Painful science, and a competently set up what if Ash but better that wasn’t quite competent enough to realize that’s not a plot.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11758897/1/Wordless-Choice
[and well…I’ve seen pokémon with both pokéballs and without them, and while I can’t put my finger on it, something about the way the pokémon tied to pokéballs act seems strange to me. ]
Well, that’s especially ominous.
I really like the culture difference you’d laid out here, and how Ray interacts with pokemon. And it doesn’t seem like this is going to go very well, but it’s really nice to see someone who doesn’t just accept that the kid’s legal right means he did nothing actually wrong.
Also :( I liked the idea of playing the games only catching pokemon without a battle and now I’m still evil.
Only two! Even though this is back on Jan 29th.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11759066/1/Magical-Leaf
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[“Technically, it’s harmless,” Clemont chimed in, plucking the strange substance from between Ash’s fingers and skillfully rolling it up inside of a precisely-folded piece of paper. “The quantity of THC in marijuana isn’t high enough to be lethal. ]
That’s honestly still vastly overstating its dangers. We don’t even know the lethal amount because no one in recorded history has managed it.
[“Blame my mom,” she responded as she passed the blunt to Clemont. “She’s been smoking since I was a baby. I’ve had my fair share of cigarettes when she wasn’t looking. Just out of curiosity, of course,” she tacked on with a grin. ]
…so you have them be cautious about the one that doesn’t kill or addict, but portray cigarettes as something you just try out no big deal?
Also this all really, really looks like original fiction.
Two, one crit.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11759120/1/Something-to-Pass-the-Time
You know, fuck it, this isn’t fanfic.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11759209/1/New-Chapter-New-Story
Write out numbers with letters.
[“And so, it has been theorized that both Ho-oh and Lugia resided here in the Burnt Tower and it was Ho-oh that revived the 3 unnamed Pokemon, blah, blah, blah…” said the history teacher
“Ugh! when will this class ended!?” I thought to myself trying to stay awake.]
You know, maybe if they paid attention when people talked they’d know that it’s “end” and not “ended”.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[“Riiiight…. That paper how we have to pick something from history in another region…. Thank god I’m choosing Sinnoh…. Why Sinnoh you may ask? Well, I’ll be getting to that later.” I thought ]
This is horrible writing. Your character’s private internal thoughts shouldn’t be written like narration.
[As I tried to help her, she slapped my hand away.
“How dare you! I don’t need any help from you!” she said sourly.
“Well, do you mind telling me your name at least?” I said
“I should’ve known all guys are this rude….]
So I thought her reaction was weird, but apparently the main character is some weird creep who asks someone’s name and then goes on about meeting someone when she didn’t even want him touching her stuff and her response indicates all boys behave like this, so yeah, she’s fully justified to tell him to get away because he’d probably have started flipping through her books to better stalk her.
[“Just so you know, I won’t be going easy. Azurill, let’s do this!” she said sending out a bouncing blue Pokemon
“Is that who you’re really going to be battling with? Heh, this is going to be easy. Charmander, time to burn things up!” I said sending out my Charmander.]
[The class was pretty much in shock after that performance. I was the best in the class and now I’ve been defeated by the newbie…. ]
I don’t know why you’re saying they’re sixteen when it’s not even plausible ten year olds would be this dumb.
Don’t ask for OCs. Make up what OCs your story actually needs to fit whatever purpose you need them for.
SOOOOOOOON
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11759291/1/A-Walk-Through-the-Woods
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11759427/1/Normal
Huh.
This has a strong opening but then it rather falls apart when Drew arrives. He seems like he’s from another setting entirely and acts about as surprised by the changes as the reader would be – May’s bitter? People loot corpses? Mentioning old pokemon is probably a bad idea? All the nice in-media-res acceptance of the changes May presented is wrecked. And then she’s busy listening to him confess true love and so the story never gets to explaining what’s actually going on, which seems way more interesting than yet another story saying that he gave her flowers because he liked her.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Two.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11759463/1/The-way-down
Capitalize your title properly.
