Some variety, including a dash of science.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11715350/1/Pokemon-Journey-No-Starter

Write out numbers with letters.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

[“I’m sorry Ash,” Professor Oak said as he came down the stairs, “I don’t have any more pokemon,” he told Ash.
“What?” Ash said in disbelief. “I’m sorry however, I can give you your pokedex and pokeballs though,” he replied handing his pokegear.]

Okay, so the core reason people have pokemon is that it’s not safe to go out without them, and the first episode of the anime shows just how bad things can go when you try to catch a pokemon by yourself. Unless Oak in this hates Ash’s guts, he’s not going to encourage him to do this.

[“Pidgey is a flying pokemon, among all flying pokemon, it is the gentlest and easiest to catch, a perfect target to for beginning pokemon,” Dexter explained.
“Alright uh Pidgey? You wanna come with me on my pokemon journey?” Ash asked. Pidgey looked at him before nodding. “Alright, let me catch you first,” Ash said as he took a pokeball out of his backpack.
He tapped the pokeball on Pidgey and instantly caught it.
“Alright I got a Pidgey!” Ash exclaimed.
“Woah what’s that,” he asked looking at a Spearow.
“Alright I’m going to catch that,” Ash exclaimed. “Alright Spearow do you want to come with me on my journey?” Ash asked.
Spearow unlike Pidgey had a different reaction. “Spearow has a terrible attitude, it is very wild and sometimes will attack other pokemon and trainers,” Dexter explained.]

Speaking of that first episode, either you didn’t actually see it and just heard the general gist or you’ve forgotten everything interesting and that’s why you’re giving us this unspeakably dull version. Either way, I’d suggest googling it up and watching it to see how it did things like “not make it stupidly easy to get a pokemon” and “give pokemon reasons for what they do rather than just slapping a giant villain label on one of them and telling it to start twirling its nonexistent mustache.”

The same goes for the rest of your rehash. It’s like you sucked everything interesting out and then wrote a fic with the withered corpse. How did you manage to make Suicune this boring.

Three, one of which is questioning the wisdom of Suicune saying he’s the chosen one and then joining him.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11715364/1/the-forgotten-soldier

Use capital letters.

Use paragraphs.

Try harder.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11715477/1/Boundless

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

This is incredibly slow. I assume you’re trying to show off the characters’ personalities, but you should be doing this while the plot is going on, not instead of.

Like:
[What exactly is that?” the Luxray inquired. “And where did you get the money for it? It looks really… costly.”
The question imposed by his partner left the Lucario smiling sheepishly and he gave a nervous chuckle. “Er… It’s a weapon in its testing stage… which I got… with our funds?” His answer turned into a question when he looked to see the reaction of his partner.
“You bought that with our money?” He could only stare in disbelief at his friend. He didn’t get mad at him and he kept a cool head. “We were supposed to use those to get a hold of supplies and berries for the month,” Soran explained. “What was the exact cost?”]

You could’ve had Soren pull this out during the actual exploration and have this kind of exchange then, with him able to show it off immediately after.

Also, for god’s sake just use said, your attempts to dodge it are really distracting.

One review: “One thing I do suggest you add is an introduction to the main characters, as I thought I had started reading a sequel to another story when it just jumped in to the plot as it did.  ” Nooooooooooooooooo.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11715689/1/Poliathlon

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11715708/1/Amarillo-s-Blossoming-Growth

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11715849/1/Follow-Me-to-the-Wall-of-Death

[Any criticism would be greatly appreciated; I keep feeling as if I’m doing something wrong but I can’t quite figure out what. ]

Your greatest sin would be that you really shouldn’t be pulling out the semicolon so casually here.

Beyond that, I appreciate something other than the person waking up on a beach and related PMD openings. This is still a bit slow, though – I assume there’s to be more plot here than just that the main character does rescue team stuff, but there’s no sign of it this chapter and there really should be.

[I simply followed their lead, walking into the guild hall that would undoubtedly mark the beginning of a new chapter in my life. ]

A first chapter shouldn’t be ending right before the character even reaches the story’s actual first chapter beginning, basically.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11715849/2/Follow-Me-to-the-Wall-of-Death

And…this would appear to still be setup. You’re doing a better job of it, but doing a better job with something usually painfully boring still averages out as kind of dull. How much of this do you really need to show out piece by piece?

Take the whole “why are you doing this?” bit – there’s nothing particularly unusual going on there. It tells you a tiny bit about how Charizard runs things that she wants to poke someone to get a feel for how they react, but it’s pretty standard for people in charge to do something like that, and our main character says nothing unexpected at all. You need to be communicating something more with these scenes.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11715967/1/Team-Shock-The-Journey-Begins

Script format: still totally banned, write properly.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Spellcheck.

