Ladystuck fic and review:

Frame

This is just perfect, thank you! I love the range of her in this, how she’s different with different people and times – nice to most of her people, smiling at Jack’s suffering (what sort of person never washes formal clothes?!), more terse to Terezi and extremely remote to the Felt, but then willing to elaborate during the conversation and ultimately reconsider how she wants to be.

The shy artist turns out to be one of Jack Noir’s aides.

Poor baby, probably gets threatened every time she does her job! (Or else she was told to stop doing that job and that’s where she got all her sculpting time from.) I hope he’s nice to her given she’s made a stature he could leer at.

and the Black Queen finds Jack Noir, once again itching at his collar. He offers her the champagne, which she exchanges for a fresh glass.

Also, did he manage to refrain from spitting in it?

And now, back to the pokegrind.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10975432/1/Volt-s-Life-Story

[“Sorry little guy, but I gotta leave you here now” A trainer said to his Jolteon ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

This does not seem to be plotted well at all. A trainer abandons a jolteon in the middle of a city, who just happens to find another trainer abusing a sylveon minutes later, so he attacks (this part alone is reasonable) therefore the trainer pulls out a flying pokemon and orders a flying move. Also, the flying move is an always hits one, therefore obviously the jolteon ” dodged it pretty easily “, then somehow he carries the sylveon (by what, impaling her on his back spikes?) to the pokecenter.

Think things through.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10975874/1/The-Creator

“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Your sentences are awkwardly to painfully worded. Get a beta reader.

What I can make out of your plot looks original, if a trifle plotholey (why turn into a human as default if it’s something that only interacts with pokemon?)

[But this would be positive, it would ease his mind and hopefully later on, help the Pokémon he was given to get better accustomed to being a captured one, however he would help it get more accustomed to it he had no idea.
But hey, he had to atleast put up some form of goal for this thing right?]

Also, for someone who claims to see everyone as equal he sure prioritizes human happiness and is fine dragging an unwilling pokemon around to beat up another hundred and fifty unwilling pokemon for capture to please one guy.

Eleven, all of them gushing over how wonderful the writing is. Is it another of those “I can barely make out what you’re saying so this must be awesome!” situations?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976150/1/Gotta-Break-Your-Heart

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976294/1/A-Warrior-s-Spirit

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[“Sadly, yes. My name’s Ruby,” he inquired. ]

Also, stop using random speech tags.

Four.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976338/1/Wallace-s-Cologne

[“But Steven”, his dad responded, “You’re twenty-five! You won’t stay young forever! And your mother and I want grand-”
“Dad I’m leaving”
“No Steven wait”]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Four.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976413/1/Terror-for-Love

There is no such thing as “? POV” and “Normal POV”. Google “point of view” and find out what the actual terms are and how it works.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976438/1/The-Shadow-Alliance-Blood-Rose

[Years past the date time was re-written. The Ardconia collaboration, with the rulers of Hoenn, Sinnoh, Kanto and Johto, promised a better world. Everyone believed them, everyone followed their rules. And most of that everyone died. They claimed that it was freeing the world of its evil. Burning away the hatred. But how could fire quench the thirst of their justice. Millions died for no reason.  ]

Okay, so here’s the thing, it is really hard to genocide the majority of your population for reasons that are kind of obvious. Even if the collaboration is insanely smart about this and starts off wiping out the population in secret chunks, there is no way you could hit “most” of the population before the survivors noticed and rioted. Even Pol Pot only managed 25% and killing as many people as possible was his actual goal. That’s ignoring the fact you can’t actually order people to kill other people all day and have to build fancy murder facilities just to make your workers stop killing themselves rather than keep working. But somehow publically burning children alive didn’t cause immediate riots while 99.9999% were still alive?

Also, the part where there is not enough wood to burn everybody alive. Really, on so many levels this isn’t going to work.

If you desperately want government insanity causing massive death, you want famine and plague and it’s still hard to believe it could manage “most”.

