A variety today. Quite a few are decent, but they also tend to be original fiction.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12123975/1/Redemption
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
[only having two bedrooms a main room and a kitchen]
When listing items, you need a comma after each item.
[“That’s better than nothing,” thought Brago]
Is he thinking out loud?
[He could eat after he knew that she was ok.]
It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.
[Please don’t go grandma]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad” or “grandma”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one. This also needs a comma before “grandma”, as it’s a direct address.
[If anyone could spare even a dollar]
That is not the currency of the pokemon world.
…
Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t have anything to do with Pokemon. The characters all act exactly like humans. If your characters bear no resemblance to the canon ones, and your setting has nothing to do with the canon one, then I genuinely don’t understand why you’re labeling this as fanfiction instead of original fiction. You’d be better off unfettering this story from an irrelevant canon by publishing it as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top. Fictionpress and Archive of Our Own are good places for that, but FFN is for fanfiction only.
Also, you should probably use different scene breaks than horizontal lines, as the current setup makes your author notes look like part of the story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12124393/1/Shining-sylveon
Cute, but you can’t parody crap just by writing more crap yourself. Incoherence isn’t a very funny or interesting schtick, it just makes the story hard to read. If you want to make an actually clever parody, you need to think of something specific to focus on instead of copying all the bad cliches at once. Think broad strokes, big picture. Your over-the-top Mary Sue parody is kind of funny (though parodying Mary Sues is, itself, a cliché), so maybe you could focus more on that and less on terrible grammar.
If you want to see examples of other people trying the same thing, I would recommend looking at the stories “Unoriginality: An Original Trainer Story” and “Lucki”.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12124666/1/The-Soul-Eaters
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[they could levitate, they had the advantage over him.]
I feel like you dropped a word here.
[hungry of his soul]
“for”
[the man risked a glimpsed above his shoulders]
“glimpse”
You’re making a lot of errors in general. I recommend getting a beta reader. You can start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12125528/1/on-the-road-to-be-the-best-20
Don’t delete and repost, it’s childish.
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
Your summary is incoherent. Slow down and focus on what you want to say.
[“” normal speech
“” Pokémon telepathy
“”thoughts]
I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. Also, it’s unwise to use bold for standard actions in prose, as it’s very jarring.
Similar logic applies to listing character ages. If it’s relevant, it should come up in the story.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Labeling chapters looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
Non-story chapters are banned. This goes in author notes or in your profile, not in its own chapter.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12125816/1/A-New-Friend
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[His lifelong friend, Lukas and him]
This is really awkward phrasing. “He and his lifelong friend…” sounds a bit better, but you should probably reword this completely.
[Kanto Regions.]
Why is “regions” plural?
[“There’s eggs on the stove” she gestured towards the kitchen.]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[“Don’t worry mom,I will!”]
Missing space. Also, when a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
[Oak held 2 pokeballs]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
[So Hayden, i assume]
Proofread.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This is pretty much the exact same opening shared by literally thousands of fics. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. (The standard trainer journey is not a plot, by the way.) See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12125854/1/Pokemon-Chaos-Region-School-Daze
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or high school. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[Higmh School]
Typo.
[My Mom]
Not a proper noun, shouldn’t be capitalized.
[I said sounding a little like a small child thinking something was unfair.]
You need a comma after “said” here.
[She smiled warmly at me, it only served to aggravate me further.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.
[was she joking!My]
Missing space.
[“Son!” My dad yelled up the steps.]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Math or Science]
Not proper nouns, shouldn’t be capitalized.
This is so riddled with errors that you clearly need a beta reader. Look here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
[-FLASHBACK-]
This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.
[“Who knows what might happen tomorrow? You might even meet a couple cute girls.”]
It’s creepy enough that his dad is abusing his power to get him into an all-girl school, it’s downright appalling that he’s thinking this too. The point of all-girl schools is to give them a safe place away from creeps like this, not to be a backdrop for your harem fantasy.
This also doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Pokemon specifically, and I’m genuinely not sure why you’re posting it here. You could easily turn this into slice-of-life original fiction, and it would probably be better off.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12125875/1/Ballad-of-a-Renegade-A-Platinum-Story
[II couldn’t blow it all now.]
Typo.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. The dream opening is different than usual, but you’ve still told us absolutely nothing about the main character, what the story will be about overall, or why we should care. The summary shouldn’t be more informative than the first chapter. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12126220/1/Written-in-Stone
While I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon, other terms like trainer, gym leader, poke ball, and types are not proper nouns either and thus should not be capitalized. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Hopefully in a hilarious manor.]
