Contains list porn and a kid rescuing a pokemon egg that completely coincidentally just so happened to be a riolu.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12330827/1/Knight-A-Tale-of-New-Unova
[“Cause if they just asked a psychic pokémon they could find out pokémon and humans are good for each other.” Doris insisted. Psychic pokémon had no trouble communicating their thoughts and feelings to humans or translating those of other pokémon.]
Eh, that seems rather like cheating. The fact N is a human capable of knowing what pokemon say is treated as a big deal, so even if there’s other ways, it’s certainly not easy for the average human to talk to pokemon. Plus, if it’s trivial for humans to just ask pokemon how they feel about this, it makes no sense Plasma could’ve accomplished much of anything.
Also, “insist” is describing her words rather than a separate action, so you should treat it like “said” or any other speech tag.
[And even then, if the dragons did take up different sides and fight, a pokémon battle was just a pokémon battle. It was a contest of the pokémon and trainers’ skill, not a deciding factor of whose opinions were right. Her parents had taught her that.]
Her parents seem like levelheaded people…but at six, isn’t she exposed to broader culture? She should be going to kindergarten by now, hearing adults and playing with other kids. Are they teaching her the same thing most parents do, or are they unusual? Because while N himself has no real connection to the Unovan population, he’s acting out Ghetsis’ script and Ghetsis does seem to have a very good idea of what people believe and how to manipulate them.
[To create a new Unova where people and pokémon will reach their full potential, independent of each other!”
“Humans. Humans and pokémon,” corrected Doris automatically as the camera swung back to the young king.]
Similarly, how has she managed not to become numb to that phrase? It seems like every major NPC says it dozens of times in the game. Was the player character just unlucky and the average Unovan is more considerate? Is Doris’ community way more liberal than average and so she’s only heard it once or twice before?
[On his final word a swarm of pokémon burst forth from the broken doors behind the eight figures. Birds, bugs, ghosts, and other sorts of flight-capable pokémon soared as a group into the air, taking their leave in all directions. N laughed with joy in the center of the noisy leave-taking. The green-haired man behind him who wore a red eye-patch over one eye smiled.]
How is this working with Ghetsis’ secret plan to own all pokemon? I suppose he might only be letting the weaker pokemon through, but the fact you don’t describe them makes me think it’s just supposed to be all of them without caveat.
I can’t decide if this is promising for the awareness pokemon are people or not for the fact it seems to be making it so the only people in Unova who think otherwise are Plasma.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12331124/1/My-Partner
A drabble is a word for something written and edited to be precisely 100 words. It’s the polar opposite of something short you threw together.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Two: “a shame it was a short drabble” IT WAS A THOUSAND WORDS
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12331590/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-High-school
The point of the opening quiz is to get a sense of the person, which really doesn’t apply here.
[Voice[Do you think it’s important to always aim to be the best?]
“Yes. Always be in it to win it! I want to be the very best! …like no one ever was…to cat-]
Everyone knows that’s Ash’s answer. Same for the others. Anyone interested in reading about Ash would have the same basic knowledge of the character to know what his answers would be, which means spending a chapter on nothing but that is a waste.
“There” means a place that isn’t here. “They’re” is short for “they are”.
Also, all sentences end in punctuation, not just sometimes.
Two.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12331603/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Futures-The-Journeys-of-Sal
There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
[Pidgeot seed, canine biscuits, and drowzee pellets, if you have some of those.]
It’s weird for two of the foods to be unique to a particular pokemon line while the third is apparently good for a a wide variety of pokemon that don’t even share types.
[I closed the front door of my hotel room behind the teal-haired lady as she left. They said that every working lady in Kanto and Johto came to the Championships to satisfy the huge demand for their company and talents; like me, they needed a release for their nervousness and excitement, I surmised when told that. ]
Unless your world bans girls from taking part in the championships, I don’t buy it. The Olympics in our world involves tons of sex but it’s largely athlete on athlete action.
I am similarly dubious about him drinking beer – it’d be one thing if he always had a beer so he didn’t think to do things differently the night he’s working on his plan for the championship, but if he’s been spending too much time traveling to have a relationship, he’s been spending way too much time traveling to have much access to a drink that has to be kept refrigerated.
