OC Submission-reviews

I decided this would be a good April thing. Today: Two Luckis, Leck, Rachel of Worm, a new character who’s a joke villain parodying Gamergate, Candi the houndoom, Priya Shesha, Katniss the nuzleaf, Ciel the torchic pokemorph.

The first story is Team Eeveelutions. The author’s asking for eight characters, also apparently there won’t be any duplicate eeveelutions, also her character already took the glaceon slot. Additionally, there can be only two co-leaders and two healers, but any number of helpers after that point. The story’s setting is even less clear.

Name: Pretty much self explanatory. Your OC’s name. Does not need to include last name. Last name is optional. First is all that is required.

Gender: Boy or girl. Simple as that.

Personality: How your character will act and feel, especially around other people.

Appearance: It’s basic. How they look as a person.

Likes/Dislikes: What they like, and what they don’t like. Simple.

Status: This is where you put what rank they would be in Team Eeveelutions. Like, Co-Leader, Helper, or Healer. I will allow 2 co-leaders, 2 healers, and as many helpers after that.

Eeveelution: Here’s where we get to the good part. So, here, you can choose which Eeveelution your OC will be. It’ll be a case of whoever’s is the most detailed OC will get the Eeveelution they choose. If I already have the one you want, I’ll ask you to change it a bit, I don’t want multiple of one Pokemon. Also, if I ask you to change yours, think of it as a better thing. If you, for example, wanted your character to be a Flareon, and they really like heat but not water that much (this is an example), and I already had a Flareon, your character could be a Vaporeon, and that would just bring more craziness into the story. Oh, and by the way, Glaceon is off limits! Oh, sorry, have I been talking too long?

Moves: Alright, here you say what moves your OC will learn as their Pokemon form throughout the story. You can PM me later if you want to change it, that would be perfectly fine.

Other: If you want to add anything I missed, feel free to put it here!

That “other” bit is a really good idea. It means you don’t need to ask a million questions in the hopes of not missing something important. So far, it’s the only one I’ve seen with it.

Name: Lucki
Gender: Girl
Personality: Lucki can be summed up as being very good at noticing what she needs to do to get what she wants and very bad at paying attention to other people or what they want. She’s generally friendly and agreeable, but gets really mad if someone says she isn’t so great or makes her look bad. She’s a brave and focused person, and completely unflinching during battles, but she only pays passing consideration to things like type.
Appearance: Lucki has greenish-gold hazel eyes and chest-length aquamarine hair.
Likes/Dislikes: Lucki likes succeeding and being the hero, and hates anything that gets in the way of this or lets her down.
Status: Co-leader who’ll keep acting like actually, she’s the leader. In the event the co-leader spots are full, she’ll be trying to elbow them out of the way first before making her bid for full leader.
Eeveelution: Flareon.
Moves: Tackle, sand attack, dig, last resort.
Other: Lucki almost always comes off as the one in the right in any given conflict, regardless of who actually is. Also, she hates Team Magma and will get mad at anyone who makes any connection between that and her new form.

Name: Leck
Gender: Boy
Personality: Leck is a thoughtful, considerate, and observant kid. He’s very alert for injured creatures of any sort and knows all about first aid and healing. You can tell he’s trustworthy just by looking at his honest face. With the addition of psychic powers, he could probably say pretty much anything and people would believe it.
Appearance: Leck has one grey eye and one reddish-brown one.
Likes/Dislikes: Leck likes being liked and collecting injured creatures. He knows a lot about medicine.
Status: Healer.
Eeveelution: Espeon.
Moves: Confusion, confide/fake tears, tail whip/charm, covet.
Other: Leck only finds injured creatures when no one else is around.

Name: Rachel
Gender: Girl
Personality: Rachel believes everything is out to get her so she should punch it to death first. She had a horrible home life bouncing between abusive foster homes, the trauma of which leads to her compressing every human expression into “angry, and probably going to hit me”, until she finally ran away. She ended up living with a pack of poochyena.
Appearance: She is short but bulky. She cuts her dirty brown hair short to not get in the way. She wears warm practical clothes and likes fur jackets.
Likes/Dislikes: She likes canine pokemon and hates/fears everyone else.
Status: Least helpful helper ever.
Eeveelution: Leafeon
Moves: Roar, synthesis, facade, razor leaf
Other: Rachel is a really kind, empathetic person. Good luck ever seeing that, though!