“Manner”. A manor is a house.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[Both of the legendary pokemon were slumbering once again and Team Magma and Team Aqua have both seen the error of their ways and now keep stability in the region.]
You switch from past to present tense here. This is extremely disorienting. You need to decide whether you want past or present and stick to it.
[(Brenden’s POV)]
Switching POVs within the same chapter is incredibly confusing and, quite honestly, amateurish. Stories are much stronger when they consistently follow a single personality. This is all the more true when you’re writing in first-person, which makes it nigh-impossible to figure out who the current viewpoint character is at a glance. If you absolutely cannot provide all the information you need from a single viewpoint, use third-person omniscient instead. For more information, please look here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/143126539/1/POV-and-You
[“God I fucking hate crowds,” I thought to myself, “They never cease to freak me out…”]
Does he usually think out loud? You also need a period after “myself”, not a comma, as the narration ends the first sentence here.
[(An hour later)]
This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.
[I only had 3 pokèmon]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12126236/1/Pokemon-Unova-Adventures-Dragons
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.
Similarly, please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[“….”]
This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.
[“Treyyy!” she called once more]
Opening a story with a pronoun is very confusing, because we don’t know what it refers to. The only reason to do this is if you’re trying to evoke that sense of disorientation intentionally.
[“You’re going to be late, get up right now!” She yelled]
The same rules of dialogue apply no matter what punctuation the dialogue ends with. So this should be [“You’re going to be late, get up right now!” she yelled].
A new speaker means a new paragraph.
[Huh…..]
Ellipses are always three dots, never five.
[Thanks mom]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
[“Was I really that late,” he thought sweat dropping.]
This is, once again, a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.
Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You shouldn’t separate author notes with the same symbol you use for scene breaks, as it makes author notes look like part of the story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12126526/1/Reset
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or world. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[I know, summary sucks. :]
Then fix it instead of apologizing. You’re not on a deadline.
[My right shoulder… dislocated. My right arm… broken. My clothes… stained with mud and blood.]
Well that’s pretty anticlimactic. If you’re listing things dramatically like this, there should be logical progression. The broken arm strikes me as a bit more important than clothing stains.
[lest that would be the last thing I’d do in this life.]
What?
[*BARK!*]
This isn’t a comic book. Sound effects should be described in prose.
[‘Why is this happening to me…?’]
Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12126546/1/Pokemon-Real-World-Real-Dream
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Look here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
Please make a summary that actually tells people what the story will be about.
[English is not my first language]
Then I’m not sure why you’re writing in it…? Writing fiction is one of the most difficult applications of language, and even native speakers have a lot of trouble. At the very least, you should get a native speaker to be your beta reader.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[Prologue: Before.]
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[Throwing my bag in the corner of my pink room.]
This is a sentence fragment.
[wait…]
Missing capital.
[« Don’t give up until it’s over »?]
In English writing, “” symbols are used for dialogue instead.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12127159/1/Announcing-my-arrival-to-fanfiction
Non-story chapters are banned on this site. This should go on a forum post, not in the story archive.
For some reason, this of all things got swarmed with negative reviews saying it broke the rules. Maybe this actually happens more often, and I just haven’t noticed because I’m usually on the cutting edge?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12127635/1/Ambiguity
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[but was still noticeable there]
I think you want “noticeably”.
[All in all, she felt like she should be home under some blankets instead of being outside, whatever she was doing. However, she felt warm and cozy enough.]
Why doesn’t this alarm her more immediately? If I fell asleep in my bed and woke up in the middle of a field, I’d freak out. This shouldn’t be a normal occurrence for her.
[Maybe I should try opening my eyes slower… She thought]
You’re generally writing dialogue correctly, but you capitalized “she” here.
[she saw grass. Lots of them.]
??? Grass is an uncountable noun. I think you mean “it”.
[There weren’t any kinds of flowers or rocks to compliment the grass in any way.]
“Complement”. Compliment means to say a nice thing.
[So many green]
???
[dizzy for all of this green]
I think you mean “from”, not “for”.
You’re making a lot of errors like this. I’d recommend getting a beta reader here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
[As soon as she was near the lake, she dipped her head towards the stream and chugged down huge mouthfuls of water.]
Why would she do that? Humans don’t drink like that. It would make more sense for her to try cupping the water, which would prompt her to notice she has paws.
