http://archiveofourown.org/works/345732 (Rose (Scratch))
this calm, asexual relationship akin to a mentor and student.
See the thing is, Rose doesn’t like mentor and student relationships. She sees actual kindness as a game of oneupmanship, even when it’s coming from her mother or friend, and she’s even more suspicious of strangers. As she shows when she talks to Scratch or when blowing apart the game, someone having actual power over her just makes her push back harder.
She could certainly grow beyond that, but you have to explain it.
“Am I dead, then?”
“You are quite alive.”
“Then, how did I get here?”
“Please dear Rose, drink your tea. You will find it quite good.”
She sipped her tea.
Rose hates this kind of thing. Scratch would never endear himself to her by ignoring her questions and acting like he knows everything. The point at which someone brushes her off and tells her she’ll like the tea is the point Rose declares eternal passive-aggressive war. Here, she’s somehow turned into a shrinking violet, who just sits around being uncertain and agreeing to trust the guy who won’t answer her questions.
There’s also the fact Scratch is a horrible person and not actually a wonderful kind gentleman who protects little girls.
ARG
And you know, if someone wanted to do some sort of dream protection thing, Feferi was right there. But no. That would get in the way of how Doc Scratch is clearly so nice and Rose needs to learn to roll over and be obedient.
This is an interesting idea, but it’s not particularly much of a story. Also, the idea paradox space goes out of its way to screw them over seems a stretch. The human session’s WQ and WK are killed, so is everyone except PM, so that’s hardly exceptional. And Snowman lasts quite a while and takes out everything else with her death, so again, no sign regular exiles are allowed lives and royals aren’t.
Seasons (Doze (Itchy))
He didn’t mind it – he lent much of this attitude towards the fact that his weight was seldom-changing, thus he had ample time to get used to his own shape – and if anything, he was comfortable in his vessel.
This is really awkward writing. What’s wrong with just “He usually stayed around the same weight and felt comfortable in his body”?
And besides, he liked the oft-level number that stared back at him from the scale.
And what on earth is “level number” supposed to mean, and how is it sometimes not?
Seasons Ch2 (Doze (Itchy, Deuce))
With the other, he reached up to wipe away the enormous, singular tear that was rolling down the Dersite’s face.
“I’m sorry, Doze.” Deuce’s tiny hands strengthened their hold on the kite. “I don’t know what I walked in on, but I’m really sorry I interrupted.”
Doze drew him into a hug and stroked the back of his head. “Ssssh, it’s okay, don’t cry.
Deuce is the one who ends up killing Doze, remember? He’s less violent than the rest, not a delicate flower who starts crying because people are upset.
PS: Investigate Accidental Death Ch1 (PS (FOC, Kanaya, Aradia, Droog))
“Now, now.” He guided her to the door. “Gimme a couple weeks, time to track down some leads, I’ll see what I can do.”
“Of course.” Her hand, pale and shaky, plunged into her bra and came up with a blank check. “Money is of no object.”
He blinked, didn’t take the check. “Why don’t you just hang onto that ‘til we’re done here, toots.”
“Nonsense.” She pushed the check and his tie back into his hand. “Fill it out for a small advance if it settles your conscience, but I won’t have you after those dreadful brutes without pay.”
Private detectives are paid by the hour or day. They’re hired to investigate, not paid only if they get results at the end.
Kanaya sounds incredibly unnatural here. I think it’s how very stilted her speech is – in canon she talks deliberately but not with a particular interest in speaking properly, and she uses plenty of contractions rather than absolutely none. It’s particularly bizarre here when you have him talking extremely casually and full of contractions when he’s supposed to be the one who raised her.
Come to think of it, she’s also the troll whose lusus is most like an actual parent caring for her, so it’s also awkward to have her positioned as being the mature one in the family, let alone ordering her dad to show up at the school with no explanation because she knew Droog was the best person to deal with.
Or basically everything but the Karkat and Slick parts of this universe are a character-dynamic mess.
PS: Investigate Accidental Death Ch2 (PS (MC, FOC))
I like how you write the MC and how freaked out PS is.