 

Then there’s some sort of superhero styled thing, Pokémon Quest: The Snowman (SYOC OPEN), that doesn’t seem to have anything to do with pokemon. Also, “All Villains must be a parody of a current topic/issue in today’s world (like SJWs), a topic/issue of the past, a trend of the present or past, a character archetype, or a stereotype”.

My submission:

Full Name: Danny Smith

Villain Name (Optional): Lobodud Chourchord, The Anti-Censorship Equalist

Age: 12

Race: He is unaware of it, but of Irish descent.

Region: Unova

Goal: Stop feminazis from censoring videogames.

Personality: Screaming rage with a dash of confused.

Personality Traits: Easily upset by pretty much anything, extremely fragile ego.

Sexuality: ABSOLUTELY STRAIGHT STOP PUTTING SEXY MEN IN VIDEOGAMES JUST TO PANDER TO GIRLS IT’S GROSS

Hometown: Opelucid City

Gender: Male.

Skin Color: White.

Eye Clothes: No glasses, his eyes are naked (and green).

Weight: ~160 pounds.

Height: Four and a half feet.

Hair Color: Dark brown.

Regular Clothes: Plain t shirt, jeans.

Villain Clothes: Batman t-shirt, fedora, jeans.

Why are they arch enemies with The Snowman?: Doesn’t go far enough.

Quirks: Likes to make top ten lists.

Hobbies: Watching youtube videos by females, finding fake gamer girls (all of them!), complaining about male characters being wrecked by pandering to girls, explaining to girls that they can’t be nerds when they’ve never experienced discrimination, videogames when he has the time.

Talents: Fast typing, frame-by-frame photographic memory for character models, willingness to expound on graphic rape and murder fantasies about anyone he disagrees with.

Strengths: DETERMINATION. A healthy disregard for the happiness of anyone who isn’t him.

Weaknesses: Not actually that knowledgeable about games beyond the handful he’s played and the only comics he knows are gamer webcomics. Unaware bisexuality exists as something other than what girls do to get attention, probably become significantly less shouty if he ever works that one out. Additionally, Mom will be horrified if she ever finds out what he’s up to and put an end to his villain career in favor of weekly sessions with a therapist.

Flaws: His belief that TEH SJWS spew random nonsense means his attempts to invent fake arguments based on “their reasoning” to trick them work about as well as aliens trying to convince people the crude sockpuppet over their tentacle is a fellow human being. Gets very upset about hypocrisy rather than taking the hint.

Goal as a Villain: End the tyranny of developers making games that appeal to people who aren’t him.

Cataphrase (Optional): THAT’S CENSORSHIP!

Running Gag (Optional): Has to go home to do chores, cutting into villain time.

Character Description: Believe this has been covered.

Backstory: A totally ordinary kid who started playing online videogames.

How did they become a villain: Fell in with bad crowd.

Why are they a villain?: Desire to feel persecuted and blame all setbacks in life on massive conspiracy against him and feel like actually he’s the righteous hero striking down the villains in the process.

Full Time Villian of Part–Time?: Part-time.

If Part-Time, how do they know The Snowman?: Go to the same school.

Do they have a partner(s), henchman?: (If so just fill out the same forum). No.

Parody Of: Gamergate.

 

The next is Static Academy: An Empty Facade, which seems to have some sort of secret plot about some very serious bad thing and also is a deconstruction and may be a meatgrinder. I would’ve submitted a more straight character for it to see what’d happen to them but it also has a rather demanding entry form in addition to only being for super trainers, so I ended up going with Lucki.

Static Academy Rules

1. Abide by all guidelines I set in the sheet. No exceptions.

2. Follow the story! Please! Favoriting is optional.

3. If I reject your OC, it doesn’t mean I don’t like them. I’ll probably help you work through the changes. If not… well, you can submit as many characters as you want so… you can obviously try again!

4. No template OCs. They will automatically be rejected and you will not hear from me again. Plus, template OCs give 13 year olds a bad name! I’m pretty sure there are plenty of child prodigies who… write… fanfiction. I had no idea where this was going.

(I don’t actually know what that means. I guessed people sending in characters using their own template but it could be reusing a character like I did, as I didn’t hear back from them.)

