Someone who was not Dragon’s Blaze left a counter-review on The Two Colors, Pink and Blue:
“Ok first off don’t listen to this idiot below me Elmo. He rags on every new writer and only targets people with smaller stats. If you look at the stories he’s written well let’s just say he doesn’t practice what he preaches.“
I hoped I could get some reviewing out of them or at least an explanation of what sucked about my stories, but alas this was not to be.
re: Your review to The Two Colors, Pink and Blue
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12916749/
[If you look at the stories he’s written well let’s just say he doesn’t practice what he preaches. ]
If you have thoughts on one of my stories, I’d love to hear it! Why don’t you leave a review?
I know you’re just going to repost this on your blog, but sorry I don’t really feel like wasting my time with leaving a review on one of your stories.
But you do feel like wasting your time telling lies in reviews?
I won’t repost PMs if you don’t want me to, as I state clearly on my profile. If you have an issue with me, I’d much rather we work it out.
Here’s my stance on reviews. I only post reviews if I truly feel as if a story has great potential and it’s something special in my eyes. Which usually tends to be OC focused stories with little to no canon character interactions.
So responding back to your first PM. I’ve seen you capitilize pokemon names over and over again. Without it being used to describe a specific charater’s pokemon. You don’t do the things you avidly try to promote people to do.
If it’s not clear enough I don’t respect you, but I will however respect someone like Farla who’s stories are actually phenomenal. Before you go on preeching what you should and shouldn’t do to brand new writers, maybe try making an amazing story where they can build an example off of. So that they can learn how to improve through narritives and story telling, and not through some cranky sounding review. In my eyes a great story with sub par grammar is much better than a bad story with good grammar.
[I only post reviews if I truly feel as if a story has great potential and it’s something special in my eyes.]
So you only help the stories that are already flourishing and leave the ones who most need help to rot, then. I find that irresponsible. This is why I review everyone.
[I’ve seen you capitilize pokemon names over and over again. Without it being used to describe a specific charater’s pokemon.]
Quotes, please. This is why an actual review would be helpful.
Sorry I just don’t feel like wasting my time to review your story, but I will gladly waste your time in a PM so that you can’t do what ever you do to other authors.
Oh and sorry if you find my acts irresponsible. Just remind yourself that everyone who writes on Fanfiction isn’t doing it to get paid, we’re all just here for some recreational fun.
[Sorry I just don’t feel like wasting my time to review your story,]
But you are willing to waste time telling other people your opinions on it, because you’d rather drag an author through the mud than help them improve. Why do you think you have the moral high ground here?
But hey, if you actually want to protect authors from me (PMs do not take up any significant amount of my time, sorry), do some reviewing yourself and show me how it’s done. Tell me a date, and any stories you review that day will be protected from my evil, evil reviews.
I don’t care if you want to leave a review or not. It’s your choice really. I’m also not saying that I have the moral high ground here I don’t think anyone really does.
But what you do, just stop you’re not helping the scene, and the more people who soon realize this. The more you begin to lose what little power you think you have over others.
[you’re not helping the scene]
See, when I argue I use this thing called evidence, and it tells me that actually a lot of people think I am helping.
[I’m also not saying that I have the moral high ground here I don’t think anyone really does. ]
Okay, then let me be clear: I absolutely do have the moral high ground. I do not spread slander behind authors’ backs and tell people their stories are garbage in some vague undefinable way. I tell people my opinions to their face, and I offer alternatives if I disagree with them about something.
Nah man you don’t offer alternatives all you do is use copy and paste unneeded info dumps. You don’t offer alternatives at all. You simply just point out what’s wrong gramatically, try commenting on their naritive and story instead.
The infodumps are absolutely needed. Grammar is important, and I’m telling people exactly how to improve, not just that they made a mistake and therefore suck.
[try commenting on their naritive and story instead.]
I do that all the time. How many of my reviews have you read?
Alright here how about this,
You and I write a story (Seperately) with the same topic an Heavily Over Used Topic. Just 1 chapter as say make it a pilot chapter, we’ll review each other’s work no bias.
The topic shall be the gross genre that I hate “Pokemon Highschool”
Then we can show each other how we critique.
Does the deadline of May 15th work for you?
No. I don’t believe in passive-aggressively putting down other peoples’ stories with my own to “lead by example”. People hate that way more, and with far better reason.
Analysis and creativity are two separate skills; this has been proven and discussed by artists and scholars for years. I’m well aware that my stories are flawed. That has no bearing on the veracity of my critiques. If you want to critque me, you need to untangle these things. Do you object to my story? If so, review *that story specifically*, because I need to know the mistakes I’ve already made before I charge ahead and start writing more. Do you object to my reviews? If so, this is a case where you can lead by example — review a few stories yourself, and afterwards we can see what worked and what didn’t.
