More than before, but I’ll need to do far more if I want to ever catch up.

Shades of a Steel Grey Morning Ch1 (PS (altPS))

wierd

You really, really need to spellcheck.

Blood is the first thing you see, then the suit. He looks so much like Slick it’s not fucking funny.

It’d be good to have more of a description here. He’s a cross between PS and Slick, so while he would remind PS of Slick and might be mistaken for him for a second, he should also be decidedly not like Slick in other ways, even if PS doesn’t realize why. It’s not just appearance, PS is different in more ways than Slick than just the shadow magic, so that should be coming out here. Like, for example, PS doesn’t use knives all the time.

“Slick?” You call out, training your gun on the figure who looks up in surprise.

“Is that you, scout?”

So, dialogue. If it’s attached to a speech tag, or a verb describing the way it’s being said, then the speech tag is part of that sentence rather than a new one, and therefore doesn’t fall under the rule about capitalizing the start of a sentence. So it’d be “Slick?” you call out in this case.

And since Scout is Scout’s name, it’s capitalized.

He laughs, and it is a horrifying sound, as black as pitch.

Okay, I get that he’s bad news, but PS seems to know Slick pretty well and I don’t see why he’s acting like Scofflaw is something brain-breakingly horrible. If, for some reason, Scofflaw’s orders of magnitudes worse than Slick, that really needs to be explained.

Shades of a Steel Grey Morning Ch2 (SS (DD, altDD, CD, HB, PS))

Huh. So the Crew’s altdoubles are identical down to behavior? That’s interesting but odd, and begs the question of why exactly-like-regular-Droog would be a detective instead of a regular criminal like his original.

The description of all of the character’s little actions is nicely done, and I like your Slick’s voice.

It occurs to me that a mobsterswitch where everyone was almost identical to canon but inexplicably in the wrong roles would be cool. PS and crew are running around just solving puzzles and generally being pretty non-aggressive, while the detectives are alternating threatening horrible harm to people and actually doing it as they go about whatever stupid little cases they have.

And they and the police are more interested in fighting over who gets to bring the crew in than actual crime, or just fighting.

Shades of a Steel Grey Morning Ch3 (altSS, altPS (PS, SS, DD))

Hm.

Well, the idea of this is interesting, and you write it well enough, but the characterization’s really getting to be a mess. So DD and altDD are identical, but altSlick is the same as PS (I really can’t see any version of Slick, ever, caring even a little about stealing someone else’s paperwork. Or wanting it in the first place, come to think of it.) and altPS is the same as Slick. And really, making any of them exact copies of each other is just less interesting than similar people who share a lot of traits but also show how they could be different, it’s just turning into a straight doppelganger thing instead.

Skipping (Rose (Doc Scratch))

This is…even aside from Scratch, who really doesn’t sound like himself even considering the idea he’s not evil here, I don’t know why you tried to do this with Rose of all people. She’s not the trusting sort or one prone to crushes, she wouldn’t be raging he betrayed her or desperately attached to him, and they don’t exactly get along that well. The only one who he seems on decent terms with is Kanaya, and I suppose there’s nothing preventing him from having a less antagonistic relationship with some of the other trolls. I could see them working with something like this.

The doomed timeline thing is an interesting bit of pathos, but the character interaction is just so forced.

There seems to be a particular subset of bad writing where people take an existing connection between characters and then force them into any story involving two characters with any form of connection. The non-Karkat stabdad stuff is another form of this, and I suspect it may have to do with why Eridan is mostly getting paired with the people who canonically said no way in hell (the other half there is probably that all that matters is poor woobie Eridan-chan getting the people he wants). Maybe it’s behind some of the Tavros mans up and fucks Vriska stuff too.

Aside from being OOC, it’s boring because it leads to the same characters showing up together every time.

Purple Prose Dodging Starstruck Points (Dave (Rose, DD))

Huh, this is weird.

It’s funny to think of DD being a fan of her writing, but it seems horribly OOC for him to be actually fanboying like this. A polite chat with an author about the intricate details of their writing, sure, but an autograph and photo leaves it feeling like he’s been replaced by someone else entirely.

and turns me to gold in the sunlight (Condesce (Handmaid, Sollux, Terezi, Feferi, Karkat, Eridan))

Hm. A good concept and nicely written, but it feels like it didn’t really address the core issue.

“You realise that the mere fact that we are here only serves to underline the irrefutable proof that the old ways still take precedence over whatever you envision. One day, you will be the one bound to your own emblem, waiting for the end.”

“With the death of the old empress, the old empire crumbles,” the heiress says shortly. “Believe what you may, but someday, I will change the world.”

I mean, if Feferi can’t even change something as trivial as the exact method of killing the current empress or else there’ll be rebellion against her (even though she’s the only one of her color left, so the traditionalists would have no one left to crown) then what hope does she have of changing anything else? And if this is a compromise she’s forced to make, what other compromises is she making? Or if it’s just that this isn’t a point Feferi’s particularly concerned with changing, having that spelled out (and what it might mean for Feferi’s intended empire) would be good.

Beside her, the Orphaner’s scion snarls. “We will not allow that,” he bites out, but his expressions shifts when she turns to look at him. “We will succeed. Fef will succeed.”

It’d also be really good to have some idea of what Eridan’s doing here. After all, we last saw Feferi wanting nothing to do with him followed by him murdering her. Even if we assume he’s worked things out enough he’s no longer psychotic, it seems weird he’d go all the way back to being her strongest defender. Why isn’t it, say, Sollux defending her ideals, or Terezi defending the law as not dependent on injustices, or something? Equius speaking up here would be a good point in Feferi’s favor, if he’s learned you can work together as a group without needing to filter everything through proper caste behavior.

