Today includes a feudal one set in a world where the king is the person with the strongest pokemon yet somehow politics matters despite such a manifestly obvious path to rulership.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323043/1/Shadow-s-Random-Pokemon-Adventure

Doing the same crap other people do but on purpose isn’t at all the same as a parody.

I can seriously not make out what this one is supposed to be. Possibly they’re under the impression that the grimdark evil badass of the second half is some clever reversal?

Two reviews.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323123/1/The-Master-Challenge

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Write out numbers with letters.

[ “I gave her her first pokemon a year after you and Gary got yours. Also helped her create the stage name Silver for herself. You see that large group of pokemon over there.” Oak pointed at the group of Pokemon the Eevee that greeted Ash ran up to. “Those are hers.”

“Wow she has a lot,” Ash said.

“She has over a hundred pokemon,’ Gary told Ash.

“And even when they are not with her they train. Some of your pokemon have joined them. Especially your Gible,” Samuel Oak said. “She’s a nice girl. Had a hard life when she was young.”

“And this is only her second major league. Besides this she has only fought in minor stuff,” Brock answered. “Until she entered the Jotho league and surprised everyone with her power. She is the favorite to win this. I watched her battle Forrest for the badge. My little brother is good but he didn’t stand a chance.”

“I used my strongest pokemon against her,” Misty added. “We did a good fight, but she won.”

“Also she’s the only one besides you who has defeated Tobias Darkrai. His Latios took her out though,” Dawn added.]

So…is this story supposed to be about how she’s hit black hole suedom and is warping the rest of the cast before they’re pulled in and destroyed completely?

“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323203/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Faction-of-Sin

Write out numbers with letters.

I really can’t make heads or tails of your description of the setting. There’s factions set up with the hope of governing areas, but also there are thirty “factions” packed into their single city, and also their own “faction” is three people yet somehow counts as one.

[And every single one of those factions hates our guts.

Not because of a mutual hate relationship, hell, not even being downright disrespectful. They simply hate us for the fact that we cause far more damage and destruction to everyone and everything than actually help. Sure, the scenario could be far worse, especially if said factions were making undercover alliances.]

And…so they’re hated because they’re awful and the world would be better with them dead, but you communicate this as badly as you possibly can for some mystery reason, then end with something about factions allying with each other and how actually that’s way worse than being destructive shitheads.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323211/1/Kanto-There-and-Back-Again

Why did you think it’d be super interesting to write about someone’s experience traveling around the pokemon world without actually mentioning anything to do with pokemon?

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323267/1/Pokemon-Tales-Jason-Arc

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Write out numbers with letters.

Spellcheck.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323495/1/Ultimate-Ash-Betrayal-Story

Yes, yes, they’re shit, but repeating the exact same garbage in a lazier manner doesn’t actually make it any less shit.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Six, because people are apparently that sick of this stuff.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323544/1/Kahuna-Matata

spoilerz

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323569/1/A-Darkrai-s-New-Reality

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[-Cursed Poison-Types and their Toxics that cannot miss. ]

Toxic is not an always-hit move.

“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.

[Despite the narration of the story referring to the kid directly as Michael, for the sake of giving him some identity, Darkrai never got to know his name.]

You don’t need to give him some identity. Calling him “the kid”/”the human”/”the trainer” would’ve worked fine.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323673/1/Gone-Fishing

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You missed out on the part where corsola keep using recover so your work getting them down to that sliver of health is wasted, or where the corsola runs out of PP just in time to struggle itself to death, or where you accidentally knock it out and have to start all over with fishing. Those are important for the fun of mareanie hunting.

[“Did you know that there’s only a one in a hundred chance chance if you don’t use a bubbling fishing spot?”

“Of course, Madam President,” Wicke said.

“You know there’s then only a one in a hundred chance, in one of those spots, that Mareanie will ever appear when a Corsola calls for help?”]

It’s also awkward to be using precise game odds for what’s supposed to be a real ecosystem.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323686/1/The-Dawn-Before-the-Sun-Guzma-s-Island-trials

spoilerz

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323763/1/D%C3%A9j%C3%A0-v%C3%A9cu

[(Déjà vécu – The feeling of having already lived through something.)]

Not really.

You’re referring to a mental disorder where people become perpetually bored and unhappy because their brains register everything happens to them as if it’s happened a million times before, to the point that they’ll refuse to do things, like go to a doctor for help because they’re sure they tried that already.