[“Misty! Common it’s time to go” Violet said at her young, 11 year old sister. ]
It’s “come on”.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Write out numbers with letters.
“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
[Elsewhere
Young 12 year old, Ash Ketchum, ]
You’re overusing commas and no, Misty is older than Ash and if you like pokeshipping so much maybe don’t act like romance requires the girl be younger than the boy.
It’s pretty impossible to not notice you fired a bullet and killed something while playing.
[his mother game running at him ]
Proofread.
If your characters bear no resemblance to the canon ones, and your setting has nothing to do with the canon one, then it isn’t fanfic and doesn’t belong here.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11759680/1/Pokemon-Untold-Adventures
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[The Pokemon on the beach would always have something to say to me. It wasn’t always interesting, but it was nice to hear what they thought and their experiences. ]
Talking pokemon tends to work badly. It ends up raising a lot of questions about why these things with their own thoughts and experiences end up so subservient to humans.
[My mother was the coolest person around, both figuratively and literally. She was the Snowpoint city gym leader, and even though my dad somehow managed to drag her down to the opposite end of the country ]
[You’d honestly think a guy who was champion of the Sinnoh League ]
Ugh. I mean, at least the mom is a good trainer, and yet still, she’s second-best to the dad and has to give up everything for him. You’d really think the job of gym leader would be important enough that she’d take priority in housing decisions.
[clear sky’s ]
Skies.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
[I was one of the only two survivors of what would be called in PC terms as “the Sinnoh Event”. An ex-champion and a fourteen year old kid. ]
This is hard to believe.
Disasters, even ones as broad as these, are messy. They wouldn’t hit everyone. It would have to be a deliberate thing to wipe out every last person like that, and in that case he shouldn’t just so happen to survive by chance.
Now, Cynthia actually makes a degree of sense. She was part of the group trying to kill one of the legendaries and it makes sense that a dead legendary wouldn’t be able to mop up a survivor. The same reasoning needs to be applied to your main character instead of “then he went to a cave which was totally empty of anyone else and unharmed by everything”. If after the onix you annoyingly have sharing a name with an existing trainer who uses onix sacrificed himself to delay one legendary, he ran toward the other fight his parents were in the middle of, it could make sense that by running toward a danger that ended up getting defeated, he happens to avoid injury while the others running away just ended up murdered by a different legendary.
It’d still make way more sense to not say precisely two people survived.
One, crit.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11759865/1/Journey-s-through-the-region
Capitalize your title properly.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.
[It’s a book about the history of the PokéTab. ]
I’m gonna guess this is pokemon tablet but I’m just picturing the drink. Not the best term. Also, you seem to be referring to more than one and yet the word is singular.
[ By fifty years ago the official PokéTab had been released by Bill, having advanced our understanding of psychic tech to the point where we were coming out with our own primitive versions. The overall technology on the tab has barely changed, only adding the ability to accept more memory and new peripherals, as well as improved interfaces. All the data is stored on crystals grown using psychic Pokémon and if you found them you could even use ancient crystals with their programs intact on new machines!” ]
The wording of all this is painful and it’s honestly a struggle to try to force into actual shape. I think most of the problem is how you keep talking like this is a singular item even as everything around it requires that you’re discussing a general thing, but also there’s something horrible going on with your tenses.
“Fifty years ago Bill released an official poketab (as in some sort of branded item owned by a company? did the entire thing get copyrighted and is it illegal for anyone else to make a replica?) either because of advanced understanding of psychic tech or possibly which then caused there to be advanced understanding of psychic tech. It was more primitive than the ancient version. Simultaneously it was exactly the same except improved in numerous ways. Psychic pokemon grow data crystals. If you find data crystals in general, either the ancient ones that have their programs intact (are there ones that don’t?) work on the new poketabs which is a big deal despite the new ones being the same thing, OR it’s a big deal that running them on newer stuff (that again is identical as far as the basic system goes) won’t somehow make the programs un-intact.”
The idea underneath it all sounds really interesting but when you make information this agonizing to read through it really kills any joy in it.
