A variety of stuff, but most of it is uninspired or incoherent.

Anime count: 9

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009741/1/Reunion

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic to avoid this problem. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[Ash finally returned back to Pallet town]

All parts of a name are capitalized, so this should be “Pallet Town”.

[The feeling of returning back to his hometown after months of travelling came crashing down on Ash, it was a feeling he couldn’t describe but he knew it was a pleasant one.]

This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009643/1/Speedrun-Vol-1-Sinnoh-One-Shot

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

A one-shot means a story consisting of a single chapter. If you’re planning this for multiple chapters, it’s just a regular story, even if you’re not sure if you want to continue it.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Welcome to the world of pokemon, a place for humans and pokemon to coexist and bring out the best that each of the species have to offer. Now follow along with a young man and his sneasel as he venture out into the unknown in hopes of being the champion and uncovering the whereabouts of his long lost father!]

The thing about the long lost father is a little interesting, but this otherwise doesn’t give us much idea of the story. Summaries should tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[In our world, there are many strange and wonderful creatures, who inhabit it. These creatures are called Pokémon. These fascinating creatures are known throughout the world, they live with humans in harmony as pets. But in this world, there are trainers, who work together with their Pokémon in battle. Together, both the trainer and the pokémon create and shape a strong bond that strengthens both of their drives.]

This isn’t necessary. Everyone reading this is already familiar with the basics of the setting.

[Announcer: Ladiiiiiiiiies and gentlemen! Thank you all for coming to Floaroma Town’s honorary Battle Stadium! Here we pit the best of the best or the worst of the worst together to give you, the lovely crowd, a spectacular Pokémon Battle! Are you all ready for a fight!?]

This is script format, which is disallowed on this site. Typically, in this situation, people portray the announcer as a normal speaker, like “the announcer blared, ‘…”

[He is o and has attained a total of 2 gym badges under his belt!]

A typo seems to have occurred, and in prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

[a young tall man with blonde hair]

You want “blond”. “Blonde” is the feminine form.

[Donphan’s eyes spiral in exhaustion.]

This is a visual art convention and doesn’t work in prose.

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. If you don’t know, the full rules are: Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

The description in the battles is decent, but they feel very formulaic, like you’re adapting directly from a game battle where the pokemon trade single blows in a neat order. That constrains the types of battles you can write, and gets a bit repetitive after a few. Battles can be more tense if there is variation in the pace of battle – if a pokemon manages to overwhelm the opponent in a combo of attacks, for instance.

I understand the urge to explain basic information to the reader to set the stage, but it really isn’t a good idea to interrupt the story to turn to the camera and give us a long spiel about setting mechanics. A lot of the stuff you mention ends with “…but that isn’t actually relevant because it doesn’t apply to what just happened,” which is just confusing. You should try to integrate information into the story more naturally, such as by having characters think or talk about only the parts that are currently relevant to their situation – this also has the added bonus of letting you parcel the information out over multiple scenes, which helps readers digest it better.

[Michael got most of that, but was still impressed with the amount of money he received. Plus, he was in no position to complain. This money is crucial to his survival since his mother wasn’t going to compensate for his journey. Paying for rent at a Pokémon Center’s lodging, buying pokémon food, buying his food, and medicine for pokémon was hard stuff to afford on your own and he’ll need all the money that he can get to survive out here.

Today, currently in the world of pokémon, you need to have a driving occupation when you become a Pokémon Trainer. Being just a trainer, is just a base occupation that won’t get you as much money to live on. Upon getting your pokémon license at the age of 16, you have to know what you want to do such as being a:

-Battle Trainer

-Contest Coordinator

-Pokémon Doctor/Nurse

-Pokémon Archeologist

-Pokémon Ranger (those who preserve the sanctity of endangered pokémon)

-Etc.]

This also strikes me as a really oddly punishing and cutthroat setup for the pokemon world, which appears to be a post-scarcity utopia. Even in our flawed real world, we don’t expect kids to have their entire careers figured out at 16 and then kick them out of the house to live completely on their own. Any kid with the ability to do all of this is going to look like a hyper-mature prodigy by our standards. If you want to write about people who are effectively adults, I don’t know why you didn’t up the age even further?