“I haven’t taken the case yet, ‘cause I ain’t convinced there is a case but –”
Investigating if something is a murder or an accident is literally part of his job description.
And…I don’t see why the Midnight Crew is so touchy about this? One of their people being killed is an offense to their own power and someone investigating another criminal opposing them is good for them. The only reason to still be telling him to back off under the circumstances is if they’re behind it somehow and don’t want that getting out. (In other circumstances it’d be possible that they’re worried he’d catch them doing revenge murders, but you’ve made it clear the police are happy to avoid dealing with the mob.) And he should know that what’s going on here is suspicious as hell.
(Or, if it were that Kanaya asked a favor of Aradia asked a favor of Droog that he took to mean he should be actively helpful in PS not dying by encouraging him to take safer cases for his general wellbeing, PS should have been terribly confused by things up until he got home and Kanaya explained she’d talked to Aradia.)
PS: Investigate Accidental Death Ch3 (PS, Kanaya (MOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, FOC, Aradia, Terezi))
A homicidal duck was on the loose in the park, apparently, which was vaguely interesting, but since it could be pacified by bread no one was very concerned.
Why not a goose? I mean I know the joke is just that it’s a duck, but you couldn’t even notice if a duck was homicidal because being bit by a duck just sort of tickles, while the goose could make a nuisance of itself without being an actual problem like a swan.
a robbery on the west side, where nothing was stolen but hand-penned love notes were left on every surface
So not a robbery, B&E where nothing was stolen.
I like Discworld too, but that doesn’t change the fact the names completely don’t fit with the rest of the cast and playing spot-the-cameo is distracting on top of that.
The girls’ conversation is nice but it’s really redundant given PS and the police are both already on that track, with even the Droog part strongly hinted. It’d really have made more sense to have this be where you put that reveal and to have spun things out with Sleuth’s investigation longer.
PS: Investigate Accidental Death Ch4 (PS, Aradia, Die)
The link in your author’s note is expired.
“She have any idea why someone would be framing Crowbar?” Sleuth gestured with his coffee mug. “He’s the brains of that entire operation, apparently; seems like suicide to go after him.”
…because if he’s the brains, then it’d be more suicide to go after someone else and get them arrested, since then Crowbar would be around to get revenge. PS is coming off as a complete idiot here. He never seems to actually figure anything more out from the facts, he’s limited to just noticing more facts than others.
Generally, none of the characters seem to be thinking about this. Like the best reason for “framing” is just the fact the police ignore any murders they think are Felt-related, so it’s a great way kill anyone and not worry about people finding out you did it, but even though that’s been said multiple times no one’s thought it might be a motivation. Then there’s the obvious option of trying to get the Felt and MC to fight each other by causing trouble – either one is most likely to blame the other for framing them. The only reason that isn’t working here is because for some reason the MC know Crowbar’s being framed instead of just weird time shit causing there to be two of him at the same point in time.
But yes, it does seem like a foolish thing to do, we all agreed.”
Not really. It’s only stupid if you assume the person was planning frame cranky mobsters as a long term thing and not just long enough to cause trouble, and besides, you’re talking about a profession that’s populated by people who take big risks for gain, which this is definitely covered by. The fact it’s risky shouldn’t really be featuring into the likelihood of someone trying it.
What, the same person’s framing Crowbar and the Droog? Sweetheart, it’s not impossible but it is improbable because if it is the same person they’re not dead yet.”
Furthermore, the fact Crowbar and Droog are both going to be mad about it doesn’t do much good when apparently the general population doesn’t pay much attention to their exact looks. If it’s a single person, they just have to keep their mouth shut, if it’s a gang it’s presumably just stage one of a plan to topple the two gangs so it doesn’t have to stay secret forever.
If the murders were related, and someone really was trying to lock up Droog and Crowbar, it seemed likely that that someone would stand something to gain by knocking out the city’s two biggest gangs.
At last some reasoning. Pretty paltry, though – he really should know the likely gangs to take over off the top of his head. If you hadn’t made the police department a crossover, they’d also be a reasonable guess.