5. I am allowing for powerful characters, but try and balance them please. Thank you.

6. Static is a private academy. You need money and/or a scholarship to go there.

6. I do allow up to 2 characters per person, but I’ll have higher standards for the second than the first.

8. Alright, this has been irritating me. If you split up your paragraphs weirdly, as in you start a new one after like 2 sentences, don’t. Please. I won’t count that as a paragraph, I’ll simply group it up with another and count that as a paragraph because I’m a nice person like that.

Static Academy Template

Name: (First, last, possibly Middle.)

Age: (14-15 for first years, 15-16 for second years, 16-17 for third years. 23 and up for teachers.)

Gender: (No tumblr genders please.)

Physical Description: (Give me at least 3 sentences. I can forgive bad descriptions and clothing descriptions if you have a good personality and background section.)

Clothing: (Once again, 3 sentences.)

Personality: (At least 2 paragraphs in this section. A paragraph is at least 4-5 lines.)

Background: (Once again, 2 Paragraphs)

Abilities: (Outside of battling)

Weaknesses: (Because no one likes sues.)

Battling Strategy: (At least one paragraph.)

Pokemon: (No legendaries. All Pokemon should be in their final or second stage. Copy and paste this for each team member, up to 6. Teachers must have 6. I don’t really have anything against Overused Pokemon, but try and keep them to a minimum.)

Gender: (Male, Female, Genderless)

Nickname: (Optional.)

Personality: (At least one paragraph.)

Background: (One paragraph as well.)

Relationship with Trainer: (Again, a full paragraph.)

Ability: (Hidden Abilities are allowed.)

Moves: (Up to 6)

…………………………………………………………………………………

This one also asks that you check the other characters on the profile to avoid pokemon that are already taken – and it turns out that someone else already had a tropius. Forced to think about it, I realized that getting rid of Saurius actually works well for this – Lucki has the least hold on him and as a result there’s not much possible interaction, and having her trade him because he keeps trying to escape perfectly encapsulates Lucki’s personality. There’s also no absol here, of course, and she still has the necklace. This becomes how Lucki would’ve been if there’d been no mid-story change.

Name: Lucki Middling

Age: 14

Gender: F

Physical Description: Lucki has greenish-gold hazel eyes, light skin, and chest-length aquamarine hair. She’s of average height.

Clothing: She prefers bright, cheery colors. Her clothes are generally on the newer side and she throws out anything worn or damaged, but nothing particularly fancy. She generally picks practical things to wear that won’t get in the way. She wears a a necklace with a brilliant green stone encased in thin gold wire that hangs from a fine gold chain, a gift from her parents several years back.

Personality: Lucki is friendly and personable so long as things are going her way. When things start going wrong, she’ll blame others for the failure, first phrased as a friendly chide and then with increasing frustration. She tends to view problems as things to smash her way through, although she does change her approach quickly when she realizes it isn’t working. She absolutely hates failing and would rather move pretty far out of her comfort zone than admit defeat. She feels similarly about being tricked and will hold extreme grudges over it. She also takes criticism poorly and will assume the other person is saying it just to be a jerk.

She’s a brave person and, without her pokemon, will throw herself into the thick of things instead. She is not in the least a considerate person and has no problem throwing other people into the thick of things if that seems like a solution. She won’t even understand why people might be upset afterward. She’s also in favor of getting ditching anything not useful. For this reason, she’s looking to trade off Flare, as he’s repeatedly failed to impress her in battle.

Background: Lucki comes from Hoenn. Nothing particularly interesting has happened to Lucki prior. She went to a trainer school before getting her first pokemon. She had some friends there, but didn’t bother keeping in contact with them when she left. Her starter was Silver and all the rest she picked up afterward.

She has wealthy parents who provide her whatever she needs. She generally gets whatever she wants as well. She’s pretty independent, however, and isn’t the sort to go running to them with requests. She’s an only child.

Abilities: I suppose some way to understand pokemon? Otherwise, none.

Weaknesses: Lucki is short-sighted and terribly inconsiderate. All her skills with people fall apart in the longer term. Her pokemon’s morale is flagging as a result and she doesn’t see the signs. What she does see she doesn’t care about.

Battling Strategy: Hit them hard. If that doesn’t work, try hitting them hard in a different way. That doesn’t work, consider other tactics like status moves…then hit them hard as soon as possible. While this sounds simplistic, Lucki is pretty good at seeing when something isn’t going to work and switching to a more effective option on the fly. However, if her opponent is setting up some complicated strategy that isn’t immediately obvious, she’s unlikely to see it coming. She also has no issue sacrificing pokemon for an overall gain in battle.