Moreover, I don’t see what this adds to the setting. What’s cool about Pokemon is that anyone can be a trainer. Unlike in most high fantasy stories, magic is so commonplace and so deeply interwoven with their culture that even preschoolers have access to it. To me, that’s the most interesting part of Pokemon, and what sets it apart from other fantasy stories. But if people are only allowed to use pokemon in the context of specific state-approved jobs and only when they’re old enough to live on their own anyway, that severely limits where pokemon can appear and what they can be used for in this story. Turning the basic premise of the setting into an elite club takes a lot of the fun out of it for me.

[“And how is that exactly “cute” to you?”]

When you quote inside a quote, you use single quotes instead of double quotes; otherwise, the reader will be confused about where the dialogue ends. (If you quote inside a quote inside a quote, you go back to double quotes.)

I’m sorry for all these corrections, but they are really distracting. You might want to get a beta reader to give you some pointers.

[“Look, most of the girls who become trainers tend to enter Contests to dolly themselves and their pokémon up. They’d rather do that then enter long brooding battles that involve intense strategy and getting all dirty.” Michael chuckled.]

Also, it really isn’t pleasant to read about the main character being a raging dick to random people. There’s absolutely no indication the pokeworld has this level of overt sexism; the gym leaders and elite four are almost always gender-balanced.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009539/1/Another-Path

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic to avoid this problem. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[What if Ash loses his Pikachu and gains another pokemon as a result?]

We have no idea unless you tell us what the new pokemon is. Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. This clickbaity nonsense is really annoying.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

…And of course it’s the Mary Sue pokemon. You do know that ralts start out with no attacking moves, right? His pokemon journey is going to be painfully short unless he miraculously gets another pokemon that can actually fight.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009523/1/Rising-Questions

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009444/1/Stuffed

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

[Yeah mom, it’s me!]

However, when a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

[“Yeah, I bet you’re as ready as I am,” he smiled excitedly.]

When narration doesn’t describe how something is said, it’s its own sentence and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [“Yeah, I bet you’re as ready as I am.” He smiled excitedly.]

[Minute by minute, the thunder began to get louder. He knew it was starting to get to him when his imagination began to get the best of him. The sounds of thunder and heavy rain always frightened Kai but… he liked that fear. It always… made him happy in ways fear really shouldn’t. It was a feeling he couldn’t explain.]

Hm. Are you familiar with The Magnus Archives? The way he talks about his fear and excitement towards the storm reminds me of a certain character from there. Even if this is just a weird fetish thing, this is an interesting perspective to portray.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009419/1/World-of-Hasenda

Blocked, previously reviewed. SYOC.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009336/1/Pokemon-Sun-Adventure

I should not have to tell you that “I” needs to be capitalized and sentences need to end in punctuation. Put a bare minimum of effort into making your story comprehensible.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009263/1/spanks-1

Blocked, don’t recognize them. Anime.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009214/1/What-You-Needn-t-Know

Previously reviewed. Not blocked.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009156/1/Mew-s-Dramatic-Island

Crossovers belong in their own section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

I should not have to tell you that sentences need to end in punctuation. Put a bare minimum of effort into this.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009063/1/Autobiography-of-a-Pok%C3%A9philiac

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[And as a result, it became my best friend very quickly.

Sift was a frail-looking young man.]

Wait, are you shifting from first-person to third-person here? That’s really confusing to do without any scene transition or indicator. If the first-person bits are meant to be his journal and this transitions into narrating the actual events, you should format the journal differently. Italics are standard for this kind of thing.

It seems odd that shuckle would behave this way. I don’t recall any lore claiming they’re aggressive, and their speed is the pits, so Sift should have been able to dodge the attack anyway. I know fetish gets what fetish wants, but this still seems an odd setup. Maybe if you said that this was a released trainer’s pokemon, that could explain its behavior (and why a shuckle was sitting right outside Pallet, at that).

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

[I’m here to tell you my story and hopefully convince some people that the taboo isn’t as strange as they think.]

…So the thing here is, pokephilia isn’t the same thing as a sexual orientation or a normal fetish. It involves an extreme power dynamic. Trainers have total control over a pokemon’s movement and physical needs, and in some cases raised them from when they were very young. There are good reasons why we don’t allow those kinds of relationships in real life.

