Pokereplies Part 8

“When I played Black 2, I beat Cheren with a Riolu, and I beat Iris with the same Lucario. Would you rather I used my plan B, which was a Zorua? Does that seem more rare to you? I thought so.”

While working through my backlog I find I was PMed with a review request that, for once, is for a fic posted this month but which I missed due to the romance tag.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12313311/1/Chosen

Well, I’m assuming some of the mistakes are intentional, but I suspect a lot of others aren’t – besides, grammar mistakes are pretty hard to make a parody of as opposed to just repeating the problem.

But as far as bitter snarling at fanfic trends, yeah, this works. Particularly liked the totally equals/pokeball, that the charmander got to start with a name for once, and that bit cycling through traveling companions mid-conversation.

The sudden death ending was a bit of a cliche in itself, though, and really doesn’t connect too much to the common tropes. Getting brutally murdered by a cranky legendary because he assumed they’d bow before the chosen one would connect up a bit better than just some random pokemon.

It has five reviews, at least four of which do not seem to get the joke.

re: Your review to When You Gotta Go-la in Alola

Jan 23MasterXploderA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12329670/

Hi, thanks for taking time to leave suggestions. After researching, I see that capitalization of Pokemon names is a very divisive subject, with the rules of proper grammar saying one way but the games and official novelizations going the other. Personally, I consider it one of those things that’s left to the interpretation of the author and not a strict rule that everyone should adhere to. What I am more interested in are your thoughts on the story itself. As these stories are written with a specific fetish in mind, I would like to know if I catered to that fetish while still retaining the spirit and character of the series.

re: Your review to The Guardians Of Alto Mare

Jan 24The Dark MarshallA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12330245/

I knew it was only a matter of time before I got a review from you. You must have the majority of your review saved in a document because you leave the exact same thing on countless stories.

While I respect your first couple of comments I have to criticise your third because what you say is completely useless which is pretty common in a lot of the reviews you leave. I have no problem with criticism but suggesting ideas would be much more helpful than just calling something painfully stupid. The insulting tone is probably why most people ignore your reviews by this point.

I think somewhere along the line you lost sight of the fact that people do fanfiction for fun. We aren’t professional writers nor are we trying to be them, we just want to share the ideas for stories we have with other fanfic lovers.

Of course the complaints about offering no suggestion comes in response to a review where I directly say, “This is dumb why didn’t you do this instead?” Because why would someone who can’t write have any reading comprehension?

re: Your review to It can only end in Bloodshed

Jan 24HellBorn RayquazaA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12329939/

Hello, there. Thanks for reviewing my story! I am sorry for the atrocious punctuation. I try my best as I don’t write fast. I am usually in a rush when I upload a chapter so I don’t have a beta reader. I might have my friend do it, but would it be alright if you did it? It would be highly appreciated. Also if you do beta read my stories don’t be afraid to mention anything wrong. Like at all. I want to improve my writing as I want to become an author later in life. Thank you again for reviewing but I am still going to be open to OC’s. Nothing against your thoughts on the matter but I feel it is a good way to get my readers more involved in my story. Please continue to review. HellBorn out-

re: Your review to A Moment of Eternity

Jan 24Pikakid98A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12326941/

But havn’t you seen jaltoid’s video on how to write fanfiction.

semi colins are for smart people and only smart people. Use semi colins so people will think your smart ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

re: Your review to My Partner

Jan 25horsewhisper3A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12331124/

Thanks for the advice. When I have time I’ll see about fixing those mistakes, thanks. ^^

re: Your review to Blood and Broken Bones

Jan 25FinestFictionerA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12331944/

I want to kms with dialogue in writing tbh, so that’s why I kinda just ignored the basic rules of it for all my years of writing.

But uh, thanks for the review, I suppose.

Jan 25Oh, by the way, for the names’ thing, yeah, I know that grammatically it’s incorrect, but it’s not really a big deal imo, which is why I’m leaving species names like that as is with this story and others as well.Also, with the part where she understands, it’s completely acceptable knowing that due to the fact that she’s not really stupid and that she also has experience with Pokemon before the Umbreon in general.

As for the dialogue once again, I may try to work on it eventually, but right now, it stays as is.

re: Your review to Pokemon Mystery Dungeon High school

Jan 25joshflareonA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12331590/

Thank you, Farla for your feedback. I will pay more attention to my grammar in later chapters.

I also understand where you are coming from with the quiz. But I want the story to have close relation to the games. If the game starts with it, I want to start with it. So I don’t see the chapter as a waste.

Nonetheless, I appreciate your review and hope you can still read my story in the future. Hopefully, I’ll get better.

Bye

re: Your review to Pokémon Futures: The Journeys of Sal
Jan 25VenTheNomadA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12331603/
Thank you for the review, I appreciate it. The last point especially, I have to rethink how I write the battles and attacking abilities. I’m trying to find a happy medium between the game mechanics and how it would work in a rational world, and in my idea for this story I should probably steer away from giving everyone the limitation of the game mechanics while making Sal able to tell his Pokemon to do anything.I hope you can re-read it when I redo the chapter!