Pokemon: Wartortle

Gender: Female.

Nickname: Silver.

Personality: Timid. Silver dislikes battling but is too much of a doormat to disobey Lucki or complain. She knows what’s expected of a pokemon and so tried to be enthusiastic and pretend she’s okay with it all, hoping that she’d get over her fears. Instead, she’s grown more neurotic as the battles get harsher. Once in a blue moon she’ll panic during a fight and freezes up/uses withdraw. She particularly struggles to use the move mirror coat.

Background: Silver is a shiny pokemon likely intended for contests by the breeders, or possibly a request that didn’t pan out. She was raised entirely by the humans there. As her species aren’t common to Hoenn, she hasn’t encountered any other members of her evolutionary line before. She’s got a more delicate body than average and can’t take a hit as easily, although she’s otherwise got good stats.

Relationship with Trainer: A mess. Silver has no concept of life without a human owner. She’s desperate not to be abandoned and wants to please Lucki. At the same time, she’s also scared of what Lucki asks her to do and subconsciously hates her for not caring.

Ability: Torrent.

Moves: Ice beam, mirror coat, withdraw, dig, bite, bubblebeam.

Pokemon: Flareon

Gender: Male

Nickname: Flare

Personality: Flare is friendly and obedient. He works hard and is quite determined in battle, often remaining upright even after taking heavy blows. In the event of a near draw, he’d be the one to remain on his feet long enough to squeak out a victory…in the event it isn’t, though, he’ll still go down to the next hit. He has terrible self-esteem.

Background: Flare was a sort of sample model at a breeding facility, so he was older than the cute baby pokemon but didn’t have the fighting experience people would expect of a mature pokemon. When they closed and sold off their pokemon, those they couldn’t were sent to the local pokecenter to be given to interested trainers. Of those, Flare was picked last.

Relationship with Trainer: Flare struggled in the initial battles, leaving Lucki with the impression he wasn’t a very good fighter. As such, she discounts his victories and remembers his failures. As she expects him to lose regardless, she pays even less attention to things like type matchups than she usually does. Flare is desperate for anything positive and would ditch Lucki in a second if he thought anyone else would treat him better – but he doesn’t and is working hard hoping she won’t trade him because he fears the next person will like him even less.

Ability: Guts

Moves: Flamethrower, charm, flare blitz, overheat, shadow ball, swagger.

Pokemon: Manectric

Gender: Male

Nickname: Raiden

Personality: Raiden is still a kid. He originally viewed battles as fun games and a way to indulge a mild rebellious streak, but finds the higher powered fights he’s in now to be stressful at best and terrifying at worst. Unlike Silver, though, he never freezes up and his fearful desperation just make him fight harder as he gives it his all. He misses his parents.

Background: Raiden was always told to stay away from trainers, but he was sure he could handle it. Then he was caught, but Lucki said it’d be fun and he’d be able to battle people all over and become super strong and to just try it out for a bit, okay? And he did that. And he’s gotten very strong. And there’s no sign he’s ever going to get to go home again. He doesn’t even know where home is now.

Relationship with Trainer: While Flare suffered early losses that tilted her opinion, Raiden got in several lucky wins and earned ongoing favoritism as a result. Lucki discards his losses as flukes and remembers his wins, and will tell other pokemon they should be more like him. Raiden resents her for making the other pokemon resent him but at the same time won’t deliberately jeopardize his favored status, because he can see how much worse it’d be to be them.

Ability: Static

Moves: Discharge, quick attack, bite, wild charge, double team, flamethrower.

Pokemon: Girafarig

Gender: Female

Nickname: Gira

Personality: Stoic and thoughtful. Gira keeps her own council, tries hard in battle but doesn’t beat herself up over failure, and will act on her own if she thinks an order will cost her a battle she’s almost won. She’ll also quit an obviously impossible fight if it looks like it’ll be really painful to continue. For the most part, though, she’ll obey orders even if she’s dubious of them, because she’s not willing to risk finding out what’d happen if she was too disobedient.

Background: Gira lived on her own, training when she had time and getting into the occasional skirmish with other wild pokemon. Then Flare jumped her out of nowhere, tore her up a bit, and suddenly she was in a pokeball. Lucki explained afterward that she thought girafarig look really cool.

