A few of the earlier stories updated again, including that bizarre Power Rangers crossover. Otherwise, mostly Havan. I’m starting to feel that he doesn’t fit this very well; a lot of the more plotty stories want trainers around the same level as the protagonists, which is usually starter level, and that too easily makes him look like a pompous idiot with nothing to back him up. Pokemon’s also geared towards younger characters, and it’s just not believable that an 11-year-old has his level of guile and cynicism. I might have to retool him. For now my default has switched to Kidra, but unfortunately she still hasn’t shown up much.
PMD. I submitted a crapton of OCs to this, but so far only Havan has shown up, as a gallade.
The gallade posed in a herioc fashion grinning. You could imagine a glistening white light shining down upon him and you’d think it was a movie.
“No one will harm the innocent when I, the mighty Havan, guardian of all pokemon, is watching.” the gallade known as Havan announced proudly. “Now how about I swiftly defeat you villainous folk and save these two mercenaries.”
His dialogue is decent; very flamboyant without being absurd, and he does shift gears when the conflict ends and he doesn’t have to be as dramatic.
“So… the Tesparia province has a hero in its midst?” she commented.
“Of course! Every place has it’s hero me being the mightiest of them all.” he said with a confident smirk.
“That’s true, you could consider mercenaries as heroes and they’re everywhere,” Sheila said.
Niles looked up at Havan.
“I’m not so sure that you’re the mightiest of them all, but I will say that your statement definitely holds merit.” Niles told him. “I’m impressed that you just deflected a Moonblast attack like it was a pebble.”
Havan chuckled arrogantly.
“Any attack towards me is nothing but a pebble.” he informed them.
I have no idea where the author got the idea that he’s this arrogant, though.
“Absolutely fantastic, I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to join a mercenary band allowing me to find some rare artifacts in mystery dungeons, plus it gives me a chance to be a greater hero.” Havan stated.
The author also does not seem to have caught on to the fact that his packratting is supposed to be a negative trait and thus something he would want to hide. Also geez, I wonder why SYOC fic feels the need to immediately exposit everyone’s goals?
“Sure I’ll join if it helps, think of it as a reward for completing my mission” Naoto said.
Nevermind then, Niles thought raising his lower lip.
Havan wasn’t satisfied with that reward.
“I feel that as your saviors we should get a proper reward,” Havan said as he held out his hand expecting Naoto to give him something.
Naoto looked at his hand and thought of something to give him. He pulled out 300 poke and gave it to Havan.
” There you go sir. It’s what I feel you deserve along with me joining your team. I hope it’s enough for you.” he told him with a smile.
Havan clearly wanted something more.
“It’s fine enough as a proper reward, I’ll have plenty more chances to get some fantastic rewards that only a hero like me deserves.” Havan said as he pocketed the poke.
Because subtlety is hard, evidently.
Havan shows up again in the next chapter, but doesn’t do anything interesting. If anything the author seems to be playing him as a legitimately heroic character who’s just a little greedy. Then finally in chapter 9 the story takes an abrupt turn into grimdark and kills him off:
Havan managed to push Vaylie over the railing with the last of his strength, however she had grabbed his arm as she went over. Havan was able to grab onto the railing which he hoped wouldn’t break.
Vaylie looked down below. “Son of a female Furfrou, you better be able to pull us up, otherwise we’ll both die!” she demanded.
Havan glared at her. “I only have one hand! No thanks to you!” he reminded her.
“Then why don’t your friends help then?!”
Court and Jessica ran over to them. But before they could grab Havan’s arms, he let go. Vaylie and Havan both plummeted downwards, the railing soon followed after.
Vaylie’s head ended up getting hooked on a rusty hook, leaving her hanging as blood dripped down off her body.
Havan had been penetrated through the heart by a broken support beam back first.
Jessica had closed her eyes in shock, and Court stood there silently looking down at Havan.
Court gave a heavy sigh. “I guess he let go in order to kill Vaylie so that she wouldn’t have a chance to kill us.”
…with a textbook heroic sacrifice. At first I felt they must have been reading a completely different form than the one I sent, but then I saw the author’s note:
AN: Yeah, so really depressing chapter this time around, but that’s what happens if people don’t tell me what their OCs are going to do. I’m not one to give second chances usually, because you don’t get second chances in life, so, sorry OC creators, but it’s your fault (And the D20) but mostly yours. I’m not obligated to write your OCs if you aren’t reading the story. Unless I really like your OC, but that doesn’t save them from death.