[During those fires children and mothers, fathers and siblings burnt away into distant memories. Gone forever. In fear Pokémon were confiscated, only those deemed worthy could own them, only the loyal could fight, but no one could win.  ]

So first they started randomly burning kids alive, AND THEN they thought to confiscate the weapons everyone owned. I don’t know why they even bothered when clearly no one was bright enough to think to use them at all. Even by the standards of the category, your dystopia makes no sense.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976438/2/The-Shadow-Alliance-Blood-Rose

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”

This should really have been combined with the first chapter, since it still hasn’t gone anywhere. (Or you could just delete the first chapter and start here, since “everybody died in a way that didn’t make sense before the story starts” isn’t anything that needed time wasted on it.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976442/1/Road-to-the-Indigo-League-Revised-Edition

Write out numbers with letters.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Don’t label flashbacks.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976510/1/Front-Page-News

[He still won’t apologise for lapris using surf]

It’s spelled lapras, always check pokemon spellings, and also, it’s either “his lapras” or “Lapras”, capitalized as it’s being used as the lapras’ name.

This seems long for what’s really just one joke.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976624/1/Red-game-Twenty-years-later

Don’t post non-stories as story chapters. Also, your writing is awful.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976749/1/Child-s-Play

“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Write out numbers with letters.

[ “Have you traced the birth certificate back to the original hospital?”
“That’s another thing…” Tabitha rubbed his neck lightly. “The hospital it came from was part of a large branch that was in every region until about 5 years ago…It has since been closed down completely.”
“And after such a length of time all the dated paperwork would have been shredded to make room…”]

Really not how that works.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976774/1/No-Brighter-Sun

Hm. Well, this is very, very prettily written, but the characterization, lovely as it is, seems largely your own, and the pokemon themselves don’t seem like a factor.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976864/1/Sick-Days-and-Thunderstorms

Write out numbers with letters.

[Though the atmosphere was dark, dreary, rather cold, and miserable, the people were anything but. It was rare to see anyone with anything but a smile on their faces.
Almost every house in any given neighborhood had a lush garden planted around their houses,]

All plants need sun, most plants don’t like constant damp, and generally warmth is preferred over cold.

And really, your first chapter shouldn’t just be “it was really very wet in this place” for seven hundred words. You can mention that it’s very rainy while other things are happening.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976867/1/PMD-The-Adventures-of-Team-Core

[groaned an Absol. ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Four.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976883/1/My-Trainer-My-Friend

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[ knaw through,  ]

Spellcheck. It’s gnaw.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

[The woman’s face held no expression of scorn or any sort of malice, but instead, concern. Her hand finally reached the Pikachu, and touched him . . . with a gentle, friendly touch that reminded him of his trainer’s grandfather, who he had lived with along with his trainer long before they had started a Pokémon journey . . . and of Darren himself, his best friend. Was this woman really . . . friendly? ]

It’s weird that a pikachu that appears to have had a pretty okay life would be shocked by the idea of a friendly human, and weirder that he doesn’t seem to think to just ask her pokemon who’s standing right there if she’s nice and can be trusted despite the fact they should be able to communicate.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976889/1/Haunted-Heart

[“Now, N, do you still think Pokemokn should be separated from humans?”  ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Also, proofread. That’s not the only typo in this.

Repeating the dialogue and adding in that she’s got a crush on him is a little more than just repeating the dialogue, but it’s not much. It’d be more interesting to see what happens when he returns and meets up with her again.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10976919/1/Haunted-House-of-Hell

Same person.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977044/1/Pokemon-Heart-Gold-and-Soul-Silver

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977093/1/Rebellious-Ambitions

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Attention, everyone!” one of the guys from each region shouted. “We are Team Rocket, Magma Aqua, and Galactic! And we are here to take over the world! ]

It’s not so much “surprising” that three groups with mutually exclusive goals are working together so much as “nonsensical”. Same for how they they proceed to follow through on zero of those three goals and just sit around as rulers doing nothing else.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977135/1/I-m-Always-Here

Reviewed the author before.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977136/1/Pokemon-Revolution

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[but this one was different, he didn’t want to evolve. So much so that he actually stole an everstone (The stone which prevents a pokemon from evolving from a pokemon center and ate it so he wouldn’t evolve! The reason for this was, well… Abra is a little, paranoid. He’s not dumb, just kinda paranoid. ]

Given pokemon can just not evolve, I’m more on the side of dumb.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Don’t label flashbacks. Also, in this case, don’t have a flashback, just let the pokemon tell the story.

“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

[“No,” Treecko replied, “I think something is wrong with the pokeball itself. ]

But that somehow no other pokemon ever tried to retrieve a captured friend or family member, or even met them again, so it’s only now been noticed? Or is this supposed to be a new development?