[ It used to be a trainer could start their journey whenever they wanted to but now it’s mandatory to go through school first so you at least have some knowledge of the world before you leave. It means you have to wait until you’re an adult to start ]
It impresses me that you’re willing to say you currently have zero knowledge of the world and everyone only reaches the high vaults of “any clue whatsoever” upon reaching legal adulthood just so you can make there be overaged trainers to live in a more boring world.
[because people are able to actually fend for themselves and cook a decent meal before they’re left in a forest full of wild animals and Pokémon to defend themselves from. ]
That said, the fact you can’t manage to feed yourself on your own is probably something you should probably learn to do instead of assuming it’s some magic superpower that requires adulthood.
[ Plus, as an added bonus, people have more of an option to go into a non-Pokémon centered career, with everyone having the same education. ]
People have more options to do non-pokemon stuff than the original system of letting you not spend time going to school to learn how to do pokemon stuff if you weren’t interested?
You could also be a forest healer, finding herbs and berries within the forest to heal and feed Pokémon and trainers you come across.]
Really not an actual career.
[Or lastly you could be a forest trainer, spending your time away from the city, challenging trainers to make money off battling and teaching, sort of like a forest gym leader without the badge.]
And this is somehow distinct from just being a regular trainer because…?
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[It will psychically update the software on the tab, allowing it to be able to accept the speeds and memory of the newer peripherals and crystals, although I made sure that it would still be compatible with any ancient or raw crystals I find while on my journey. Wanting to learn as many hidden things as I can about Pokémon it will be extremely useful if I can find ancient or raw crystals and be able to interface them without visiting a town.
My tab’s an older model so it’s more closely related to ancient and raw tech than it is to modern human tech. A lot of human tech has ‘advanced’ so far that you need special methods to interface the ancient Elgyem made tech or the crystals able to be naturally grown by most psychic Pokémon who haven’t received training. Most of the modern PokéTab hardware can’t even be understood by the majority of psychics. The physical tabs need to be grown using earth Pokémon.]
So now there’s even more contradictions. Did you just make it up as you went then refuse to go back to edit it into anything resembling consistency?
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11759985/1/Pok%C3%A9love-pokemon-x-trainer-Fanfiction
lrn2troll
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11760154/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-The-Revenge-of-Darkuri
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[But, hey, apparently knowing about Pokémon is needed in the big test for college along with real subjects, even know I technically can be perfectly fine as a science professor without knowing any jack squat about Pokémon, which is what I want to become when I grow up.]
This is like some idiot wailing about how why is he learning biology when he wants a career in the sciences, that’s ridiculous, what does this have to do with anything.
[Pokémon are useless, it just makes 10 year olds become instantly homeless, and is a complete waste of everybody’s time, unlike something that is really important- like politics, science, history that dose not involve Pokémon, things like that. ]
Aside from your tragic lack of proofreading, the idea pokemon doesn’t have anything to do with the current or historical situation and definitely not science is really hammering in that this kid is a total idiot. Why does he want to be a scientist again?
[Think about it, if a Pokéball can only capture a Pokémon and not a human, then why not a Pokébombthat can only destroy Pokémon and not anything else? ]
No, seriously, where did he get the idea he was scientist material? Is it that he’s dumb enough that he doesn’t know about anything but bombs and just assumes science begins and ends with stuff going boom?
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11760265/1/Nervous-A-Contestshipping-Fanfic
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“Ugh, all we ever do is catch Pokemon.” May complained.]
[“I guess I’m outnumbered,” he sighed, grumpily. ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[“That arrogant jerk!” she muttered. “I think he grew weeds in his ‘grass’.”
(By grass, she meant his hair)
Max had sneaked up on her while she was talking to herself.
“Looks like someone’s got a little crush,” he said, in a mocking voice.]
Even by the low standards of fanfic here, this shows a particularly bad grasp of what romance involves.
[Max and May both sweatdropped. ]
That’s a visual term because manga and anime don’t have the luxury of being text where you can actually write out their reactions. It shouldn’t be showing up here.