Are you running form an honest challenge? Some friendly competition
Anyway I’ll be posting a new story on the 15th, you’re more than welcome to come and review it when it comes out.
Thou cannot run from a trainer battle!
It’s irrelevant to the thing we’re actually discussing. If you want to write stories, spend your time on that instead of slandering me. If you want to stop my reign of terror, I’ve given you my terms.
Yup ok I see you’re running away that’s good.
You too busy to write a good story? I see
You’re also running away, you do realize?
I really want to see what you can come up with on the spot. See what you’re made of. Just some friendly competition. Let’s see what we can come up with.
If you don’t want to review, you can say so and I will accept it.
Yeah I’m not going to review one of your current stories.
But say if you write a brand new one I’ll definitly review that one. I don’t even think your most recent story is a pokemon fic is it? Yup just checked, it’s an undertale story. Since that one isn’t pokemon and I do like undertale would you like me to review it?
[Yeah I’m not going to review one of your current stories.]
Dude I don’t like you
I also only leave a genuine review when I feel that something is special and has the potential to grow into something even better. I just don’t see that in your writing.
Yet you offered to review Do No Harm. Were you going to leave an ungenuine review?
Nope I’m currently reviewing chapter 2 right now.
I love that story, it’s not amazing but it has some strong potential in it. I can hear this author’s voice throughout the story. That was a review to boost her confidence, see if she’d put out a second chapter. Love the second chapter btw. I will definitly be keeping up to date with it.
Oh oops sorry I thought you mean’t The Two Colours, Pink and Blue
I haven’t read your story yet
What are you talking about now?
Okay, so most authors do not actually appreciate you “boosting their confidence” by putting down other authors.
That’s one’s opinion
No, that is something one can verify with actual statistical evidence. Fanfiction authors complain about it on their blogs constantly, and I personally have gotten reprimands for saying even things as general as “I don’t normally like this genre, but you’ve done a good job.” Even if this particular author appreciated it, it’s still a rude and needlessly combative thing to do.
Regardless, we are getting off topic. Review whatever you want whenever you want, but you can only stop me reviewing through the terms I’ve established. Do that, or admit you don’t actually care about protecting authors from me.
They did not respond after this, but did post a review denouncing us on the latest screed.
re: Your review to Report and Block these people
3 MayA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12923284/
Once again, I remind you that you are capable of stopping me at any time by just doing reviews yourself.
9m agoWell it seems like you’ve stopped reviewing already, is dealing with Anti Farla and co beginning to be too much for you?
Or perhaps someone like Dragon Blaze has finally got you beat.
secs agoNo, I’m taking a break while I wait for the blog posts to catch up with present day. I’ll start up again probably over the weekend. Unless, of course, you’d like to do it instead?
Nothing for a day, then out of the blue:
Hey do you think you could leave a review?
5 MayI’m just asking if you’d be willing to review my story Quivering Lips. I did dedicate the story to you, and I kinda want to be friends. Sorry for all the mean things I said. Looking over what you and Farla have done and how informative it is, really made me realize that everyone on this site is a person. And all of them should be treated as such.
I don’t care how nasty you make the review, I’d just like one to see where I can improve.
secs agoReview requests go through this procedure: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/22859795/1/Chapter-Review-Exchange
5 MayOk I’m going to review “Blood is Thicker than Water”
Please be on the lookout for it!
49m agoSorry I have to be out of town for the weekend and Monday so a review won’t be for a while but what I’ve read so far is enjoyable and charming.
25m agoReally? So you didn’t read it already? Fascinating, then, that you already knew it was total garbage with no potential.
3h agoI haven’t read the whole thing yet please be patient with me I’ll leave a full review when I finish the story
3h agoNot the issue. You shouldn’t tell people their stories have no potential if you haven’t read them.
St Elmo’s Fire,
A new review has been posted to your story.
Story: Blood is Thicker than Water
Chapter: 1. Chapter 1
From: FireFoxDriver ( https://www.fanfiction.net/u/10276333/ )
Reply URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rwid=260667790
This is supposed to be for the review exchange so I’ll give this a good to honest review. I haven’t read the story yet, so I don’t know wether I’ll like it or not. Here goes nothing.
Ok so going in I can already see that this is a sun and moon fic. I really hope I can understand what’s going on. I haven’t played the sun and moon games, or seen the anime.
In paragraph 15 (Not including 1 liners) Hala says “You new friend” I think you mean’t “Your new friend.” Don’t worry too much about it, it’s only slight distracting, but so far as I’m reading the story it has a nice charm to it.
Overall this is a nice charming story. Although it isn’t exactly my cup of tea, for most of the story it feels like Hau is looking back at his life. Some parts did feel rushed, but all in all it wasn’t all that bad of story.
I reviewed their story in turn…
(Part of the chapter review exchange.)