Relationship with Trainer: A later catch, Gira is an adult and hasn’t bonded with Lucki. As such, she has one of the better relationships. Gira wants to grow stronger and being with a trainer is a way to do that…and it’s pretty obvious Lucki wouldn’t release any of her pokemon anyway, so she might as well accept things. She’d be fine getting traded to another serious trainer.

Ability: Inner focus.

Moves: Astonish, nasty plot, psychic, crunch, stomp, dazzling gleam.

Pokemon: Tauros

Gender: Male.

Nickname: Charger

Personality: Disgruntled. Charger is sick of being a trainer’s pokemon but is aggressive enough he won’t refuse to fight when he’s sent out and there’s another pokemon attacking him. He’ll obey orders because he knows it makes it more likely he ends the fight with fewer injuries, and he’s not yet good enough at tactics himself to tell when he’s getting orders that will sacrifice him to set up for another pokemon. He doesn’t yet know the other pokemon well and is currently anxious and high-strung toward them.

Background: Charger belonged to another trainer. He was a bit of a discipline problem. Lucki had a tropius that had stopped listening to her in favor of trying to fly away. The two traded. Lucki probably got the better deal.

Relationship with Trainer: He hates her. He’ll stamp and toss his head if she gets anywhere near him. Lucki thus far hasn’t pushed things, but it’s not a bluff and he would gore her if she insisted on petting him. If he ever saw a place he recognized he’d probably make a break for it.

Ability: Intimidate

Moves: Rage, zen headbutt, giga impact, earthquake, frustration, outrage.

 

Guardians Of The Legends didn’t have a form and just asked for OCs. It’s a story where the main character is half pokemon and pokemon can talk, but there’s no mention of if they’re still trainer property. We’re told only that there’s prejudice against half and halfs like the main character and that there was “a war fought for Half-human rights”, strongly implying pokemon didn’t have rights either. As no mention is made of any subsequent rights-granting, I guessed pokemon continue to rely on the kindness of strangers. As it’s also porn (in which “Incest may occur.”) I felt my houndoom would be the perfect fit.

Character Name: Candi

Species: Houndoom.

Background: Once, she was a houndour. Then she had a trainer. Then she was a houndoom. Then she didn’t have a trainer. Since then, she has traveled around finding new humans over and over again.

Appearance: Very fit but a bit scratched and bruised. Young.

Personality: She’s very good at being what humans want for the first few minutes. She seeks out a person who’s alone and offers herself to them. When they say yes, she kills them while their guard is down.

Kind of minimalist, but I feel she makes for a good  rorschach blot. Given just this information, where do you go with it?

 

Pokemon: Blue Ruby Version seems to be a straightforward trainerfic with backstory about it being a new area in the future. Also, it updated to say only that there were problems updating, so it’s probably stillborn.

Name so I know what to call your character

Age because not everyone can be eternally youthful

Gender because sometimes it’s hard to tell

Apparel because people like to wear clothes

Appearance because I kinda need to know what they look like

Starter so I know what Pokemon they started with

Current Team so I know where they’re at right now

End Team so I know where they need to get to

Personality so I can do a better job at writing the character

Brief Backstory so I have some context on their background

Motive so i know what it is they’re working toward

Class so like if they know Elliot, are his rival, travelling companion, misc., etc

——————————-

Name: Priya Shesha

Age: Teen.

Gender: Male.

Apparel: Extremely plain, boring clothes, always spotless.

Appearance: Forgettably ordinary.

Starter: His first was a zigzagoon.

Current Team: His team changes rapidly, but never any dark types. Currently, slakoth, doduo, a somewhat battered looking hariyama, zubat, machop, and geodude. None of the pokemon ever use difficult or elemental moves, just stuff that can be accomplished with kicking, punching, etc. They fight silently and completely in tune with their trainer, and can power through status or flinch effects with ease. Opposing pokemon find them creepy.

End Team: He isn’t raising pokemon up toward a particular goal. They’re just whatever’s around and suits what he does.

Personality: Priya hangs out in remote areas. He’s mute but capable of communicating telepathically, and hates being in confined or well-populated places. Relatedly, he has an invisible and always-on “personal space bubble” of fluctuating shape around him at all times. He avoids anything messy and won’t move around in rainy, dusty, muddy, etc conditions. He has no interest in traveling with others and will never ask to battle, though he’ll always accept one.