While I appreciate you examining and underexplored detail, this still seems overwrought. You spend far too much time on Meifen coolly and lazily overthinking everything, which is particularly annoying when we already know the answer to everything. This chapter is over 5000 words, but so far there isn’t so much as a whiff of a plot that distinguishes this from the literally thousands of other PMD fic. If you have some unique plot idea that sets you apart from the crowd, you should start there or at least get there in the first chapter. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12128001/1/No-Place-For-Heroes
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Now, three years after its first fall, Team Rocket is back.]
How did it fall in the first place if Red and Ethan were never around? Did Gary do it?
[Chapter 1:]
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[The city lights dimmed out the stars; but in their own way, they were beautiful, like a little pond of lights among the dark verdant forests.]
You want a comma there, not a semicolon. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentences make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here.
[The Johto Challenger -this was his current title-]
Using hyphens without spaces in place of dashes is confusing. To avoid people thinking you’re hyphenating words, you should put spaces around the hyphen, or use a double dash.
Also, how is he “the” Johto challenger? Does the League only accept one challenger at once?
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[“Magneton…” his Pokémon said obediently, with a slight nod of its whole massive body.
“What do you want, a f-ing cookie?” said Silver with clear disdain.]
What’s supposed to be going on here? Also, if you can’t write out swears, you shouldn’t be writing them at all.
[he exerted himself to not let an ounce of emotion show on his expression.]
This is nonsense. Focus on what you actually want to say before making sentences pretty.
This is a bit too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. You haven’t really introduced the plot, and you haven’t done much to establish the protagonist either. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12128078/1/Cypress-Academy-Into-the-Unknown
[Holly bent on one knee with her left hand, clenched into a fist, next her bent knee]
I think you dropped some words here.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[to relief the pain]
“Relieve”. Relief is the noun.
[He’s voice]
Typo.
[“How is Weapon L coming along?” the hidden man questioned.]
“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.
[“Very w-well my L-Lord,” stammered.]
???
[the weapon its self]
“Itself”, one word.
[And I bare more good news]
You want “bear”. Bare means naked.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12128526/1/The-Mansion-Of-Legends
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[A few Butterfrees started to peak out from the trees]
“Peek”. To peak means to reach a local maximum.
[it’s family]
You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.
[“You are tense with words, but the look on your face is fear. Full of pure fear, your eyes tell me so.” The evil Pokémon stated.]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, that’s not what “stated” means. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever trendy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.
It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12128857/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-North-Star-Adventures
[Dungeoneers]
This is not a proper noun and thus should not be capitalized.
[He swung his feet over the bead]
Typo.
[“First…day of school.” I said]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[But I thought it was saturday…]
Days of the week are capitalized.
[“Hello!” called the Jolteon. He had on thick glasses and was wearing an expensive green backpack.]
…How? Do pokemon have opposable thumbs in this?
[Mr. Kingler]
That makes as much sense as you being named “Human”. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s ridiculous and confusing. Your characters deserve actual names.
Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t really have anything to do with Pokemon. Just because you say characters are pokemon doesn’t make it true; the characters all act exactly like humans, right down culture and physiology. If your characters bear no resemblance to the canon ones, and your setting has nothing to do with the canon one, then I don’t understand why you’re labeling this as fanfiction instead of original fiction. You’d be better off unfettering this story from an irrelevant canon by publishing it as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top. Fictionpress and Archive of Our Own are good platforms for that, but FFN is for fanfiction only.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12129499/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Sparks-Of-Friendship
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
Your tenses are all over the place, which is extremely disorienting. Decide whether you want past or present and stick with it.
[Your an Electric type]
“You’re”. Your is the possessive. Also, it’s a bad idea to use bold for standard actions in prose, as it looks really jarring. Just italics is standard for thoughts.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[I miss you mom]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
[The Shinx sweat drops.]
This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.
[Beach Cave BF 2
Kana appears in the next floor and was immediately attacked by another Shellder.
Not this time!
Kana and Kimba dodged the attack. Kana turned around and tackles Shellder, causing it to faint. Kana and Kimba goes straight down the path and came across another set of stairs and quickly went down before they attract more Pokemon.]
…
The point of fanfiction is to make a less rigid version of the games, not more. You need to read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/143300790/1/Battles-Are-Boring
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12129533/1/Vulpine
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
Why is the first section bolded?
[I don’t remember what was happening on that day exactly but it was about noon when Gaila waltzed over to me with that excited face of hers.]
This needs commas around “exactly”.