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
[This story is dedicated to St. Elmo’s Fire.]
I’m not sure why you felt the need to do this. Would you not have written this story if I hadn’t contacted you?
[The light of bright starry sky shone down on a particular home.]
Dropped a word.
[the red light of a clock that read ‘quarter after twelve.’]
The quotes mean you’re saying the clock literally displays “quarter after twelve”, which doesn’t sound accurate.
[and a many bed sheets]
Unnecessary “a” here.
[“y-you’re no different…”]
Forgot to capitalize this.
[He walked up to his desk which was quite simple. It was around two and half feet tall with a smooth black rounded top. Sitting on top of the desk was a humble computer for rendering 3D models, and making highly detailed notes. He grabbed the mouse, and opened up his notes. He began to go through a file named ‘Ghostball Prototype 1’. This was his job, designing, creating and manufacturing pokeballs, and he loved every second of it.]
The simplicity of these sentences feels very wooden and robotic. You ought to vary your sentence structure and use longer, more complex sentences. Short, simple sentences convey a feeling of emotional deadness and detachment, which sounds like the opposite of what you want here.
[‘I know my parents want me to get in a relationship, but with me working for their company constantly both day in and day out I never really get a chance to mingle. I would’ve done it back in high school, but unfortunately I was a nervous wreck back then. I ended up freezing every time I tried to talk with a girl, and in college I was always too busy earning my bachelor’s degree. I mean look at me now I’m 27, have a good job, but am completely unable to achieve a serious relationship.’]
This is bizarre as a literal thought string. How often do you stop to think about your life story in conveniently expository tones in the middle of work? The way this is normally handled in stories is to blur the line between thought and narration, which you’re allowed to do in third-person limited – if you change all first-person pronouns to third-person and remove some of the more personal statements, you can still convey the same information pretty effectively, like so:
[He knew his parents wanted him to get in a relationship, but with him working for their company constantly both day in and day out he never really got a chance to mingle. He would’ve done it back in high school, but unfortunately he was a nervous wreck back then. He ended up freezing every time he tried to talk with a girl, and in college he was always too busy earning his bachelor’s degree. Now he was 27 and had a good job, but was completely unable to achieve a serious relationship.]
That’s much less awkward.
You also shouldn’t quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Sound effects need something to separate them from normal prose, like italics.
[A young man who had messy blonde hair, blue eyes and well built body]
You want “blond”. “Blonde” is the feminine form. This also makes it sound like the narrator is eyeing him up. Resist the urge to immediately describe everyone in detail the moment they’re introduced; it’s really obvious you’re doing it, and it’s really awkward if you don’t make room for it and just try to shoehorn it in.
[You know the cases for Professor Oak!]
This needs a comma after “know”.
[Justin turned his head away from the computer smiling at his friend.]
This needs a comma after “computer”. If this is something you commonly have trouble with, you should read up on comma usage and sentence structure.
[There’s one more thing… your father is expanding the company by partnering with Saffron Daycare,” Justin’s Mother stated.]
“Mother” shouldn’t be capitalized here, and that’s not what “stated” means. Resist the urge to use nonstandard speech verbs just for the sake of it.
[let’s meet up later at your place to discuss the details.” Justin’s Mother said.]
Errant period here.
[Around the school she was known for being a rich girl, she had many friends, she had many things, but it was a question if those things were real or not.]
I have no idea what you’re trying to say here.
[its for the good of the company]
[are you going to be ok?]
It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced “ock”, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.
Well, that ended abruptly. Cutting off mid-sentence generally isn’t a good move for a first chapter, which is supposed to be a complete piece to help orient the reader. Relatedly, I don’t have a good enough idea of the story yet to be very invested. We know a little about Wendy’s personality but not much at all about Justin’s, beyond that they are rich snobs with no real problems and therefore people I have a lot of trouble relating to. A romance story is about the characters. To show us what the story will be like, you should go into more detail about who they are and how they interact.
[This is going to be a little shout out to St. Elmo’s Fire. Hey! So this was the story that I came up with for our little May 15th challenge. I’m really sorry that you decided not to participate, writing this story was really fun!]
There was never an “our”. I offered you my terms, and you ignored them to push an unrelated challenge on me unsolicited. I do not appreciate your misrepresenting our conversation. Delete this.
[Please I encourage you to write a new story, I’m sure everyone in this community would love to see a high quality story from you. I’m sure it’d stop all the haters if you’d put out a lovable story!]
Your passive-aggressive jab is noted and will be ignored. My current stories are already lovable and high quality. If you don’t think they are, give me specifics instead of sneering that you don’t have enough time to review my plebian trash but do have enough time to tell everyone it sucks.
In response to this, I received dead silence. I kept asking them to take down the author’s note for about two weeks, then they blocked me.
My takeaway from this is that people who accuse me of targeting authors are crazy projecting.