I really don’t see why Droog would be more receptive to information mentioned casually when he’s irritated and sick of listening to Aradia than just being told directly. Of all of them he seems least likely to treat his kid like a kid.
“Well they’re easy targets,” Die pointed out, but he sounded skeptical. “Someone looking to get away with murder would know Crowbar and Droog aren’t likely to take a lot of flak from the police. They could even be unrelated.”
FINALLY. I hope Die’s sticking around for the rest of the case-solving, he’s the only one with a brain.
PS: Investigate Accidental Death Ch5 (MOC, Vriska, Terezi, PS (MOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, Crowbar, Die, Snowman))
Eh. I don’t really see the point in spending so much time confirming what’s already known, and I also don’t see why the guy would be visiting PS just because he heard the guy was working on the case, or even why he’d have heard that in the first place.
“See my bridge is gonna be vastly superior to any piece of shit you can whip up, because I’m making Tavros put it together using exactly eight of everything.” Vriska flipped her hair over her shoulder and twirled her spoon around in her cereal bowl. “Way better than that shit you and Strider are putting together.” She laughed, “I mean, triangles, sis, really. As if.”
“Triangles are the strongest shape in nature, dumbass,” Terezi snapped.
Vriska slapped her hands onto the table. “No, stupid, squares are and oh, they have four sides, that’s funny because four is a multiple of eight, and two squares is stronger than one. God, you’re an idiot.”
Why would Vriska want Tavros to actually make her project and also, why is she suddenly incompetent?
While Snowman’s threat is amusing I really don’t see why she’d be refusing to pay. It’s not like the money should be a real concern for them so it just makes the gang look cheap. Saying if he doesn’t agree to help them he’s dead seems more relevant.
PS: Investigate Accidental Death Ch6
The kids seem to be acting like this is the first time anyone’s been in trouble with the law.
Also, PS is growing more irrelevant by the chapter. The kids have better sources and figure things out faster.
Vimes barked out a laugh. “You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this day, and it just keeps getting better.”
This doesn’t particularly make sense either. Why did gungho Vimes not go after all the other murders the gangs have been committing before now if he gives a damn? It doesn’t seem like they lacked evidence before, they just considered it an acceptable level of murder. The basic setup of the fic only makes sense if the police are apathetic and only grudgingly arrest because they’re forced to by the pile of bodies.
Sleuth was on his feet before he knew it, his grip on the arm of the chair white-knuckled. “They’re not killing these people
And furthermore, there really isn’t any reason for Sleuth to get bent out of shape over this. Sleuth being concerned about making sure they also pick up the impersonator, sure, but being concerned about the idea that when Crowbar gets convicted of murder, it won’t be for one of the many murders he actually did is really a stretch. Doing it just because he’s threatened by criminals just makes him morally bankrupt.
“So . . . so you’re going to put two men,” Sleuth said slowly, catching himself and not slipping the word ‘innocent’ in there because it was patently false, “into prison for crimes they didn’t commit because you can’t get them on crimes they did? While meanwhile the actual perpetrator walks free? Is that what’s going on here?”
I am seriously missing why this is evil. There are three murderers. The fact one of them is going free is bad, but the problem is not that the other two are being convicted, particularly when overall the other two likely killed and will continue to kill way more people than the impersonator has.
There wasn’t a lot to tell, not really. He had no description of the murderer, no witnesses who would point to someone other than what appeared to be the two targets, and no motive.
What? He’s got pictures! Showing non-green skin, which means it should be identifiable as black or white, and he’s pointed out that the person is shorter than Crowbar, so he must have an estimated height, and there’s certainly no lack of motive to do this. The problem is figuring out which of the many people who’d benefit actually did it.
This one seems to be really going downhill. I guess casefic is difficult.
Rose (Scratch)
Doze (Itchy, Deuce)
PS, Kanaya, Aradia, Die, MOC, Vriska, Terezi, (FOC, MC, FOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, FOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, MOC, Crowbar, Die, Snowman)
Two of three.