[And I know this sounds terrible but…” The girl poked her head slowly around the doorframe to peek at Gaila stood by the window and held her breath. “—I don’t know]
While I’m glad you know this circumstance requires special formatting, you do need to use the same connector on both sides of the dialogue break – so they should both be ellipses, or both be dashes.
[The front door of the house creaked open and Gaila’s heart missed a beat.]
Sudden POV change is sudden. We were in Oka’s head up to this point. It’s important to stick with the same protagonist throughout the entirety of a scene.
[‘I can’t help seeing things, and hearing things,’ she thought.]
Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12129732/1/Rt-Alt
Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.
You really shouldn’t be including multiple chapters in the same chapter, that’s really confusing.
[“Tick, tock…]
The first quote here isn’t italicized.
[Sunlight danced through the two sheets forming a curtain]
This is unclear – upon examination it’s clear that it’s the sheets forming a curtain, but the way this is structured makes it sound like the sunlight is forming the curtain. You should reword this.
[He blinked twice. His consciousness gathers. Finally, he is wide awake.]
Your tenses are shifting. This is extremely disorienting. Pick past or present tense and stick with it.
[Viridian Forest was declared a neutral sanctuary; there was nearly no danger or threat from both internal and external forces, and incidents are rare]
Why would it be neutral ground? It’s in Kanto, which is presumably a region with its own politics and motives. Do Mew and the birds not count as gods, thus making Kanto the one place with no stake in this?
You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[“Sure, sure. As cliche as this sound, I have nothing more to teach you,”]
How has she been able to teach him everything in only a few years? He can’t have been learning since he was an infant, his brain wouldn’t have developed enough. And there are still a lot of subjects that ten year old brains have trouble understanding.
[For a moment, he felt exactly what the bluebird in his dreams felt; curiosity, no, a sense of longing for the outside world, for what lies beyond the universe he currently knows.]
You want a full colon there, not a semicolon.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or hidden grotto. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[He caught glimpse of Kyria’s bulging stomach. A sign of pregnancy]
Wait, would an egg-laying animal even show visible signs of pregnancy? The egg doesn’t stay in the body for very long, usually.
[a wondrous sight despite the evil intent behind it. Memories of the past came flooding back; memories of fear. Of confusion. Of guilt. He remembered returning from a brief distraction to the very first display of malice he had seen from any of the inhabitants of Viridian Forest. He remembered running for help. He remembered, after the fact, being kept in the dark; being told, by his own mentor nonetheless, that they’ll “handle it from here”.]
So what, she was raped? That seems really unnecessary and gratuitous.
[He regretted thinking hard about the subject with a Pokemon with the ability to read minds and sense feelings present.]
Can she not turn it off? If she’s choosing to read his mind when it’s obvious he doesn’t want her to, that’s really creepy and invasive.
[I’d suggest you do the same soon; tomorrow will be a long day”]
Missing punctuation.
…Why is Kyria trying to play matchmaker between a ten-year-old and a woman who’s practically his mom. That is beyond creepy.
[As if he knew something he did not expect was going to happen.]
What? Also, this is a sentence fragment.
[He outstreched his hand.]
That’s a really awkward way of phrasing it.
[the now defunct corpse]
This is nonsense. Focus on what you’re trying to say instead of shoehorning in fancy words you don’t understand.
[Then he saw it: a small hand, doing its best to claw out of Kyria’s stomach. It was covered in crimson, and the wound was not wide enough to let the body through smoothly, but it kept struggling. Eventually, it made it out of the bulge.]
Oh my god no, this is ridiculous. Not only do pokemon not give live birth, but even if they did, a newborn should not be strong enough to do this, especially if they’re three weeks before term.
While this is a lot more active and interesting than most fic, this really just runs into cliché of a different genre. What does this even have to do with Pokemon? This reads like an original fantasy story with Pokemon elements stapled on, and not even consistently at that. How can Kyria talk? Is that a normal thing for all pokemon, a normal thing for all gardevoirs, or does Typh have magic pokespeak powers? Why is a forest connecting two major cities a secluded haven? How does Typh have magic powers (apparently standard magic powers, at that) before he becomes the vessel and gets the god powers? And you cap it all off with painfully textbook fridging, killing off the boy’s female love interests because it’s so very mature and edgy to turn women into props for a boy’s character development. You’d be better off calling this what it is: original fiction tangentially inspired by Pokemon. Fictionpress of Archive of Our Own are places to host that, but FFN is for fanfiction only.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12129904/1/A-new-leader
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
[Also my mother tongue is german]
Then why are you writing in English? Honest question. There is a section for German fanfiction.