The idea pokeballs brainwash pokemon is definitely really creepy, but it also can’t have stayed secret to wild pokemon very long.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/u/6223616/KenTheKing

[I’d like to say a quick thank you to Farla for helping me rethink my style of writing! I’m sorry to say, I don’t exactly follow you, but I hope that my slightly updated form of writing might cheer you up!
Here’s a link to his profile so you can see what argument I’m talking about!
u/64005/Farla
P.S: It has something to do with capitalization.]

[The man tossed the gun to a Grunt and pulled Caroline to her feet by her hair. “This woman will remain hostage to insure your obedience.? Norman spotted a shadow enter the room. “Understood?” He nodded. “Good.” The man turned around, only to collapse. In front of him, Ruby and his Mightyena were taking care of the remaining Aqua Grunts. ]
[It hatched from an Egg that was sired from my very own Swampert! ]
[Please watch after them, mom.  ]
[ let’s go dad. ]

?

What.

One, anon swearer.

Jan 16th done!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977276/1/Ash-the-Guardian-of-Pokemon

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Another terrible betrayal fic, really?

Three, all saying it’s good but also a total clusterfuck.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977413/1/Champion-a-Pokemon-story-rewrite

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Spellcheck and proofread.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977560/1/One-Little-Zubat

[I was a little Zubat living in Castelia Sewers, nothing special about me at all, just living with the other Zubats and Koffings, battling Trainers  ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

This is set up weirdly, I guess because you were trying to make a happy fic and so it stops being a story and just becomes a summary of how you trained your pokemon with “and I was super happy yay!” every other line.

It’s not clear why the zubat are so desperate for trainers when it seems they have no real problem getting food on their own and their biggest problem is getting enough of a supply of oran berries to heal so they can keep trying to get caught by a trainer.

Except…all the zubat gets from a trainer is more battles and leveling, and if that’s all it is, why don’t the zubats just fight other wild pokemon and level up, rather than throwing themselves in front of trainers to get beaten to a pulp in the hopes one will eventually catch them to send them out against other wild pokemon?

And then he hangs out in the box for ages, and apparently that’s super awesome too despite meaning a complete end to the leveling and battles that was the zubat’s original desire, but also you end saying he can just leave whenever to go hang out with his friends, somehow, despite that not making any sense with anything else you say.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977566/1/Pokemon-A-new-Journey-Volume-6-Showdown-at-Rusty-City

All sentences need to end in punctuation.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977614/1/The-Knight-and-the-Princess

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Spellcheck.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977817/1/Double-Knots

[“I’m so sorry, are you alright?” The girl asks,  ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[training his Marshtomp  ]

Mostly you’re doing it properly, but here and there it’s capitalized when it’s not a name – should be either either “training Marshtomp” or “training his marshtomp”

Well, this is lovely writing. I quite like your characterization, especially the dynamic between Green and Red, and you did a good job of making it seem plausible they’d let May and Brendan handle things for a while instead of jumping in immediately.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977825/1/The-Two-Bitches

But seriously, is this performance art? I can’t tell.

Twenty-seven. People, go spend time on reviewing a good fic!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10977981/1/Of-Shovels-and-Flowers

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Also, use said, dancing around it like this is even more distracting.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10978040/1/The-Lab-in-Mount-Frosbry

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Your stories really need more of a plot than this. All she does when she goes to the lab is just to go on for a while about the pokemon and the ice, rather than actually doing anything.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10978102/1/Pokemon-Drabble

A drabble is the term for a writing exercise of 100 words exactly.

[he got tired of pikachu]

Any time you’re using something as a name, it’s capitalized as a name, so either say “his pikachu” or “Pikachu”.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10978103/1/Master-Schmaster

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

This isn’t a story so much as it’s a very bad summary.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10978131/1/The-Celadon-Job

[ I’ve had this idea for a while, as a conglomeration of shows like Leverage, and movies like Ocean’s 11/12/13, The Italian Job, and a few others.

And that’s what it reads like, but it doesn’t read like it’s got much to do with pokemon or the original characterization of the people involved. It’s you writing Leverage/Oceans’ 11/The Italian Job/Etc conglomerate fic that happens to use Team Rocket for the mobsters and has characters after the Pokemon show’s cast.

Four.

Off to sleep now.