Brief Backstory: A member of the Shesha clan, a bunch of boring people spread out across Hoenn share Priya’s quirks and never seem to do anything but hike around with their pokemon.

Motive: To keep being able to travel freely and safely.

Class: One-off trainer encounter. If encountered a second time, he’ll have a completely different team.

 

Pokemon: OC Survival wants a giant pile of OCs who were abducted by aliens and revolted and are now trying to steer an alien ship in the middle of space. There actually aren’t that many questions, especially if you’re doing a pokemon character, but the explanation balloons it up to fifteen hundred words.

History: Katniss the nuzlocke lived an impoverished and dangerous life, often going hungry to make sure her little sister had enough. Others didn’t care enough to help them and she couldn’t afford to help anyone else, so she decided to only care about her sister. To anyone else, she’s curt and mistrustful. While not a malicious person, she’s killed others to survive and expects the same treatment. She views all alliances as temporary. Katniss broke her rules a little during her time on the ship, bonding with a younger pokemon that reminded her of her sister, only for the other girl to die in the uprising.

Powers: Katniss is a sneaky, resourceful fighter who favors traps and sniping. She’s weaker than average and particularly bad in close quarters.

Age: 3

Appearance: Burn scars from a bad fight she was in.

 

Pokemon Gijinka: A Cry For Hope is a standard badgequest except everyone can use pokemon moves and the whole Pokemon League thing is apparently done by one person fighting their way through various gyms, but somehow they’re still called “trainers” even though they train nothing.

Name/Age/Gender: Self explanatory. Ages range from 15-30. Make sure the name is an actual name! You can also use names from different cultures.

Species/Level/Ability: What kind of pokemon is your character? The level is to give me an idea of how strong your character is (explained below). Also, please make your species native to Kalos (or rather, a pokemon you can find in X & Y without trading). However, you can make it a non-native species if your character is from another region and moved to Kalos. The ability can be a hidden one, but try to avoid that if you can. No shinies please!

Moveset: 4 moves that your character’s species can naturally learn! You’re limited to one TM and one egg move. Make sure the moves match up to their current level!

Travelling Companion/Rival: I’m only accepting three travelling companions- one female, two males, and 5 rivals. If your character is either, they have to be in their first stage of evolution, and also can’t be a higher level than 8. Also, try not to make them super rare if they’re a travelling companion!

Good Guy/Bad Guy/Role: Is your character on the good side, or part of Team Flare? For either, what is their job or role? They don’t have to have a job or role, though. If you’re unsure what to put for a good guy’s role or job, then you can just put ‘Trainer’.

Reaction to Francis: This helps with character interaction. How would they react to someone like Francis?

Hometown: It’d be cool if they were a Kalos native, unless they were from another region and moved.

Appearance: Please be detailed! And, please make sure they somehow relate to your character’s species (for example, their clothes are the same color as their species, or they have ears or a tail, something like that). Please include a casual outfit, and an outfit for all four seasons, as well as nightwear! Swim wear is optional. If they evolve, please give a description of what their evolved form is like, including outfit alterations!

Personality: I need it to be detailed, but I don’t need an essay. However, you might have to give extra if your character is a travelling companion. Don’t just give a list of adjectives- you will be rejected.

History: Just a little backstory. It doesn’t have to be anything too tragic. Include any family members!

Reason for taking League Challenge: You’ll find Francis’ reason later on, but what’s your character’s reason? Is it for the fame? The money? Or just for the hell of it? Maybe it’s for another reason. What’s motivating them?

Romantic Interest: What kind of person is your character into? This is just for the hell of it, and is optional.

Likes/Dislikes: Self explanatory

Strengths/Weaknesses: Again, self explanatory.

Other: Anything else that I missed that you wanna add?

—-

Name/Age/Gender: Ciel Phantomhive/M/17

Species/Level/Ability: Torchic/4/Speed Boost Sorry for the hidden ability, but he should fold like a wet noodle when hit so Blaze doesn’t fit.

Moveset: Growl, Protect, Double Team, Toxic. He’s got TM moves because he’s rich enough to afford them and doesn’t have any actual battling experience whatsoever. If it bugs you, make them fizzle some of the time.

Travelling Companion/Rival: Rival.

Good Guy/Bad Guy/Role: Against Team Flare, still a jerk himself.