Writing a story is one of the most difficult applications of a language, and even native speakers have trouble. I’m sorry, but you simply do not have a good enough understanding of English to write a good story right now. Your story is riddled with missing spaces, dropped commas, and other errors that make it nearly impossible to read. You need a beta reader. Look here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12130097/1/Blue-Sky-Redemption
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
[Claiming the sky as its own.]
This is a sentence fragment.
[No, all it would see was sky, bright azure for thousands of miles, minus maybe the orange tinge toward the western horizon, minus the dark blur of trees and cliff faces far below.]
So then sky isn’t all it would see. This is really clunky; it reads like you wrote the first part, then when you realized it didn’t quite work you kept writing to try and justify it instead of just deleting it and trying something different.
[He watched his target through the scope—just a cheaply-made piece of plastic and layers of broken green glass fragments he’d found near home, pieces of a smashed liquor bottle. The quality of the thing wasn’t worth the three hours it’d took to build it, to get it exactly right, but it helped his aim. Somewhat.]
I’m pretty sure lenses don’t work that way. The glass needs to be in a specific shape to achieve a telescoping effect. The flat surface of a glass bottle shouldn’t do anything, or at least not enough to compensate for the distortion from colored and cracked glass.
[Taking down anything of the pidgey or taillow line had never been a challenge; he’d only ever been intimidated if a talonflame happened to be staring him down, daring him to pull the trigger with its wild, fierce eyes. Something about the fact it could spit fire in his face if he pissed it off too much had been a bit of a deterrence.]
The pidgey and taillow lines can also use moves like Air Slash and Hurricane, which are no less deadly to a squishy human.
[“Arceus, what do you think it was?”]
Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to assume they have a religion like Christianity and just use “God”.
[He didn’thave]
Missing space.
This is a lot better-written than most of the stuff here, though I’m still not sure what it’s supposed to be about. The protagonist looks interesting, if a bit cliché. I’m also disappointed that the mom appears to be fridged.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12130190/1/Ask-Pokemon-OCs-TotalEclipse1WA-Edition
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
Interactive stories are banned on this site.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12130385/1/Pokemon-Super-Mystery-Dungeon-Hydroblaze
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[(credits roll)]
Don’t do this. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.
[“But doesn’t it inhabit the ozone layer. Why is it moving past the stratosphere.”]
Shouldn’t these have question marks?
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[* glug glug glug glug*]
This isn’t a comic book. Sound effects should be described in prose.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This just ends abruptly after telling us barely anything. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
/Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to assume they have a religion like Christianity and just use “God”./
I’m not sure I agree with this. Sinnoh, unlike most other regions, does have a structure to its legendaries that allows for a more monotheistic interpretation. (Giratina’s banishment to the Distortion World does parallel Christian mythology.) While it’s certainly not canon to treat Arceus identically to the Abrahamic god, I don’t find the idea inherently ridiculous. In fact, I’d say that blindly importing our world’s religions wholesale is much more ridiculous. It’s hard to argue that Christianity would turn out the same in a world of monsters and miracles.
Giratina’s banishment to the Distortion World does parallel Christian mythology.
Not… really. I mean, is Giratina even actually banished? I know one pokedex entry says that, but the pokedex also says a quadruped shaped the world with 1000 arms, so I’m not sure if we should be using it as a reliable source. And it certainly doesn’t seem to have any problem popping into our world to grab Cyrus in Platinum, which sure makes it seem like it’s staying in the Distortion World by choice. Ultimately, though, we really know so little about Giratina’s situation, and I think it’s really lazy to decide it’s exactly like the dominant cultural narrative we’ve seen a million times when there are so many possibilities.
Arceus itself is never mentioned at all in the Sinnoh legends, to my knowledge. Given that it’s a hands-off god that appears to have retreated to its own pocket dimension, I’d say it’s more likely Arceus fell out of common knowledge. I mean really, if Cyrus knew about Arceus, don’t you think he’d chain Arceus instead of the inferior knock-offs? And Cyrus must have been researching legends pretty deeply to know about the connection between all the legendaries.
But I’d still be willing to accept it if the story was set in Sinnoh. It’s ridiculous to say that stories set in Johto or Unova follow the same religion as Sinnoh just because it bears a passing similarity to a religion that took over in our world.
Also, seriously, it sounds ridiculous.