Now, I see that you have taken this in the rare opposite direction where the pokemon has power over the human, but that just further establishes why this is so dangerous, if a pokemon is powerful enough to rape someone without even trying. (Incidentally, you should tag this as rape or at least dubcon.) I don’t see how this would convince anyone in-universe that pokephillia is fine. If you just want to write fetishy stuff that’s fine, but the moralizing framing narrative is really bizarre and unnecessary.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13008754/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Reset-Bloodlines-Akala-Island-Adventures

Reset Bloodlines.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13008486/1/Indigo-League-Trainers-Camp

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

[Meet these new trainers as they set out on their first adventure with their new partner Pokemon. Struggles, hardship, feelings, and even an ominous villain.]

This could describe literally thousands of stories in this category. Summaries should tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

Also, I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon elsewhere, but you did so here.

[Indigo League Trainers’ CampChapter OneDear Young Pokemon Lovers,Oak Labs is looking to invite three young people aged 11 to 15 to participate in the Indigo League Training Camp.]

Looks like your line breaks got eaten here. Also, titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[Professor Gary Oak was pacing around his lab “They’re running late!”]

Missing punctuation here.

[The moment he sits down a car pulls into the driveway]

You shift to present tense here. Shifting tenses is extremely jarring and disorienting. You should decide whether you want past or present and stick with it.

There are similar grammatical errors throughout this, and they’re rather distracting. You should read up on grammar, or get a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. Everyone reading this is already familiar with the games, so they already know how trainers start out and what the rules of battling are. What’s going to be different about this journey? Start where your plot starts; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13008420/1/Daughter-of-a-new-Kahuna

Blocked, previously reviewed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13008058/1/Another-Buddy

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13007955/1/A-Wait-Paid-Off

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13007926/1/In-my-heart

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13007924/1/Pokemon-Thinking-Outside-the-Box

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

[A small Pokémon named Lucy has spent her whole life in a PC box, everyone there always avoids her]

This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

All sentences need to end in punctuation. This is an interesting premise, but you need to put more effort into your grammar. Here’s a beta reader thread if it gives you trouble: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13007790/1/Forgiveness

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Lusamine had long ago been forgiven for the… incident seven years ago. Despite Sun’s first memories of her being tainted by the fact she had been a psychotic madwoman at the time, she had recovered greatly since then and had gladly accepted him as part of her family.]

Eh… didn’t Wicke say that the neurotoxin only released her inhibitions? Lillie and Gladion’s accounts of their early life imply that Lusamine was like this even before her obsession with nihilego.

[Although it might’ve been silly to fear something that hadn’t harmed him or showed any intention thereof, he still knew what this seemingly innocent and harmless creature was capable of – no, of what it had done]

This isn’t the same one that possessed Lusamine though, is it? There are multiple members of the species.

[“No matter what world it comes from,” Wicke had smiled at him as she talked,]

When narration doesn’t describe how something is said, it’s its own sentence and is punctuated accordingly. Doing this when interrupting dialogue mid-sentence is tricky, but dashes are the most common way of doing it. So [“No matter what world it comes from”–Wicke had smiled at him as she talked–”it’s still a Pokemon] would work.

This was really nice! I love the ultra beasts and your description of them. You really capture their strange mix of alienness and familiar behavior.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13007748/1/Pokemon-Nuzlocke

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13007726/1/Little-Quest

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13007602/1/Era-Eclipse-and-the-Aura-Master

[if you’re a troll or hater, then just don’t waste your time here because you aren’t getting under my skin, especially st elmo’s fire]

Hey so fun fact, I filter out anime fic, meaning I don’t even see it at all. Tag your fic properly and you won’t need to see me ever again. This is in your best interests anyway, because people searching FOR anime fic also only see it if it’s tagged.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13007572/1/Heat-Up

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

[The brown-haired male]

Is a really awkward epithet. Only animal researchers refer to things as “males” or “females”. There’s a lot more epithet overuse throughout the story. When you are writing a story and refer to a character by a physical trait, occupation, age, or any other attribute, rather than that character’s name, you are bringing the reader’s attention to that particular attribute. That can be used quite effectively to help your reader to focus on key details with just a few words. However, if the fact that the character is “the brunette,” “the trainer,” “the older man,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene. If your only reason for referring to a character this way is to avoid using his or her name or a pronoun too much, don’t do it. You’re fixing a problem that actually isn’t one. Just go ahead and use the name or pronoun again. It’ll be good.

Same with calling eyes “orbs”.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13007553/1/Pokemon-Nuzlocke-Virtues-Sins-Revised

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

[Virtues- A trait that draw people toward something and want it. Though sometimes desire for such trait can go too far and this can lead to something dark, after all, Sins are born from desire for Virtues.]