Reaction to Francis: Confident sense of polite superiority.

Hometown: From Hoenn, came over after hearing about Team Flare.

Appearance: All hair is featherfluff. Extremely pale to anemic skin. He’s short and somewhat skinny. He wears finely tailored expensive suits that are generally dark in color and can keep getting more no matter how many times they’re wrecked. He’ll only wear anything casual if he’s trying to be in disguise, and then it’ll be whatever will blend in best for that particular situation. He doesn’t mind temperature extremes, but in rainy weather he’ll be under a huge coat.

Personality: Ciel is willing to go to great lengths to take down bad guys. It’s his only redeeming trait, as he’s otherwise a self-absorbed asshole with a thin covering of upper-class manners.

History: The only child of a very wealthy family that doted on him, Ciel had a great regular education and absolutely no phys ed.

Reason for taking League Challenge: An inability to realize he isn’t the best at absolutely everything he encounters/”for the challenge of it”.

Romantic Interest: He’s engaged to a distant relative, Elizabeth, who he sincerely loves.

Likes/Dislikes: Likes nice clothes, good food, an intellectual challenge. Hates criminals, being tricked, and people being smarter than he is. Not a fan of physical exertion unless there’s an obvious point to it.

Strengths/Weaknesses: Pretty much nothing in the way of actual muscle. He’s legitimately quite clever and this includes his tactics in battle, but there’s a big gap between theory and practice when it comes to fighting. Loses, even repeated curbstompings, may not change his opinion of himself, but being outsmarted would make him take notice. Although he’s fast, he’s somewhat clumsy and prone to twisting his ankle.

Ciel is cool under pressure, even when that pressure is getting his face kicked in. Although Ciel is easy to take down, he’ll be up and moving again pretty quickly. Ie, if Team Flare beats up a bunch of people and throws them in a cell, Ciel will be awake and picking the lock long before anyone else has opened their eyes.

Also, pollen gives him debilitating asthma attacks. He hates the fact, therefore he tries to pretend it isn’t true rather than taking precautions.

Other: Ciel will probably become somewhat less terrible at fighting as he levels but it’s really never going to be something he’s good at.

The author replied saying they  didn’t want to use Ciel because people would say they were a plagiarist and to submit something else. I argued that isn’t how plagiarism works instead because I have a pretty limited number of Pokemon characters who still work if you strip out everything pokemon from them, didn’t hear back so seems I wasn’t convincing enough.

 

18 Comments

  1. Mini-Farla says:
    Ooh, this is making me want to make Pokemon OCs. I felt like the videogame characters I’m familiar with wouldn’t make good ones, but I might be able to do something with Ros and Dehl. Dehl could be a particularly interesting one, actually — he’ll be totally passive towards the oppressive trainer/pokemon dynamic while getting progressively twitchier until he finally snaps and murders everyone.
    1. Farla says:
      Yes! Surprise murder is a thing more OCs need. I’m so sick of all these “plays nice in a team” kids.
  2. Septentrion Euchoreutes says:
    Well as it does seem that Ciel would be a good OC, it should be acknowledge in the OC submission and by the author in the author’s note. There’s really nothing else ethical to worry about in writing an anime character in fanfiction.net.

    When I saw that submission, I thought he might fulfill a similar roll to my OC Ryan, or the canon character of Silver. Thus, I didn’t think I would have an interesting character to add. Ciel would be a cunning jerk instead of a brutal jerk against Evil Team.

    That story confused me and I had no idea what a trainer was by the end of Chapter one.

    I personally found it odd that she/he is so stringent with the genders.

    1. Farla says:
      I’d suggest crediting him directly to Kuroshitsuji, but that’s pretty inaccurate too – I really couldn’t make anything that even pretends to play nice with an ensemble cast out of Ciel, so I did an AU version where all the important character-generating stuff never happened and then fused him with another OC, and then cramming a pokemon into him and having him operate all on his lonesome removed him another few steps, so saying “this guy! he is from THING, go check it out if you like!!!” also seems false at this point. All that’s left is rich kid opposes criminals while sucking at fighting, and he doesn’t even suck in the same way, since canon Ciel knows he’s pathetic and canon Ciel, once taken out, very much stays taken out and ends up having to be carried home. Even stuff like the asthma had to go at a right angle – canon Ciel’s “asthma” seems to be some other illness Victorian doctors misdiagnosed, given he outgrew it and his one supposed relapse was him nearly freezing to death and then getting sick. But that’s way too specific for a general weakness!