I totally agree that it’s ridiculous to use “Arceus” as a common expression outside of Sinnoh (and perhaps even in Sinnoh – certainly it wouldn’t make sense in game canon, as you point out). To say nothing of the fact that Johto and Kanto seem to have an active religious life without inserting Arceus – there’s the shrine for celebi in the games and references to ceremonies conducted to honor mew in the anime.
But it seems to me that replacing Arceus with God is just as bad. There’s no indication anything like Christianity (or a similar monotheistic religion unrelated to pokemon) exists in pokemon canon and it’s hard to imagine something like Christianity being prevalent there, especially in Kanto and Johto which are clearly polytheistic. What would it mean to worship a deity in a world of beings that can do all the things normally attributed to gods?
It quite probable that a monotheistic theology would arise. Many of the attributes of God in the monotheistic sense came from classical philosphers more so than the Bible. Things normally attributed to gods of a pantheon wouldn’t be so readily attributed to a being synomous with the universe, or beyond the comprehension of mortals.
Actually, there’s a lot of weirdness about Christianity. It’s either the only pure monotheism to arise or it’s the only one to survive for more than a blip, and it seems to have happened as a result of the Israelite fusing with Egypt’s blip of maybe monotheism, with the survivors of the purge leaving Egypt in the exodus. It ended up taking over pretty much everywhere, which makes it seem like Christianity is more normal than it probably was. (Of course, with a sample size of 1, it’s also possible that monotheism always arises at a certain point and takes over in a similar pattern – but our version definitely had a lot of chance in the mix.)
I don’t see why it would be that weird to imagine that some Arceus-worshipping religion would migrate out of Sinnoh. If they have any sort of broad appeal, religions kind of migrate around. There’s little particular indication of Arceus worship outside Sinnoh, outside the special event in HG/SS which isn’t clear whether it teleports you to Sinnoh anyway, but to me it would be far more implausible if everybody in Johto subscribed to the same (polytheistic or otherwise) religion.
I agree that just turning Arceus into a direct analog of the Christian God is a super boring way to get around the problem. It does solve the “grating cursewords” issue, but I think presenting it as the solution to any kind of worldbuilding issue would cause more problems than it solves.
@Mini-Farla, I agree that using “Arceus” (or occasionally “Mew”) as a curse sounds kind of cringe-y and lame, I don’t think you have much of a leg to stand on if you’re going to try and argue that it’s outright not canon (canon appears to be that people in Pokéworld just don’t curse, except maybe to say “damn” sometimes, I can’t remember) or that it’s implausible that people would turn “Arceus” into a curse.
In fairness, I don’t say it’s definitely non-canon, just that there’s no reason to assume it’s how things must be. But I do still insist I have a leg to stand on with Arceus in particular, just because there are absolutely no references to Arceus anywhere in Sinnoh despite extensive documentation on Dialga and Palkia. If Arceus was actively being worshipped, people would talk about it.
When I advocate that pokeresidents use “God” as their curse, I’m not actually advocating that that mean anything — I see it as shorthand for somemthing we understand, like how a lot of fantasy stories will claim that actually the inhabitants are talking in a different language but it’s translated into English (or whatever) for our benefit. You can imagine they’re cursing in the name of Arceus or Groudon or Ho-oh, but it’s being lumped under “God” because anything else sounds grating to our ears.
Oh, I definitely interprested “no basis in canon” as you objecting on canon grounds, rather than saying there’s no particular reason to pick that curse over any other based on canon. That’s true, but I don’t know that it’s very useful… I mean, there’s no basis for any of my OC’s in canon, nor for any original towns/cities people might put in their stories or new species they might come up with, but that’s not a BAD thing; what matters is how those creations act within the story itself. Similarly you think the use of “Arceus” is grating in this story… the fact that it’s not present in canon doesn’t have anything to do with it. Suggesting “God” as an alternative solves the gratingness issue but isn’t any more canon than Arceus, so to me bringing canon into it at all looks weird.
I don’t think the lack of reference to Arceus in Sinnoh definitively means that people don’t worship it or that they wouldn’t take its name in vain. The fact that Palkia/Dialga is mentioned a lot makes it clear that they’re important to the culture, but I don’t see how that excludes Arceus from also being a part of the pantheon (if perhaps less important), or important to a less-dominant cultural tradition, or worshipped in some other capacity. The games don’t give us more than the lightest sketch of Sinnohan beliefs, so I don’t think that absence of evidence is evidence of absence here. I mean, Pokémon in general doesn’t go much into religion, especially not in the games; like, I don’t think there’s any mention of religion-related stuff AT ALL in the Kanto games, and while you could take that to mean that everybody there is 100% secular, I think it’s just as reasonable to conclude that this is an aspect of the culture that isn’t fully elaborated on in canon and therefore open to interpretation.
