled, running down the steps two at a time.
Her mother, who was fixing her breakfast, looked up from her stove and sighed. “I did call you earlier, and you said you were getting ready.” She replied.
“And you believe me?” Myra pointed out. She sat down at the table and scarfed down her breakfast that her mother put out.
“Relax sweetheart, the rite of passage has been in our family for years! Every time a person becomes champion, they take a journey to the Sacred Ruins and make our family crest with the materials up on the mountaintop. It’s fun and educational!” her mother explained.
Myra smiled and nodded towards her mother. “Which is why I wanted to start it earlier! ]
Your exposition makes no sense either as an actual system (the idea their family produces champions enough to need to make up an extra rite of passage because merely being the most powerful trainer in the region wasn’t special enough is eye-rolling) or as something for her mom to say given Myra knows this already and her mom knows it, so she would have no reason to explain it.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10972496/1/Three-Kinds-of-Roses
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10972497/1/Gary-and-Ash
Gary and Ash are the same age. I have no idea why you thought changing that made any sense.
[Ash was cutting vegetables for the special dinner he was making for Gary. He wanted it to be a surprise. He knows that Gary loves pasta with roasted vegetables and cheese. Ash was surprise to hear that Gary did not eat meat. Ash found out by his boyfriend’s grandfather. He went to cook him a special dinner that had meat in it, but he didn’t know what type of meat Gary liked, so he went to Professor Oak. ]
Your writing is insanely repetitive.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10972601/1/The-Pokemon-War
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”
[He started staggering(1) away but the Steelix came crashing down upon him. Red managed to escape most of it but the Steelix came down on his arm. His bones were crushed under the weight of the gargantuan monster. He released a scream as a horrendous, indescribable agony spread through him. He nearly fainted from the shock of looking at his bloody, mangled arm. The Steelix poised to strike again. Red tried to stand but staggered(2) ]
Why the numbers? You’ve got what look like a bunch of other notation that really has no place in something you’re posting.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10972795/1/Pokemon-Adventures-Championship-of-Champions
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
One.
End of Jan 14th!
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973012/1/The-Kanto-Kids
[His breath was misty and ragged, and his eyes captured a Cosmo we couldn’t explore in a million years. ]
You meant cosmos. Really big difference.
Well, this certainly sounds dramatic otherwise. Not quite sure how much sense your backstory has, though – okay, so their training was fake, but you don’t say their entire lives were, so it’s not clear how they got the okay to use the kids like this or why their families agreed or how the kids didn’t notice the disjoint between fake training and the real world they lived in otherwise and so on.
Three, one concrit.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973095/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Mystery-Dungeon-Explorers-of-Universes
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973132/1/Enemies-of-the-State
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Hm. The idea of every baddie suddenly deciding to work together is hard to believe, and everything after the conversation seems like filler. Did you really need to spend a dozen paragraphs on “life was very nice at the moment”? Why not just show the officer barging in and giving the announcement himself?
One, concrit.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973166/1/Of-Hoops-and-Holists
Looks like I got this person already.
Five.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973173/1/The-Old-Chateau-A-Past-Forgotten
[A/N: I’ve always wondered what would happen if Gardenia finally overcame her fear of the Old Chateau and the ghosts inside enough for her to enter it. I mean, she has high level Pokémon postgame, a bunch of level 17 Gastlys and Zubats shouldn’t practically pose much of a threat anymore. ]
I think that’s really missing what it means for her to be scared of the place.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
Also, use said. It’s way more distracting to keep dancing around it.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[This was just the introductory chapter.]
Your first chapter shouldn’t be a wall of insanely boring filler chatter. A first chapter’s supposed to make people want to keep reading, not backbutton out. If the fic’s about Gardenia and the ghosts, get on with that.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973250/1/Soul-Bonded
Don’t open your story with an enormous list of legendary genders. It’s going to come up when they appear in the story, and no one is actually going to read and memorize the original ridiculous list.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Also a waste of time is yet another “here’s all the legendaries getting created one by one”.