So SYOC is not only a review racketing scheme, it is also a demand to literally write the author’s story for them. It seems also they were under the mistaken impression that they were running a tabletop RPG.
(And I think they might be confused about gallade anatomy? The fight scene just has Havan punching the bad guy, and at one point his hand is chopped off and this is made out to be a big deal even though gallades’ swords are on their arms.)
Further interrogation reveals that the d20 decreed that the railing was going to collapse no matter what, so Havan chose to spin it as a heroic death. Eh, what’s even the point of that though? This would have been a great chance to finally reveal the real Havan: in the face of certain death, he abandons everything for the sake of his own survival. Instead they went the whole story without even touching on Havan’s more interesting aspects.
Havan. A slightly different kind of regression to the mean:
“Huh?” As the trainer stopped to look at them, Torchic took the chance to run across the footbridge and into the forest beyond. Maggie fell to her knees and cried out for Torchic as he vanished into the far forest.
“Argh, it got away!” The trainer with the Fennekin and the Croagunk growled as he recalled his two pokemon before turning to Nox Lux and Maggie, “Why’d you interrupt me?”
“That Torchic wasn’t wild, it was Maggie’s” Nox explained as he pointed to Maggie who was still in a fetal position on the grass.
As Nox’ words reached the trainer his foul mood softened and a more concerned expression appeared on his face, “Oh my… I’m so sorry, I didn’t know,”
“Torchic aren’t even native to Alola, how could you not know?” Nox pointed out.
The trainer narrowed his eyes at Nox before saying, “I’m not from Alola, I’m from Unova, and my name is Havan D’Rath by the way, perhaps you’ve heard of my surname?”
Nox shook his head, much to Havan’s apparent annoyance.
“Can we get back on track please,” Lux cried as she helped Maggie back up, “For Maggie’s sake?”
“Of course,” Havan said almost immediately, “We won’t be able to track down that Torchic just by standing around and wasting everyone’s time,”
Nox noticed Havan giving him a dirty look as he said that.
Initially I was just going to chalk this up to people being bad at writing suave characters, but…
“Guys… I can’t” She said worriedly.
“What is it?” Maggie asked as she started to walk across the footbridge.
‘Sigh’ Nox sighed while recalling Chomp and Ennui before saying, “She has a fear of heights,”
“I DO NOT!” Lux protested heatedly while recalling Grace, “I-I-I just don’t like them,”
“It’s okay,” Havan said calmly as he put his arm around her and gently walked her to the bridge, “I’ll make sure you don’t fall,”
…They’re totally capable of writing him as charming when dumb teenage romance is involved. That definitely points to people misreading his defining feature as arrogance, or possibly just deciding it’s easier to write a braggart. (Notably, there’s a scene where the main character gets huffy about him hitting on his sister, so possibly they only want him to be suave when the main character can get self-righteous about it.) In this case, the author is working off a much older version of my submission form (it still has the thing about him being explicitly led on by a Ye Olde Quest Giver), so that could be part of it.
In the next chapter, Havan tries to capture Tapu Koko, so we finally get to see how people interpret the chosen one thing!
“Zargos! Use Crush claw!” Havan ordered as the Valiant Pokemon bared its claws and flew after Tapu Koko. The Legendary Pokemon retreated into its shell in response. This caused Zargos’ talons to just scrape against the hard chicken head like shell.
And it opens with him using a flying type against an electric type.
“What are you doing?” Nox demanded of Havan, “That’s the guardian of Melemele, it is forbidden to just attack him!”
“I need him!” Was Havan’s only response before giving Zargos his next order
“I need to capture a legendary, it had been foretold by that prophet,” Havan explained.
“Well Tapu Koko clearly doesn’t want to go with you!” Lux countered, “You can’t force the Guardian of Melemele to go with you!”
“Yea!” Maggie stood next to Lux, “I don’t know much about this guardian thing, nor can Torchic really battle, but I’m stopping you!”