This is word salad. I have no idea what you’re trying to say.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

[Welcome to the majestic world of Pokemon. In this world people live with powerful being known as Pokemon. Each Pokemon are unique, both ability and personality.]

Everyone reading this is already familiar with Pokemon. There’s no need to recap this. I understand that this is a lead-in to a more unique introductory spiel, but it would be more efficient to just start at the unique part.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[a slender woman with blond hair]

You want “blonde”. “Blond” is the masculine form.

[the generous time and effort of the people and Pokemon who lent a hand in constructing this bridge]

So pokemon aren’t people?

[“Come on out Lancelot!” he toss it into the air and the knight-like bug type Pokemon; Excalvier, appeared .]

This is improper semicolon usage. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentences make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here. You want a comma here.

Are you not a native speaker? This is a decent opening in theory, but your grammar errors make it too hard to follow. I don’t really understand what’s going on. You should read up on grammar, or get a beta reader to help you here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

I do like that Hilda is the champion.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13007315/1/Gateon-Port

Previously reviewed, actual drabble. Not blocked.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13006947/1/A-Collection-Of-Pokemon-Fanfics

Non-story entries are banned on this site. This should go in an author’s note above your first chapter.

Also, if this is porn, it shouldn’t be labeled K. If it’s not porn, you shouldn’t be calling it yaoi.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13006947/2/A-Collection-Of-Pokemon-Fanfics

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

[-Later-]

This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

[the other male]

Only animal researchers refer to things as “the male” or “the female”. When you are writing a story and refer to a character by a physical trait, occupation, age, or any other attribute, rather than that character’s name, you are bringing the reader’s attention to that particular attribute. That can be used quite effectively to help your reader to focus on key details with just a few words. However, if the fact that the character is “the brunette,” “the trainer,” “the older man,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene. If your only reason for referring to a character this way is to avoid using his or her name or a pronoun too much, don’t do it. You’re fixing a problem that actually isn’t one. Just go ahead and use the name or pronoun again. It’ll be good.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13006874/1/Story-Snippets

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic to avoid this problem. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Script format is banned on this site, and as such this story is at risk for deletion. You should switch to prose format.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13006653/1/Pokemon-and-Trainer-Relations

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic to avoid this problem. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13006637/1/Borne-of-Storm-s-End

Blocked, don’t recognize them. Profile says they want constructive criticism.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13006406/1/Happiness

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

[to tired of my mothers shit]

You want “too”. “To” is a conjunction. You’re also missing a possessive apostrophe here.

I understand the urge to explain basic information to the reader to set the stage, but opening the story with exposition is actually not a good idea. Readers don’t actually need to know this stuff just yet to enjoy the story; things like how the character acts and what they’re currently doing matter much more in the long run. Show don’t tell, etc. We’ll have greater emotional attachment to these details if they come up organically as they become relevant.

[Champion Goldberg was able to pass a bill that he’d been trying to get passed for the better part of twenty years. A bill that raised the age limit to obtain a trainers license to eleven.

“Not as high as I wanted it but it’s progress.” The champion was quoted and thus my dreams of leaving my shitty home were extended to two years instead of one and over the next three years he was able to raise it up to fourteen after statistics showed the declining rate in fatalities in young trainers.]

I know to a child every year makes a difference, but fourteen-year-olds do not actually have a significantly better chance at surviving the wilderness than ten-year-olds. It’s very clearly canon that pokemon training is not actually dangerous. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but like, this is a setting where fish can shoot lasers. It’s far from the most unreasonable thing we’re expected to believe.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is really hard to follow. I can barely understand what’s being said from sentence to sentence. Are you not a native speaker? You need to improve your grammar, regardless. Beta readers can be found here if you need help: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13006303/1/The-Last-Dragon-Master

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

[Five years ago, there were three dragon masters, they lived together and looked after one another.]

This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

…This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13006243/1/Firey-s-Adventures-Goldenrod

Previously reviewed, not blocked.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13006118/1/If-my-OC-was-in-Pokemon-my-version

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Random absurdity isn’t that funny. There should be a point behind the jokes.

[She then saw that Latias had grown a penis was raping the cheerleaders.]