Review

Jan 25TheDestroyer75I need to address a few things you put in your review of my story.

1. I’m aware of all the grammatical issues in the story, and will proofread better in the future. I appreciate criticism, but this is my first story ever, and unfortunately, I wasn’t born a perfect writer. Trust me, my writing will improve over time. Also, the rule for numbers is that of it’s above ten, it should stay in number form.

2. Is every Pokemon story on Fanfiction on the same planet? No? So why can you assume that it’s that easy to become a trainer. Maybe in my version of the Pokemon world, there isn’t a broken economy where a bike is worth 1,000,000 Pokedollars while an incredible breakthrough in science (the Pokeball) is worth 200. It obviously takes a lot of money for supplies, and food, since food isn’t free in my world either. My characters have no money to their names, so that aren’t going to just leave and explore the region. Who knows, there might be a tax it far to get a license. Oh wait, I DO know, so don’t assume.

3. In Black and White 2, Riolu can be found in Floccesy Ranch. Literally within the first hour of the game. When I played Black 2, I beat Cheren with a Riolu, and I beat Iris with the same Lucario. Would you rather I used my plan B, which was a Zorua? Does that seem more rare to you? I thought so.

If you want to reply to this, send me a PM back. And please, if you feel as though picking apart the story of an amateur writer is a good thing, do it to someone else who will appreciate it, because I don’t.

This is a really good example of people being really shit at thinking about stories. Because it’s supposed to be a big deal that the character doesn’t have the funds for a full journey, somehow it’s vital that also he can’t be allowed a regular license to keep pokemon at all, except he does totally have a license it’s just a different one that isn’t an official journeying license which is why he can’t journey before now, except he couldn’t anyway because he doesn’t have the funds.

Review

Jan 26partner555A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12332900/

Ok, explanation time. There is a main story of which this one-shot is a part of, Pokemon Reset Bloodlines. Here’s the link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9939848/1/Pokemon-Reset-Bloodlines

The story is written by Crossoverpairinglover, and there are several one-shots that takes place in the same universe. Cross has opened the door for others to write those one-shots, as long as they don’t clash with the main story. The story you reviewed was one of them.

Your confusion is my fault, as I had neglected to put a disclaimer that knowledge of the main story is encouraged.

Thank you for reviewing.

Jan 26EmeraldMew[Eh, that seems rather like cheating. The fact N is a human capable of knowing what pokemon say is treated as a big deal, so even if there’s other ways, it’s certainly not easy for the average human to talk to pokemon. Plus, if it’s trivial for humans to just ask pokemon how they feel about this, it makes no sense Plasma could’ve accomplished much of anything.]

I see your point. The idea is to eventually show that Doris is overgeneralizing since she’s six (and has had no personal experience with psychic-types) and that psychic-types’ ability to “talk” to humans is more limited to emotion synching (if they’re happy, they can psychically transfer their contented feelings to a human if they choose), which is a communication method open to loads of misinterpretation, especially when translated feelings are involved passing along multiple beings worth of emotion at once.
That said, I see how it can muddle the matter, especially with no rebuttal or clarification from her parents. I’ll work on either clarifying or removing this line at some point. I’ve already modified it somewhat, but am not sure if it gets across the intended change.

[Her parents seem like levelheaded people…but at six, isn’t she exposed to broader culture? She should be going to kindergarten by now, hearing adults and playing with other kids. Are they teaching her the same thing most parents do, or are they unusual? Because while N himself has no real connection to the Unovan population, he’s acting out Ghetsis’ script and Ghetsis does seem to have a very good idea of what people believe and how to manipulate them.]

Honestly, the idea here is because she’s six she’s at an age where it’s common to say stuff like that so kids don’t get the idea that everything can be solved through a battle, as to encourage them to talk things out instead of trying to get their mom’s stoutland to beat up the other kid’s older brother’s leavany over a dispute on the playground. The idea of a battle having more weight to it is something they try not to teach until later grades. Would you have any suggestions on clarifying this idea?

[Similarly, how has she managed not to become numb to that phrase? It seems like every major NPC says it dozens of times in the game. Was the player character just unlucky and the average Unovan is more considerate? Is Doris’ community way more liberal than average and so she’s only heard it once or twice before?]

Doris’s community is not particularly liberal in their views on pokémon and her view is mostly parroting her parents. While she goes to school, her parents are still more influential at this age. Thank you for pointing it as something I’ll need to clarify.

[How is this working with Ghetsis’ secret plan to own all pokemon? I suppose he might only be letting the weaker pokemon through, but the fact you don’t describe them makes me think it’s just supposed to be all of them without caveat.]

Ah, this is a bit of a tricky one without some spoilers so read on or not depending on how big of a hangup this is. I’m revealing this here since I’m not sure quite how far into the fic it’ll be before this gets explained. It is all sorts being released, weak and strong alike. But it’s not as real as N and the audience across Unova think. These are pokémon flying off in a grand exit for show, to be recalled into poké balls once out of sight of cameras and N. However, there isn’t really a good way to show this from Doris’s point of view as someone watching the spectacle at home.