“You think yourselves heroes huh?” Havan said as a dark look came over his face
Well, at least it’s an acknowledgement that you shouldn’t be able to just walk up to a legendary and capture it? But they completely missed the point I was going for. This reads like the author is going through the motions of every point I mentioned without having any clue what they actually mean or how they’re supposed to fit together.
The main characters fight him off and say this:
“Is it really illegal to try and capture that pokemon?” Maggie inquired further.
“Of course, Tapu Koko is our Deity, guardian of Melemele Island.
So why is it okay for the game PC to do it? The entire point of Havan is to ask questions like this. I am disappoint. Followup with the author reveals that they interpreted him as full of hot air with nothing to back up his arrogance.
We’ve seen this one before. I submitted Kidra, Qualstio, and Chara (under the name Riley).
A Bisharp angrily stormed out of the dorm, slamming the door behind him.
“Ugh! You incompetent fools!” he shouted,” I’ll have your heads for this!” He shook his fist at the door in anger. He stomped down the hallway, knocking into a couple Pokémon that were carrying books to their classroom.
“Riley!” a Sylveon called,” What do you think you’re doing!”
“These idiots are on my To-Do List!” the Bisharp shouted, pointing to the Dark Type dorm,” ALL OF THEM!”
“Riley, chill out,” the Sylveon said, “Calm down and breathe, OK? You’re too handsome to care for them, alright?”
“Well, you have to admit that I am,” Riley said, puffing his chest, and fortunately for him, handsome was an understatement. The Bisharp was tall for his kind, about 5′ 9, and had perfect posture. He had copper tan skin that seemed to reflect light off of it, almost like polished copper and piercing red eyes that could cast fear into anyone’s eyes. He had metal gloves as long as his forearms with retraceable blades and wore black athletic tape around his upper and lower torso and upper arms, red shoulder pads and long silver metal boots. What was the most intimidating thing about him, however, (and this kept many from ever trying to battle him) were his gleaming red eyes, the 2 blades encircling his torso and the golden axe blade in his head.
“Thank goodness you remembered that,” the Sylveon said,” I’ll be off, now. Don’t get into any trouble!”
“I can’t bet on that one,” Riley smirked. He proceeded towards one of the empty classes and locked the door behind him. There was pure silence nearby as the area around the room grew colder and darker. The last words you could hear from him before the room went completely black were “Sir, I’m ready for the kill.”
So once again Chara is at the beck and call of someone else, and also they completely ignored the personality I gave. Also eugh, Kidra has become generic supportive girlfriend with no will of her own, it looks like. She’s likely supporting him because the submissions for this seem to assume any characters submitted together are part of a friendship group.
“Well, I best be going now,” Elanor said to herself before grabbing her backpack,” After all, I don’t want to be late for World History!” She flew out of the Battle Arena and decided to take the Southeast Hall to get to her class at least 5 minutes before it started so she could prepare for that day of learning. On the way, she felt a small fireball hit her on her rear, startling her. “Whoever may be doing this,” she said,” Please refrain from using my rump for target practice.” Another fireball shot out from behind her, striking her in the middle of her back.
“Alright Qualstio, freeze her wings so she can’t run,” a voice said. A Kantonian Vulpix jumped out of the shadows and formed a small ball of ice in its hands and shot them at Elanor’s wings. The Vespiquen fell to the ground, unable to get up off it.
“Now what Riley?” the Vulpix asked, keeping an eye on Elanor, who was weakly trying to remove the ice admist the pain of the burns from the fireballs. A Bisharp walked out of the shadows, holding a knife and smirking.
“Let’s kill her,” Riley said, raising the knife over her heart.
Qualstio is similarly on board despite how dangerous this is, presumably for the same reason.
Talking with the author reveals that they misinterpreted Qualstio’s fear of authority as blind hatred of authority and so he’s trying to kill the vespiquen because she’s royalty, and Chara figured he made a good mook for some reason. The author is also apparently familiar with Undertale and knows this character is supposed to be Chara, which just baffles me even more because this is clearly not Chara’s canon personality.
Hey what’s up guys, Eon here. Um… Yeah. I’m gonna delete Smogon U for now. Gonna need to reboot it soon. Reason for deletion:
I have absolutely no plot for this one. I was planning to just make it a situation by situation type of thing, like SpongeBob or something like that, where no chapter would correlate to the next. That failed. Terribly.