And wow, that went downhill fast. Tag your fetishes.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13005938/1/What-the

Blocked, previously reviewed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13005852/1/My-Best-Friend-s-Boyfriend

Blocked, don’t recognize them. Anime.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13005699/1/Evil-within

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. In English, dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[who took the opportunity to crawl away anf shakily stand up]

Typo.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13005456/1/The-Journey-Continues

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

This is way too short for a first chapter.

Commas need to be followed with spaces, and this is riddled with other grammar errors as well. You need to put more effort into this.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13005222/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Adventures-Ferris-Version

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic to avoid this problem. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[Amnesiac Ferris Oak starts her own journey along side her starters, Ralts, Beldum and Riolu.]

…So, the super-popular Mary Sue pokemon.

I understand the urge to give your characters cool things, but you should really think about what this means for your character. A protagonist getting incredibly rare and lucky things handed to them right from the beginning sets the tone that this is how they’re going to solve all their problems, and that doesn’t make for an interesting story. Is there a particular reason why she gets these pokemon? Is there something special about them that this story will engage with? If not, you should maybe consider picking pokemon more suited to the narrative.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

[Reavon or Ren for short is a handsome male]

Only animal researchers refer to things as “the male” or “the female”. You’re overusing epithets. When you are writing a story and refer to a character by a physical trait, occupation, age, or any other attribute, rather than that character’s name, you are bringing the reader’s attention to that particular attribute. That can be used quite effectively to help your reader to focus on key details with just a few words. However, if the fact that the character is “the brunette,” “the trainer,” “the older man,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene. If your only reason for referring to a character this way is to avoid using his or her name or a pronoun too much, don’t do it. You’re fixing a problem that actually isn’t one. Just go ahead and use the name or pronoun again. It’ll be good.

[His height of 6’7]

Giving height to the exact inch is actually ironically more confusing than a more general description. Most people don’t have an immediate mental image for what this looks like, but if you say “he towered over the other kids”, that gets the point across much more clearly.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[*Viridian City Private Hospital*]

This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

[“Oh thank Arceus.”]

Why is a Kantonian swearing by a Sinnohan deity? Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13005216/1/Shattered-Bonds-Scalding-Revenge

Blocked, previously encountered. Anime.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009898/1/Fire-and-blood-Story-of-a-Vulpix

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009948/1/My-Life-As-A-Jackal

Blocked, previously reviewed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009967/1/Ordinary-Day-One-shot

Songfic is banned on this site, and as such this story is at risk for deletion.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13009989/1/A-Business-Journey

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

[“Did you buy a ticket yet?” She asked.]

Dialogue formatting rules remain constant regardless of punctuation. So this should be [“Did you buy a ticket yet?” she asked.]

I don’t see what this has to do with Pokemon. Your pokemon characters are acting exactly like humans. If you’re very invested in the appearance of pokemon, you’d be better off making this into a visual medium where we can actually see it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13004337/1/Broken-Lands

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

[After a massive war that left the world in ruins and caused a rebellion pokemon that reduced the human population to a mere fraction of its former numbers, a young girl will finally find the courage to leave her home and explore the world with a friend at her side; a friend that was kept a secret from the regime she was forced to live under, lest he be killed.]

I think you mean “pokemon rebellion”, and this sentence is breathless, making it feel cramped and hard to follow. I know summaries have limited space, but try breaking the information here into multiple sentences.

[The world, on a political scale, was falling apart. New laws and taxes had been implemented across the nation, and now several regions threatened to secede.]

…Taxes? Really? That’s your scenario for societal collapse? The real-life news right now has plenty of examples to draw from if you want to convey political chaos. But the world falling apart because of (mumble mumble) and TAXES, THE GREATEST EVIL just feels absurd, to be honest. If the exact reasons for the collapse aren’t important, you don’t have to explain them. Plenty of post-apocalyptic stuff just says no one knows what really happened, and that’s fine.

This gets into the greater point, which is that this has no emotional weight right now. It just feels like reading a textbook. I understand the urge to explain basic information to the reader to set the stage, but opening the story with description or exposition is actually not a good idea. Readers don’t actually need to know this stuff just yet to enjoy the story; things like how the main character acts and what they’re doing matter much more in the long run. Show don’t tell, etc. I mean, we don’t even know anything about the main character but her name. Doesn’t that strike you as kind of a problem for our introduction to the story? You have to make people ask the questions before you give the answers.