Thank you very much for pointing out these flaws and areas where I need to be a bit more clear.

re: Your review to The heroic Gym leader

Jan 26Chrysa-HiyamaA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12334755/

I see your point for capitalization I’ll correct that. As for the Pokemon center if you refer to Pokemon rise of Darkrai did they take Ash to the hospital? No they didn’t. When Ash asked where he was, Dawn told him the Pokemon Center.

Thank you for the review!

Jan 26Prologue-9A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12334044/

I appreciate you taking the time out to write your review. Criticism is the only way we can grow, right?

The capitalization thing, that’s always the way it’s been written in game dialogue, I figured I might as well just base it off that. I’ll try and get a feel for writing pokémon and pokémon names in lowercase like you would animals, though. Just never quite looked right to me. Of course, that is if autocorrect lets me!

As far as writing dialogue goes, this is something I’m still experimenting with. I couldn’t quite understand your instructions…they weren’t exactly easy to read.

About the way the children speak and generally behave, the way I’m writing the story goes off the logic that people in the Pokémon universe mature much faster than they do in our own. Look at it like this – when you turn 10 in the Pokémon world, you’re considered old enough to leave home, capture and train dangerous monsters, and live on your own off prize money. They make kind of a big deal out of this in Sun and Moon – to quote Gladion, “When it comes to Pokémon – everyone is equal.” We see this play out with the International Police of all people coming to the 11-year-old player specifically, entrusting them with prototype technology to capture, and keep, interdimensional beasts that they know nothing about. That kinda thing doesn’t happen in the real world – a 10 year old here can barely be entrusted to clean their room, let alone befriend, train, and strategize with the kind of creatures we see in Pokémon. Ash Ketchum and co. aren’t ever chaperoned, and have you seen the stuff they get into?

So, that’s why I write these six and seven year olds as if they’re teens. In the context of the universe, it wouldn’t make sense for them to be as childish as fourth graders when in a few years they’ll be old enough to live on their own. Professors and other people of power in the main series games tend to ask ridiculous feats of the player character as well, so I don’t really see something like Earl Jr’s trust being out of place. After all, as headmaster of an academy designed to make good trainers out of people, he can’t be handholding every step of the way. Besides, the professor did give her a pair of baby Pokémon to train with until she was ready for the big guys. It’s not like a day after getting thrown across a gym, breaking your arm and risking the lives of everyone in the area she was gonna go right back to trying to use the snakes. She’s inexperienced, not stupid.

Fayth’s mother making the decision to give her inexperienced daughter Pokémon she wouldn’t at all be able to handle is something that gets elaborated on as the story continues. A fault of ending the chapter so soon, I’d guess.

Please reply, and again I thank you for the critique.

Force Bender
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/8300037/

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Subject: TLOAP

Thanks flr your review. Also, for your information, the person who was introduced is a jolteon/umbreon hybrid.

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PatrioticSwellow
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/8705769/

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Subject: re: Your review to The Truth Revealed (Alpha Sapphire)

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12335078/

As you know, all stories need a boring introduction…

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PatrioticSwellow
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/8705769/

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Subject: re: Your review to The Truth Revealed (Alpha Sapphire)

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12335078/

All of the uppercase regular nouns you see are oversights. Could you tell me the places I have missed? It’s fine if you don’t have the time to check. I’ll also try to fix the speech.

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PatrioticSwellow
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/8705769/

Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=204597181#new
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But of course Pokemon could also be capitalized because it is a trademark. Therefore a proper noun. But in a story sense I guess it would also work as a lowercase.

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PatrioticSwellow
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/8705769/

Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=204597181#new
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I just read your capitalization thread…My dreams are shattered.

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PatrioticSwellow
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/8705769/

Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=204597181#new
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I am 100% positive I didn’t miss any Proper N. errors. Ctrl + f is so easy on my life.

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Farla,

A new review has been posted to your story.

Story: Ice
Chapter: 1. Early Childhood

From: PatrioticSwellow ( https://www.fanfiction.net/u/8705769/ )
Reply URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rwid=246571339
——————-

GUYS. CHECK HER PUBLICATION DATE BEFORE SPOUTING OFF GRAMMAR ERROR ACCUSATIONS.

Farla. A word of advise to you. Don’t comment just for pointing out errors in other people’s works. They were written to be enjoyed. When I review, I look at the depth of a story and the unexpected plot twists.

——————-

Once again, did not actually communicate with them at any point in that PM string.

2 Comments

  1. Profile gravatar of Septentrion Septentrion says:

    [least four of which do not seem to get the joke.]

    This is the exact reason I did not make a specific fic.

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  2. Profile gravatar of Septentrion Septentrion says:

    Two responses in a row about worldbuilding in some sort of fashion. A small amount of it is required to make a good story in literary form. I was think about writing on the forum about worldbuilding, but it’s such a large subject.

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