I was discussing with someone about my story (because he sent an OC of course) and he told me that the little I had set up my story with was conflicting with what I planned to do. I won’t get into details because privacy.
I’m gonna have to go through the list of OCs once again and see the ones I can work with well. The better structured your OC was, the easier it’ll be for me to work with it and therefore the more screen time (since I don’t want to get rid of any OCs. I’m a sad sob story, aren’t I?).
Riley wanted to kill everyone but I wasn’t sure you’d all be OK with that so I wanted to see what you thought on this.
The person they are referring to is me. I threw Farla’s threads on advance planning at him but was too nice to show him the OCs one. Maybe he’ll find it on his own.
Sypak’s debut. Sypak, based on the character from The Drop, is a very simple concept: a pokemon who had a bad experience with trainers and wants to go back to the wild now, no seriously she is not going to join your party no matter how special and awesome your protagonist is. Cynically, I expect authors to forget about her subplot and just turn her into a pokebot. This is a story about kidnapped pokemon trying to return to their original trainers, so I was interested how that’d go with her.
Unfortunately, since she’s a plot-focused character with minimal personality, I don’t really have anything to comment on until her subplot progresses. It hasn’t even been mentioned so far.
Chara reappears after several chapters’ absence.
Chara doubled over as he tore the string shot from his face, his mouth twisting from a smile into a grimace of hatred. Before Wallace thought to move, Chara lunged for him and punched him deep in his gut. Wallace’s mouth yawned open in a silent cry as he worried the knife had been plunged into him.
“You’re getting off easy,” Chara said as he pressed his forehead to Wallace’s, his knife appearing between them and prodding Wallace in the throat. “Your friend, the girl with the arcanine, I’m going to carve her up and then snap her neck. But lucky you gets to avoid step two.”
A bit too chatty and gloaty this time, I feel, though you could make the argument it’s in-character for Chara to posture a bit.
“I am going… to cut you open… and carve up your soul, Pearce”
“You’re insane,” Wallace said, exhaustion wearing down on him. “Why do you – wait, what did you just say?”
Chara tossed his knife up and caught it before he twirled it in his hand. “He’s asking for me to explain myself?” he asked absently. “Do you want me to detail what it’s like to cut flesh from bone?”
“You called me Pearce,” Wallace said. “Y-You know who I am?”
That first line implies the author’s familiar with Undertale, which I indeed confirmed in another PM conversation, so we’re likely seeing their own interpretation of Chara here. Really would like to know how the crossdressing thing ties into all this. Also, a good use of Chara’s meta knowledge ability — I believe a few authors used it before, but this is what I intended for it.
This is somehow still going. It’s added a theme song because it thinks it’s a TV show, which includes the line
(Kara is solemnly holding her locket before a field of lightning covers the screen and reveals the Yellow Ranger)
I think maybe I should start including the locket in submissions again. I was initially annoyed how much people were obsessing over it but honestly this is hilarious. (If you’re not aware, Ember’s original idea was for this to be post-Omnicide Chara, so whenever authors have them getting sentimental over their best friend I cackle because what really happened is that they killed him.)
In the story itself…
While the four Rangers continued their battle, across Kalos Kara was busy doing some… less than peaceful activities. She was pounding in the face of a man in his early thirties to the point where his nose was extremely bloody, many of his teeth were missing, and his eyes were swollen shut. Kara stood over him, holding him by the collar of his shirt. She stopped pummeling him and brought him within inches of her face to whisper into his ear.
“Next time you think that it’ll be funny to cheat me out of my money, remember this. Because you’re lucky that you’re not dead, but thankfully I’ve been in a decent mood recently,” She whispered.
The man let out few moans of pain as Kara let go of his collar before he passed out in a pool of blood. Kara stood up, took a deep breath, and made sure that there was no blood on her yellow Pichu shirt, jeans, or her yellow Thunderstone themed shoes.
But she’s still a hero because beating people to bloody pulps is just a cute quirk I guess.
Kara was slightly taken aback by the sheer number of Golems that encircled them. She wasn’t the type to crack under pressure, but it was rather alarming.
The young girl, usually having a strong composure, was so taken aback by the large vortex’s sudden appearance that she jumped a few inches off the ground before hitting the wall behind her. The Rangers just simply gazed at the wormhole, but thankfully Adam helped Kara off the ground. Not that she was happy about it.