[Deoxys gave them Deoxyribonucleic Acid. (DNA. Not sure where they got the ‘N’ though…) ]
You just wrote the word. There’s an N in it. That’s where. Also, apply the capitalization rules I gave to this too, and also never put an author’s note in the middle of your story.
In conclusion, assuming there’s an actual story in your next chapter, you’d have been far better served by deleting this whole mess and starting with that chapter instead.
Four.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973294/1/Steady-A-Pokemon-Fanfiction
Don’t center all your text.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[” Hey, hold on. Not to be mean to my own species, but, um. . . Isn’t it kinda unfair that we have the worst playersand it’s girls vs boys? I just. . . No offence, guys, but. . . I don’t like it. For whatever reason. ” ]
She’s right, it is pretty unfair you decided the girls would be the worst players and I don’t like it. Also probably shouldn’t have said species for gender.
Four.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973384/1/Lay-Down-Your-Arms
I can’t believe people are still writing about disobedient Charizard.
[(And if Charizard rejected Ash first, then he wouldn’t get hurt. Again.)]
Seriously I must’ve seen this precise line a dozen times.
[Your Charizard ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
[‘Oak, I’m honestly not comfortable leaving this boy with that Pikachu. It is abnormally strong and what happens if that Pikachu evolves? I think the league needs to review his whole team.’ ]
This just seems random. No one has issues with trainers simply having strong pokemon.
If you want Ash in trouble for having dangerous pokemon, this’d have made far more sense if it came after his charizard actually did major damage to someone else rather than . Like how in the manga his charizard nearly killed Richie’s, say. Getting upset his pokemon refused to battle and sat around instead and therefore considering taking away his entire team is too ridiculous to be taken seriously.
Two.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973430/1/Final-Boss-Mewtwo
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Leaf timidly looked around: blast marks and intricately carved statues adorned the surroundings in the cave. ]
This is really not how colons should be used.
The plot of this really makes no sense. They’re going to stop Mewtwo’s “rampage” that’s just him hanging out in an uninhabited cave leaving everyone else alone.
[I will keep as many people as I can away from me. The world must allow me my privacy, Mewtwo pointed out. Not like these humans were good for anything in the first place.
Mew had no response. She flew from the cave, and assumed Leaf’s form. She had to find a hero.]
Or they could just leave him alone given the only people in danger have been the people deliberately seeking Mewtwo out to launch unprovoked attacked. The fact the solution is to spend a year finding someone else to go harass Mewtwo because there’s no rush and he’s just sitting around in his cave as long as there’s no “hero” attacking him in the first place really underscores the fact your central plot makes no sense.
[Kingdra reared his head back, and shot a sweeping Hyrdo Pump. This left Mewtwo dazed, providing an opening for a strong DragonBreath attack, followed by a utilitarian blow to the legs.
AH! Ow! I submit, I submit! Dang, that is quite possibly the most dangerous Kingdra I have ever faced! I can’t stand that kind of power! Mewtwo said]
Sarcastically because that’s the dumbest thing ever?
Also, spellcheck.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973433/1/Reaching-you
“I” is always capitalized, not just when you feel like it.
Never put an author’s note in your story.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
When used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one, so it should be “Dad”.
Write out numbers with letters.
“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.
[Normal P.O.V.]
It’s called “third person”, the other was “first person”, and don’t switch between first and third, pick one and stick to it.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973538/1/War-or-Love
Write out numbers with letters.
A summary is not a proper prologue and this should not have been posted by itself.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973664/1/The-love-of-Pokehuman-x-Lucario
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10973698/1/A-Heart-s-Collection
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10974063/1/thirty-stars-but-one-moon
Drabble is the term for a writing exercise of precisely 100 words.
Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10974341/1/Echoes
This is solely introspective shipping fanfic that seems to exist in a pokemon-free AU, so eh.
Two, stopping here because next is an OT fic I need actual braincells for.
Also, possibly skipping tomorrow! We’ll find out.
What have you got going on today? Anything interesting?
…fixing up my Ladystuck fic…
Haha godspeed!