Lamarckian evolution in the apocalypse and someone who decided to take the human cast and transplant them into an AU where transforming foxes and other generic magical creatures exist instead.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330103/1/Out-of-My-Element

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“W-well, you seem like a nice person.” Cheryl said, a slight blush donned her cheeks, but her tone was sincere. “Professor Rowan would definitely have a starter Pokemon left for you if you simply asked! He says that there is no age limit to becoming a Pokemon Trainer!”]

OR, she could just give him a pokemon. Yes, the game protagonist gets one from a professor. No one else but the rival gets one from a professor. If you’re trying to present this as someone actually really in this world, as opposed to a flimsy reenactment of the game, then he should be getting one by the same sort of methods ordinary people do.

[“So we don’t really need to have a Pokemon that knows Fly?” I asked, remembering the bane of Move-space that was the HM.

“N-no, using Pokemon for long rides like that has been outlawed in Sinnoh and Kanto.” She explained. “This way creates more jobs and make trips safer.”

I suppose I understood; there had to some safe way for people without Pokemon to get around towns without being assaulted and harassed by wild Pokemon and over-enthusiastic Trainers alike. Convenient for us, at least, I thought. ]

How exactly is it more convenient to ban anyone from using alternate methods? Having the option of a cab is convenient. Making it illegal to use anything but cabs is not.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[The greenette ]

No.

[And branching away from RWBY and Food Wars, it’s a bit of a risk, because I’m not sure how the Pokemon fic community will react to an OC-oriented story like this.]

The fact you were apparently too good to so much as glance at the fic posted here is probably what you should worry more about.

Two reviews.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330156/1/riding-the-currents-of-the-world

[Some people say the world only has one desire: to grow. It’s why a flower can grow even in a desert, and why microbes spawn even in volcanoes hot enough to turn even the strongest rock and glass into ash. It’s why some species rise and fall, and others endure through the changes of the world. And it’s why they, as species in this ever-desiring, ever-changing world, cannot simply float with times. They swim, instead. They study the currents and ride them as best they can and they hold on to each other and hope the majority make it through to the next wave.]

This sounds very impressive but doesn’t actually make sense. (And glass melts, it doesn’t turn into ash – and mostly, the same is true for rock, neither of which microbes can actually live in. You seem to be assuming boiling water is basically the same thing as boiling rock.) Species appearing and then dying off doesn’t fit well with the idea the world’s desire is growth – change, maybe, but not growth. And the idea some species just sit around not actually doing much doesn’t fit with charge or growth, and also it’s inaccurate because even species that keep the same body shape back through the fossil record still change significantly when people look close enough.

[ The passing thimblewinter]

The what? Just from context, thimble+winter sounds like the exact opposite of what you mean, given it’s so cold rock shatters.

[Travelling to Pewter was arduous now and Cerulean City and Pallet Town are the nearest but there’s hardly anybody still in Pallet Town.]

What sentences you have that are parsable often still sound bizarre. Given Blue is apparently hanging out somewhere the air is poisoned maybe that’s the intent, but it seems more like this needed a second pass in editing.

[And it wasn’t wrong, when the pokemon were proof of riding the tides. Humans couldn’t live between Pewter and Victory Road up to where the land split, and the island of Mount Silver that was created when that land split off. Humans couldn’t live in those places and could barely travel them even with the best aid available to them but pokemon could and did.]

Why can’t humans live there? Humans are really talented at altering our environment. A human’s native range on Earth is restricted to the tropical areas. Then we put on jackets and built houses and invented central heating systems.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Like the Swinub herds that swam through the icy sea between Johto, Mount Silver and Kanto, and migrated to the Viridian Forest every year, birthed their young, and then went back again]

Given they’re part ground pokemon, I really don’t think their migration would involve swimming. If they’re going to cross an ocean it’d be because part of the year there’s an ice bridge they can use.

[And they live in Pallet Town that’s on the edge of liveable and they’ve survived, breathing in those gases from Mount Ember they’d feared would choke them all. But that wasn’t recklessness. It was concentration, and adaptation, and adjustment. Their bodies adjusting to the new composition of the air with the toxic chemicals at a level that wouldn’t kill them before they could.

But others wanted more immediate results.]

More like others understood that this is not how biology works and weren’t interesting in listening to the brain-damaged raving of a suicide cult.

[The youth who wanted to see fruits in their generation, in their lives, instead of slowly adapt their bodies so their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren can build anew on this new slate the world is giving them. ]

Does he think humans work on Lamarckian evolution?

[But maybe, in a few years, when the precarious balancing act they’ve bet their lives on and survived is at a place where babies will be born with enough resistance (or so they think) and not die choking on smoke they don’t even notice anymore but is still there]

…okay, apparently so. So that’s a definite yes on the toxic smoke causing brain damage then.

Their profile flag is Australian, so I guess another country’s high schools have been infiltrated by the creationists.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330245/1/The-Guardians-Of-Alto-Mare

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Is it really so hard to spend an extra couple seconds working out a betrayal plot that doesn’t sound painfully stupid? Or, if you really don’t care at all about what reason you’re using, why even bother playing out the scene when you could’ve just skipped ahead to Ash heading off to date Latias while thinking about what traitorous jerks his friends were.

You know what a real twist would be? For Ash to have done it. That explains why he’s never concerned about who framed him or has the slightest interest in sticking around to defend himself but just focuses on how his friends need to support him without question or else they’re not really his friends.