“Nice reflexes,” Adam quipped.
“I will annihilate you. I hope you know that,” Kara responded.
Also there’s a bit of the narrative beating her down like this. Wouldn’t normally be that notable, but the skeeviness of the male characters makes it clear exactly what’s going on here.
The plot of this chapter is that they get sucked into a video game world, which is tragically underutilized because this is one of the few authors who isn’t familiar with Undertale; Chara is just impatient and angry at everything here.
Moses, Kay, and Adam just looked at each other and nodded. One by one they each stepped through the magical gateway. Sans Kara who just stood their with her arms folded.
“If you think I’m walking into a random magic egress, you’ve got less brains than a-AH!” Kara exclaimed as a hand came through the portal and pulled her through. She was livid. She quickly reached for her knife, only to open her eyes and see the hand belonged to Jared. She retracted the small blade, but her face still gleamed with anger.
Also stupid. My submission for this included the bit about Chara being genre-savvy and precognizant, so this is another case of outright ignoring the submission.
Chara is a bit better in the next chapter.
The young woman took a deep breath and explained, “We went to a tavern, I know we shouldn’t have but we did, and Kara started a bar fight-“
“Typical,” Adam chimed in.
“Now we turned the bar into a war zone,” Kay added.
“I really can’t leave you guys alone for more than a few minutes can I?” griped Adam.
The pink and blue duo made their way back to the tavern in question. Before they could even make it through the doors, a patron was violently thrown out into the streets. Kara then stepped outside and dusted herself off.
“And stay out! Degenerates,” she scoffed. “Oh I see you two are back,”
“Kara what did you do?!” cried Adam.
“I assure you that none of this was my fault!” Kara promised as the sound of broken glass was heard coming from inside. “Well for the most part this isn’t my fault.”
Jared and Moses walked outside with concerned looks on their faces.
“Think we should go,” Jared suggested. “Seconded,” replied Moses.
A random bottle of alcohol rolled through the doorway right to Kara’s feet. She took off its top and tore a piece of cloth from the shirt of the guy she knocked outside. Shoving it down into the bottle she then pulled Kay’s glasses right off her face.
“Kara! The hell!?” angrily shouted the now blind pink Ranger.
“Give me a second…” Kara said as she used Kay’s glasses as a magnifying glass. She focused the concentrated beam of light onto the cloth in the bottle, nothing happened at first until the rag burst into flames. Kara tossed Adam Kay’s glasses before directing everyone behind her. Kay quickly grabbed her glasses and look in horror with the others as Kara threw her hand-made Molotov cocktail into the bar, flames exploding everywhere.
This is actually pretty hilarious, but once again completely at odds with the idea they’re supposed to be heroes who should care about wanton murder.
“I do find all of you interesting however. I can sense a variety of negative emotions within people, they add to the collective darkness that fuels me.”
The armored villain placed his hand onto Jared’s forehead. Exscalier’s ghostly purple aura extending to cover Jared’s entire body. The process was clearly causing the young man intense pain.
“Mmmm… I sense anger, regret, sadness. Anger towards yourself for some… failure,” Exscalier observed.
“Screw… you,” Jared managed to mutter out.
Exscalier removed his metallic hand from Jared before moving onto Adam. The same aura encompassed him, the pain forcing the blue Ranger to collapse slightly.
“I can feel…your self-loathing. You believe all of this is your fault. If you could have done more for your team,” the monstrous warlord hissed.
He released Adam from his touch before snapping his fingers, knights quickly rushed to his call, and grabbed the Rangers.
“Take them to the dungeon. We’ll let them rot here as I conquer their world,” ordered the tyrant.
The villain also does a dramatic mind-reading thing, but skips Chara. Booooo.
“I told you to let me go after them!” Kara screamed at Adam.
“I was afraid we wouldn’t have time,” argued Adam.
“Oh great thinking there! I’m encompassed by imbeciles!” the girl yelled as she kicked the bars.
“Kara, calm down,” beseeched Jared,
“Don’t even get me started on you! Mr. Nice guy! What is with you? Always rushing to save me, always being protective! I don’t know what you see in me, but want nothing to do with you!”
Kay began to get annoyed herself, and decided to voice her own opinion.