One, critish.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11760267/1/Ashton-Hale-Pokemon-Master
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Ash learned about the Pokemon types, Kanto and Johto species, healing berries, Pokemon care and breeding, and training styles. He paid special care to battle techniques, since his goal was to win the Indigo Plateau Conference and become the champion of the Kanto/Johto regions. Molly took more of an interest in Pokemon contests, but she still didn’t have a specific goal that she wanted to reach. Spencer, meanwhile, was happy to spend time with his family.
In the three years since Ash gained his new family, he’s undergone a few changes. For one, he’s a lot more mature now than he was before, since, as an older brother, he’s the one who has to look out for Molly. He also has greater knowledge of and experience with Pokemon, from all of the work he did in his Dad’s laboratory, and better dining manners overall (Spencer Hale had to entertain guests in relation to his work). Pouring his excessive energy into studying Pokemon made him a more tranquil person, though he’s still an excitable ten-year-old boy, and having such a famous father introduced him to some important people in the last few years. He’s more prepared than ever to begin his Pokémon journey.]
While this is a change that makes logical sense, I’m not really sure what the point is. Ash isn’t exactly a very deep character. Not being an expert on pokemon and being immature are pretty major traits for him, and that seems to be all you’ve accomplished with your divergence, rather than actually setting up some sort of plot change. If you want to write about a more competent trainer, why not just make an OC? Why insist it’s Ash and simultaneously not Ash?
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[Also if Ash seems a bit posh in this story, it’s because his adopted father is a world-famous scientist who lives in a mansion and hires tutors for his daughter’s education (according to canon). It’s not an overt thing, but it did influence Ash’s upbringing. ]
For god’s sake there’s nothing wrong with just saying, “Hey, this is my OC, he’s Molly’s brother, now he’s going on a pokemon journey.”
Five, probably because it’s asking people to suggest what “Ash” should catch. See, people? There’s lots of ways besides OC submissions to cheat up your review count.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11760446/1/The-Life-of-Gemini
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Write out numbers with letters.
[Being the only carnivore in my quartet of friends, I walked past the apple feasting and pulling over a whole Pidgey. I yanked out some feathers and starting chowing down on the meat.]
You really should think more about pokemon casually eating other pokemon while everyone’s sapient and friends.
[I saw Yearling tossing a bucket of roasted apples into RaRa’s pen. RaRa was a Grumpig that actually used to be a rogue Pokémon till she was tired of being hunted down in the Tall Plains and walked in welcoming to our village. ]
Especially when it’s followed by the implication that food pokemon have names and live penned up in ignorance of what’s coming.
What.
Also, zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11760563/1/A-XY-valentimes-day
Try harder.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11760752/1/Hybrid-Mystery-Dungeon-The-Great-Guidebook
[Long ago, in about the year 2020 in Earth years. ]
Eurgh. That’s like saying you’re light years from facing Brock.
“The year” is the thing we say it is by counting an agreed upon start point. “Earth years” is the number of times the planet has gone around the sun. It isn’t 2016 in Earth years right now, it’s just 2016. Other people using the exact same years will have different year dates based on when they started their count. This is the worst and weirdest qualifier.
[Arceus, ruler of the pokèmon world, hated Earth’s constant wars and suffering. Seeing this she sent several of her world’s pokèmon to try to help out. This did not turn out well. These pokèmon, though turned human, started mass wars throughout the planet. Arceus, honestly had no idea what to do,]
“I turned pokemon into humans. Huh, them being humans is making bad stuff happen. Well, I sure have absolutely no idea what could possibly fix that! Yep. It’s a mystery.”
Also, stop throwing commas everywhere.
[At this point in time Zeus ruled Earth. Though he was not Giratina’s target, it was Ares. Giratina fought Ares to the death. ]
That’s difficult given Ares canonically runs away as soon as he’s scratched to go cry to Daddy about how much pain hurts. It’s sort of like people need to stop insisting on dragging in Greek mythology every time they want to refer to any sort of powerful thing.
[Hades may not have been the God of Death, but he controlled the Underworld holding Earth together. ]
The afterlife really should not be having any impact on the actual Earth’s structure.
Zero.