Seven! Still not dead, then.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330264/1/Burial-at-Sea

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[ Yet Silva, with his scarred arms from fights with vicious Gyarados back in the day, and his permanent frown etched on his face, was oblivious. His lack of recent experience dealing with predators on the end of his line had made him complacent and lax]

…so the fact the person who obviously has way more experience dealing with dangerous water pokemon than most people hasn’t fought one recently means he’s incompetent? Even though he literally is covered in marks reminding him of that. Why pick an experienced fisherman for a story about someone failing to realize what’s going on and getting killed?

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330337/1/Scylla-and-Charybdis

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[A soft, shimmery light enveloped her body as her hair grew to envelope her whole body, the strands merging together to form a brown pelt. Her nose and jaw elongated to a snout, and her ears stretched into pointed ears. Her hands and feet molded to form small paws while her body took on a quadruped build. As she dropped to four feet, multiple appendages grew behind her, unfurling to form long, fluffy tails. The light faded, and in the place of a brunette stood a vulpine creature, two tails lashing dangerously behind her as she raised her head to what lay beyond the shadows, determination in her face.]

Except, of course, there’s already a transforming fox pokemon. It’s pokemon fanfic – what exactly is the point of taking a world full of magical creatures unique to the setting, then kicking them off to the side in favor of importing a generic mythical animal?

…and now, the fox-who-can-do-illusions-and-pretend-to-be-human-but-isn’t-a-zoroark is fighting the spider-who-isn’t-any-of-the-multiple-giant-spider-pokemon. Why.

[Then Team Rocket came along. They were the first organized force that dealt with dispatching scions, or simply “monsters”, as they called intelligent non-human entities like her.]

Seriously why on earth did you think what the pokemon world needed was an AU version where the monsters were replaced with generic ones and the connection between them and humans was replaced by the most barebones, cliché form of conflict possible?

Three, one saying the same thing about why aren’t the “scions” pokemon.

And seriously, WHY. It’s like someone doing a spirit animal AU for the Golden Compass.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330392/1/The-Sun-and-Moon-of-Kanto

[This is a new “What if?” type of story where it’s a wild twist of the original story. The changes are this: Ash’s pikachu will already know catastropika in place of volt tackle. Ash will have two cosmogs.]

You seem to have mistaken “wild twist” for “ludicrously over the top suedom”.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Seventeen?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330426/1/The-Rocket-Exchange

[It has come to my attention that many of you have been doing the same thing every day for quite a while now, some of you with little to no success. In order to broaden your horizons and see if any of you would be better off assigned to something else, we will be participating in something called the Rocket exchange program. You will be given the duties of other members to see how you perform.]

…okay, so the reason they’re doing the same thing every day is because they have the ability to choose what they do. If they had duties assigned, then there wouldn’t be the issue of them repeating the same actions to the annoyance of their boss.

I was expecting something ridiculous but at least addressing the issue in some way, like swapping partners so at least one of them will have to do something different.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“Did you ever figure out why the boss has been having these two hunt the same kid’s Pikachu for so long?” Attila asked his partner. “It kinda seems like a waste if you ask me.”]

Because he never asked them in the first place. Maybe don’t write fanfic revolving around why characters do things if you can’t remember anything about the subject.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330453/1/Ash-Ketchum-Master-of-Pok%C3%A9mon

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.

[ “Well Ash, I must say, you are early!” Oak said.

“Oh I just wanted to look at the Pokemon carefully before deciding,” Ash said, entering the lab. Oak sent Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle out of their Pokeball. “Umm… Professor Oak, I don’t think any of these Pokémon are right for me. Please can I have a different Pokémon?” Ash asked.

Professor Oak hesitated but pressed a button, that was on a table. A Pokeball appeared with a lightning bolt and Oak let him out. A small mouse Pokémon appeared. “His name is Pikachu. But I must warn you, he is a bit—”

“Don’t worry, professor!” Ash said, crouching down and looking at him. He had a lot of experience with Professor Oak’s Pokémon so he knew he had to do the same with Pikachu.

After a few minutes, Pikachu befriended Ash and jumped onto his shoulder. Ash took Pikachu’s ball out and told him to get in the ball but the Pokémon nodded. “So you don’t like Pokeballs?” That’s fine, you could stay out!”]

Hey, so you know why the anime didn’t do this? Because it’s boring for everything to go perfectly and contrived to have a story run on the character saying that he has no reason for it, but he just feels like he should take whatever action the writer feels is right.

[“What was that? Pikachu, let’s check it out!” Ash said, running towards the noise. They found a orange haired girl called Misty in front of a Gyarados, screaming.

“What’s going on?” Ash asked.

“That Gyarados is…” She whimpered.

Ash took his Pokedex out and scanned Gyarados with it. Gyarados, the atrocious Pokémon. Rarely seen in the wild. Huge and vicious, it is capable of destroying entire cities in a rage.

“I take it you’re scared of Gyarados, right?]

No, she’s not, because she loves water pokemon. How misogynistic are you that you just turn her into a prop for Ash showing off?

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330665/1/A-Forgotten-Friend

God, another one of these.

You spend ages setting the scene, saying not a single new or interesting thing in all that time. Then it’s time for the mandatory spooky cartridge and DO YOU LOVE ME Y/N question, and then some death. There’s no tension in what’s going to happen, because it’s the same thing as always happening in the same way as always, and there’s absolutely nothing else to this “story” that contains no real storyline or characterization.

[(I failed to mention our pet parrot before.)]

Editing continues to be a thing that exists.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330682/1/Writing-prompt-The-battle-of-time

Look at your document before posting it.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330749/1/The-Pokemon-Pirates

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Two.