[Almost like he was living two lives at once]

This in particular is the exact opposite of deja vecu, which is thinking your one life already happened when it didn’t.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[ I know the title doesn’t fit exactly but its still a good fit. ]

It is really, really not.

“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12323815/1/Shadow-Rising

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

The same game events as always but now with complaints and swearing is not actually the comedy gold you seem to believe it is.

One, the author apologizing for errors.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12324001/1/A-Breath-of-Fresh-Air

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Your first chapter really should have a glimmer of what your actual plot is, not just your character saying the same things over and over as nothing happens.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12324073/1/The-Vermilion-Dragon

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[In one quick move, Lance eliminated the only person in the Elite Four with pokémon strong enough to defeat his, as ice-types have a significant advantage over dragon-types.

At this point, all would have been well and done. With an emperor missing for nearly three years, and an Elite Four with only three present members, Lance was to sweep in, demanding that the council appoint him, as he is the strongest trainer in all of Kanto and Johto. If there were any objections, he’d argue that they need leadership, that he leads the Four anyway, and that he doesn’t see any of the other members stepping up.]

So…why is Lance working with criminals to get rid of Lorelei when it sounds like he has a perfect valid claim?

If this is illegal, then removing someone who might stop him makes sense, but from what you’re saying it looks like it’s only illegal because he got rid of her in the first place. And if he’s expecting all of them to fight over who gets to be emperor once he makes his bid, then Lorelei is the weakest of the four and a type advantage against him isn’t going to matter as much when there’s two other people fighting at the same time.

And indeed, Agatha and Bruno show up to work together to take him out because they’re concerned about the whole working-with-criminals thing and there’s nothing about opposing his basic ambitions for the sake of it.

[“Idiot,” Agatha had hissed. “Dragonite is a dragon and a flying type. If you meant to knock it out, you have another thing coming.”

Bruno had glared at the old woman, but he soon realized that her words rang true. Fighting-type pokémon are weak to flying-types. Any damage Bruno had hoped to inflict on Vermilios was reduced severely.]

…Bruno should really not need this explained. And he has rock pokemon who have an advantage against flying types.

[Lance had felt a twinge of guilt. But she had been elderly, he had reminded himself. She should have known what to expect in battling him. “She’s dead,” he had said flatly, pressing the center button of Agatha’s pokéball, recalling her gengar. “The impact was too much for her.”]

Meanwhile, if this is a valid solution to the problem, why doesn’t he just kill Lorelei if she’s such a threat he’s willing to compromise himself and do things that’ll get other people gunning for him just to get her out of the way?

[“What she means to say,” Idris began, giving Narissa a hard look. “Is that we simply have no need for a new emperor. Despite what you are suggesting, what we are doing without Emperor Red is just fine.]

And why doesn’t he kill these people while we’re at it?

“Red” is traditionally the kid who fought his way into his championship by sheer power, and you’ve said nothing to contradict the idea that’s the same thing as being emperor. If they function based on a strongest trainer leads system, than there’s little that could get in Lance’s way at this point. Even if the council didn’t like Lance telling everyone that Red is gone and they’re emperorless, what could the council do if Lance is the only one qualified for the position? And if the council has the power to refuse Lance, why can’t Bruno just tell them Lance is a murderer? He’s keeping quiet because no one can stop Lance, except also Lance is making him keep quiet because lots of people can stop Lance if they’re told what he’s up to?

Normally in intrigue, it’s not a simple matter of might makes right. You have something like that in the idea that Kanto and Johto don’t get along…but it doesn’t matter if the system is merit based, and the fact Lance’s only real concern in the politics is the one trainer with a type advantage over him does nothing to suggest there’s more going on. Lance shows no interest in shoring up his position with people with influence rather than raw power, as if influence is pretty much irrelevant, but the fic is playing out like it’s supposed to be functioning like regular dynastic intrigue where people don’t become king just by having physical might on their side.

[Expect to see a lot scheming, moves and countermoves, heroes, villains, action and adventure, death, shifting viewpoints, and most importantly, POKEMON]

You desperately need to explain how your setting actually works if you want any of that scheming to make the slightest bit of sense. Right now this might as well be a game of calvinball.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12324187/1/Living-a-Lie

Write out numbers with letters.

Spellcheck.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Your grammar is atrocious. Get a beta reader.

Zero.