The Eridan thing is a problem a lot of the Alterna fic has. His relationship is always good with Feferi. Either they’re matesprits like he wanted or they’re moirails and both fine with it for some reason, and he’s always supporting both her and he’s never a bigot about blood caste at all.

What the hell is with people and Eridan?

The Brink (DD (PI))

Makes a good attempt at explaining what DD sees in the guy. I don’t buy the idea DD would prefer such an incredibly easy target, since upsetting woobie PI seems like it’s as appealing as pre-chewed food, but the idea Droog gets off on other people’s weakness is a good one.

Huh, it occurs to me the problems are mostly remedied if PI just isn’t the pathetic wreak he is in most fic. I don’t really recall him being so timid and easily cowed in the comic. He’s generally the one disconcerting others. If PI was instead hard to get reactions from, maybe because he’s so off, this would work.

Hm. I should reread PS.

Cascade (John Egbert, Jade Harley, Jadesprite, Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, Wayward Vagabond, Windswept Questant, Peregrine Mendicant, Snowman, Karkat Vantas, Sollux Captor (WK, Slick, Aradia))

Very pretty little snippets.

End of an Act (Slick (Snowman, Problem Sleuth, Droog, Boxcars, Deuce))

Eh, kind of bland. I mean, the flash is meant to take place in part in Slick’s universe, so having him and Snowman watching it while lacking any similar murderous tendencies highlights that missing characterization, and it’s weird Snowman’s pissed off about it when she’d know that was the point of making her part-universe, and it’s just as weird they assume Slick lives after killing her.

PS’s presence feels rather pointless, and I don’t see why it’s Slick, Snowman, Droog and PS watching together instead of Slick, Droog, Boxcars, Deuce and Snowman. He just seems to be there to disagree with Droog and Snowman and agree with Slick, and he’s not saying anything interesting in the process – saying it’s just a story might be right, but seeing them react to the update is sort of the point of this story. Having Slick just bitch to him afterward would probably make more sense.

“You didn’t die!” Snowman snapped, grabbing Droog’s superfluous cigarette and taking a drag.
Slick snorted. “Sepulchritude ring any bells there Snowy?”

Uh…but he really didn’t die? He ends up alive and by that point it’d been established that death was a revolving door so it wasn’t all that much of a threat, while Snowman (and the rest) are almost certainly dead for good. In Droog and Snowman’s case, they’ve already had one version die with no sign of that being reversed, and this’ll be their second time. The repeated “but in Problem Sleuth!” bits seem like they’re just there for the sake of being able to reference it, because no one manages to explain why it works as a comparison when they function so differently on this point.

Also just generally tired of PS getting in everything. Is there any term for something like fanon where instead there’s such a common crossover that people stop bothering with the usual reasons for why it’s being crossed over and just treat it like it’s one canon?

Crescendo (PM (Jack, Sentry worm, WV, AR))

You spent a day or two gathering up the debris. You had stared at the mailboxes, wondering if it was some kind of a cruel joke.

I’m pretty sure she gathered those over time while traveling. Everything about them seems like they’re from Earth and there’s no reason the sort of mailboxes houses had to be on a ship.

I like the way you write this, particularly:

If ever you had a name, you have forgotten it. It feels as though you are being distilled, whether from the sun or the cold or the impenetrable solitude. With every step, layer after layer of false memory and broken identity slough off, falling to the ground like dead leaves and shed skin, leaving you with your essential self.

Or perhaps your mind is wandering again. That’s fine.

You do know this. You are a courier. You have important deliveries to make. It is here, in this world crumbling into disuse, that your diligence to duty is most needed. You have a job and you will do it.

Somebody to Lean On (Droog (Slick, Rattman, Caroline, Karkat))

The crossover aspect is kind of distracting. It seems like it’d work better as a more subtle reference – someone new took over the ruined lab post apocalypse and is using the functional inventions more sanely – over it being the same company and having the few named characters now in charge of limb replacement. As it is I kept expecting them to try to disassemble Slick or for the arm to involve a mercury infusion or something else insane, they’re not really good with either competence or restraint.

Slick picking them because they don’t ask questions or require a stay is good, and his panic is amusing, though I wish you’d spent more time explaining it – why is he particularly scared of this over all the other things he deals with?

Bad Things (SS (PS))

Scout’s afraid, sure, because this is the king of the criminal underworld eyeing him up here, but he also knows that, against all expectation, he’s going to like whatever it is Scofflaw has planned. Most of it, anyway. Most of it is going to make up for the rest of Scout’s miserable existence.

UkeScout and all the other usual bits.

I think I’ll settle for being grateful Snowman’s largely forgotten in this verse.

PS, SS, altSS, altPS (DD, altDD, CD, HB)
Rose (Doc Scratch)
Dave (Rose, DD)
Condesce (Handmaid, Sollux, Terezi, Feferi, Karkat, Eridan)
DD (PI)
John Egbert, Jade Harley, Jadesprite, Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, Wayward Vagabond, Windswept Questant, Peregrine Mendicant, Snowman, Karkat Vantas, Sollux Captor (WK, Slick, Aradia)
Slick (Snowman, Problem Sleuth, Droog, Boxcars, Deuce)
PM (Jack, Sentry worm, WV, AR)
Droog (Slick, Rattman, Caroline, Karkat)
SS (PS)

Four of ten.