One, which is saying not to capitalize pokemon species!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11716000/1/Virentium-Caelum

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Bucky, we tried to get the Professor to let us take you with us,” Lucas reasoned. “But-”
“No, that’s okay,” Bucky interrupted. He looked up at his two friends. Despite the tears still rolling down his face, Bucky smiled. “Go on your journey. Don’t let me hold you back.”]

Except you don’t need to ask anybody to let you take someone with you. They may have asked if the professor would give Bucky a pokemon, but if he says no, they can just catch Bucky one because they have pokemon of their own now and can do that.

Also, don’t throw around speech tags like “reasoned” when they don’t fit. Just use said.

One, and it’s sweet, sweet hateful criticism of all of it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11716024/1/A-Sick-Shao

[The Samurott ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Phonetic accents are obnoxious.

There really isn’t much story to this. One character is sick, but not seriously so there’s no tension, and their characterization is just “the sick one” and “the one caring for the sick one” so their personalities aren’t interesting enough to carry it either.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11716028/1/Pokemon-Union

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[The idea was to introduce microbes into the human body which would carry with them a bit of genetic coding that could rewire the subject to be able to understand the language of Pokemon without the need of a translator. Others suggested less intrusive methods such as devices to do the work in translating them, but it was Sebastian who firmly believed in a biological, permanent way to truly break the barrier between Human and Pokemon.
It may have sounded ridiculous at first]

Also at second and third.

Look, I am totally in favor of mad science in general and stuff about pokemon communication in particular, but you need to have a better excuse.

If your goal is communication, you’d work on figuring out how to translate them at all first and only then move on to a mass reworking of human DNA once you had step one down.

Therefore, you either need to explain why this is the only option (perhaps mechanical translation is completely impossible because pokemon language has a psychic component and the syllables themselves only communicate part of it) or else pile on reasons why they aren’t interested in doing it the proper slow and careful way.

For example, let’s say these guys were Team Plasma faithful. They sincerely care about pokemon. They know that it’s possible to talk to pokemon (N) and that people who can talk to pokemon care about pokemon a lot according to their sample size of one. They also know that no one else seemed to care that there was some guy walking around able to translate pokemon speech for anyone who asked. Going off this, someone could easily conclude that people will just ignore a translator if you make one and you’d have to literally hammer it into everyone’s skull so they have no choice but to understand what pokemon are saying to make it work (it’s less absurd of a plan than summoning Groudon/Kyogre under the impression they’re helpful friends). They’d also be much more motivated to want to get this done RIGHT NOW, because instead of saying that things are pretty great right now but maybe this could be even better, they think things are terrible right now and every second they waste on silly things like “safety testing” and “thinking this through” is another second of pokemon suffering!

Ah, pokeverse science. Always so crappy!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11716028/2/Pokemon-Union

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[“Travis, are you done yet? I’ve been reading this email over for like an hour.” Gladys sighed boredly. ]

When you’re opening your story with your characters complaining about how boring your starting point is, you should maybe take that as a hint something is horribly wrong.

[“Trying too hard.” Gladys noted, snickering. “Honestly, it’s not like we haven’t met the Professor before. She knows us! Just don’t go in and say something stupid like ‘I hate Pokemon!’ or ‘I changed my mind!’ and things will be fine.” ]

And you just keep going on and on about how nothing interesting or surprising is happening or even has the potential to happen, and yet for some reason you kept plodding along instead of skipping all this.

You don’t need to show them meeting the professor or getting pokedexes explained for the millionth time. While you didn’t even manage to get that far this time, you almost certainly aren’t going to need to show them getting their pokemon for the first time either. Ask yourself what’s actually different about your story and skip to that. You were doing so well with last chapter having actual information and events in it! That should be how every chapter is.

Two, both crit!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11716066/1/The-Reunion-Amourshipping-Geekchicshipping

Misty is older than Ash.

Don’t use parenthesis for thoughts.

Write out numbers with letters.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

[who’s name  ]

Whose.

[ even if one of them was a traitor. ]

Traitor has a more specific definition than just “guy I’m upset at”.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11716149/1/The-Chosen-Girl

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Look, just make an OC if you want to write about an OC. I assure you, saying this is girl Ash isn’t changing anything about the fact she’s a colossal mary sue.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11716418/1/a-pokemon-s-path

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Your grammar is a complete disaster in lots of other ways as well. Try harder and get a beta reader.

One, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11716486/1/May-Won-More-Than-Just-a-Ribbon

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.