[ If I made up a command on the fly, my pokemon would work out how to do it and win the fight. Technical machine makers and gym leaders had a lot to answer for, steering everyone into using simple, inflexible commands that were easy to teach and use, but made a trainer’s battle method narrow and predictable.]
This really doesn’t make sense coming after you have him list off the four and only four moves each pokemon has and how precisely each one deals with different type matchups. You can’t spend most of your time talking like you’re slightly reworded Smogon articles and then try to say anything’s possible – if you can make up commands on the fly and pokemon can follow them, why can they only know four moves total?
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12331682/1/If-You-Saw-Me-Now
Poetry.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12331886/1/Sycamore-s-request
Capitalize your title properly.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[So Alain had his Tyranitar, Metagross, Weavile, Unfeazent, Bisharp and Charizard out helping around the lab.]
[‘I’m bringing Charizard, Sceptile, Glalie, Heracross and Gible to train.” Ash said to the people. ]
[Before leaving Ash introduced his Decidueye, Komala, Toucannon, Mudsdale, Incenroar, Vikavolt, Primarina, Mimikyu, Tsareena, Gollosipod, Mudsdale, Drampa, Lycanroc (Midday), Turtonator, Araquanid, Crabominable and Gumshoos to his old friends.]
[But it was Mewtwo and the clones with some of Ash’s old friends such as the Houndour pack and Larvitar and Tyranitar from Johto. With the pokemon who lived near the water in Cannalave city in and a Snover, Riolu, Hippopotas from Sinnoh and the Wailord from the sewers he helped along with the Cottonee from Unova. The Slowking from the Orange islands. And a Flygon and Absol from Hoenn.]
[Ash asked Oak if he could research all the mega evolutions. Oak nodded and the two went for a long illustrious list.
Venasaur
Blastiose
Charizard (X2) That supprised the two Pallet natives.
Beedrill
Pidgeot
Gengar
Slowbro
Alakazam
Gyarados
Aerodactyl
Scizor
Houndoom
Ampharos
Steelix
Tyranitar
Heracross
Sableye
Aggron
Metagross
Salamence
Swampert
Sceptile
Blaziken
Sharpedo
Camerupt
Altaria
Glalie
Gardevoir
Gallade
Lopunny
Raquayza
Latias
Latios
Gallade
Garchomp
Audino
Kanghskan
Pinsir
Mewtwo(2)
Medicham
Banette
Manectric
Lucario
Abomasnow
Diance]
Your story really should be a story, not a sequence of lists with a bit of narration connecting them.
Eight, because there is no god.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12331944/1/Blood-and-Broken-Bones
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I shook my head to signal to her that my name was something else.
“What?… Did you not want to be saved?” She looked confused and worried.
I sighed, then shook my head in the other way to say yes.
“Okay… so you wanted to be saved… then what were you saying no to?”]
…so, the umbreon shakes its head, and she asks if it didn’t want to be saved, so it nods yes, and she somehow knows that means “yes I wanted to be saved” rather than thinking it was answering yes to the question she asked.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12332203/1/Pokemon-Unova-Journey
There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Just hold on,” she exclaimed]
[“HELP! HELP US,” she screamed ]
[“Grab the kid and get in the car,” yelled the killer]
If people are exclaiming, screaming, and yelling, you want exclamation marks rather than commas.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12332203/2/Pokemon-Unova-Journey
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[eatooke ]
Spellcheck and proofread.
[Luckily, he was admitted a permit by the League council that let him keep a registered Pokemon and not be a trainer.]
[ I can become a legitimate trainer and we can win the Unova League!]
It is seriously not hard to be a trainer, and we see even little kids can have pets. It’s possible that someone might lack the resources to actually journey, but there’s no way they’d have this much difficulty just getting a license.
[ He remembered finding Kai as an egg three years ago, abandoned in a thunderstorm. He felt some sort of connection to the unborn creature]
Really. You’re saying the one egg he finds just happens to be a crazy rare yet crazy popular pokemon? So, exactly how many thousands of patrat and lillipup eggs did he watch wash into the gutters before he found one rare enough to be worth feeling a connection to?
Questioned is not a synonym for asked.
Five, four of which are detailed crit.