Similarly you think the use of “Arceus” is grating in this story… the fact that it’s not present in canon doesn’t have anything to do with it.
Well, yes, that’s why I lead with “it sounds ridiculous” instead. :p It’s more to pre-empt arguments that it’s obviously how it must be simply because Arceus is a creator god, which is an impression I get from how widespread it is.
The games don’t give us more than the lightest sketch of Sinnohan beliefs, so I don’t think that absence of evidence is evidence of absence here.
I think the fact that Cyrus doesn’t try to summon Arceus is what tips it for me. Why would he bother summoning more minor gods if he could get the ultimate creator? In turn, what does it say about the fact that someone who based his entire master plan on researching these legends didn’t know about Arceus? This is also what annoys me about the stories that have Arceus be a meddling micromanager — Cyrus tries to destroy the universe right under Arceus’ nose and Arceus does nothing. That is not a god that cares one iota about its creations UNLESS you concoct some complicated backstory where it was sealed in the Hall of Origin involuntarily or something, but you need to show your work for that.
(Obviously the real answer is that the first rule of event pokemon is you don’t talk about event pokemon, but that just highlights the problem that you shouldn’t treat such wobbly areas of canon as ironclad facts. If you just throw it in as a background detail, you’re making a lot of assumptions that raise a lot of questions, and there’s no canon to fill in the gaps.)
I don’t think the lack of reference to Arceus in Sinnoh definitively means that people don’t worship it or that they wouldn’t take its name in vain. The fact that Palkia/Dialga is mentioned a lot makes it clear that they’re important to the culture, but I don’t see how that excludes Arceus from also being a part of the pantheon (if perhaps less important), or important to a less-dominant cultural tradition, or worshipped in some other capacity.
Eh, it might not mean absolutely nobody does, but it should mean somebody who does is something unusual. Somebody part of a tiny Arceus sect that has different beliefs than the majority of Palkia/Dialga worshippers and thinks there’s another god that’s above all gods should mean something. And it should be rarely heard, because most people will be cursing by better known gods.
If canon says almost nothing about their beliefs, then religion should only be popping up when someone’s decided to develop that and say something with it, rather than on autopilot.
/This is also what annoys me about the stories that have Arceus be a meddling micromanager — Cyrus tries to destroy the universe right under Arceus’ nose and Arceus does nothing. That is not a god that cares one iota about its creations UNLESS you concoct some complicated backstory where it was sealed in the Hall of Origin involuntarily or something, but you need to show your work for that./
On that note, I’ve had a story sitting around for a few years that’s a Platinum redo with Giratina as the disgruntled protagonist, sent by Arceus to stop Team Galactic’s plans. Basically an attempt to see if I could make the legendary-pokemon -turned-into-a-human-protagonist thing work and to think about how a legendary pokemon would actually act and feel in a situation like that. But yeah, Arceus only works as a non-apathetic god if you assume it’s been sealed away or in some sort of massive god hibernations for centuries.
sent by Arceus to stop Team Galactic’s plans
This is also something that doesn’t make sense to me, though. If Arceus is so powerful, why does it need to delegate? I suppose you can ask the same question about God and angels.
I think the fact that Cyrus doesn’t try to summon Arceus is what tips it for me. Why would he bother summoning more minor gods if he could get the ultimate creator?
Perhaps the same reason most people don’t swat flies with a bazooka. Cyrus clearly believed that Palkia/Dialga was adequate for doing what he wanted done to the universe. It’s possible he could have gotten all that power and a bag of chips by going straight up to Arceus, but it’s not like more power is without drawbacks. Perhaps Arceus is too powerful to be controlled, perhaps it’s too hard to find/summon, perhaps Cyrus’ method just doesn’t work on it, period. There are plenty of reasons why it might not have been wise to go with the nuclear option.
This is also what annoys me about the stories that have Arceus be a meddling micromanager — Cyrus tries to destroy the universe right under Arceus’ nose and Arceus does nothing. That is not a god that cares one iota about its creations UNLESS you concoct some complicated backstory where it was sealed in the Hall of Origin involuntarily or something, but you need to show your work for that.