      If this wasn’t a pokemorph thing it wouldn’t be too hard to do pokemonized Ciel properly, you give him some massively overpowered vaguely evil pokemon (Darkrai?) and you’re most of the way there, but Ciel can’t work without a support network.

  3. Septentrion Euchoreutes says:
    Pokemon: OC Survival
    Did a disabled ♂ Meinshao.

    My jolteon is out of the eeveelution story because THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE.

    1. Farla says:
      Well, she did claim she’d be willing to change a character’s eeveelution if she needed to…but she may be stealth rejecting characters given she’s still asking for an espeon rather than making one of the duplicates into it.
      1. Septentrion Euchoreutes says:
        In PM, I think she accepted a Espeon OC base on my garifirag. I don’t think she wanted any morally imperfect characters in the pretty eevees club.
  4. illhousen says:
    Hm, looks like an interesting thing to do.

    I have an OC I can probably adapt to some of these stories (posted her in the Bio thread on your forum – https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/128021680/2/Character-Bio-Thread ), but I’m not sure what pokemon she would have.

    Any suggestions?

    1. Farla says:
      Hm. Well, here’s a full list to poke.

      Alakazam’s got power and calculating ability. Hypno hypnotizes. Munna and musharna do some stuff with releasing dream mist and causing illusions… “Gothitelle’s Psychic power is so great that it is said to warp space around it, and distort reality in the process”. A lot of psychic pokemon have stuff about controlling or deluding people, actually!

      1. illhousen says:
        Hm. As a scientist, she wouldn’t have a permanent team, just pokemon she’s currently researching. But for the purposes of OC submission I’m downgrading her to a trainer.

        Is there a pokemon that can mindfuck other pokemon into compliance? Seems like something she would do to avoid dealing with them more than necessary.

        For now, I think she would like to have hypno around. Gothitelle’s power is something she would be interested in, so she would push

        gothita/gothoritahard to evolve, likely causing it to become resentful.

        She would probably have some fodder around to cover for psychic general weakness in defense. Something big and tough to buy her time to study the opponent and decide on the approach.

        1. Farla says:
          Well, a trainer can have more than just six, so she can have as many as you think are relevant. I’d say check the pokedex entries for anything that sounds relevant and say she either has or wants all of those.

          Psychics actually get a lot of good status moves (reflect/light screen to reduce incoming damage, hypnosis to put to sleep, confuse ray…), and there’s also wobbuffett, which is basically a wall made into a pokemon. Metagross is steel/psychic and quite physically tough. The only downside is I don’t think either of those have anything else she’d want with them.

          Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure hypno is a comparatively sturdy pokemon, so maybe that should be her main. It can knock out others with hypnosis and also take a hit reasonably well.

          1. illhousen says:
            Yeah, I’ve settled on hypno as her prime pokemon brainwashed into obedience.

            Gothorita is the second. Amanda pushes her to evolve, causing her to become bitter.

            Musharna is the third. There is a sort of twisted codependency between the two, with the pokemon being addicted to her dreams while Amanda really enjoys seeing them manifest as illusions. As such, they have a warm relationship even though the pokemon realizes she’s mistreating the others.

            Sigilyph doesn’t really fit her goals, but what the hell? This is something out of Yume Nikki, making it totally thematically appropriate.

            Alakazam wouldn’t be Amanda’s first choice since it seems to focus on more straightforward stuff, but she would want one on general principles.

            I may throw in Chimecho to cover sound illusions.

            Well, something like that. May change some of it for general fodder, but thematically that seems like a good combination.

            Not sure what to do with the last three personality-wise, though.

  5. Ember says:
    “Katniss the nuzlocke”

    So this typo probably ruined your submission, but also, I love it.

    1. actonthat says:
      TBH I was trying to decide if it was on purpose or not :P
      1. Farla says:
        I’m not that clever, unfortunately.

        This does underline that we really need more nuzleafs in fanfic.

  6. An Author's Pen says:
    Now I really want to see a fic that’s actually about those Latias/Latios trainers . .* hint hint * . . it’s just such a cool idea.
    1. Farla says:
      I plan to keep submitting Shesha trainers! So there’ll be lots of fanfic with them in it when I’m done! So many, many fanfics with them in it. That’s definitely what you mean.

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