“If we’re being honest here Kara, what about your problems? No family, no friends, and no backstory? Just a pre-teen with a knife and a shitty attitude! Totally trustworthy!” she argued.
“Oh really? I’m the only one keeping secrets? Well Kathryn, since you want to bring up secrets, let’s talk about yours! For starters, when were you going to let us know how you ran away from your multi-millionaire father because you two have issues?” retorted Kara.
Chara also continues to be a whiny idiot who does nothing but tear the group apart. I am really baffled why they’re still putting up with her; I keep expecting the author to give her some express character development to make her fit the story, but it keeps not happening. The protagonist tries to justify it shortly after:
Listen, each of us has their own problems, but none of that matters right now. Kara, I don’t give one damn about your past. You’re my teammate, you’re all my teammates, and we are the only thing standing between our world and the apocalypse. We’re Poké Rangers, and it’s time we start acting like it,”
…but that’s a non-sequitor. It’s not her past that’s the problem, it’s her present. But of course The Man has spoken, so she becomes quiescent for the rest of the chapter.
“I’ve got some things to take care of. Don’t come looking for me,” warned Kara as she also prepared to teleport.
“Hey Kara, I was planning on maybe sketching some Pokémon today. Want to join me?”
Kara glanced to the left for a moment, closed her eyes, and let out a sight.
“Alright,” she acquiesced.
Jared was slightly taken aback by her response. He never imagined that the strange girl would ever accept an offer to be anywhere near him.
And she agrees to go on a date with the other boy because ???.
This is so weird.
We saw this one last time. You may recall I said the author evaded my question of why Chara doesn’t just kill the villain sue in his sleep; amusingly, it seems they were saving the answer for this chapter:
Chara glanced at Andre, snorting. What an idiot. If it weren’t for the fact I can’t catch him sleeping, I’d have gotten him out of the way by now. the sadistic teen thought mildly.
So what, does he just not sleep? This still doesn’t address the question of why she’s sticking around at all. Or why he’s letting her, for that matter:
“Chara,” Andre said suddenly, “I need you to scout ahead for any Plasmas in the area.”
“Why do I have to do it?” she complained.
“Because, if I go, you’ll kill the kids.” Andre replied with a smug look. Snarling, the Yveltal hybrid vanished from sight. Chuckling, Andre turned to Lias and Alex. “Word of advice, never get caught alone with her.” Andre advised, “I only keep her around because of her battle instincts, or I would have gotten her thrown in jail years ago.”
Alex took a step closer to Lias, worried that the hybrid in question was still nearby. “Is that why you really sent her off? To warn us?” the human questioned. Andre nodded
Except that Andre is the awesomest most undefeatable villain sue ever, so I don’t see why he’s keeping around a loose cannon who’s weaker than him. It’s possible he’s just flat-out lying, because an earlier chapter had him salivate at the thought of Chara’s impending massacre, but I don’t think the author is competent enough for that. This seems evocative of Strong Female Character-ness; girl-Chara can have a masculine trait, but she’s completely defined by it and isn’t even as good at it as the male main character.
And y’know, this is interesting — it occurs to me that Chara actually shouldn’t be that great of a fighter, since their strategy is based off of save scumming and level grinding. My submission template doesn’t actually say they’re good in a fight, just that they like to kill people.
“Please don’t let us run into Skyla while we’re looking.”
“Why?” Lias asked, coming up next to her fellow hybrid.
“She’s just a bit…uppity for my tastes.” Andre replied
And this little tidbit is not very encouraging on the gender front.
Anyway, they proceed to meet up with another one of their pokehuman hybrid people:
Opening said door was a pink-haired twelve-year-old girl dressed in a gray t-shirt and blue jeans. Her sapphire eyes lit up as she saw who was there. “Chara!” the girl screamed excitedly, wrapping her arms around the Yveltal hybrid’s neck.
Rolling her eyes, Chara stiffly returned the hug before saying, “Hi Mary, it’s been too long.” Mary released her victim and smiled sweetly.
“Yeah, we haven’t been on a good outing since the whole castle incident.” Mary replied, laughing. “Now that was a big boom! And all the screaming grunts!”
This one I’ll actually grant — it sounds like she’s also a genocidal sadist, so Chara actually would enjoy her company.
Rebecca also appears at the end of this chapter, but I’ll leave that for Farla.