Emphasis on the “tries,” though. Arceus didn’t have to lift a finger with Giratina to step in. If the world was actually in danger of being destroyed, might it have made a personal appearance? Maybe, but things never actually escalated to that point. You could argue that there’s no way Arceus could have known that
I don’t think it matters one way or the other. People are perfectly down with worshipping apathetic or even actively misanthropic gods; it’s happened plenty in the past. That Arceus isn’t actually that powerful/is taking a godlike nap/just don’t give a shit doesn’t strike me as relevant to whether or not people revere it, especially if it were more active in the past. It’s not like the Abrahamic God has ever stepped in to stop shit hitting the fan, and they’ve still got loads of fans.
(Obviously the real answer is that the first rule of event pokemon is you don’t talk about event pokemon, but that just highlights the problem that you shouldn’t treat such wobbly areas of canon as ironclad facts. If you just throw it in as a background detail, you’re making a lot of assumptions that raise a lot of questions, and there’s no canon to fill in the gaps.)
I don’t think anything is ironclad here; I wouldn’t bat an eye at a fanfic that didn’t have Arceus-worship, but neither would I have an issue with one that did. I think you could reasonably argue both ways from canon. I don’t think I’d call the canon about Arceus more wobbly than anything else. There’s less of it, sure, but it comes from the same sources–in-game text and dialogue and pokédex entries, primarily.
Eh, it might not mean absolutely nobody does, but it should mean somebody who does is something unusual. Somebody part of a tiny Arceus sect that has different beliefs than the majority of Palkia/Dialga worshippers and thinks there’s another god that’s above all gods should mean something. And it should be rarely heard, because most people will be cursing by better known gods.
Eh, I dunno. There’s so little said about religion in general that I don’t think there’s any reason to suspect that any religion not mentioned is tiny or super-weird. Again, there’s no talk about religion in Kanto, as far as I’m aware, but I don’t see that that’s a strong indication that the whole place is secular, or that only a tiny, tiny fraction of the population has some kind of faith or might use religious curses. To me it suggests that religion isn’t something particularly important to the game plot, so it’s a pretty wide-open area, not that its absence means that it’s necessarily absent from the lives of its citizens.
If canon says almost nothing about their beliefs, then religion should only be popping up when someone’s decided to develop that and say something with it, rather than on autopilot.
I don’t think so. There are a lot of worldbuilding details that people add that aren’t necessarily *required* for a story to be coherent, but which can add to the feel of a different world, and that’s really all they are–background details. If your character gets arrested by a Pokémon Ranger, I don’t think that necessarily means that your story should resolve around their interactions with the Rangers, or that you need to be making some statement by including the Ranger Corps, or that the story would be improved by a ton of worldbuilding justifying why the Ranger Corps exists and Rangers are making arrests simply because there isn’t much said about what exactly a Ranger does or how the organization functions in canon. I think it’s fine for details to just be details, as long as they’re coherent within the narrative, even if they aren’t explicitly spelled out in canon. There’s so little explicitly spelled out in canon!
Again, there’s no talk about religion in Kanto, as far as I’m aware, but I don’t see that that’s a strong indication that the whole place is secular
Why not? Kanto seemed pretty focused on science and treated the legendaries as just rare and powerful. Even when there was explicitly a dead pokemon’s ghost running around, the pokedex is still all “eh…..probably not really ghosts” about ghost pokemon.
I can see the argument that the games just choose not to go into religion, but I think we do see very different talk by people. In Unova we get a plot that’s directly about waving a legendary in front of people’s faces. The people of Unova have a legend about those dragons, there’s a bunch of chatter about the dragons throughout the early game, and then they react with a willingness to believe any random kid with one standing next to them has a mandate. The people of Hoenn have a story about how two super pokemon made the land and sea, and they get two teams trying to use that for their own ends. They have a third pokemon that can stop meteors, and we’re explicitly told in the remakes that some people worship it. The people of Kanto make a legendary and their stories about their other legendaries are just “it’s a big bird that looks cool”. Go west to Johto and suddenly it’s “there’s this time traveling tree fairy and here’s a shrine to it!” and “we’re cultists waiting for the chosen one with this magic bell!!!” and “let me tell you about the time a giant rainbowy fire bird revived the dead!!!!!” Yet everyone in fanfic regardless of region curses by Arceus except for the rare times they curse by Mew.
I’d say, to use your analogy, this is like if the Rangers show up, and they’re a branch of Devon. It’s not not canon, but it’s an odd assumption and it’s pretty weird when fic after fic makes a passing reference to the Rangers working for Devon without ever explaining why or doing anything with the connection or the Rangers even having anything to do with the story.